Licheng Twilight

Chapter 74

I composed a piano piece for her, "Light", inspired by my story with her, and a movie, "The Shawshank Redemption".

That is such a story, a man who was wrongly imprisoned and sentenced to life imprisonment, spent more than 20 years finally escaping from Shawshank Prison.

When he escaped, he had changed from a promising young man in his 30s to a twilight year in his late [-]s.

The most important 20 years of his life were wasted in that dark prison.

But he still wants to come out, even if he escapes from prison.

I think I was blown away.

I really can't imagine the man's mood when he dug through the wall bit by bit in the dark, and how strong his desire for freedom was, so that he was willing to not have a good night's sleep for more than [-] years.

I think maybe I can also have some hope for the future and my life.

It's just a little bit, because reality is not a novel, let alone a movie. It is often more real, more cruel, and more unprepared.

Then, hope really came.

I wasn't ecstatic, really, I was calm. When Dr. Li told me to find the right heart, I didn't even think I could be so calm.

I said, ok, I see.Then I hung up the phone.

The risk of the operation is very high, and considering the complications, I think I will have a greater chance of dying on the operating table.This is a gamble, if you win, the prize is freshmen, if you lose, the price is death, I think I have made a decision.

Just, I want to see her.

H University is really far away, I regret that I chose such a far place.It's exhausting, but I think it's worth it when I see her surprised speechless expression.

And then I hugged her, before she knew it, it seemed like a little bit of taking advantage, but for me, it was all from the heart, I really missed her, missed her voice, missed her Smile, miss the feeling of peace of mind when she is around.

She was very happy, smiling all the time, showing a row of neat and white teeth, like a child who has been rewarded.

I saw her put the ring I gave her for her birthday, hanging around her neck, she didn’t know it was a ring, she just thought it was an ordinary ring, she never pays attention to those fashion magazines and the like, almost none at all The secret of the ring will be discovered.

This is just right, I don't want her to find out, but I want to keep a thought for myself, there is also a ring around my neck, which is a pair with hers.

This can be regarded as a symbol, or in other words, a little psychological comfort I gave myself.

She took me to a lot of places, when crossing the road, I took the opportunity to hold her hand, her hand was cold, so I did not let go, I think I can give her some warmth, if she does not If you are not disgusted.

She glanced down at her hands, shallow but I think I did see her smile.Neither of us mentioned this matter, each of us tacitly agreed, she acquiesced, and the secret joy in my heart grew. There were many lovers in the streets around the university school. In a trance, I felt that we were like an ordinary couple. Lovers are the same as the pair that passed by, or the pair that walked towards each other.

A long time later, when I happened to see a young couple eating together in a restaurant one day, and their hands were held together under the table, I suddenly felt moved and remembered that I had also sat on the road with her. At the small table next to her, she clumsily holds her left hand and eats with a spoon, just because her right hand is holding her left hand and she doesn't want to let go.

I only had three days, because I had to rush to the United States to receive preoperative and perioperative examinations and recuperation, as well as to determine the date of surgery, and the time was very tight.

Three days passed quickly, and a major event happened at the station that I didn't expect.

She confessed to me!

I was almost dumbfounded and didn't know how to react.

She likes me, I've known from a very early age.Don't ask me how I know, it's just a feeling. The human heart is amazing. I've been with her for so long, and she's not good at hiding. I don't think it's just me, even Ah Chen and Chu Yi should They have already seen it.

But I didn't expect her to say it, she is not the kind of person who will take the initiative, her liking is quiet, and her kindness to me is also quiet, because she never thought of getting anything in return, but this time, It seems different.

I did something that was later laughed at by Ah Chen for half my life, and I ran away.Facing her confession, I chose to run away in embarrassment.

What a shame.

Then there was an accident with the mobile phone, and we lost contact for a while.

I went to the United States, officially started my treatment, and just before I was wheeled into the operating room, I thought about her, and then I called her, the first time I called her since we were separated.

After waiting for a long time, no one answered. I was not in a hurry, and continued to wait patiently. I knew she would definitely answer.

Then I heard her voice, the long-lost soft and gentle voice, and her unique waxy voice, I heard myself say, Mumu, can you wait for me for a year?

There was no sound over there, I think she was thinking, time was passing, and my mood became anxious, this 1 minute passed as long as ten years.

I think of Jiang Meiqi's song "My dear, why are you not by my side", I hope she will not feel that way.

Because I'm like it's sung in the lyrics, not by her side.

She said, good.

This voice sounded like heaven to my ears, she said yes, she will wait for me, she is a person who values ​​promises, almost paranoid, she said she will wait, she will definitely wait.

I was pushed into the operating room, under general anesthesia, and the moment I opened my eyes, I was so happy, I felt like I was born again.

But I was too happy.

My sister has always been by my side, taking care of me carefully and comforting me in every detail.

Soon the problem came, postoperative complications can be described as endless, my confidence was pushed into the ICU again and again and the bones of the blows were gone.She has been insisting on sending me emails, one email every three days, without interruption. The days in the hospital are extremely boring, and her letters are my only pleasure and comfort. I read her letters repeatedly every day, closing my eyes I can almost imagine her daily life from her words, the appearance of her when she laughed heartily, the appearance of her when she sighed helplessly, the appearance of her sitting in the self-study room and seriously reading a book, and the appearance of her patiently looking for a favorite book in the library. I think I can feel her mood, she is alive, just like I am alive.

I can also read her waiting. I never replied to her letter. Although she didn't say anything, she was still uneasy.She is waiting for me, waiting for me to go back, but even I myself don't know when I will be able to return to her, and even whether I can go back is still unknown.

I think I can't drag her down, she should have a better life, instead of holding on to a hopeless fantasy all day long, without my restraint, maybe she can meet someone who loves her, can protect her, and give her a lifetime promise She deserves to be treated like that.

But I can't bear it, I think I'm still selfish after all, pushing the person I like into the arms of others, I can't do such a generous thing.

Until the deadline, the last email she sent me didn't contain gossip like usual, she only wrote one sentence, Ye Tianche, come back to me!

There are some things that you don't have to do if you don't want to do them, and some things that you can hold tightly in your hands if you don't want to let go.I really hurt, my chest hurts, it hurts terribly, she is like a piece of meat in my heart, growing in the most terrible place, but now, I have to cut it out with my own hands, after the blood is dripping, how can it not hurt.

I wrote back and I said I don't like you, never have.

I don't dare to imagine what kind of reaction she will have after seeing it. If it is an ordinary person, I can speculate according to the general plot, but for her, I don't dare to speculate casually.

Because that's often a fatal mistake.

She told me her reaction with actions.

Here she came, running to the United States alone.

Just like that, appeared in front of me.

At that moment, I almost wondered if I was hallucinating, so I reached out and touched her face. It was warm and very real. It was really her.

I could strongly feel the heart beating wildly in my chest, faster and faster, my vision soon became blurred, and the outline of her anxious face was gradually blurred, and then I lost consciousness .

This time I fell asleep again for a few days, and when I woke up, I was lying on the bed.

I asked the nurse, where is that girl?

I remembered what Han Han wrote in "Chang'an Chaos", the two sentences that the boy asked after he fainted and woke up, the first sentence was how the hole was, and the second sentence was how the senior brother was.

His master said, do you know that most people wake up after fainting and ask, where am I, but you asked about the hole in the first sentence, and you asked your senior brother in the second sentence, which shows that you know very well What is most important in your heart.

I think, in this way, I should be very clear about what is most important in my heart.

But so what, it doesn't change anything.

A few days later, my condition improved a little and I was transferred to the general ward.

She was sitting on the chair next to my bed and peeling apples for me. I turned my head away, and my tone was very cold. I said, go back.

Her hand visibly trembled, the fruit knife cut her finger, blood flowed out, dazzling red.But as if she didn't see it, she put down the half-peeled apple that was stained with blood, and said in a soft voice that the apple was dirty, let me peel another one for you.

She lowered her eyes, her face was obviously expressionless, but I felt sadness emanating from her body, pouring out like a flood, submerging my mouth and nose, I couldn't breathe, I only felt a severe pain in my chest.

I figured I'd have to make a quick fix.

If this continues, I can't guarantee it, I'm afraid that I will lose my mind and hug her fiercely in the next second, begging her to stay by my side, begging her not to leave me.

She is a stubborn child, and my persuasion has no effect at all.I was in a hurry, and then I chose the worst method.I kicked her out, mercilessly.

It's really ironic, when she was bullied by others, I stood behind her and gave her a piece of sky, but now, it's me who destroys that piece of sky with my own hands.

I was really going to be driven crazy by her stubbornness. She refused to go back, and she refused to leave the hospital. She just sat in the corridor outside the ward all day long, sitting with her knees in a daze, waiting, and waiting. What are you waiting for?Why hold on to a hope that is not hope and refuse to let go?
I think I can only use the last method.

She has to leave, I can't let her watch me die, otherwise, with her character, I'm afraid I won't be able to get out of this shadow in this lifetime.

This is the best for her, I sat on the hospital bed, convincing myself over and over again until I confirmed that I could do it.

Ye Tianche was indeed cruel enough, cruel to her, and cruel to himself.

I began to refuse treatment, medicine, and various examinations. My attending doctor was a typical American man in his forties, known for his good temper, but even he was so angry that I yelled that he was going crazy. .

I use my life to blackmail her and make her leave.

This bet is all I can bear.

I know I'm going to win because, she won't let me lose.

Five days, very long, really long, without the effect of the medicine, I felt terribly uncomfortable every day. It felt like my internal organs were being burned, and the pain was severe, but I didn’t utter a sound. Pretend to be resting.

I know she's been there for me, watching me, and I can't just throw in the towel.

She finally agreed to leave, I won, and it was not a glorious win, but it didn't matter, the important thing was that she would have a new start.

A start without me.

Finally, I quietly exited from her life.

Isn't this exactly what I want?But why, my heart hurts so badly.

It turns out that what a person thinks in his head can be different from what he thinks in his heart.

I think my life and her life have already been connected together. I raised my hand and swung the knife to cut her off. After that, the pain was unbearable and the blood flow was endless.

But the wound will always scab. I comfort myself that there is still a long way to go in her life. No matter how deep or painful the wound is, time can slowly heal it, and the years will heal the scar. It will make it smaller and smaller, and finally disappear.

We have since lost touch.

I continue to stay in the United States for treatment, taking a lot of medicines whose names are unclear every day, and doing endless checkups. My worst worries are over, and I am no longer like I cared as much as before.

Right now, the only thing I can't worry about is what to do with my grandfather and sister after I die.

I was very guilty, but after thinking about it, I was relieved. This is not a relief for them.

But this kind of thinking must not let my sister know, otherwise she will definitely beat me to death.

Alas, I said the word dead again, which is really unlucky.

(End of this chapter)