Self-control: How to take control of your time and life?

Chapter 9 Managing Your Emotions (2)
In recent years, many students in American campuses have aggressive or depressed psychology. Our research team found that 67% of their behaviors are related to their EI (emotional intelligence).In the past 10 years, the number of fights and suicides on American campuses has increased year by year, and shootings have occurred frequently.In February 2012, a California high school student took his own life after shooting five classmates and a teacher to death.

What became the devil within them?The answer is "uncontrollable emotions".When an emotion germinates in the body, it first tests the mother's tolerance and ability to regulate.A bad temper doesn't just flare up without warning. When it arises in consciousness, it starts with a request to the brain for permission to release it.The same is true for a bad deed, all its channels are controlled by the body, that is, your "self" determines how far they will grow.

"I beg to grow up!" "I want to be strong!" "I want to vent!"

How does your "self" respond at this time?Positive emotions are kind, eager to grow up and make you positive; negative emotions are very cunning, hoping to trick you, evade the brain's censorship mechanism (self-control system), and use despicable means to encroach on the positive emotions. Space, dominates your behavior patterns.

Before the California shooter pulled the trigger—no, as early as the brewing stage of this murderous impulse, the contest between his "ego" and this "devil" began.Unfortunately, he lost in a mess. The "devil" broke through control early on and took control of his behavior.Everything that happened next has a reasonable explanation.When he's committing murder, his "ego" is a disqualified loser.And he failed to get emotional guidance in time, so that it led to an irreparable tragedy.

Subsequently, the research team released a detailed result of the "EI Self-Control Survey", and expounded our point of view: human beings' self-awareness, self-discipline, perseverance and full-hearted devotion are more important to life than IQ .If we ignore the existence of the emotional intelligence factor, it will be very detrimental to our own development.To solve this hidden danger, people should receive emotional intelligence education in school.

Can emotional intelligence be measured?It can test us, and of course we can measure its existence through effective methods and eliminate hidden dangers before the problem breaks out.We provide two test methods in the course: one is optimistic test and the other is PONS test.

The optimism test was designed by Martin Segerman to understand the value status of individuals and determine whether a person's optimism about life is dominant.It was first applied to an insurance company, and it was found that those who got high scores performed significantly better at work and sold more insurance than those who scored low on the test.

The PONS test was invented by Robert Rosens to test people's ability to recognize other people's emotions, and it also reflects people's ability to avoid bad emotions and accept optimistic cues.The basic method is to edit some people's anger, jealousy, satisfaction, gratitude, etc., and then let the subjects judge the emotions of these people through the clues provided by the pictures.It was found that people who scored high on the PONS test were more likely to be successful in their own lives, and they performed particularly well in relationships.

learn to wait
Martin decided to resign in the afternoon and reprimanded his boss face to face in retaliation for him deducting 70% of his salary this month.He prepared a draft of several thousand words: "You are the most incompetent boss I have ever seen, a shameless capitalist, and a shameless guy..." He also said: "I will tell him that if he dares to follow When I get mad, I can knock his nose off and smash his yellow teeth!"

He was really angry, but I smiled and said, "Martin, you are in the right mood, I support you, but can you wait a day?"

"Wait a day? Why? I can't wait when I think of him being so furious that I can't help it." Martin was very impatient.

I said, "You may wish to treat my proposal as a transaction. If you can wait a day and decide whether to take action at ten o'clock tomorrow morning, I will introduce you to a new high-paying job. Believe me, this There must be a job you can't refuse, it can help you enter the middle class and buy a big house."

Martin's eyes lit up immediately, and he said without hesitation: "Deal!"

At 09:30 the next morning, I was waiting for him in the training center office.Martin arrived on time, and as soon as we met, he said to me: "Please take me to the interview, I accept this new job."

"Aren't you going to humiliate your former boss?"

"What?" Martin's eyes widened, and he thought for a while before realizing, "Ah, why should I argue with him!"

Impetuousness is a morbid state of impulsiveness, emotion, and blindness intertwined. It is the "companion" of bad emotions. It will never help you achieve your urgent goals, but will make things worse.In impetuosity, impulsivity amplifies its effects, as did Martin.If I allowed him to go to the boss to settle accounts that day, it would definitely lead to an earth-shattering conflict.However, after waiting for a day (especially after a night), Martin completely eliminated impetuousness and came out of the emotional prison.

If you don't know how to wait, you will always think of opportunism.You will have no perseverance in what you do, and you will be restless and self-conscious. At the same time, you will also become a person who is eager for quick success and quick benefits, and you want to achieve your goals as soon as possible in everything you do.Once a person enters this state, he will be restless and restless all day long. If things go on like this, the elasticity of life will completely disappear.

1. Lack of confidence, confusion and anxiety when things change dramatically.

2. Emotionally shows a kind of impatience, often feeling powerless and anxious, but eager to prove himself, like Martin, wanting to save face.

3. It is manifested as blind obedience.Because emotions replace reason, actions are blind and lack rational thinking.Such people will imitate and follow others at any time, without thinking about what they need.Living under such morbid emotional and psychological dominance is very dangerous and inefficient.

Therefore, in the emotional control course, let yourself have the quality of "waiting patiently", even if you can only persist for two hours or even a few minutes, you can win some time to examine yourself and adjust your emotions, so as to extinguish some emotions. An eager desire for success.

give up control of yourself

In the course, I said to the students: "Everyone who comes here, maybe you have a very good experience and excellent talents; maybe your judgment is very sensitive and your leadership is very good; maybe you have a good income and a rich life. It is inevitable that each of us will hit walls, there will always be ups and downs when investing, and there will always be errors in judgment. No one can say that my decision is 100% correct every time and no one dares to say that I can completely control myself."

Even a great successful person will have moments of crisis and emotional problems.Soros, the master of financial speculation, encountered various crises when he was young, which did not make him depressed. He still maintains a positive and uncompromising work style.How did Soros do it?
When Wertheim asked him to be a European securities analyst, Soros agreed without hesitation. He was like a fish in water and became the leader of the European investment boom. All major banks and foundations obeyed him.This was the first major breakthrough in Soros' career.Just when he was triumphant and calling the wind and rain, the promulgation of the "benefit balance tax" (President Kennedy imposed a 15% additional tax on foreign investment to protect the balance of payments) destroyed Soros' career overnight.Within days, his deal was in jeopardy, and to his heartbreak, his own partners wouldn't let him do it.

Soros had less and less business, so he had no choice but to retreat and go back to recuperate.But he is not a person who is easily defeated. After adjusting his state, he resolutely returned to the financial field and brought his own philosophy to deal with the "uncertain" financial market.His investment philosophy worked, and in 1973, the famous "Soros Fund" was created with a capital of about $1200 million.

During this time, Rogers became his partner, and the two made money together.As the size of the fund grows, there is a vacuum in the talent pool of the firm who has to do all the work.Eventually, the work and responsibilities mounted and the pair's partnership escalated to the point of breakdown.By early 1980, they broke up amicably and split the company.Soros managed the fund independently, with very few employees, the ever-expanding size of the fund, and the enormous pressure, which made him unbearable.He was as tired as a dog and completely lost the joy of life. At this time, his wife also divorced him.

At this time, Soros decided to change.He believes that his previous self was too self-repressed.He decided to take a laissez-faire approach to his life, as well as his work.He said: "I no longer have a deep understanding of every situation, they can do what they like!" He gave up control of himself and everything in life.

what's the result?People were surprised to find that Soros ushered in a period of rapid performance growth.In the next two years, his fund doubled every year, and the size of the fund jumped from $[-] million to nearly $[-] million.

A person cannot always have smooth sailing in his life, both in career and love life.When things are stuck in a bottleneck, if you only stay in the same perspective to think about the problem, the problem will become more and more serious, and you will not be able to get rid of it.On the contrary, if you stop forcing yourself, stop demanding yourself, learn to relax, and learn to change your thinking when you are in trouble, what will you find?A totally relaxed self.Your brain will be more creative, the washed emotions will quickly recover, and you can quickly find the outlet of the problem.So, when you're sad or angry, I don't recommend that you resort to forceful repression.Crying or yelling is an easier way to soothe your emotions—of course you need to find a place where no one is there, otherwise your emotional outbursts will be contagious to others.In the shortest time, vent out the pent-up emotions in the heart, the emotions will be balanced, and the mood will be calmed down.

In short, we must learn to control or release our emotions by ourselves, instead of letting it control you.

(End of this chapter)