Chinese virtue

Chapter 52
There is a modern novelist who describes a very special American captain in his works.The captain's ship hit a rock during the voyage, and then he and his men fled to a whaling ship, taking some tools and food from the original ship.While wandering in the Pacific Ocean, he found a whale, and then used his rich experience and clever means to kill the whale with a harpoon.But the whale was too big to be dragged by a boat, so the captain jumped on the back of the whale with his men, using the whale as a deck, and stood on it every day to look out.After some time, they encountered another whaler.The captain of this whaling ship heard about the special experiences of these people, so he discussed buying the whale, and he also knew that the other party would definitely bargain with him.Here's the conversation between the two captains, without any changes: Captain America: What are you trading me for?
Later Captain: What do you want?

Captain America: What would you trade for?

Later Captain: What do you want?
Captain America: What do you use?
Later Captain: What do you want?
Such a simple conversation between two people took up as much as half a page.

This dialogue can be used as the most stark contrast between the way Westerners and Chinese do things.If we follow the Chinese way of doing things and thinking, to negotiate a matter, we will not only need two people as we think, but three people, two of whom are the main body of the event, and a third person. Individuals act as intermediaries.The intermediary is not only for the convenience of both parties, but also an indispensable part of the negotiation process, just like the Chinese saying: "If there is no cloud in the sky, it will not rain, and if there is no intermediary on the ground, there will be no marriage." Different places have different ways of handling things. There will definitely be a big difference, but there is one thing that everyone obeys, that is, whenever it is an important item to buy or sell, there must be more than two people to make the deal, whether it is land Transfer, livestock trading, or other transactions with relatively large transaction amounts.

In Western countries, if a person happens to meet a friend on his way home for lunch, he will say, "How much are you going to sell your fifty acres for?" Acres for sale, but the man only offered forty dollars.After 10 minutes, the two finally negotiated for $45.Then the two went to a restaurant, one handed the other a check for $45, and agreed to pay the rest the next morning.The whole process took place this afternoon, and it only took a short time for the procedure to be completed.But if you are in China, you will see a completely different situation. The negotiation process is very slow, and it is equally difficult to draw a final conclusion. At the beginning, you must consider various possibilities of the transaction, and then everyone will introduce each other in private. Some people must be very careful in this first step, because there is a very important Chinese saying: "The farmer is a big monster, the more expensive the less he will sell it." If we assume that this land can be bought, then we must use The intermediary acts as a matchmaker, and the two sides conduct long, seemingly endless face-to-face negotiations.In the process of negotiation, both sides will constantly raise the price or lower the price.The intermediary will use various means to control both parties in this process, because as long as the transaction is concluded, he can get some rewards from it, and it is this kind of interest that motivates him to do so.Even if the two parties to the transaction are neighbors who live across the wall, or a family, the same situation exists, and an intermediary is even more necessary.If there is no intermediary, the two parties will not be able to mention this matter at all.Maybe you will express doubts. Since the two people are so familiar with each other, they can just talk directly, which can save the cost of the intermediary.But they will tell you that an intermediary is needed because the interests of two people are in conflict with each other, and an intermediary is aligned with the interests of both.To put it simply, two people don't trust each other, but they both trust the intermediary, so no matter what happens, an intermediary is needed.Both parties need a professional intermediary to control the transaction and maintain the balance between the two parties. Even if this transaction is far simpler than the land sale, an intermediary must be involved.

For example, a person has a lot of radishes but no sweet potatoes, his neighbor has a lot of sweet potatoes but no radishes, and they both need each other's things very much.It's such a simple matter, and they won't solve it by making a suggestion through the wall after breakfast.

They would take their radishes or sweet potatoes to the market a few miles from home, and sell their goods when someone bought them.Maybe you will have a question: "Why don't they trade directly at home, but take laborious and time-consuming things to the market to sell?"

The answer is actually very simple, if they don't take things to the market, they will not tell the price in their hearts.They don't trust each other, and they are afraid that they will be deceived, and they also understand that the only way to prevent themselves from being deceived is to put things in a place where everyone supervises, and use marketing to complete this matter.Everyone gets to the market, and then it's just a matter of discussing market prices.In fact, no one knows the price and market in the Chinese market at all. Prices will vary in different places and at different times, so it is necessary to find an intermediary.

Another point to be explained is that the commissions charged by Chinese intermediaries are not very high, basically 5.00%.In stark contrast is the year-to-year trading of the large grain market in Chicago, USA.As often happens in Chicago, a farmer who brings his own wheat to market, pays for railroad transportation, elevator loading and unloading, and intermediary fees, not only does not save himself money, but also owes The neighbor who helped him sell his grain brokered a debt.Similarly, an old farmer believes that the intermediary and the transaction parties are too close.

The buying and selling of goods requires an intermediary, as does another great event in life, that of marriage.In the "Ode" of the "Book of Songs", there are two places where it is mentioned that the role of the third person in the ancient tradition of wedding is like the role of the ax in felling trees.It was so, and it is still so, for there is nothing to suggest that the Chinese have fundamentally changed from ancient times to the present.If the matchmaker is a relative or friend of one of the parties, it is also recognized, and this party will feel safe to a certain extent, otherwise, this party cannot guarantee that its own interests will not be violated.In China, most people who specialize in matchmaking have a relatively bad reputation. The reason is that she (or he) only cares about whether the two parties can get married, and does not care about whether the two parties are suitable, and whether the two parties really want it in their hearts.In order to obtain benefits, intermediaries often use deception and other means, but we can see that the marriages concluded by them still account for a considerable proportion.Some people may think that if two people are willing and suitable for each other, they should put aside all external forces and decide their own marriage by themselves.But in the eyes of the Chinese, this kind of thinking is simply stupid, as if there is a bridge on the river and you have to row a boat across the river.Parents often monopolize their children's marriage without discussing it with them in advance, and sometimes they decide the marriage when the children are very young or even before they are born.From the perspective of parents, these are very natural things.Those close relatives are usually personally involved in the marriage of their children and participate in planning how the wedding will be held.At this time, even if the children are far away from home, the wedding can also be arranged very well.If during this period of time, the children are already married under the matchmaking of outsiders, the law will recognize the marriage, and the girl arranged by the family will be introduced to other people by the matchmaker.If Chinese women get acquainted with a foreign lady, the first question they usually ask is who arranged the marriage of this foreign lady?Why can you leave your in-law's house so far?If a foreign lady answers that her own marriage is decided by herself, and she will often receive love letters from men who propose marriage, those Chinese women and girls will laugh out loud after hearing it, feeling like this A foreign lady is telling a funny joke.People often find it unreasonable that some barbaric tribes in the world do not hold weddings. This is just like how ordinary Chinese view our marriage customs.Our way of marriage often surprises Chinese people and makes them unbelievable.This is understandable, because they have an old saying: "If you don't wait for your parents' orders, or the matchmaker's words, if you peep at each other through the gaps, and follow each other over the wall, your parents and people will be despised."

We talked about the moderation of the Chinese people earlier, and we said at that time that Chinese society is far from being balanced.The lives of Chinese people seem to be exactly the same; the relationship between clans is very complicated; even the two closest people have very different interests; most of China's population is still very poor .All these situations are enough to prove that the family life of Chinese people is very unsatisfactory and always full of struggles. Many factors will lead to a storm of family struggles, ranging from trivial matters in life to major matters involving family interests. Families are hurt.In this kind of family struggle, the role of a mediator is very important, and this person will often be the key to solving the problem.It's just that this kind of thing often consumes more energy, and because the mediator is voluntary, it is difficult to get benefits, and even pay a high price. From this point of view, he has done a very meritorious thing.To judge whether a person is suitable to be a mediator, the main thing to look at is not how much money he has, and few people pay attention to this aspect, nor does he look at his status, and even fewer people pay attention to this aspect. Yes, it is the person's ability to speak.When chatting, he can speak eloquently, even if it is an egg, he can turn it into meat; he is very good at citing classics, and can use his own experience to list a lot of facts.Such people will be very sought after no matter where they go.It is widely believed that such a person ages earlier, with gray hair even at a young age, because mediation work puts him under a lot of stress.

But fortunately, such people can be found all over China.To be fair, although they are often hard to get a reasonable evaluation of, what they do is still very valuable.

Many litigation cases will encounter great difficulties at the beginning, or the progress will be slow in the early stage. One of the important reasons is the lack of the intervention of these mediators.They looked very quiet, but they could clearly understand that both parties in the incident wanted to reconcile.These well-meaning mediators also often get into disputes, and due to the nature of the work they do, it is easy for them to form animosity with other mediators or other people and get into trouble.They always mediate disputes for others, but now it is very difficult for them to escape from the siege of others.This is also how they paid off what they owed from their previous work in this way.This also corresponds to a Chinese saying: "Everything is rewarded." The Chinese have given a good proof of the importance of intermediaries in matters such as transfer, agency, entrustment, and data inquiry.

The famous British animal painter Edwin Landseer once said that a pig dealer who knew him once asked him if he knew the queen.He replied: "Of course, everyone knows the queen." The pig dealer said that he did not simply know the queen's face, but that he could talk to the queen and have a relatively close relationship.When Landseer understood, he asked the pig dealer why he asked this.The pig dealer said: "In royal palaces such as Birmingham Palace, there must be a lot of pig food that is often thrown away. My wife and I are wondering if you can help us say a few words to the Queen so that we can go once a week The palace chooses pig food. The queen is so benevolent and kind, as long as you are willing to tell her, she will definitely agree." The pig dealer's approach to this matter well reflects the Chinese way of doing things, that is, do it yourself If you can't do it, try to ask others to help you as much as possible.

The post in the West makes it very convenient for everyone in the society to communicate, but it is difficult for us to explain the situation in China.In China, if you are not in a trial that tests endurance and virtue, it is very difficult for you to have a word with the judge.And if it is in a court trial, even if the Chinese is usually calm, he will feel chills all over his body because of nervousness.China does not have a perfect postal system, and no one is willing to deliver the letter for you, except that the gatekeeper knows the character of the courier very well and bribes him with a lot of money.Stalking is not a good strategy when asking officials to help you. If the first request is not answered, the subsequent situation is not very optimistic.Chinese people usually don't trust their friends very much, even if he knows how to do it right, for example, if a person sends a telegram, although he doesn't know how to use the correct method to send a telegram, he will not trust it very much member.

To illustrate it vividly, it is like a person who has many needles but cannot sew clothes without thread; a person without a boat cannot cross a river either.This is a good illustration of the role of intermediaries in the litigation process in China. Only with the participation of intermediaries can the whole process proceed.If you want to write a complaint for a lawsuit, you must have the help of the elders, and in the subsequent litigation until the verdict is pronounced, all the information of the parties must be in the hands of the intermediary, because only in this way can the intermediary Let the parties get a good result.

Of course, China's huge government system also well reflects the important role of intermediaries.In this system, there are various levels. If a person wants to rise from a lower level to a higher level, the coordination of the intermediary is very important.The relationship between a person who wants to be promoted and an intermediary is like the relationship between a fish and water. Once the water dries up, the fish can only face death.

If foreigners are in China, they must hire an intermediary. Their need for an intermediary is even stronger than that of the Chinese.Between the master and the servants, the metropolis has a middleman through whom the master's orders are communicated to all the servants.Without this middleman, everything would come to a standstill, the servant could do nothing, and the master could do nothing.Maybe the middleman will leave his job due to serious injury, but as long as he is still in this position, he has absolute power.This situation also exists in various commercial guilds.If guilds such as tea guilds and silk fabric guilds want to communicate with foreigners, they must go through intermediaries.We mentioned before that although the Chinese in these groups are separated from each other, they will be very united in the face of external forces.In the process of dealing with foreigners, Chinese businessmen will definitely have conflicts of interests that are difficult to reconcile. At this time, only negotiation can be used to resolve this conflict. Under normal circumstances, those who can help both parties achieve this All are Chinese.In fact, if you think about it, you can understand that a foreign businessman, diplomat, missionary or traveler can handle very few things smoothly in China, let alone do things perfectly.

If foreigners want to change this situation, they can only ask for the help of an intermediary, otherwise, they will become a laughing stock.Foreigners resist in this respect, as if they are resisting atmospheric pressure.In the face of the intermediary, we have to use some methods, but it is not to cancel the intermediary, but to enable the intermediary to serve us better.We would be nothing without intermediaries.

(End of this chapter)