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Chapter 9 Doctors in the County (2)
He drank the cup of tea and spoke in a flat voice. "Well, that's right. The patient is getting worse every day. You are not a doctor, sir, and you can't understand our doctor's mood, especially when he first expected that the disease would overcome him. Confidence is gone! You Sudden timidity, almost to the point of being unable to move an inch. You will feel: everything you know has been forgotten, the patient does not trust you, others seem to see your panic, reluctantly report symptoms to you, and look at you with suspicion. You, whispering... Oh, it's terrible! You think in your heart, there must be a cure for the disease, you just need to find it. Maybe it's this medicine? Try it - no, it's not this medicine! It's not until the medicine works. The time of action... Use this kind of medicine for a while, and use that kind of medicine for a while. You take out the medicine book for comparison... Think in your heart, the medicine is here, it is here! In fact, sometimes I just flip through the book casually, wanting to try Try your luck... But in the meantime the patient is dying, and other doctors may cure her. Just say: I must consult, I can't afford it alone. Then you become a fool! But later Get used to it, and it's nothing. People die—it's not your fault, because you play by the rules. But there's something worse: you watch people trust you completely, but you know it's absolutely nothing. There's no way. That's how the whole family of Alexandra Andreevna put their trust in me, so they forgot that their daughter was dying. And I reassured them that it was all right, but in my heart , the soul was frightened away. It is especially unfortunate that when the road is muddy, it usually takes several days for the coachman to buy medicine. I have been staying in the patient's room and cannot move an inch. You know, I Tell her jokes, play cards with her. Be there at night. The old lady thanked me with tears, but I said in my heart: 'I don't deserve your thanks.' I tell you the truth - there is no need to hide now —I fell in love with my patient. And Alexandra Andreevna was very close to me, and often kept no one but me in the room. She talked to me and asked me Where do you study, how do you live, what kind of relatives do you have, who do you associate with? I don’t think she should talk, and I want to stop her, but you know, I have the heart to stop her, but I can’t do it. I often hold my head and think: 'What are you doing, you robber?...' But she kept holding my hand, and looked at me for a long, long time, then turned her head, sighed, and said: 'You are very kind. !' Her hands were burning, and her eyes were dull. She said: 'Well, you are a good man, you are not like our neighbors here... no, you are not like that, you are not...why should I I haven't known you before!" "Alexandra Andreyevna, take a break," I said. Please be quiet, for God's sake please be quiet .

The doctor leaned forward, raised his eyebrows, and went on, "They don't move much with their neighbors, because the lowly ones don't suit them, and the rich don't have their pride to keep them company. I said: This family is very well-bred--so, you know, I'm flattered. She's only willing to take the medicine in my hand... Poor thing, sat up with my help, took the medicine, and looked at me... ...my heart is beating wildly. But she is getting sicker and sicker. I think she is dying, she must be. Can you believe it, I wish I could be lying in the coffin Myself, because her mother and sisters are always looking at me, staring at me... gradually losing trust in me. 'What? What's going on?' 'It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!' I don't know what it means. Yes. One night I was sitting alone next to the patient again. The girl was there, snoring loudly... The poor girl was exhausted too. Alexandra Andreevna had been very ill all night. Well, the fever tormented her. She tossed and turned until midnight, and finally seemed to fall asleep, or at least not move. A magic lamp was burning in front of the icon in the corner of the room. I sat down and dozed off too. .Suddenly someone pushed my body, and I turned my head...Ah, my God! Alexandra Andreevna stared at me with wide eyes...with her mouth open, her cheeks flushed with heat.' What's wrong with you?''Doctor, am I dying?''Nothing!''No, doctor, no, please, please, please don't lie to me...don't say that...if you know ...You tell me, for God's sake, tell me what's wrong with me!' Her breathing was very rapid. 'If I knew I was going to die...I'd tell you everything, everything!'' Alex Sandra Andreevna, don't talk like that!''Listen, I never fell asleep, I was watching you...for God's sake...I trust you, you are a good man, You are a man of integrity, and for the sake of all that is holy in the world, I beg you to tell me the truth! You know it is important to me...Doctor, please tell me, for God's sake, that I am very ill Is it dangerous?" "What do you want me to say, Alexandra Andreevna, don't think so!" "For God's sake, I beg you!" "I will not hide from you, Alexandra. Sandra Andreyevna—you are in danger, but God is merciful...''I'm dying, I'm dying...' She seemed very happy. I'm afraid.'Don't be afraid, don't be afraid. Fear, death doesn't scare me at all." She raised herself up a little suddenly, propping herself up on one elbow. "And now... well, now I can tell you: I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are a good man, I love you...' I looked at her madly. You know, I was afraid...'Did you hear me, I love you...' 'Alexandra Andreyevna, I'm not worth it You love!''No, no, you don't know me... darling, you don't know me...' Suddenly she put her arms around me and kissed me on the head... Can you believe it? I almost screamed... …I suddenly knelt down and buried my head in the pillow.She doesn't speak, her fingers tremble in my hair; I hear her cry.I started to comfort her and comfort her... I really don't know what I said to her.I said: 'You will wake the girl up, Alexandra Andreevna... I thank you...please believe me...be quiet. ''Okay, stop talking, stop talking. ' she repeated. 'It's all right, hey, it doesn't matter if you wake up, hey, it doesn't matter who comes, I'm dying anyway... But what are you afraid of, what are you afraid of?Look at me... Maybe you don't love me, maybe I'm mistaken... If so, please forgive me. ''Alexandra Andreyevna, what do you say? . . . I love you, Alexandra Andreyevna. ' She stared at me deeply and spread her arms out. 'Then hold me tight...' I'll tell you the truth: I don't know how I didn't go crazy tonight.I feel like my patients are destroying themselves.I could see: she was not conscious.I also understand that if she doesn't know that she is dying, she won't think of me.You think, after all, it is a matter of hatred to die after living for 25 years without loving anyone.It was this that made her miserable, and that, in desperation, she took hold of a man like me—now you know?Her hands hugged me tightly. 'Forgive me, Alexandra Andreevna, and yourself. 'I say so. 'Why? 'she says. 'What's the pity?I'm dying anyway...' she kept repeating. 'If I knew I was going to live and still be a respectable girl, I'd be ashamed, really ashamed...but what's the use now? ''Who said you were going to die? ''Hey, well, stop talking, you can't hide it from me, you won't lie, look at yourself. ''You will be cured, Alexandra Andreyevna, I will cure you; we will ask your mother's permission... We will marry and live happily ever after. ''No, no, I've heard you, I'm going to die too... You answered me... You told me...' I'm sorry, I'm suffering for every reason.You think, sometimes little things seem to have no connection, but they are actually very painful.She suddenly asked my name, not my last name, but my first name.My name is Delifeng.Well, well, it's Delifon, Delifon Ivanitch.In her family, everyone calls me Doctor.I had to say: 'My name is Delifeng, miss. ’ She narrowed her eyes, shook her head, and said something softly in French—well, it must have been bad—and then she smiled, and it wasn’t a good smile.That's how I spent the night with her.I came out in a frenzy in the morning; when I entered her room again, it was already after afternoon tea.My God, my God!She had become unrecognizable, uglier than the one who had gone in the coffin.I swear to you, I don't understand now—not at all—how I endured such mental torture.My patient lasted for three days and three nights... very painful night!She said a lot to me! ...the last night, please imagine - I sat next to her, and only begged God for one thing: Please take her away as soon as possible, and also set me free...Suddenly her old mother came into the room... …I already told her mother yesterday, I said, hope is very small, it’s not good, get ready to ask the pastor.When the patient saw his mother, he said, "Well, well, here you are...Look at us, we are in love and we swore to each other." ''What's the matter with her, doctor, what's the matter with her? 'I was pale.I said: 'She was talking in her sleep because she had a fever...' But she said: 'Come on, come on, you just told me otherwise, and you accepted my ring... Why don't you admit it?My mother's a good person, she'll understand, she'll understand, I'm dying—I don't have to lie, give me your hand...' I jumped up and ran out the door.Of course the old lady guessed it. "

"It's just that I don't want to bother you any more, and it's painful to think about it myself. My patient died the next day. May she go to heaven!" This sentence, sighed again.) Before she died, she asked all her family to go out and leave me alone with her. 'Please forgive me,' she said, 'I may be sorry to you...but please Believe me, I have never loved anyone more deeply than I love you, please remember me...keep my ring...'"

The doctor turned his face away and I took his hand. "Ah!" he said, "let's talk about something else, or how about playing a small win-lose Park Lie Ferrance? You know, people like us don't deserve such noble feelings. We only hope Children don't cry, wife don't make noise. Later I also had a so-called official marriage... yes... a merchant's daughter with a dowry of 7000 rubles. Her name was Akulina, after Delifeng It's very suitable. Let me tell you, this woman is very fierce, but fortunately she sleeps all day...Why, play Park Lie Ferrance?"

Let's play Park Lie Ferrance in units of one kopek.I lost two and a half rubles—and he left very late, quite satisfied with his victory.

(End of this chapter)