don't want to miss you

Chapter 15 The Truth Comes Out
After becoming pregnant, Jiang Qiao'an was always very sleepy, Shi Mochi woke up early in the morning but was reluctant to get up, and lay down hugging her until noon.

The wind was strong on the mountain, and Jiang Qiaoan didn't dare to sit outside when the sun was shining. After lunch, she sat next to the heater in the bedroom, opened the diary and continued to read.

Shi Mochi habitually wanted to read for her, but was pushed aside by Jiang Qiaoan: "The diary is private, so I won't show it to you."

He laughed and cut, and lay down on the couch in front of the window sill: "Who cares."

Shi Yujie didn't have a long-term personality, and she only insisted on keeping the diary for less than ten days before throwing it aside. The date of the latter one was already April 1978.

"Big brother passed the exam. He is very good. Among the classmates' brothers, he is the only one who passed the exam."

Then came June, "Second brother asked me if I was happy that my eldest brother went to college, and I can be lawless from now on, but I'm actually not happy, there is one less person in the family, it's weird."

In the following clips, her admiration for Shi Tuojin gradually became clear. Jiang Qiaoan was full of sadness and couldn't express his emotions. Because he predicted the ending, he was only concerned about these bit by bit heartbeats, joys, guesses, and apprehensions. , sadness, jealousy feel sad.

It turns out that from the joy of not knowing the world to the sorrow of worrying about gains and losses, there is only one unrequited love time.

She said, "I don't like Chumo, I don't think she is pretty enough, and I can't tell how well she plays the piano. My brother doesn't like me, so I should find someone who is good enough and beautiful... Jiang Zhen said I'm jealous, he said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, even if Chumo is a sow, she is beautiful if your brother likes her, I called him vulgar, but he actually said this is his experience, for example, my dissatisfaction Gentleness and lack of intelligence can be regarded as an advantage in his eyes. He also said that jealousy is shameful. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with his brother. It's better to be nice to him. He can even say such words, he is a rogue!"

"I couldn't sleep at night. Qiqi sat with me on the stairs outside the dormitory for a long time. She kept persuading me to fight for it. She said that Wei Juan's husband didn't like her at first, and now he would rather bring his own children and support her. University, she also said to go to the political commissar of Chumo’s regiment, there is a rule in the army that no dating is allowed, she made a big mistake by seducing my brother, and she should be punished, the least is to be transferred to a remote army , so I can’t get in touch with my brother. In fact, it doesn’t seem to be seduction, it’s my brother who likes her first... It’s really uncomfortable to say this, I still hate her very much.”

"Qiqi helped me find the mailing address of the political commissar, and urged me to write it quickly. She said that the anonymous report letter would not know who I am, but this is not good, so forget it."

"Yang Ruiqi actually wrote an anonymous report letter for me, and she didn't tell me until it was sent! I was a little angry, but she said that she was doing it for my own good, why would I cry in front of her all the time. I also know that she is doing it for me, But it's really disturbing."

"It's getting more and more uneasy... I went to the post office in the afternoon to ask for a letter, and I showed my student ID card, but there was no name on the letter, so they refused to give it to me, and said that even if I wrote it, it would be illegal to return it. Qiqi said that she wrote it with her left hand, and no one would know, but what if Chumo was really punished? Should I tell my brother? I dare not..."

"How could this happen? It's so sad."

"Today, Dad also found out, and went to intercede for Chumo himself. It turns out that even if you don't write your name, you can find out where the letter was sent from, but it's really not me. Qiqi cried and begged me not to tell her Come out and say that she is all for me, how could I tell her? Why don’t everyone believe what I said, it’s really not me. Even Jiang Zhen scolded me for doing this unethically, it’s really not me My brother must hate me to death, I really want to die."

"Mom is here too. Mom and Dad are going to invite Chumo's parents to dinner and ask me to apologize to her at the dinner table. Why should I apologize to her? I didn't write a letter! My brother brought her to me today, but she still replied She is tolerant and magnanimous. If you say anything, you will not blame me. Who told me that I am the youngest sister of Tuojin, so I am also her sister. I hate her, I hate her, my parents and my brother scolded me because of her, I don’t want to Be her sister."

"I don't want to go home anymore. Dad yelled at me at the dinner table. In front of Chumo and her family, I was already very sad when they talked about the marriage. I held back my tears and dared not cry or speak, but Mom and Dad still They want to compare me with her, say that I am ignorant, and force me to apologize. When I ran out, my brother chased me out. I don’t want to talk to him, I hate him, and I don’t want to talk to him again.”

"My mother actually said that I have no shame. I have never been said such a bad thing. It is really boring to live. It is so boring. They want to take me home and make me understand the truth before going back to school. I don't want to go home. The family is preparing I was sad to see their marriage. Qiqi said that because I am not my own, my parents usually treat me better than my brothers and sisters because they pity me and because they don’t treat me as their own daughter. When encountering real things, Even if I am right, they will favor their own son and daughter-in-law, and they will not believe me at all. I never thought about this, no, before Chumo appeared, they all liked me, I hate the word pitiful, I Not pitiful."

"Mom scolded me again. She said I had no conscience and that I had complicated thoughts. Qiqi was right. I'm so pitiful."

Seeing Jiang Qiaoan sneer, Mo Chi asked inexplicably when he was reading a book, "What's wrong?"

"Yang Ruiqi still has the face to say that my mother is arrogant and indulgent. My mother is wrong. If it weren't for her, would she have become like that in the future? What is she really up to, what kind of good friend!"

"You... what did you see?" Shi Mo Chi frowned, he didn't want to argue with her, turned over and got off the couch, walked over to hold her shoulder, "angry is not good for a baby."

Jiang Qiaoan pointed out this paragraph to him: "Dare to do what you don't dare to do, I wrote an anonymous letter myself, asking my mother not to speak, let her bear the blame."

After reading it, Mo Chi was silent for a long time: "She also wanted to help her friend, even though she really did something wrong."

Jiang Qiaoan raised his face to look at him in surprise, and asked, "Do you think Yang Ruiqi is helping my mother, or is she deliberately harming her?"

Shi Mochi didn't speak again, and it took a while before he said: "The word 'deliberate' is used a bit too much, it is possible to feel dizzy when seeing a friend break up in love."

"She has such a thoughtful character that she will fight for people other than herself?" Jiang Qiaoan was really angry, stood up and pushed Shi Mochi away, "Even if she took care of you since childhood, you don't have to favor her to the point of right and wrong." Divide!"

"When people are sad, they will rely on the people who accompany them very much. Yang Ruiqi wrote an anonymous letter under the banner of helping. Of course, my mother can't do anything to expose my friends. My grandparents think that my mother has done something wrong and ask her to apologize. It's normal, but at that time she was sad and sensitive because of her broken relationship! After explaining, no one would believe her. Everyone accused her of scolding her, even my father. Only Yang Ruiqi accompanied her, comforted her, Talk to her well, under the embattled situation, she will naturally feel that Yang Ruiqi is good and trust her more. At this time, Yang Ruiqi said something about adopting a daughter and not adopting a daughter. She showed dissatisfaction, and then the quarrel with her family became more rigid. Who doesn't understand the principle of persuasion and not persuasion? How can you say that Yang Ruiqi didn't feel disturbed and kind? Who knows better than Yang Ruiqi what happened back then, not only did she not Guilty, still belittling my mother in front of me, from her current description, do you think she really regards my mother as a friend?"

Shi Mochi didn't answer: "It's been 30 years, and now it doesn't make much sense to get angry and hurt your body because of the past. If you have a grudge against her because of this, just keep in touch with her less in the future. My father is still sick. Disharmony in the family is always a bad thing, you have the right to do it for me, and if you meet me occasionally, you will be perfunctory on the big face."

Jiang Qiaoan looked at Mo Chi for a few seconds: "You can't let it go like this. I want to tell my grandparents and your father not to let them think that my mother did it. I never want her to take the blame for those who slandered her after she dies." .”

Hearing this sentence, Shi Mochi really had a headache, pressed his hands on his temples, and said: "...don't make a fuss at home, let's go to her and ask her clearly before we can talk about it? What happened last time almost killed grandma , it's not like you don't know."

Thinking of this level, Jiang Qiaoan didn't make a sound, and said after a while: "I must at least tell your father that Yang Ruiqi is not simple. The reason why she married my father was not at all to take care of me. She would have such kindness." I won’t let my mother take the blame for her.”

Shi Mochi glanced at the diary, embraced Jiang Qiaoan again, and avoided talking about it softly: "I just don't want to break the hard-won peace, you can do whatever you want, just don't get angry .”

She really understands it too well, how could Jiang Qiaoan not know his intentions, she took a step back, and gently broke away from him: "I can give in for you on anything, but this one is not enough, I'm sorry Mo Chi, there is no discussion. "

The words were not speculative, Jiang Qiaoan avoided Shi Mochi for the whole afternoon, closed the door of the study, and read the diary carefully.

What happened afterwards was roughly consistent with Yang Ruiqi's description. After the affair with Jiang Zhen broke out, the relationship between Shi Yujie and her parents gradually deteriorated, and she finally ran away from home, not even returning to her brother's dormitory, and moved to Yang Ruiqi's place.

The only difference is that Yang Ruiqi was not interested in jewelry design at first, and she tried her best to persuade Shi Yujie not to lose the job opportunity in front of her and go to Hong Kong with Jiang Zhen.

It wasn't until later that Yang Ruiqi suddenly said that she was also very interested in learning something outside, but her family didn't approve of her giving up her qualification to stay in school to teach, and refused to pay, so there was not enough tuition.On this matter, she and Shi Yujie had a dispute.

Shi Yujie said in her diary, "Qiqi is good at everything, but she is too caring. The future of this major is uncertain. I advise her not to participate in this semester. I will go there after I finish reading if I really gain something. It's all for her sake, the place to stay in school is so precious, and her parents don't agree, it's really bad to have a falling out with her family... But she misunderstood that I wanted to get rid of her because I had Jiang Zhen, and ignored her, thinking I think she is in the way so I don't agree with her going to Hong Kong together. How could it be? Jiang Zhen really doesn't like her watching movies and eating with us all the time. Jiang Zhen told me many times to tell her not to follow. Qi knows that she will be angry. But Jiang Zhen will be angry again if you don’t mention it, so I have to find a boyfriend for Qiqi quickly.”

"Qiqi is angry, I think that person is very good, how could she not be worthy of her, I was a little angry when I insulted her, but forget it, mom and dad ignore me, I don't want her I also ignored me. I talked to Jiang Zhen about paying for Qiqi to go to Hong Kong together. Jiang Zhen was not very happy, but he agreed in the end because he was afraid that I would be unhappy, and he had to return the money to him in the future. Jiang Zhen It’s really good for me. I can’t think about my brother anymore. In fact, I haven’t thought about him for a long time. Little Mo Chi will be one year old in a few days. He’s so close. Do you want to bring a gift? How about going to see them? Or don’t go, they must not want to see me.”

The last one in 1983 was, "My brother and sister-in-law knew that I was leaving the day after tomorrow, so they brought their little nephew to see me, and gave me 5000 yuan, which was such a large sum that I didn't want, so they left After I paid, I found out that the returned money was hidden in the dark compartment of the suitcase. It should be hidden by my sister-in-law. She is actually quite good. I shouldn’t hate her before, but I’m sorry to apologize. Little Mo Chi is so cute , soft, fragrant and obedient, I even squeezed his penis secretly, hahaha. In the future, Jiang Zhen and I will have a more beautiful baby. Jiang Zhen is prettier than my brother, but I can’t let him know, he must know You should be proud."

Seeing this, Jiang Qiao'an was finally completely sure that Yang Ruiqi's claim that her mother and father were only together to fight against the family was pure nonsense.

When Shi Yujie was happy, she almost never thought of keeping a diary. During the six months in Hong Kong, she only wrote two things, one was her 23rd birthday wish, and the other was written before her return trip.

She said, "I'm so lazy, I should remember more, when I get old, I can slowly recall the past while basking in the sun with Jiang Zhen."

It's a pity that neither she nor Jiang Zhen waited until the day they grew old, and Jiang Qiaoan realized that the word "death of youth" was not romantic.

The passage after coming back was just like what Yang Ruiqi said, in order to be together, the two continued to struggle with both families. Although Shi Yujie didn't understand, she only complained from beginning to end-"How could parents be like this, they How can you say that about me and Jiang Zhen. No matter what, we are going to get married."

In the late autumn of 1984, when Chu Mo passed away, Shi Yujie wrote in her diary, "My God, why did my sister-in-law die suddenly? I still can't believe it. She was only 28 years old, and I haven't had time to apologize to her yet. Little Mo Chi is only two and a half years old, my brother is so sad."

"I don't understand why Jiang Zhen is so angry. When I called, my eldest brother's colleague said he had a fever, and little Mo Chi kept crying. Only my elder brother and sister-in-law would talk to me, and I owed so much to my sister-in-law. At this time Of course I’m going to take care of them for a while! I didn’t know that he would come back early, and he even bought a wedding dress ring to surprise me. I obviously left a note and told Kiki to tell him what to worry about. This is the first time Jiang Zhen lost his temper at me, so I have to write it down and settle the score when he stops being angry."

"Brother doesn't eat, and little Mo Chi keeps crying. I'd better stop being angry with Jiang Zhen and call him to coax him! How happy to be together safely. If I die, Jiang Zhen will be so sad, if If something happened to him, I would definitely not be able to survive. Bah, bah, bah, Tong Yan Wuji, no, everything will be fine."

Then came the newlyweds. After marriage, Shi Yujie kept writing diaries frequently.

"It was really painful last night, but I was crying in pain and Jiang Zhen didn't coax me. He had already gone out when I got up, and he still ignored me when I came back. I asked him why he didn't speak, he was in a bad mood , Marriage is different from what I thought, not so good."

"People say that after marriage, a man will become another person. I didn't believe it before, but now I believe it. I want to be together so desperately, but the result is not happy."

"Qiqi said that distance can produce beauty, and advised me to accept the invitation to return to Hong Kong. The days in Hong Kong were really happy, but I didn't want to go back alone."

"Xiao Min got married yesterday. Jiang Zhen and I went to play happily. When we came back, Jiang Zhen ignored me again. I asked the reason several times before he told me. He said that Xiao Min's husband told him last night Xiao Min bled a lot, so scared that he almost sent her to the hospital. He also asked Jiang Zhen if I was like this, and why did I bleed?"

"It turns out that this is how it happened. It's ridiculous. He actually thinks of me like this. So do my parents, and so does Jiang Zhen. They all don't believe my words. Let's go to Hong Kong. What's the point of going on like this."

"The formalities are completed, the ticket for the day after tomorrow, Qiqi asked me to leave directly, don't tell Jiang Zhen, she said that since he doesn't care about me now, it's better to let him worry, so maybe he will understand my importance, do you want so?"

"What a surprise. I didn't know there was a baby until I vomited at the airport. Jiang Zhen came to apologize and said that he would start over and would treat me well in the future. Qiqi was right. Actually, I don't want to leave either, and everything will be fine in the future. Alright."

"It's such a happy feeling to find it again."

"The baby is one and a half months old, can't eat, feels nauseous, very sleepy, doesn't want to eat sour or sweet, is it a boy or a girl? Let's make the little clothes bright yellow, both boys and girls can wear them."

"I want to introduce Xiao Min's brother to Qiqi, she is angry again, it's so strange, I don't care about her anymore!"

"I knit a little sweater for the baby, and Jiang Zhen laughed at me, saying that it was ugly, but the name he named was ugly, cut."

"The baby is four months old, and he can already hear the heartbeat, which is faster than mine. Jiang Zhen always talks to the baby with a stethoscope, how silly."

"It's a baby girl. I like girls the most. I'm so happy. Jiang Zhen said that he also likes daughters more. It's a lie. He clearly said that he likes sons before! A girl looks like a father, so she will be very beautiful. Call my brother today." On the phone, Xiao Mo Chi was also nearby, asking him if he wanted a younger sister or a younger brother, he said he wanted a younger sister, asked him whether he wanted a younger sister or a wife, he said he wanted a daughter-in-law, really stupid, hahaha."

"It's decided! The baby's name is Qiao'an, Jiang Qiao'an. I asked her if it sounded good. She kicked me in the stomach, which means she likes it. It must be born smoothly and grow up well. It's a pity that she grows up beautifully." When I was a big girl, I should have wrinkles, right? I miss my parents a bit."

When Shi Mochi came over to ask Jiang Qiaoan to have dinner, seeing the tears on her face, he couldn't help but startled: "What's wrong?"

Jiang Qiaoan carefully put the notepad aside: "It's nothing, but I'm very emotional."

After dinner, Jiang Qiaoan continued to read the diary. The nine months of pregnancy were the happiest period for Shi Yujie. It was not until the birth of the child that the quarrel came again. Shi Yujie gradually suspected that Jiang Zhen had someone else outside. , the diary was in chaos, Jiang Qiaoan read it with a heavy heart, closed and opened it, and only noticed the sketches drawn beside the text a few times.

Jiang Qiaoan felt familiar, so he looked carefully at the light.

Shi Yujie wrote next to it, "Recently, for no apparent reason, Jiang Zhen always quarrels with me about how I liked my brother in the past. I know he is probably tired of it. In fact, the other side is gone, and the other side is blooming."

Seeing the words "Blossoms from the Other Shore", Jiang Qiaoan finally remembered why they looked familiar. This was the name of Yang Ruiqi's award-winning work, and this sketch was [-] to [-]% similar to Yang Ruiqi's award-winning hand-drawn draft. .

She broke out in a cold sweat, and quickly flipped back until she reached the last page.

"I chatted with Qiqi all afternoon, but my mood became worse and worse. I originally wanted to give this set of works to Jiang Zhen as a birthday present. No matter whether I can win an award or not, the meaning is always good, but what is the need now? Well, since he is already like this, he will be regarded as a joke if he confesses again? But the deadline for the submission of the competition is about to expire, and there is not enough time to design another set, so let’s submit it like this, Qiqi has been preparing for more than half a year, I just drew randomly, and there is no hope of qualifying for the competition anyway."

"Jiang Zhen's outsider is Yang Ruiqi, how could it be like this, Yang Ruiqi said that she has a child, their child..."

"I want to take my Qiao'an far away."

The time of the last sentence is November 1985, 11, the day before Shi Yujie's accident.

After closing the diary, Jiang Qiao'an was so angry that he trembled all over, and when he walked to Mo Chi's side who was watching the news in the living room, he could hardly even speak a complete sentence.

Shi Mochi lowered his head to read the jokes she had drawn with a pencil, and roughly compared the sketches in the diary with the photos in the album of Yang Ruiqi's award-winning works that Jiang Qiaoan found temporarily. , his expression became serious in an instant.

He turned around and hugged Jiang Qiaoan: "You are pregnant, don't get angry, I will take you to my father tomorrow morning, don't think about anything now, drink milk and go to bed, okay?"

"I don't want it, let's go now."

Shi Mochi hesitated for a moment: "You stay at home, I'll pick up Dad."

Jiang Qiaoan knew that he was afraid that the two of them would disturb his grandparents when they went there together, so he said, "No matter what you think, no matter what, I will never let Yang Ruiqi go this time."

(End of this chapter)