Practice being alone: ​​when I started to love myself

Chapter 6 The Wrong Way and the Right Person (2)
The next morning, the weather cleared up.The flight resumed, and before boarding, she took an old envelope from her pocket and put it in his hand.He opened the envelope and was surprised to find that inside was an expired ticket dated ten years ago yesterday.

so clear

Walking along West Nanjing Road in the afternoon, I stopped to look outside a certain window for a while.I felt a hand lightly resting on my shoulder.When I looked back, I found that it was a huge sycamore leaf.

The wind is blowing, and the city under the clouds is shrouded in gray light.The black road is covered with golden fallen leaves, and the traffic is blocked by the red light at the next intersection.It's like staying in another era.

On Sunday evening, it was raining heavily again, sitting in front of the window peeling lotus pods.

I like the torrential rain in summer the most, as if I can't feel the peace of mind without it.When the whole world is shut out with this rain, we are safe and free to do as we please.

Rainwater drifted into the house with the wind, and I didn't bother to move, so half of it was drenched. "Mu Yu left the crane to sleep on the half of the bed..." The half of the bed was probably near the window to catch the rain.The lotus seeds are very fresh with a little sweetness.The lotus heart in the middle is green, tender and bitter.After eating the lotus seeds, dry the lotus heart and make tea.

The lotus pods are bought on the roadside on weekends.It was getting dark at that time, and I was a little worried that the peddler would not have enough money to go home, so I bought all the remaining seven lotus pods in his bamboo basket.I kept it in a bowl at home, and peeled and ate it when I remembered it.The old Jiangnan is cool and slightly bitter in my hands.

The lotus seeds are as clear as water. The teacher of the eight-duan ancient prose in college once said that "lotus seeds" means "pity son".

To meet a gentleman like water.

Writing manuscripts at night, I can't stop my mind, so I watch TV and wait for Zhou Gong.There was an evening phone show where people who called in told the host about their relationship troubles.I found that human nature is far weaker, ignorant, and confused than I knew, and the human heart is really such an unreliable thing.It becomes cloudy and there is no cure.

What would I say if I called?

Why don't you just say: I looked across Xizhou and no one came.

sick
Sudden illness, in fact, has already seen the first signs in Hong Kong, but there is still willpower to support it.The doctor gave me a week's leave of absence, even though I don't need it anymore.

It is said that when the doctor took the initiative to issue a leave note, it indicated that the situation was a bit serious.But after the consultation, she said to me gently: You will be fine, you just feel nerve pain for a long time.

Her tone is so similar to Huang Biyun: You are fine, it just hurts all the time.

Yilu Lihua
The cold is recovering.However, my lack of sense of smell makes it very likely that I will miss the narcissus season.First came a respiratory infection, followed by a low-grade fever, which developed into body pain and runny nose, then the fever subsided, and finally a cough ended.If you take the medicine on time, you will recover sooner; if you forget, it will take longer.

Every time I followed this routine development, I was infinitely gratified and extremely boring.

The funny thing is that I recently met a man who was always trying to educate me and was more than happy to give me advice.You know that there are such people, honest and optimistic, standing in the sun as if there is no shadow, bright as a century.They are the pillars of society.And most of them are kind.I don't believe that I will be really happy like this, and I don't believe that I can take good care of myself.

This man is confusing to me.Want to teach me, but also take into account my self-esteem, and always remind me to bring back the topic that I accidentally pulled away.So kind and motivated that I want to promise him that I will find another job and really want to do it for a long time.

It's a pity that I always insist that there are two things in this world that you should not take.

One, of course, is something that does not belong to you.

The other is something you don't really want.

During those years in boarding school, the small single bed often collapsed after sleeping until midnight. It should be that a corner of the mattress has fallen off a bracket that has been deformed for a long time.I can lean half my body, huddled in a corner and still sleep until dawn.It is said that when I was a child, I fell asleep and rolled on the floor in the middle of the night, and I continued to sleep on the ground wrapped in a quilt like this, never bothering to climb back to bed.

Because of this almost lazy frankness, my destiny and I can always reconcile.

I'm used to turning around and holding her cold hand after everyone has left.

She said she could do it herself.

I answer as it happens.

In fact, everyone watches the food and eats.

I love my freedom, the identification with myself, the love of the prison I'm in, the certainty that you won't forget me.

Like Brahms, sad like no one else.Because I know the supreme state of self-love.

But I also know that one day, fate will eventually abandon me, just like a relationship abandons you and me.

It is a bleakness that no medicine can heal after blooming.

The post road pear blossoms in life have bloomed with wind and dew, and once bent their branches coquettishly.But it will pass.

Floating life is like a dream, and you must know how to have fun.

So rich in life that its flowers perish and it is full of sadness.
people walking
Boss Gu from the grocery store at the entrance of the village has disappeared.

It is said that he went out for a walk that night and never returned.I didn't bring anything, I just wore a pair of leather shoes that I would take out during the holidays.

The disappearance of a person is not much different from the disappearance of a drop of dew, but in this small town with constant emotional or economic disputes, Boss Gu's departure seems so unconventional, so it has become a hot topic of discussion on the streets.

He clapped his hands and left, unexpectedly.Like a cicada shedding its shell, it never looks back.

The grocery store he runs is still open, and people pretend to buy soy sauce, salt or popsicles from his wife.When I left, I suppressed my curiosity and only allowed myself to look back one more time.

I haven't seen Boss Gu for many years, and I don't remember what he looked like.I was actually five years old the last time I dealt with him.

My mother is a doctor, and there is usually a cabinet at home, where some commonly used medicines are kept in case the neighbors in the neighborhood need them.

I memorized the efficacy of the medicine with color and shape as labels.For example, small yellow pills represent a stomachache, green sugar-coated pills represent a cold, and red capsules should not be given to people easily... That day when Boss Gu came to buy medicine, my mother was not off work. I put down my drawing book and asked him about his symptoms. He was then given three white, pink butterfly-like pills and told to pay for it the next day because I don't remember the price.

The next day he came to pay for the medicine on time, and said cheerfully, "Thank you, thank you, the headache is completely gone."The expression on my mother's face can be imagined, and then the box was locked, and my dream of being a doctor with a pot to help the world came to an end.

Later, I met middle-aged men sitting alone in cafes and bars around the world, with a cold cup of coffee or an empty wine glass in front of them, and endless late nights outside the window.They have hundreds of faces, or maybe they are the same person.

But Boss Gu is different, he is my first and only patient, and his trust in me makes me feel responsible to him.

So I mapped out a beautiful route for him in my head, and he headed south in those shiny leather shoes, across mountains and seas, with peacocks singing along the paths he passed.One day he will cross the border to South Asia, a country full of coconut groves and red flowers.He no longer has to sit behind the counter and watch the oil, salt, sauce and vinegar. He can watch the sea from the beach, and maybe buy a boat to go out to sea to hunt down whales.

Because a person who dares to take an unknown pill prescribed by a five-year-old must be very brave.

days on the clouds

How nice to get out of a shopaholic Paris!After driving more than 300 kilometers to the east on the country road, we were greeted with dark green air and continuous farmland waiting to be harvested.The cattle and sheep on the hills shrouded in white mist have finished their breakfast, and occasionally passing by villages that have not yet woken up, the children who got up early and went to school cheerfully waved to us.When the church bells died down and the clouds rose into the sky with the rising sun, we left the road and drove into the center of Beaune.It is not yet the season of grape picking, and the vineyard is green and silent, as if it is making the final preparations for the upcoming busyness.

When I was a student, I took a bus to experience the lavender fields and the Côte d'Azur in South France. Many years later, I had the opportunity to drive in the east of France. The temperature of the sun is almost the same, but the breath in the wind has subtle differences that can only be distinguished by memory.Suddenly, I feel that this road is at the end, and I am back to the place where I started.

Our destination, Chateau de Savigny, is located in Bourgogne, the center of the Cote de Beaune, one of France's two largest wine regions, bordering Dijon and surrounded by the best grapes in France garden.The tall Michel Pont is waiting for us at the gate of the castle, with a proud smile on his lips, the sun and wind passing through his silver-gray hair.

We followed him through the garden to the wine cellar, and met many customers who were carefully selecting new wines in the small shop next to the wine cellar.The unique leisurely and cheerful atmosphere of the wine region is like the fragrance of the wine, like an invisible ribbon, closely linking the surrounding towns, vineyards, hills, local residents, and guests who follow the fragrance of the wine from afar .

Unlike those large wineries with mass production and industrial management, Mr. Pont modestly described his wine business as "a family adventure about wine".His great-grandmother was a wine enthusiast, and it was she who led the Pont family on a journey to find high-quality wine grapes. More than 50 years ago, Mr. Pont bought the Chateau de Savigny and expanded the area of ​​vineyards around the castle to 40. hectare.

In 1683, the owner of the castle at that time built an underground wine cellar, which is still maintained today, but a more modern winemaking workshop has been set up.The oak barrels used in the ancient wine cellar are Mr. Pont’s proud assets. What is being fermented in the barrels is the first-class old vine dry red wine in the manor. It is brewed from Pinot Noir and has a strong floral aroma, red berries and violets. The mixed breath has a long and long aftertaste.Of course, if you like seafood dinner, the winery also provides fresh and elegant white wine.

In order to allow guests and wine merchants to taste wine more comfortably, in 1987, Mr. Pont converted the original stable into a wine tasting room, and there are three restaurants on the first floor of the castle open to the public. If you make an appointment in advance, the two kitchens attached to the castle can be used. Provide local specialties: ham, snails, of course, must be paired with red wine sauce, and the table wine is even more favorable to the special price of the origin.In the French country-style living room, Mr. Pont prepared new wines that had not yet been released for the guests from afar.His assistant introduced the characteristics of each wine one by one, and the fresh and lively new wine mischievously provoked the taste buds, like a memory of youth.

Except for the living room on the ground floor, the rest of the castle is also open to the public for free.And there is another magical world related to youth.

Although wine is his family business and a deep love, he has another passion that has nothing to do with cultivating grapes: speed and flight.This 12-hectare castle provides enough space for his collection: the plane is placed in the hangar next to the vineyard, and on the top floor of the castle, he collects hundreds of antique bicycles and motorcycles cars, and more than 2500 aircraft models.The old-fashioned monoplane perched quietly beside the vineyard, seemingly satisfied with its final destination.When I was a teenager, I had a difficult complex with vineyards because of the movie "Walking in the Clouds", and the vineyard in front of me was even more romantic than the one in the movie.

It seems that every French boy has dreamed of traveling around France by bicycle or motorcycle, and Mr. Pont is no exception. In this castle built in 1340, he has a collection of 250 antique motorcycles, mainly produced in 1902. From 1960 to [-], including Norton, Vincent, Gilera, etc. loved by motorcycle enthusiasts.This makes Mr. Pont the most famous motorcycle collector in France.

In the bustling city, we are often trapped by the environment and materialized emotions, setting boundaries for ourselves, and mistakenly think that it is a sense of security.But the blue-eyed Mr. Pont is not one of them.In this castle surrounded by vineyards, Mr. Pont lived a fairy-tale life, but the magical thing about fairy tales is that they only exist when you believe, and you really believe with all your heart.

Before saying goodbye, I asked how these more than 80 old planes were transported to the castle from all over the world. Mr. Pont took a sip of his wine and said, "Life is an adventure. I am 80 years old. What are you waiting for?"

The secret of time is hidden in the grapes, and when they are ripe, the story has just begun.We always say that waiting is a virtue, but looking back at the end of life, it is only a few springs, a few autumns, and a few fleeting summers.

What are you waiting for?

red to very gray

The sky is full of migrating birds these days.

"It seems that this star is not from last night, for whom will the wind and dew stand at midnight."

It should be the most suitable time to do such a thing in such a season.The single clothes in the afternoon couldn't withstand the cold of the dark night, so my heart trembled.

How can I tell you, moonlit night, in the misty courtyard, the dew on the camellia, and the cool and fragrant breath in the air?The fog, very low and thin, wraps around the tree halfway up.Country people call this fog:

Short feet Milu.Milu means fog.

I have to wear thick socks when I read at night.It's a little late at night, and you have to put on a cashmere shawl.No one remembers the name of the person who gave me this shawl, but the warmth on my shoulders reminds me of how unscrupulous and cruel we used to be towards others in our youth.

Even today we don't ask for forgiveness, we just grow up and then be reckless, and the pain during it will make up for all the mistakes.

In winter, all the sofa and cushion covers are replaced with black velvet, and this week's quilt is also a full set of black mercerized cotton.Those black colors are too thick and too soft, jet-black and shiny, actually revealing a murderous look, steaming.

Standing in the middle of the black and white bedroom in the middle of the night, I felt like I was on the battlefield of Shura.

The last time I liked red, I was only 16 years old.

At that time, there was a red short-sleeved sweater. I bought it from a street stall or the counter of a store. It was cheap, and the material was not good. The sparse cotton was cool and comfortable.Take it out to wear during gym class.The girl in the same dormitory said, you look good in red.

But 16 years old is a rebellious adolescence, wearing clothes is not to look good, but to fight against the whole world.

On Sundays, I also had to be locked up in the classroom for self-study, so I would wear a royal blue embroidered short cheongsam, with rotten jeans and slippers underneath.The dean of students saw my slippers, stopped me in the corridor, and said earnestly: "Student Tao, you can't wear slippers to class."I took off the slippers, held them in my hand, showed them to him, and said, "This is sandals, look."

He believed it.Speaking of which, the dean of students is no longer here, and has been gone for many years.A sudden serious illness.

The math teacher asked me to go up and write on the blackboard. He said that I was the only one who answered the question correctly in the whole class.But my grades are still failing.I hated math class with an unacknowledged fear.what to do?I went to the podium with bare feet, picked up chalk to write, calculated bank interest rates, and deposit issues.

I asked the teacher: What is the use of such a question if it is answered correctly?You deposit and withdraw money, and there are professionals sitting behind the bank counter, who operate the computer to help you calculate.Isn't that more clear than yours?
After class, I was called to the office to make up math.

In those few years, the school just started working with computers, and the computer on the teacher's desk was spotless.I couldn't solve the questions, so I turned on the computer, guessed the password, and printed out the archived test papers with the laser printer in the office, and distributed them to everyone.

Parents were called to the school.

When I walked out of the office and only my father and I were left, he said, "It's just right, I'll pick you up for the weekend, let's go."

You have to think about it carefully before you dare to ask yourself: Is it the wind and frost that add to the shoulders?
(End of this chapter)