Old things in the south

Chapter 56 Mother's Secret

The motive that suddenly made me spread out the manuscript was triggered by a newly married couple who moved in next door.

They got married a month ago.After taking off their wedding dresses, they both went south for a sweet wedding trip.After returning from Sun Moon Lake, the girl had just unloaded her luggage and went out alone. When she returned at dusk, there were two little girls beside her.Only now did I know that he was married for the first time and she was remarried.

Although our country allows women to remarry, we still have to take a new look at such a family organization.Neighbors are paying attention to the lifestyle of the family of four, and their every movement is enough to make neighbors whisper and analyze in detail.Could it be that everyone doesn't want this family to live a happier life, instead of gloating and watching some excitement?But it is true.Unpleasant things happened gradually, and the short walls of the wooden house could not escape people's eyes and ears.

Probably speaking, it is because the woman loves her ex-husband’s children too much, but the man is not used to having two little people in a newly married family.

The views of the bystanders are different: some people say that the man is weak, some say that the woman is looking for trouble, and some people feel sorry for the innocent child.I listened to everyone's theories, not knowing where to turn, but in the silent silence, I thought of my mother. ...

His father died in Nilu due to a sudden illness, and his mother became a widow at the age of 28.When my mother rushed back from Qingdao for the funeral, my grandmother also rushed over from Tianjin. The first thing she said when she saw her mother was:

"Clean up and take the children back to Tianjin to live at home!"

Although the mother cried bitterly and threw herself into the arms of the grandmother, she shook her head and said:

"No, let's just live like this, as if he hasn't come back yet!"

It turned out that my father left home a year ago to seek work in Qingdao.He lived in Qingdao for a year and thought the environment there was not bad, so he intended to live there for a long time and decided to take his mother, younger brother and me there, and my mother also decided to resign from the library.At this moment, the bad news of his father's sudden death came.

Since my mother decided to take me and my brother to stay in Peiping, my grandmother had no choice but to return to Tianjin disappointed, but she was also pleased to have such a daughter who could overcome reason over emotion—my mother, she seemed to have returned from a gust of wind, and the wind Stop, pat the dust off your body.Our life quickly returned to normal under her condolences.I can hold onto some memories because I was nine years old at the time.

We were so used to that life that we didn't feel the loss of an important person in the family.

During the day, our home was handed over to Lao Wang’s mother; in the afternoon, my brother and I came back from school first, washed our hands, ate snacks, and sat at the door waiting for my mother.In the dimness of dusk, my mother turned into the alley, and when she saw us, she raised her hand and tilted her head, and we immediately jumped up from the stool and ran towards my mother.In her hands, there is always a bag of candy or a picture book.

Under the lights at night, we did not feel lonely or empty because of the loss of our father, because we have passed more than a year since my father arrived in Qingdao.

My mother has not changed. When she encounters her younger brother being naughty, she still tilts her head like that, puffs her mouth, and pretends to be angry and says to him: "If your father is here, he will definitely hit the palm of his hand!" When your father comes back, he will definitely slap his palm." It's exactly the same.

Therefore, in that peaceful life, there was always a vague feeling in my little heart: Dad has gone far away, and he will come back soon.This feeling is caused by the dear mother who never appeared to be a poor widow, who imbued us with a whole and safe life, without losing a link in it. .

Of course, the long night is long, how can I know that my mother will not cry because of the sadness of her life experience in loneliness!

In this way, three years have passed, like a peaceful sleep without dreams, extremely peaceful and joyful.

One spring three years later, a guest came to our house, just like any other guest.His mother entertained him politely and cordially, which was always his mother's character, and this character was also influenced by his father's hospitality in the past.What's more, this guest, whom we call "Uncle Han", was originally a classmate of my father's college days and a senior of my mother's middle school days.With these two relationships, Uncle Han is indeed more familiar with us than other guests.

He came back from afar and came to visit us when he heard the news of his father's death.Soon, he was transferred to Peiping, and we had more contacts.This kind of frank communication is also like other uncles and aunts we call.

Uncle Han was still a single man, but he never reminded us of anything other than friendship between him and us.Maybe I'm too young, too simple-minded to think of anything else?However, at this time I was preparing to apply for the middle school entrance examination, and I had already read "Dream of Red Mansions" well, so I was not considered "too young".It was due to an accidental discovery that had a profound impact on me.

It was a hot summer night, and I woke up, bothered by mosquitoes that got into the mosquito net.At this time, I heard something, rubbed my sleepy eyes, and looked out through the gauze curtain. I was stunned by the two figures under the dim yellow light, and I held my breath.

I saw that it was my mother who was sobbing, and it was Uncle Han who bent her arms and put her arms around her!In the uncontrollable crying, the mother said intermittently:

"No, I have children, I don't want to..."

"Are you afraid that I will treat the child badly?" It was Uncle Han's voice.

After a while, the mother stopped crying and hid from Uncle Han's arms:

"No, I've thought about it for a long time, you are still..." This time, there was no crying in the mother's words.

Surprised by this accidental discovery, I can't tell what my mood was at the time: Is it fear?Is it disgust?Is it sad?There are.It was an emotion I had never felt before. It kept me awake for a long time. I tasted the pain of insomnia for the first time when I was a child.

I gently turned to face the wall, and under mixed emotions of fear, disgust, and sadness, I listened quietly to my mother sending Uncle Han away, coming back, undressing, turning off the lights, going to bed, and crying.In the end, I also left a piece of dampness on the pillow, and then fell asleep restlessly.

When I woke up the next morning, I saw my mother on the opposite bed, who was surprisingly late. She turned her face and said to me:

"Xiao He, Mommy has a headache, take the money from the drawer and take my brother to buy sesame seed cakes!"

I didn't answer, it seemed that a layer of inexplicable anger had been added to the complicated emotions of last night.

I remember that I didn't pay attention to the lectures in class all day long. The scene of last night kept circling in my mind. I seemed to understand something, but I didn't seem to understand it.I carefully studied what my mother said last night. At first I felt very relieved, but then I was harassed by a burst of fear. I was afraid that my mother might be taken away by Uncle Han.Although I know that Uncle Han is a good person, I still have a feeling that no one should break into our lives except my father. —I'm jealous of my dead father!In any case, I still can't forgive my mother, as if she had done something bad, as if she was a sinner who abandoned a child.

When I came home from school, the first thing I noticed was my mother's expression. She took care of us as usual, which made my anger a little less.Although I didn't show any anger, my heart was constantly changing. I was suddenly happy, angry, worried, and comforted, like a pot of boiling water with countless bubbles.The mood that day was so pathetic and ridiculous!
The matter between my mother and Uncle Han seemed to explode at any time. This matter often woke me up in nightmares in the middle of the night. In the dark, I tremblingly shouted in fear: "Mom!" Only when I agreed like a dream did I feel relieved.What I am afraid of is that one day when I wake up in the middle of the night, I will lose the person who never left me on the opposite bed!

In fact, everything is superfluous.Like a ghost, I searched for terrible evidence from my mother's actions, words, and looks, but I never found it.It was as if nothing had ever happened and the mother was so peaceful!
Until two months later, when Uncle Han left Peiping, he was transferred back to Shanghai.In half a year, there was good news that Uncle Han was getting married!My mother showed me the pink wedding invitation and asked me, "Xiao He, what gift should we give Uncle Han!"

At this time, a kind of joy that the heart that had been tightened for a long time was suddenly relaxed, and the guilt of not forgiving my mother for a long time, two sudden feelings came together, I was about to cry!I ran back to the room, wiped away the tears first, then opened the drawer, took out the bank passbook that my mother saved for us, and sent it to my mother. I laughed loudly—I lost my temper, but I couldn’t help my emotions. The outbursts, my laughs, do not all represent happiness, just like the meaning of that night, it is very complicated.

My mother was puzzled by my behavior. She took the passbook and looked at me suspiciously. I said happily: "Mom, take out all the money in the passbook and buy gifts for Uncle Han!"

"Silly boy!" My mother also laughed, pinching my mouth with her soft hands.She won't understand her daughter!
This happened 15 years ago. Since then, we have been relying on our mother to live a peaceful, peaceful and safe life for many years.Occasionally we also heard some news about Uncle Han. I paid attention to my mother's mood, she was very peaceful, that kind of indifferent and plain, just like hearing news from an irrelevant friend.

My brother and I can make my mother enjoy the happiness of Cheng Huan's knees. Her old friends are all envious of her having a good pair of children, and my mother is willing to admit this.Only I know that we can grow up in the complete maternal love because of what mother has sacrificed to get it!If someone says that our siblings are filial sons and daughters, I should say that our filial piety is really due to our mother's love.

Last winter, my mother died of cancer and died on the shore of Danshui. When we were in pain and could not save our fate, my mother was very calm. She leaned on my shoulder, took my brother's hand and said, "There is no need to waste more manpower." , with you two, I will die without regret!" She died peacefully in her son's arms.

(End of this chapter)