let me look at you

Chapter 8 hs&jn
Han Shu hid behind the stone tablet for a long time, and she also sat on the ground on the first step beside the pomegranate tree for a long time, the sun began to shift quietly, none of them moved, as if the world should be so still.

It was late at night, and Han Shu looked out from the floor-to-ceiling windows of his bedroom, overlooking the sparks of the city.The biggest disadvantage of living in a bustling urban area is that it is too noisy, until late at night, you can still hear the sound of heavy traffic.But just as a defect in one person's eyes may be the biggest bright spot in another person's eyes, Han Shu loves the hustle and bustle of this city.

Hustle and bustle means human breath, and only human breath is warm.Han Shu is not used to a place that is too deserted and quiet. Every time he travels for fun or on business, or lives in a suburban villa or a remote scenic spot, he always tosses and turns in that kind of silence.I close my eyes and feel inexplicably lonely. The wind blows the curtains. If there is no light from the street lamps outside, it is too dark, and it is easy to magnify a little bit of anxiety, anxiety, and sadness infinitely.At this time, the good young people who love life will be fully occupied by invisible negative emotions.Later, he had some experience. In that kind of place, when he slept, he turned on the night light beside the bed. When the next day dawned, he seemed to be alive again, but only when he returned to the bustling place, the kind of safety The feeling will come back completely.

Therefore, Han Shu loves crowds, excitement, and many, many interesting and mundane things.Dean Han often criticized him for being too impetuous for being lonely.Han Shu thought, if you are impetuous, be impetuous. It is better to be impetuous than to wake up in the middle of the night and be inexplicably flustered in a quiet place.He probably wasn't born to be Tao Yuanming, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Han Shu also discussed this issue with Lin Jing. Lin Jing was Dean Han's most valued junior in the political and legal circles, and also Han Shu's old colleague and friend.Han Shu asked him: "Aside from making you sleepless, what's wrong with a lively place?"

Lin Jing said casually: "It's not bad to be in a lively place, but it's easier for people to think clearly about what they want to do when it's quiet."

This may be right, because Lin Jing is a person who knows exactly what she wants to do.He has a very sober and clear purpose in everything he does, and he moves towards that purpose step by step. Therefore, he is only a few years older than Han Shu, but he is already the leader of the Chengbei branch. He is equal to sister Yilin who is about to retire. The description is always floating.

Of course, Han Shu's so-called "drift" is more spiritual.He is now going to be transferred to the city bureau, and he has a good father, so he probably won't lose to Lin Jing in his official career.Whenever he makes progress in his career, Han Shu will be happy and proud, and work hard for it, but he works hard to achieve results. After achieving results, his career will be promoted step by step, but what will happen after he is promoted? He wants to get high officials and rich salary What are you doing?He rarely thought about it.

Is it his goal in this life to be like his father?If this is the case, this goal is not much pleasure for him.The old man is now busy with work and entertainment every day, and he has suffered from a lifetime of wealth problems. He is even tired from sitting on the sofa for a long time, so he is not as happy as Han Shu.When it comes to being an upright people's prosecutor, eliminating harm for the people, and upholding justice, it's not that Han Shu doesn't want to, but this pursuit is too great, so great that he feels vague and far away, it's better to find the joy of finding his favorite bauble More real.

He is now well-dressed and elite, and he does what he does because he feels he "should" do it, not because he "want to."No one forced him to do it, but he had no choice, because he really never thought about what he wanted in his heart—there were many, many things that Han Shu couldn't figure out.

It's like he doesn't know why he has a bad cold for no reason; he doesn't know why he suddenly feels that the curtains in his house are extremely ugly and disgusting after returning from dinner with his parents; he doesn't know why he has a high fever to pick out the curtains; I don’t know why I searched for many fabric stores but didn’t like it, but I found it at the place where Xie Ju Nian was; I don’t know why he prayed for her not to be there before entering the store, but after entering, she was really not there, and my heart was empty; I don’t even know why Xiaogong came to install the curtains today, why he felt that the curtains looked wrong no matter what, and lost his temper for no reason; also, he was so surprised by the existence of that badminton racket that he didn’t want to see it at all. But when Zhu Xiaobei said he wanted to take it away, he was unexpectedly angry.

In the end, he swallowed an extra cold medicine, and when he was lying on the bed drowsily, he seemed to find a glimmer of inspiration for his recent ailments, but the inspiration flashed like lightning, and he fell into the trap before he could grasp anything. A bottomless dream.

"499, 500, 501... 510, 511, 512... 234, 235, 236..."

Han Shu counted the stairs and climbed up step by step. At first, he took several steps and took one step at a time. After a long time, he slowly slowed down. He began to sweat, pant, and feel tired.It’s obviously level 512, and it’s almost there. Why do we have to start from the beginning? The end of the ladder leads to the cloud. Is it really only level 512?Why can he be so sure?Even in the past, he didn't count them step by step. The so-called 512 is just a number she said, but is what she said true?
The stairs stretched before his eyes, as if there was no end, and Han Shu was sweating profusely, which was better than playing the ball for four hours in a row like a wheel fight.He himself didn't know why he was going up, he didn't even know what was waiting at the end of the stairs.

I don't know how long it took, maybe just when he was about to give up, Han Shu heard the quarrel in front, bowed his head, and there were still a few steps to climb to the top.A girl turned her back to him and couldn't see her face clearly. She was Xie Junian, Han Shu knew.

"Xie Ju Nian...Ju Nian." Han Shu said awkwardly, but she didn't look back as if there was cotton stuck in her throat.

"Let's go, go now, do you want to go to prison for the rest of your life?"

"Ju Nian, don't be stupid..."

"Go away!"

"What are you doing? Xie Ju Nian, he...how could he be here?"

"Let him go, let him go!"

"Don't pull me."

"No, he can't go."

"quick--"

"Ju Nian, please help me tell her..."

"what……"

The chaotic voices circled Han Shu's ears. He had a splitting headache and his eyes became blurred. He couldn't tell who was speaking and who said what. He only heard Xie Ju Nian's last scream She screamed, and then his feet were empty, and he rolled down the stairs immediately. What she shouted and cried afterwards seemed to come from another world, and she couldn't hear clearly, couldn't hear anything clearly.In the end everything was quiet, he didn't feel any pain, but he couldn't move, and the black-red blood spread quietly, covering the whole sky.

He fell face up in a weird posture, and the last bright light at the end of his sight, he knew, was the pomegranate flower that bloomed particularly well that year, Ju Nian said, maybe it will bear fruit this time, but he said again Can't see it either.

Ju Nian was entangled with another person beside the tree, he could see her opening and closing lips, he could see the tears on her cheeks, but he couldn't hear the sound.Finally, half of the face of the person who stopped Ju Nian from rushing forward was vaguely revealed in the haze, so familiar, as familiar as looking in the mirror every morning.Ah, he is Han Shu, and the person holding Ju Nian is Han Shu. He was wearing his favorite white T-shirt back then, with disbelief and panic on his face.

If that person is Han Shu, then who is he, and who is the person lying in the pool of blood?Han Shu lying on the stairs was terrified.Finally, Ju Nian rushed to his side, he saw his own reflection in Ju Nian's tears, it was a face that did not belong to him!

He lost himself!no no no...

Han Shu woke up drenched in sweat. He slept too hastily last night, the curtains were not fully drawn, and the sun had already shone on the corner of the bed.Han Shu's first movement was panting and groping his face with both hands. Fortunately, the original outlines were all there, nothing was too much, nothing was missing.He still didn't believe it, turned over and rushed into the bathroom, and finally saw his own face in the mirror, he was still him.

After washing his face with cold water, Han Shu remembered his previous stupidity. How could a person become another person, let alone become that person. What was he thinking?However, even after waking up, such a dream would send chills down the spine. He sat back on the bed, only to realize that his T-shirt was soaked in sweat.

Cai Jian called Han Shu, was very concerned about his condition, and said that he would make soup to visit after get off work.Han Shu said that he was fine, because although Sister Yilin was already fifty, the soup she cooked was really scary. She would create many combinations out of thin air out of "science" and "nutrition" that would make people sweat.

Cai Jian was probably used to Han Shu's protection of his stomach, so he didn't insist on it anymore. When he heard him mention that he sweated last night, he said that sweating is a good thing for people who have a cold.At the end, I also reminded him to have a formal conversation with the client in the construction bureau corruption case he had just taken over as soon as possible after he got better.

The illness made Han Shu's work enthusiasm unprecedentedly low, and he asked again in his dying breath: "Is it possible to transfer the case to another prosecutor?" After Cai Jian's categorical negative reply, he agreed lazily.

After washing up, the stairs in the dream were still flashing in his mind. Combined with the news that the old man revealed that the martyrs cemetery was about to be relocated, Han Shu suddenly had an indescribable feeling in his heart. This feeling made him even forget the morning medicine Eat, change clothes, grab the key and go out the door.

The martyrs' cemetery in the city was originally located in the suburbs. The city has developed rapidly in recent years, and it has become a new urban area if you don't pay attention.Now it is surrounded by several large community real estate. First, living near the cemetery makes me feel uneasy. Secondly, the neighborhood is too noisy, and the martyrs cannot live in peace. This is probably the reason why the entire cemetery has to be relocated.

Han Shu parked the car below and walked up by himself, just like his dream last night, but the stairs were far less endless than in his dream.He was still young, and he didn't expend too much energy climbing up, but the place was much more decadent than he remembered, and the gaps in the cement steps were full of fallen leaves, moss, and unnamed shade plants.The pomegranate flower at the end of the steps is still there. The flower is as blood-red and gorgeous as ever, and it doesn't fit in the green pines and cypresses everywhere. There is a little red in the green bushes, which is too shocking.Han Shu couldn't figure out why no one thought of cutting it down after all these years.

He stood on the edge of the pomegranate tree and looked down. The empty and deserted stairs were so lonely under his feet. Although the place was not far from the city, there were crowds not far from his feet, but after climbing up, he always felt very quiet and cool. The sun also seems to be hiding in a corner.The sound of the wind at high places is always more urgent. I don’t know why, but the wind brought the unique smell of pine branches and fallen leaves. He stood so close, and the blossoming tree had no smell at all. When it is too prosperous, there will be less lingering fragrance.

There is no one around, and there are probably not many people who come to the Martyrs Cemetery to nostalgia. If there is a soul here, I am afraid it will be lonely.He stepped on the green grass under his feet and walked slowly around the martyr's monument.I remember when I was young, almost every Qingming Festival, he would come here under the leadership of the school to commemorate the revolutionary martyrs. Several times he was the student representative who led the students to swear generously and passionately under the steps of the stele.At that time they always said: "The red scarves fluttering on our chests are dyed red by the blood donations of martyrs." At that time, after he went back, he always sniffed the red scarves again and again, for fear of smelling blood. Knowing here, after the real blood dries up, how can it be so bright, it's just a brown stain.

After staying for a while, Han Shu suddenly felt that his trip was meaningless, and his memories of staying here were pale. If there is something worth remembering, it doesn't have to rely on eyes.Just take it apart, how many things can last forever?When he used the old Kenneth racket to win the last game in middle school, he vowed to cherish it for the rest of his life, but now, if there is no Zhu Xiaobei to search around, he will probably have nothing to do before the next move. don't think about it.

Thinking of this, Han Shu gave a wry smile and prepared to go back home.He walked around from the other side of the martyr's monument, only to find that there was already an extra person beside the pomegranate tree.

Han Shu took a hasty step back, stepping on the small rolling stones with the soles of his shoes, barely standing still. Fortunately, the grass was rich and there was no sound, and the person with his back was not disturbed either.He had tried his best to look for it yesterday, but now that she was standing there, Han Shu found himself scared.Afraid that she would blame her, and also afraid that she would not blame him.

Han Shu felt a little unaccustomed to her waist-length hair, but he still recognized this figure at a glance.He watched her half-squat down, and didn't know what she was doing with her hands on the pomegranate tree. It took a long time before she stood up, her arms swaying slightly.Han Shu suddenly understood that she was pouring the wine in the cup towards the stairs, going round and round three times, to offer sacrifice to the souls that had been sleeping here forever.

After so many years, she really can't forget it.If, as shown in the dream, he was the one who fell from the height, would she come here every year?

Han Shu hid behind the stone tablet for a long time, and she also sat on the ground on the first step beside the pomegranate tree for a long time, the sun began to shift quietly, none of them moved, as if the world should be so still.

Han Shu is an active person and can't stay idle, but this time, he didn't feel the passage of time at all. When she packed up her things and slowly disappeared under the stairs, he moved his feet like tens of thousands of times. It was numb like an ant swimming, and then he frowned and hugged his feet, "Ouch".

He didn't have the courage to follow too closely, he estimated that she had already gone far, and then walked out carefully.Sure enough, the long and steep stairs were empty again. He took a step down and then went back to check the pomegranate tree. What she was doing just now, but there was nothing left there.

Han Shu tried to be like her, and squatted down at the same angle. When he stared at the tree, he couldn't guess what kind of image would be in her mind. In the end, he could only stretch out his hand and stroke the rough tree. The trunk of the tree gave a self-deprecating wry smile.

However, just under this touch, his fingertips felt a different touch. He lowered his head and moved closer. It turned out that someone had carved some marks with a knife or other sharp tools on the side of the trunk of the pomegranate tree, which was as thick as his wrist.Perhaps the trace was quite deep back then, but over time, the self-healing ability of the tree has made it shallower and shallower, and now there is only a faint circle left.

Han Shu struggled to identify the letter-like strokes, "h...j...n" he didn't remember such a word, until he finally recognized the "&" symbol in the middle.

h...s...&...j...n
hs&jn, hs&jn...

Han Shu repeated silently in his mouth, like a spell.

Suddenly, he understood.On this pomegranate tree that has grown for an unknown number of years, there are two names engraved on it.

Han Shu & Orange Year? !
Is it really?Han Shu was shocked, as if struck by lightning.

It was at this time that he suddenly remembered that this day was August 8th, and eleven years had passed.

(End of this chapter)