Our youth is over

Chapter 5
"When we were young, we all mistook soft-heartedness for tenderness, but we didn't know that sometimes this kind of ambiguous, uncertain, hesitant, and unresolute state of mind is the most hurtful, because it will give people hope again and again. It will push people into despair again and again."

1
The results of the first monthly exam in the new semester came out, and I failed another course without any surprise, with a score of 48 in physics.As soon as the physics class representative left, I held a test paper full of big red crosses in my hand, and my eyes fell on the big scrawled characters written by He Pili with a red pen on the top of the paper, and I was inexplicably excited.

"Those who fail will stay on weekends to make up lessons."

I obviously hate make-up lessons, but I don't dislike He Pili's make-up lessons at all. I think, maybe it's because He Pili would ask He Yebei to stay and listen to each make-up lesson.

When I thought of not needing to take advantage of the long time before the evening self-study, Qiqi and I would go to the building of the third year of high school to spy on someone, or no longer need to hide by the garage of a certain class of the third year of high school and wait for someone to show up to meet He Ye openly. North, I couldn't help being nervous and excited.

When I happily closed the paper and was about to put it in my schoolbag, Jiang Chengrui appeared out of nowhere, walked around to me, grabbed my paper with one hand, looked at it casually, and gave a disdainful "sneak" sound, with an expression on his face. He looked at me with distaste and said, "Look at you, you are so promising, even if you fail the exam, you can succeed like this, He Yebei is really that good..."

Before Jiang Chengrui could finish speaking, I eagerly reached out and blocked his mouth, preventing him from continuing.

I don't want everyone in the class to know that I like He Yebei.

Every girl has a great god complex when she was a student. Boys like He Yebei have always been the prince charming in the hearts of many girls in the school. The more high-profile a girl likes, the easier it is to be regarded as the object of hostility by other girls .I asked myself that I didn't have the ability to make enemies with hundreds of girls for He Yebei, and I guess they could drown me to death with a mouthful of spit.

I snatched back the paper and stuffed it into my schoolbag, then threw the schoolbag over my shoulder. I winked at Jiang Chengrui, "How about it? Shall we go together on Saturday?"

Hearing this, classmate Xiao Jiang suddenly laughed coquettishly, and raised her brows embarrassingly, "Brother, why are you going! I'm much more promising than you, so I passed the exam! Besides, I'm so embarrassed by someone's dead face. Itchy hands."

"You passed?" I screamed as if I heard a story from the Arabian Nights, and looked at Jiang Chengrui with wide eyes in disbelief.

May I ask how did this guy who never failed pass the exam, and it was He Pili's paper?
"I'm lucky this time. During the exam, the person sitting behind me was from the experimental class. My brother copied his." Jiang Chengrui walked out of the classroom with his hands in his trouser pockets, without a schoolbag on his back, and followed him as he walked. I explained.

I trotted behind him, shook my head speechlessly, and said "Sure enough" in my heart.

On a rare Friday, tomorrow is a weekend weekend. When I walked to the stairs, Jiang Chengrui suddenly grabbed my neck and said with a grinning smile, "Xiao Bei, I'm going to treat you to dinner tonight."

Immediately, my scalp became numb, and I glared at Jiang Chengrui angrily, pouted and said, "Don't pretend to be so generous, you think I don't know what you're planning, don't you just want to go out to play, and you're afraid that your uncle and aunt will get angry, so take Am I acting as a shield!"

"Those who know me, Xiao Bei also."

Jiang Chengrui grinned and gave me a chestnut. I struggled under his arms. The two of us walked downstairs while arguing. Just as we got down one floor, Jiang Chengrui stopped suddenly and slowly relaxed. Kai pressed my arm, and the smile on his face froze instantly.

I felt something strange, and looked forward subconsciously, and saw Qiqi wearing a black see-through dress with a long vest underneath, crooked red lips painted like blood, half body leaning on the stairs below Beside the railing, he smiled at us with a smile that was just right.

"Where are you going to play at night, take me with you!" Qiqi said in a crisp voice, she had already turned sideways, facing us, flirting with Jiang Chengrui, who had lowered her face without any scruples.

"Miss Qi is so good at playing, you still need someone to take care of you! Suddenly I'm not in the mood to play, Xiao Bei, let's go home." Jiang Chengrui said coldly without giving Qi Qi any face, and his feet had already stepped out again , when passing by Qiqi, someone didn't even look at her.

I have long been used to Jiang Chengrui treating me like this, so Qiqi didn't care. When I walked down, she held my shoulder familiarly and said, "Xiaobei, he's not free, let's go out to play! There is an ice skating rink, and the decoration is pretty good..."

Before she could finish speaking, Jiang Chengrui, who was walking in front, yelled at Qiqi: "It's fine if you don't learn well by yourself, don't take Xiaobei to those dirty places all the time, okay?"

"I don't know who went to the game machine room in front of the house to play slot machines last week and let Xiaobei stand guard at the door in case his parents found out." Qiqi replied to Jiang Chengrui not to be outdone.

Xiao Jiang glared at me immediately, with hateful eyes, as if she was accusing me of telling Qiqi all this.But don't girls just talk a lot, when they meet speculators, they talk about different things, and it's not something shady, so why can't they talk about it.

"Qi Qinghan, do you know why I don't like you? You're really not cute at all." Jiang Chengrui said angrily.

Qiqi nodded, blinked at me, and replied with a smile: "You don't like me because you're gay, and liking men has nothing to do with me being cute."

"Pfft." I finally couldn't help laughing out loud, Jiang Chengrui over there was flushed with anger, he shook his head and walked away through gritted teeth.

What does it mean to be self-inflicted and unable to live? It is Xiao Jiang's classmate.

Qiqi used to chase Jiang Chengrui very fiercely. She was the kind of girl with a hot appearance and an even hotter temper. It should be said that she was straightforward.

She likes Jiang Chengrui, she just likes it, she can't help it, and for a while, she came to our class almost every day to ask Jiang Chengrui to confess her love.

Jiang Chengrui didn't like girls like Qiqi at all, and Qiqi didn't hesitate to say that she liked Jiang Chengrui whenever she met, so that everyone in the school knew that the school's sophomore girl liked Jiang Chengrui, so that even if other girls liked him, they couldn't. Due to Qiqi's perverse and hot girlish style at school, she dare not get close to him.

This is not what Jiang Chengrui can't bear the most. What he can't bear is that many people regard him and Qiqi as a couple, even the teachers in the school. The head teacher called him over several times for ideological education, saying something You can't fall in love with such words early.

Jiang Chengrui is also straightforward, if he doesn't like it, he just doesn't like it, and he can't be forced.

At first, he still tolerated Qiqi, but later because Qiqi became so sticky, he also ran away in a hurry.The most shocking time was when a boy outside the school who liked Qiqi thought that Jiang Chengrui was Qiqi's boyfriend, and led a group of people to beat Jiang Chengrui suddenly, which completely angered Xiao Jiang, so that he rushed directly to Qiqi's class, He grabbed a boy casually, kissed that boy on the mouth in front of Qi Qi, said boldly, "I'm gay" and walked away.

After that time, the rumors about Jiang Chengrui being gay were aroused, and Qi Qi didn't come to Jiang Chengrui very often.

This is not to say that Qiqi believed Jiang Chengrui's words, but that Qiqi saw some problems clearly. Jiang Chengrui was the master who took the soft rather than the hard. Qiqi knew that the more urgent she was, the more Xiao Jiang would hate herself.

It's just that Qiqi didn't understand it thoroughly enough, she didn't realize it until she died, Jiang Chengrui could do anything deviant, but he couldn't like her Qiqi alone.

Qi Qinghan lost from the very beginning, not because of her lack of pure appearance, but because she chose the wrong lover.

In the end, Jiang Chengrui chose a restaurant to invite Qi Qi and me to dinner.

In fact, Xiao Jiang has always been a soft-spoken and soft-hearted master, and he is not too bad. Perhaps, it is like this, that Qiqi still likes him relentlessly after being rejected again and again.

However, when we were young, we all mistook soft-heartedness for tenderness, but we didn’t know that sometimes this kind of ambiguous, uncertain, hesitant, and unsteady state of mind is the most hurtful, because it will give people hope again and again, It will push people into despair again and again.

What is more painful and cruel than cutting a wound on your body with a knife again and again, waiting for it to heal again and again, tearing that scar again and again.

We ordered five dishes, including Jiang Chengrui's favorite crispy crayfish, Qiqi's favorite pickled fish, my favorite sweet and sour pork, and two simple stir-fried dishes.

Before the food was ready, I was already eating with chopsticks. I didn't eat breakfast, and I didn't eat well at school at noon. I was really hungry and crazy.

Qi Qi, who was sitting next to me, was picking up vegetables slowly, staring at the street outside the glass window, listening to Jiang Chengrui saying which girl on the road was good-looking, with a smile on the corner of her mouth all the time, her expression didn't look sad at all, and she followed along very cooperatively Jiang Chengrui commented together.

Jiang Chengrui is so cheap that he doesn't feel comfortable even having a meal.He thinks it's fine for the girls on the street to be pretty, but he insists on comparing them with Qiqi.

such as……

"Look at this girl, her face is like clear water. It looks so pleasing to the eye. It doesn't look like you. If the clear water is facing your face, it will be stained instantly, because it's all powder..."

"Hey, why did you say that God was so wicked when he created man? Why did some people give him the face of a fairy, while others gave him the face of a little girl..."

"..."

Every time Jiang Chengrui said a word, the smile on Qiqi's face widened, but her mouth tightened.

I used to have a good appetite, but I was just stimulated by someone. I really can't see Jiang Chengrui saying Qiqi like this, I finally couldn't help but slapped the table and stood up, pointing at the girl who just walked by on the street outside the window and hated it Xiao Jiang said angrily: "What's wrong with that girl, her legs are not close together!"

As soon as I said that, I regretted it, because in addition to seeing Jiang Chengrui's blackened expression, I also saw He Yebei who was frozen at the door of the restaurant and just opened the door and walked in.The slight frown on someone's face clearly expressed his disgust.

Jiang Chengrui pointed at Qiqi angrily and said, "Look at the good things you did, you actually taught her to say such things!"

After scolding, still unable to let go of her hatred, she gave Qiqi a hard look, took out her wallet from her coat pocket, took out 200 yuan and threw it on the table, and left.

After I finished speaking, Qiqi kept patting the table and laughing without caring about her image, put her hands on my shoulders and said dumbfoundingly: "Xiao Bei, you are so awesome, you can speak like this everywhere. "

I didn't bother to look back at her, my eyes were fixed on the street outside the glass window, and my eyes were fixed on the leaving figure of He Yebei, followed by a girl with black and slender hair.

He was standing at the door just now, the girl was blocked by him, I didn't see her face, I just felt that He Yebei glanced at me indifferently, turned his head and said something to the person behind, and then the two Didn't even come in, just went out.

2
After I went back after eating, my mind was always in a mess, and my eyes were full of He Yebei tilting his head talking to that girl and leaving.

In my definition of He Yebei, that guy should always be that arrogant little guy with a straight body and contemptuousness, how could he have such a gentle and kind side.

There was something inexplicably on my heart, and it was so uncomfortable that I didn't sleep well all night on Friday night. At three or four in the morning, I woke up because of my stomach pain, and found that the sheets were full of blood. It was the "big aunt" who came early, and she cried and rolled on the bed, it was too painful.

A normal girl's "big aunt" will hurt for a certain period of time on the first day, and she can still go to school and do things, but a poor girl's "big aunt" will be so painful that she can't get out of bed, and a hard-working girl "big aunt" will suffer I was dying, I was vomiting and diarrhea, and I would pass out. I was one of those hard-working girls.

Before I passed out from the pain, I woke up my mother by crying and howling, and asked her to come and hug me to sleep. My whole body was cold and painful, as if I was going to die.

My mother was as busy as an ant on a hot pot, rubbing my stomach for a while, and making ginger tea for a while. I didn’t fall asleep drowsily until dawn, and I didn’t know what time it was. The voice of Pili on the phone said that I was not feeling well and had to ask for leave.

I don’t know if He Pili agreed or not. I just remember that day I slept until dark and cried several times in my sleep. I don’t know if it was because my body hurt too much or because I missed the opportunity to meet He Yebei because I couldn’t go to make up lessons.

On Sunday, the pain in my stomach was not so bad. I asked my mother to drive me to He Pili's home for tutoring, and finally met He Yebei.

There were only five or six students who were called to tutoring on weekends. He Pili changed the tutoring location from the original garage to their home.

My mother accompanied me to take the elevator to the door of He Pili's house, and after ringing the doorbell a few times, I heard footsteps coming from inside, calm and steady.

The door was opened, and He Yebei stood in front of me, looking down at me, with a slender body blocking the doorway, wearing gray checked pajamas, and a pair of slippers on his feet, he didn't mean to give way to me.

My mother looked at He Yebei with her eyes, with a look of enlightenment on her face, she pushed me towards He Yebei in embarrassment, and said with a dry smile: "You are the son of Mr. He, is Mr. He at home? My Xiaobei came to tutoring and caused trouble for you."

He Pili in the room heard our voice and shouted loudly: "Is Bei Yinan here? He Yebei brought her here."

As soon as He Perak finished speaking, I saw He Yebei give way.

As if my mother had been granted amnesty, she pushed me eagerly, regardless of my running into He Yebei, and left in a hurry, not forgetting to nag me a few words before leaving.

"Xiao Bei, I put the painkiller in your schoolbag. If you feel pain, take it. I can't stand the pain. Ask the teacher for a leave, call mom, and I'll pick you up..."

I was afraid that my mother would not want to embarrass me by talking about the private matter of my coming to be "big aunt" in front of He Yebei, so before she finished speaking, I urged her to leave quickly, and replied several times "I know".

After sending my mother away, only He Yebei and I were left at the door.

I sneaked a glance at He Yebei, just in time to meet his gaze, and my heart trembled a few times.When I think of the obscene things I said in front of him yesterday, I feel the blood rushing to my head, and my face is hot. I want to explain to him that I am not a bad girl, but I don’t know how to say it, and I am afraid of explaining it. , he would tell me "it's none of my business", and it would hurt my heart, after all, we really don't know each other well.

The voice of He Pili's lecture came from a certain room, and He Yebei stopped looking at me, turned around, took the teacup on the water dispenser by the door with one hand, and casually hung the other hand aside.

I stared straight at his fair and slender fingers, thinking how could this man look like this, he looks exactly as I like, beautiful hands, tall and thin, fair skin, straight nose, look He looks gentle, but his heart is a beast.

Seeing He Yebei's feet move, I thought he was going to leave, my heart beat several times faster, as if I was bewitched by something, I stepped forward to catch up and grabbed He Yebei's hand warmly.

He Yebei suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked back at me, frowning impatiently.

"Why are you pulling me?"

The voice was cold, and I was instantly poured with cold water, blushing, looking at him resentfully, and selfishly not wanting to let go.

His hand feels good.

"Repay your money." Although he bought the mineral water for himself last time, I rushed to drink it, and I bought it at the beginning because I said I needed to borrow money, so return it.

Seeing the atmosphere getting more and more embarrassing, a flash of inspiration suddenly flashed in my mind, I reached into my schoolbag to take out my wallet with one free hand, and held He Yebei tightly with the other hand, as if I was afraid that he would shake off Yes, palms are sweaty.

After finally taking out a steel coin from his wallet, he heard the sound of someone opening the door. He Pili suddenly leaned out half of his body from a bedroom and stared at us: "He Yebei, where did you make the tea?" What about the Benenan people?"

"At this."

He Yebei was a head taller than me, blocking my whole body, I reluctantly stuffed the coin into He Yebei's hand, let go of his hand, and slowly moved my head behind him, towards He Pili He raised his hand and said weakly.

He Pili gave me a blank look, and said eccentrically, "What are you doing hiding here? Come here to get your tutoring materials and my tea."

After speaking, the door was closed, and He Pili went into the house again.

He Yebei and I were the only ones left in the whole hall. He Yebei put the teacup into my hand expressionlessly, and took the coin I gave him. Then he looked at me bitterly and said: " Bei Yinan, do you think we can settle things with one dollar?"

"Ah?" I was stunned, completely unable to understand what He Yebei meant.

3
"Hello, my room is here." He Yebei walked into a bedroom, and before entering the door, he suddenly stopped and turned to me.

Holding He Pili's teacup, I stood stiffly on the spot, staring blankly at He Yebei who disappeared through the crack of the door, unable to recover for a long time.

What did He Yebei just say?Does he know that I like him?Silently encouraging me to find him...

My brain was filled with countless questions. It wasn't until He Pili opened the door again and shouted at me that I came back to my senses. Holding He Pili's teacup, I quickly ran towards the room where the tuition was made, and passed by He Yebei's room. I couldn't help but glance at it.

The door was shut tightly.

My confusion became heavier and heavier, but soon, I woke up from my self-righteous delusion, and for the first time, I found so clearly that He Yebei not only didn't like me, but also hated me.

(End of this chapter)