i like you for many years

Chapter 1 Preface: What can’t be reached is called a distant place
I have thought about it many times to answer this question.Since the content of the first three chapters was exposed in the last book "I Heard You Remember Me", after the serialization, until it was actually published and listed on the market, during the long half a year, many, many people have asked me: I like it in 19 years. Don't you feel hard when you are alone?
Does 19 years sound scary?I don't think it's been that long.As it is written in the book, during these 19 years, for five full years, I had no contact with Gu Chaosheng.

In the past five years, he has seen the snow in the North City and the wind blowing in the South China Sea.And as long as I think that these are all times I have never participated in, I feel like a knife hurts.

Some people may find it strange that if you like someone so much, how can you resist not looking for him for five years?
If you like someone so much, how can you bear to keep silent for 19 years?Over the years, I have also had the idea of ​​blurting out many times, but I really dare not.I'm really, really scared, even if it's only a one in a hundred thousand chance, I'll lose him from now on.He doesn't need to like me, but if he can't even be a friend, I think I can't stand it.However, I am very conflicted.

I haven't looked for him for five years, thinking that I will gradually let go.But it turns out that Yang Guo waited for Little Dragon Girl for 16 years.People in the world feel that time is long, but I feel that time is rushing. The time without him has always been rushing.So much so that when I looked back, I realized that time had really gone too long, and it turned out that there was no turning back.

Before writing "Listening", I had already written many short stories.

I remember that in the past two days, a girl had read this book and sent me a message saying that she wanted to give me a sentence she had read.

"A 14-year-old Romeo and Juliet didn't understand love. It was Shakespeare who understood love."

That's right, I didn't understand love back then. What I understood was only Lin Zhilan who was stubborn and unwilling to say regret when looking back on the past many years later, but also unwilling to do so.

Over the years, in the stories I have written one after another, there are many, the hero has the shadow of Gu Chaosheng.

And the facts have also proved that the readers' favorite stories are always the ones that I wrote the most.

What does it feel like to exert force?It was when I wrote "I Heard" that I almost couldn't go on several times. Every time I wrote a segment that was so painful that I couldn't bear to look back, I didn't want to continue to tear my memories apart and sprinkle a handful of salt. the process of.

I thought about giving up.But I told myself, if I don’t write, if I don’t talk about it, maybe I will never, never have the chance to make him feel the same way I suffered during the five years of blank time.After all, he wouldn't sit down and listen to me cry, watch me laugh, and let me complain to him word by word and explain to him.explain what?

Five years ago, it didn't matter whether I was afraid of loving him again, or I really wanted to never see him again.After all, I chose to leave the field seemingly decisively.

The feeling of exerting force is a desperate struggle against memories, a life-to-life struggle with obsession, and a fierce confrontation that consumes the rest of your life.

At the end of last year, I finally did.I made a promise to myself that I would greedily go to his city and take a look at him after I finished writing "I Heard".

I think I will never forget that night.The wind on the streets of Beijing is howling. Growing up in the south, I have never experienced such a cold wind.

And I stand alone on the street of the city, I just want to hail a taxi that can take me away.

I wanted to hide and cry.But what a desolate place I have left myself.

Blowing in the cold wind for five to 10 minutes, the driver finally took the order with the car-hailing software, but when he asked me where to wait, I looked around and saw only the endless night of Beijing at 22:[-], the streets on both sides A tree that slams down and loses its leaves when the wind blows.

In the empty night, even trying to find a slightly obvious coordinate has become a luxury.I opened my mouth, and had to say awkwardly: I don't seem to know where I am.The master said helplessly: "Then I have no choice. You can call another car for you?"After speaking, he hung up the phone.I covered my face, wearing a pair of stiletto shoes I bought specially for meeting him, feeling myself shivering in the minus two degrees Celsius temperature.The knuckles of the fingers holding the phone cracked and dull pain.

Great grief without words, laughter without sound.At that moment, I couldn't even cry.After five or ten minutes, I finally waited for a taxi with an "Empty Car" sign on it.The moment I stuffed myself into the back seat, I called my best friend with trembling hands. When the phone was connected, I rubbed the cold left side of my face, and finally shed hasty tears.I'm a moth that's never seen a flame and wants to fly your way even though I know it's going to crash.At the moment of falling, I saw the starlight in the sky, exactly the same as the brilliance in your eyes before.

Not long after I came back, I wrote a side story of "Heard".At that time, the production of this collection of short stories was already on the agenda, and "Hearing" has entered the final publishing process.I chose to include this episode in this book.I've written a lot of cookie-cutter crushes.Just like someone who knows how to love, he has traveled long distances for his beloved, crossed mountains and rivers, crossed rivers and seas, and took pictures of the blue sky above every city in the world that he saw during his travels.They call it the sky when I miss you.The same goes for the stories I write.It is the silent love letter I wrote to you during the years when I kept my obsession with you hidden.Maybe one day, you'll just happen to read it.Maybe you won't be able to participate in it all your life.

Do you still remember the dream I often had during the five years of blank time?In the dream, no matter how hard I try, on rainy nights, your phone number is a series of numbers that I can't get through.

They said the dream was terrifying.Because places that cannot be reached in reality are not even possible in dreams.Yeah, 19 years and you're still running as fast as ever.You've been running, and I no longer have the chance to stand by your side like I did so many years ago.

But I, I have already dedicated the best time, and the time when I left you in my left atrium without words, in this thin light blue love letter, for you, with both hands.

Not for your ardent eyes, not for your looking back.I don't regret that I once loved, but the end of the world is lonely from now on.

(End of this chapter)