Self-control: How to take control of your time and life?

Chapter 16 Solving Procrastination (2)
William from Austin said: "Every time I turn on the treadmill and decide to exercise to lose weight, I feel that I should play the piano for a while, turn on the piano, and feel that playing the piano without writing songs is not perfect, so I turn on the computer; play on the Internet for an hour; My mind was disturbed, so I went upstairs to eat, and after eating, I felt that I had to sleep, and when I woke up, I repeated the above things again."

William's self-report not only represents the common aspirations of the students, but also the experience of some famous people.Da Vinci suffered from procrastination, and the unfinished drawings left behind accounted for two-thirds of his total works; in order to overcome procrastination, Hugo had to take an extreme method: he forced himself to write naked, let I can't go out without being disturbed by the outside world to ensure the completion of the work.

Our statistics show that people with procrastination account for more than 70% of the population. This survey included 60 large and medium-sized cities across the United States, including people between the ages of 16 and 40.People's feedback shows that ordinary people always have procrastination, big or small, and their own psychology has a clear understanding of it.

In the student population, this proportion is even higher, reaching 80% to 95%.They all have the problem of procrastination. Some students' procrastination affects their normal life, and they are even unable to complete their studies, which is extremely painful.At its root, they did not find the reason from themselves, and always blamed the outside world, and they were still unable to find a way to solve it.

Specific manifestations of procrastination:

1.20. [-]% of people consider themselves long-term procrastinators.For them, procrastination is a way of life, although they are not used to it.This state can be seen everywhere in their lives.They can't pay their bills on time, they forget to buy concert tickets, and they don't go shopping for presents until the day before Christmas.

2. People unconsciously regard it as a self-regulation problem, so they don't realize the seriousness of procrastination.Often people readily accept other people's excuses for procrastination, and that's the root of the problem.Because in turn, they will forgive themselves.

3. Procrastination is not a matter of time management or planning.It does not differ according to an individual's ability to estimate time, although these individuals are more optimistic.

4. Procrastination is learned from the people around you. The environment has a great influence, but not directly.It may come from some kind of powerful tutor, some stern boss, delay may even be a form of defiance.At the same time, the tolerance of those around you for procrastinators can encourage the habit.

5. Most procrastinators like to drink, and they will have a higher alcohol demand.Research has found that this is a sign of a problem with self-regulation.

6. Procrastinators lie to themselves.For example, they will say: "I want to do this tomorrow more", or "I can only do it when I am stressed", which is actually not the case.Another lie of procrastinators is that time pressure will make them more creative, it’s just how they feel, when in reality, they’re wasting time.

7. Procrastinators are constantly looking for things to do, especially things that they can participate in without committing to anything.For example, someone checking email at work is an excellent target -- just browse the web along the way, and take a look at your favorite sites by the way.Over time, such things become a way for them to regulate emotions, such as fear of failure.

8. Not all procrastinators are the same. They have different reasons and different manifestations, such as the three characteristics of procrastination that we have defined in this book.They all have their own unique reasons and behaviors, and they all think they are "innocent".

9. Procrastination will bring huge losses, not only in work, but also in health.It also affects people's emotions, disrupts teamwork, and creates mistrust among people.

10. Procrastination changes behavior without consuming much mental energy.In other words, procrastinators seem to be full of energy on the surface.As such, it is difficult to treat and must be addressed through highly disciplined cognitive-behavioral exercises.

Professor Rafa of the course center believes that the two methods of persuasion and supervision have little effect on procrastination patients.They are seriously unpunctual, have no concept of time, and do not regard other people's time as time.This is an instinctive (conscious) reason. The more persuasion and supervision, the easier it is for them to have confrontational emotions.

"How to solve it?" Professor Rafa said, "The key is to make up their own determination to get rid of the inertia of procrastination, which requires a lot of mental motivation to complete. Our course is to provide this motivation, so that they can truly realize The harm of delay."

Last 3 minutes
The good news is that a California student named Correll is graduating from high school, but the bad news is that he hasn't started applying to colleges yet.He is addicted to procrastination, and often stays up late at the end to catch up on work, and catches up with homework on the day when homework is due. He has failed many subjects, which seriously affected his grades.

He approached me on the grounds that "procrastination will literally kill me".While asking for help, he still instinctively quibbled: "I'm actually very smart, but I just don't study hard. Sometimes I feel that I can solve the problem in the last 3 minutes, so I always start learning when I have to."

"But," I said, "it's not about being smart, it's about timing and planning. Because in the end, if you're pressed for time and can't do it, what difference does it make if you're smart or not? You've lost time to recover. "

To do this, I provided Corell with a four-step improvement plan:

1. Be aware of your own procrastination, and first establish this basic principle: I have procrastinated seriously, and I must immediately start watching the change.

2. Write down the reasons for procrastination one by one, and each one must not be missed.Put them on paper, not in your mind.When necessary, stick them on the wall so they can be seen at all times.

3. Overcome these reasons one by one, and solve all the unfavorable conditions behind each reason.Remember, address items one by one, not try to solve them all together—this will only lead to new delays.

4. Start doing things with a brand new self, experience the sense of accomplishment that never procrastinates, and list it as a new experience, sum up the experience, post it on the wall, and still use it as a reminder every moment to form a solid habit.

Some people like to put off work until the last "3 minutes" because he has no confidence in his decision.When you decide to do something, you are often troubled because you are not sure whether it is right or wrong.In this way, things will be delayed again and again.This is not because he is lazy, but because he cannot act every time.Therefore, people will say that his efficiency is not high.

For this kind of procrastination, which is very common in our courses, it is procrastination caused by insecurity or hidden laziness.To get rid of it, you have to get rid of the insecurities.You have to tell yourself: "The choice belongs to me, and I will take responsibility. Others have no right to make irresponsible remarks, and they have no right to accuse me of right or wrong!" Then go on firmly, and you will definitely gain something.

Many times people think they made a wrong decision simply because they didn't make another decision.It is precisely because he has not experienced it himself that he will never be able to feel the taste of it-maybe another decision is the right one?They always think so.Therefore, there is a sense of uneasiness.

Who is manipulating your "actions"

You have a lot of heavy and complicated affairs to deal with every moment. If you are being affected by laziness and procrastination at the moment, you might as well start with the things you encounter-it doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is that you break through the bad habit of doing nothing .My summary of this approach is two words: act now.

When you are faced with the dilemma of procrastination, taking "immediate action" can directly break the control of the nerve of procrastination.From another point of view, if you want to avoid a certain thing, you should start with this thing, and do it immediately.Otherwise, things will keep bugging you, tire you out, and bog you down with serious procrastination.

For example, at work, if you need to make a call to a client, but because of the habit of procrastinating, you don't make the call.Your work will be delayed by the call, the company's performance may be lost because of the call, and what's worse, if your mind is still in the state of passive procrastination, you will not realize the loss caused by it.When your boss talks to you, you may also blame him, thinking that the boss is deliberately punishing you.

"I didn't do anything wrong, it must be something he wanted from me." In fact, it was your delay that caused the company to suffer a loss that should not have occurred.

At any moment, when you feel that the bad habit of procrastination is approaching you quietly, or wrapping you around you quickly, making you unable to move, you need to use the four words "act now" to remind yourself.Unfortunately, for most people, at this moment, they can always feel that "action" is not determined by themselves. Procrastination is like a powerful demon that becomes the master of action, just like When we were driving, we suddenly found that the accelerator failed.

If you want your habit-changing program to work on you long after, you need to identify specific reasons, including those that might stop the action.Then, you have to fine-tune and tailor it to suit your specific situation.

The "culprit" of the manipulation operation:
1. "This is too hard!"

Solution: first reduce the difficulty of things, and then find confidence in your own ability, start from the easiest link, and accumulate confidence step by step.

2. "It's too time consuming!"

Solution: Remove the time-wasting link, so that you can't find excuses, and then discover and clarify the importance of things: "This is something that needs to be done even if it takes time. I can no longer complain, and I must act now. "

3. "No relevant knowledge and skills!"

Solution: First of all, answer yourself truthfully: "Am I really not capable in this area?" If so, then adjust the goals and plans; The easy link begins to deal with.

4. "I'm afraid that others will know that I can't do it well!"

Solution: Why are you afraid?First find out the reason of fear, and then change the inner anxiety.Let yourself understand a truth: some things have to be done even if you are afraid, and its success or failure has nothing to do with others, but only with yourself.When you succeed, no one really applauds you; when you fail, no one has the right to laugh at you.

5. "I am a perfectionist. Everything has to reach a very high level, and I have to do it right at the first time, so I don't want to start in a hurry. Everything must be ready."

Solution: Say to yourself that the current state is good and you can start.Encourage yourself every time you make progress.Realize that it is impossible not to make a single mistake, and those great successes also have completed their careers in a long process, and of course I am the same, without exception.

6. “I am full of resistance and hostility. My boss treats me so badly that I am not happy to do the work he assigns.”

The solution: Realize that you are being hurt by not getting work done, not your boss.You can't affect your future because of the attitude of a boss.For this kind of psychology, it is necessary to change the perspective of thinking in order to completely eliminate it.

7. "I'm prone to depression. Why do I have to do things that others don't do? I can't bear to continue doing this thing. Let's do it tomorrow." But when tomorrow comes, he is still unhappy to do it, and continues to postpone it .

Solution: Find all possible help for yourself, try to reduce the difficulty of things, and make progress; temporarily postpone your mentality of wanting to give up, and do more every day if you can.This is also in line with the current situation of Chinese students.Not everyone is interested in their work, so it is easy to feel bored, and it is not easy to settle down to complete related tasks.They often think about job hopping, betray their bosses, subconsciously pick and choose jobs, and give themselves excuses to procrastinate and sabotage.

8. "I often demean myself. If I don't do a job well, my estimate of my abilities will get lower and lower. Even if I do it later, I think it's luck."

The solution: You need to accept compliments for your work from others, and at the same time, you need to encourage yourself.

Many people feel procrastinated when they are ready to start work. If you can suppress this negative emotion, your mentality will become more and more mature.In the course, we focus on solving the root causes of procrastination, exploring and cultivating people's interest in work.In short, only by maintaining an optimistic and positive attitude can we solve the problem of procrastination with action.Even if it's just a day or even a minute, don't waste it in vain.Only when we establish this kind of thinking can we truly have a proactive attitude towards life.

(End of this chapter)