Chinese virtue

Chapter 6
In terms of etiquette, there are two great differences between the Chinese and other Orientals, and these two points are praise and criticism.We Anglo-Saxons have always thought that toughness is the most important virtue, and often remind ourselves not to forget it.Later, when we came to the East, we found that the Orientals had many skills in dealing with interpersonal relationships, so we thought that the Chinese were very capable, and we were full of admiration and respect for them.Even a critic who is prejudiced against the Chinese has to admit that the Chinese pay great attention to etiquette and have refined it to perfection.This realm is unheard of for Westerners.

If you hadn't seen it with your own eyes, I'm afraid you can't even think about it, let alone understand it.

Chinese classics record: "There are three hundred etiquettes and three thousand prestige", which means that there are three hundred rules of etiquette and three thousand rules of conduct.The Chinese are able to thrive in the face of such great pressure.

From the perspective of people in other countries, this is almost unimaginable.However, we soon discovered the mystery.It turns out that for the Chinese, learning etiquette is just like being educated. It is completely an instinct, and there is no need to study it deliberately, as long as you pay attention to it in daily communication.

In the West, this kind of red tape is only used in court or on diplomatic occasions.Of course, the Chinese don't use these red tapes all the time, but on a case-by-case basis, just like putting on costumes during festivals.As for when to use these etiquettes, the Chinese will use instinct to judge, and there will be almost no mistakes.It would be ridiculous if a Chinese could not do this, just as an educated Westerner does not know how much nine times nine equals.

In the eyes of Westerners, etiquette is a beautiful emotion expressed with kindness.Therefore, it is difficult for Westerners to agree with Chinese etiquette.A civilized view holds that a man is happy if he feels happy.However, the Chinese do not think so.Take Chinese art performances as an example. Chinese people’s politeness to others is not necessarily completely from the heart, but may be just to obey the needs of a certain aspect.They develop polite phrases and then use them when interacting with people, just to maintain the existing relationship of superiority and inferiority.To a Westerner, this would seem baffling, even insane.However, the Chinese don't think so. Instead, they think that doing so can not only protect social order but also regulate interpersonal relationships.Only when the top and bottom are orderly can everything prosper.It's like playing chess. The first player says, "My humble soldier, take two steps forward."

The opponent replied: "My lowly soldiers also take two steps forward." The party that went first said: "I mobilize the lowly horses, eat your noble soldiers, and enter the third square of the nine squares." Of course, although People who play chess are very polite, but the whole game of chess will not be affected by this.When playing chess, neither side will say in advance what their next move will be, otherwise it will be ridiculous.The same is true of Chinese etiquette. When faced with a certain etiquette, a Chinese will be laughed at if he doesn't know how to return it.For the Chinese, etiquette is like playing chess.If a Chinese does not understand etiquette, it is enough to show that he is ignorant.

The difference in the distance from the central city restricts the differences in the Chinese people's observance of etiquette.

Manners are essential in central cities, but less so in the countryside.Rural people also know that there must be etiquette, but they cannot abide by etiquette like urbanites, because they do not know what specific requirements urbanites have in terms of etiquette.

However, at the same time, we have to admit that in terms of etiquette, the least polite Chinese can do better than educated foreigners.Compared with Chinese, foreigners are as impolite as babies.For a foreigner, unless he has a lot of life experience and always remembers that etiquette represents education, he will not be as polite as a Chinese.

Foreigners have learned the most basic etiquette from the Chinese, but with little success.Whenever this point is mentioned, educated Chinese look disdainful and naturally call foreigners "barbarians".

Although there is nothing in the air cushion, it can reduce the shock.Manners are like air cushions.Chinese people pay great attention to etiquette when communicating with their compatriots, mainly to show that they are very polite, and do not take the comfort of the guests as the starting point at all.The Chinese are polite to foreigners for the same reason.I say that without feeling biased in the slightest.For example, when guests come to a Chinese home, the host will stubbornly light a fire to boil water and make tea for the guests against the wishes of the guests.Even if the guest didn't like the host to do this, he couldn't hold back the host, so he had to endure the pain of being smoked to tears.

The host doesn't care, they don't care whether the guests are happy or not, they just think that they have done the landlord's friendship, and that's enough.For another example, you rent a barely-livable house in the countryside.The homeowner feels it is his duty to clean and refurbish the house and then promises you that he will.However, it wasn't until you were ready to move in that he started to follow through on his promises, like he was trying to put you off.You are blinded by the dust flying everywhere, begging the master to stop, but the master ignores it.The reason may be that there is such a record in the "Book of Rites": "No matter who the guest is, the host should clean the room for him." Chinese banquets are often scary, because the host will be enthusiastic when the banquet begins. Take food for you and fill your bowl full.As for whether you like it or not, they don't care about it, they just think you like it.Even if you don't want to eat at all, the owner will not think that he is not taking good care of it, but will think that you are wrong.As for other Chinese people, they will not feel that the owner is not taking good care of them.If any foreigner does not understand this rule, that is his own business and has nothing to do with the master.

It is precisely because of the guidance of this rule that when a Chinese bride visits a foreign lady, she will turn her back to the lady and salute.The lady was very angry, but also full of curiosity.Later, when she inquired, she found out why the bride turned her back to her and bowed to the north.It turned out that the bride only noticed that the Chinese emperor was in the north, but did not notice that the foreign lady was standing in the south of the room.Because the foreign lady didn't know this, and the bride obeyed the etiquette of her own country very much, so the bride saluted to the north regardless, to show that she knew how to salute.

Chinese etiquette is often demonstrated through gift giving.As I said before, giving a gift is to save face for the recipient.The recipient must follow certain customs when accepting the gift.When Chinese people give gifts, they often send some dim sum boxes wrapped neatly and cleanly in red paper, and most of them contain some oily and greasy pastries, which most recipients refuse to eat.Even so, the recipient will not return the gift and would rather give it away.

When visiting with a gift, the Chinese allow the host to express their opinion on the gift.The host often asks the guest how much the gift was bought for.When seeing off guests, the host will also say: "I'm so sorry for costing you!"

A foreigner was invited to a wedding.At the wedding, the foreigner saw a lot of pastries, and saw someone carrying a plate with two or three pieces of pastries that were steaming.When people saw it, they kept saying that the plate of pastries was still steaming, as if such pastries were delicious.In the end, the plate of pastries was given to the foreigner because the foreigner was a distinguished guest.For this kindness, the foreigner politely declined.What he didn't expect was that his move cast a shadow over the banquet.As for the plate of pastries, it was removed afterwards.It turns out that Chinese people have a custom of giving gift money when attending a wedding.

Usually, it is the host who starts collecting money while the guests are still eating.However, since it is not in accordance with the etiquette to collect gift money directly from the guests, the host found an excuse, that is, to send hot pastries to the guests and politely ask the guests to pay.At this wedding banquet, only the foreigner did not know this rule and refused the host.His refusal affected other guests, making it difficult for them to pay the host on the spot.Later, the family held another wedding and invited the foreigner again.After learning the lesson from last time, the host became more straightforward than Westerners, and said to the guests: "Please put the gift money here!"

In terms of social interaction, although the Chinese pay great attention to red tape, there are still many things we can learn from.Although we are sincere and tenacious, we have the shortcoming of acting recklessly. We should abandon this shortcoming and learn the good manners of the Orientals, so that we will become better and better.

However, many Westerners disagree with this view.I knew a man who had settled in Paris for a long time, and gradually adopted its customs, and when he returned to London, whenever he saw a friend, he took off his hat and bowed to him at the same time.Once, he made the customary bow to a friend.When the friend saw him, he said mockingly: "Look, friend, this is not France, so you don't need to be a monkey!" To deal with all difficulties and obstacles, what kind of joy in life should it be!

(End of this chapter)