Pride and Prejudice; Sense and Sensibility

Chapter 99 The Colonel's Painful Memories (2)
"Unless my sentimental recollections are dubious, or some prejudice has led me to the illusion, they were both very much alike in looks and temperament--same passion, and same whimsy and interest. The Mademoiselle is a close relative of mine. My father was her guardian since my parents died when I was young. I was almost the same age as him, and we were childhood sweethearts. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t love Eliza. When we grew up, I am deeply attached to her—though from my present solitary and morose state you may think it impossible for me to have. Her love for me is, I believe, as strong as your sister's for Willoughby. .And our love was equally unhappy, though for different reasons. When she was seventeen, I lost her forever. She married—to my brother against her will. She had a great fortune, and my estate But in debt. That's probably her uncle and guardian, that's all I can conclude. My brother is not good enough for her. He doesn't even love her. Her love would have inspired her to face any difficulty, and for a time it did. But at last she was cruelly abused, and her misery at last overwhelmed all her resolve, though she promised me that she would not —Look, I'm talking nonsense: I never told you how it came about. We were only a few hours away from eloping to Scotland, and my cousin's maid was treacherous or insecure , betrayed us. I was sent to a distant relative's house, and she was deprived of her liberty, and was not allowed to participate in any social activities until my father had achieved his purpose. I believed too much in her strength and courage, and was punished for it. but if her marriage had been happy, I would have endured it in a few months, at least not now, even though I was young. However, this was not the case. My brother had no respect for her. Feelings, his own pleasures, he was ruthless to her from the first. For a young, lively, inexperienced woman like Mrs. Bland, the consequences of this were logical. At first At first, she resigned herself to her fate, and resigned herself to this difficult situation. It would have been easier for her if she hadn't relieved the chagrin of missing me. But she had such a husband that made her half-hearted and indifferent, With no relatives and friends to guide her and restrain her (for my father lived only a few months after their marriage and I was stationed in the East Indies with my regiment), she fell down. Nothing happened It's strange. If I were still in England, maybe—but I wanted to promote the happiness of the two of them. I only left for several years, and I deliberately changed my defense. The shock of her marriage... . . . " continued the Colonel in a trembling voice, "but it was nothing compared with what happened to me when I heard about her divorce about two years later. The pain at that time—"

He couldn't go on talking anymore, he stood up hastily and walked around the room for a few minutes.Eleanor was so moved by his narration, and even more by his pain, that she was speechless.Seeing that she was so concerned, the colonel came over, grabbed her hand, held it tightly, and kissed her gratefully and respectfully.He was silent for a while before he could barely continue to speak calmly.

"It was nearly three years before I returned to England after this miserable time. When I first arrived in England, the first thing I did of course was to look for her. But it was sad, and I looked for her to no avail. After I tracked down the first person who led her into the water, I couldn't go any further. I had good reason to fear that she was sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss of depravity after leaving my brother. Her statutory allowance was neither enough to make She was rich, but not enough to maintain her comfort. My brother told me that her entitlement to receiving allowances was transferred to another person some months ago. He guessed - he could guess indifferently, that it must be her randomness spending money, which caused her to be forced to transfer property to meet some urgent need. Finally, six months after returning to England, I finally found her. I used to have a servant who was in trouble and arrested for debts. Out of concern for him, went to visit him in the detention facility. It was there, in the same house, that my unfortunate cousin was detained for the same reason. She was completely changed—became Sick and sick - broken by all kinds of hardships! Looking at this emaciated and despondent man, I can't believe that the beautiful, vigorous, healthy and beautiful girl I once loved should be reduced to such a miserable state It hurts my heart to look at her like that--but I shouldn't go on and tell you--I've hurt you too much. She was in the last stages of tuberculosis, and it was-- —Yes, her condition is a great consolation to me. Life means nothing to her except to give her time to fully prepare for death. And this preparation time is given to her Yes. I rented a comfortable house, moved her here, and sent her to be well cared for. I visited her every day during the period before her death, and until the end of her life, I Stay by her side."

The colonel stopped again, trying to collect himself.Elinor could not help uttering a sigh of deep sympathy for his friend's misfortune.

"I have said that your sister resembles my poor, depraved kin," said the colonel, "and I hope your sister will not be offended by it. Their fate could not have been the same. My cousin's natural tender disposition, if the will is strong, A little, or a better marriage, and she might be exactly like your sister you're going to see. But what's the use of me saying that? I seem to be annoying you all the time. Hi! Miss Dashwood— —Such a subject—hasn’t been brought up for fourteen years—it’s a bit dangerous to talk about! I must calm down—speak briefly. She entrusted me with her only child, a girl. This is She had the first illegitimate man when she was only about three years old. She loved the child very much and always carried her with her. This is a great and precious trust in me. If the condition allows, I will Will be glad to do my duty strictly, and take care of and educate her myself. But I have no wife, no home, so I have to keep my little Eliza at school. I will visit her at school as soon as I am free. Well, after my brother's death (that was about five years ago, and I inherited the family business), she used to come to Delaford to see me. I said she was a distant relative of mine. But I know very well that everyone thinks We are much closer. Three years ago, when she was fourteen, I took her out of school and placed her in the care of a very respectable woman who lived in Dorset, a county in the south-west of England. She took care of four or five little girls of about the same age. Eliza lived there for two years and I was perfectly happy with her situation. But last February, about a year ago, she suddenly disappeared. Before , one of her young companions was going to Bath, an ancient city in the southeast of England, famous for its hot springs. Looking after her ailing father, she also eagerly asked to go with her, and I promised her (now it turned out to be a mistake of mine) Big mistake). I know the girl's father is a nice guy, and I think his daughter is nice too - but she's actually not that good because she's very stubborn, although she must know everything And foolish secrecy, refusing to say anything, refusing to reveal a clue. As for him, her father, good-natured as he was, was ignorant, and I believe he knew nothing; Let the girls roam about the town and mingle as they please. He himself is absolutely convinced that his daughter had nothing to do with it, and he tries to convince me. Anyway, I have found nothing, except that Eliza has gone away. Well, for other things, I didn’t know anything for eight months. You can imagine what kind of guesses I made, how worried I was, and how I suffered a lot!”

"My God!" exclaimed Elinor, "such a thing can happen! Could it be Willoughby—"

"The first news I have of little Eliza," continued the colonel, "is from a letter she wrote last October. This letter came from Delaford the very morning we were planning to arrive. I got a letter when I went to visit Whitwell Hall. That's why I left Barton so suddenly. I know it must have seemed weird to everyone, and I'm sure I've offended a few people by it. Willoughby didn't see me Politely ruined the tour, only to throw me a reproachful look, but it never occurred to him that I was called away to save a girl he had made impoverished. Then again, even if he knew What's the use? Doesn't he laugh and be merry when your sister smiles at him? Yes, he's done what no sympathetic man would ever do. He's ruined it. The youth and innocence of a girl, but he left her in a very miserable situation, homeless, with no friends to turn to, nowhere to turn for help, and his address! He left her and promised her would go back; but he neither went back nor wrote nor gave her any help."

"Damn it!" cried Eleanor.

"Now that I've laid out his personality to you—spendant, bohemian, and worse than that. You know it all (and I've known it for weeks), just imagine: I see you My sister is still so obsessed with him and said she wants to marry him. How I felt at that time. Think about it, how worried I was for your family. I came here last week and saw you alone. So I decided to ask the truth, although I don't know what to do once I really ask the truth. My behavior at that time must have surprised you, but now you should understand. Let you all be deceived like this, seeing Your sister—but what can I do? Ask, never know what will happen, and sometimes I even think that maybe your sister's influence can bring him back to the right path. But now, he has done Who knows what he meant to your sister in such a disgraceful business? But whatever his intentions, your sister has only to compare her own situation with that of Eliza, and consider the wretchedness and despair of the poor girl. Suppose she was in the same position as she was in love with Willoughby, and suffered a life of self-reproach. Your sister is, and will be, no doubt, thankful for her situation. I believe that The comparison will certainly do her good. She will feel that her own sufferings are insignificant. They are not caused by misconduct, and thus will not invite disgrace. Every friend will be more kind to her for it. Friends If we express our concern for her misfortune, and our admiration for her strength in the face of misfortune, we will definitely become closer to her. However, it is up to you to decide how to convey to her what I have told you. What will happen to it? The effect, you should know best. However, if I didn't really think that it would be good for her and help reduce her remorse, I wouldn't have the pain to bother you with my family tragedy, and I talk like this to elevate myself and demean others."

Elinor, grateful for this speech, thanked him earnestly, and assured him that it would be of great use to Marianne if she told her the past.

"Other things are easy to talk about," said Elinor, "that Marianne has been trying to exonerate Willoughby, and that is what troubles me most, for it troubles her more than the conviction of his meanness. She will be very distressed at first, but I am sure she will soon calm down. You," she went on after a moment's silence, "have you seen him since leaving Willoughby at Barton?"

"Yes," replied the colonel gravely, "once. A duel is inevitable."

Elinor was startled by his manner, and looking at him anxiously, said:
"What! You are looking for him—"

"I shall see him no other way. Eliza gave me the name of her lover, though with great reluctance. Willoughby came back to town less than a fortnight after mine, and it was I made an appointment with him when I was there, and I was going to punish him for what he did, and he could defend himself for what he did. None of us were hurt, so the duel was not advertised."

It was really unnecessary to do so, Eleanor couldn't help but let out a sigh, but for a manly soldier, she didn't dare to criticize rashly.

Colonel Bland paused, and then said: "The fates of mother and daughter are so sadly similar! I have not done my duty well!"

"Is Eliza still in town?"

"No. When I saw her, she was about to give birth. I sent her to the countryside with the baby just after the confinement period, and she is still there now."

After a while, the colonel concluded the visit when he remembered that he might be preventing Eleanor from being with her sister.When he left, Eleanor thanked him again, and filled him with sympathy and respect.

(End of this chapter)