surrogate wife

Chapter 137 Explaining the Lost Heartbreak
I have long forced myself not to think too much, just like those who know are fearless, at least they will not be afraid, and walk forward recklessly, ignoring everything. Digging a way out, I used to be timid and timid, so that at this moment, I feel like my head is bleeding.

From acquaintance with him, to acquaintance, to falling in love, I always feel that love can fill the heartache and sorrow of life, however, it is love that creates more heartache and sorrow.

After all, for women, what sheds is the shell, what sticks in is the thorn, the alcohol is for love, and the teardrops are for infatuation.Life is a passionate seed, so it is inevitable to be lonely to the moon, lamenting that the flowers are always ruthless, this kind of seed peels off that layer of skin, and what is left is the flocculent sleeping heart.

I lowered my head and didn't speak, I kept asking myself, and then I reached out and covered my heart, trying to make sure if I still had a heartbeat.Fortunately, the banging rhythm is still there, but at a slower pace.

I stood up in a trance, he reached out to help me, and pushed me away vainly, he just called me "Xinxin", his voice was full of anxiety.

I stood still and looked at him fixedly, my vision was instantly blurred, I still breathed and sighed desperately, forcing the tears to dry up in my eye sockets.

I asked him, "Do you love me?"

Without even thinking about it, he replied, "Love!" I laughed so hard that I felt a tingling sensation in my mouth.

like?what is love?I staggered as if I was about to fall to the ground, his eyes were deep and broken.I asked him: "When you love me, how do you manage to sleep on the bed with other women in your arms? Is your love separated from the mind and the body?"

He closed his eyes, his eyelids slightly closed, and when he opened them again, there was no warmth in the eyeballs.

I wanted to be quiet, my mind was blank, and I felt like I was drowning in a dark valley. There were no ropes or climbing tools around me. I could only hide inside and hug myself tightly.

Chen Haotian kept pulling me to ask me to listen to his explanation. I don’t understand if all men are like this. Why do they feel that cruel facts can be covered up with a few words? Do they think that no matter what they do , all with reasons and excuses?

I opened it from his arms indifferently, and this vigorous flick almost exhausted all my physical strength. I almost collapsed, lost all thoughts, scratched my hair messily, and then mechanically looked for clothes.

I put on the clothes I took off one by one, and after I put them on, I found that they seemed to be wearing them wrong, and then I took them off one by one with a wry smile, and after I took them off, I put them on again. I wore these few clothes four times.

When Chen Haotian saw that I was going out, he immediately stopped me. His voice was bitter, his eyes were full of tiredness, and he said, "Don't make trouble, okay? Why don't you tell me happily, and I will explain to you?"

"Explain?" I tugged at his hand, but he refused to let go. I stepped on him impatiently, but he just frowned and refused to retract.I was tired of entanglement with him, so I simply withdrew my hand. It is not indifferent, but there must be a lot of coldness in my voice. I asked him: "What do you want to explain?"

"What do you want to hear?"

I think he is very ridiculous, obviously he betrayed me, how can he speak so righteously now?What is the difference between men and women?Why are their hearts always so strong, it seems that they can't be pierced by a knife, and they can't be hurt by words.

I suddenly began to loathe myself, but I didn't know where this loathing came from.

I suppressed the emotions that I was about to collapse, every contact was full of hatred, I said: "You made other people's stomachs big outside, are you still blaming me for losing your temper now? Ask me what I want to hear? Chen Haotian, what are you doing?" How do you say it, if I mess around with others outside, and I treat you like this when I come back, what will happen to you?"

I don't have any fears, and I'm not afraid that he will get angry with me. This relationship is so ups and downs that I can't stand it long ago, but I insist on it again and again, and even naively let myself believe a little bit for this love and then keep on going. Pay, and finally insist on waiting.

He lowered his head silently, then sighed loudly, ignoring my struggle, and pushed me onto the bed, his face was distressed, but also a little ferocious.

He said: "How do I treat you, you don't know in your heart? I said I would marry you, and I was urging you to complete the procedures for your assets. Gu Xue, I made it very clear to her a long time ago, and I also gave her a divorce agreement for Liu Shuxian. , although she didn't sign it, but she also knows, Li Xin, I'm wholeheartedly for you, why don't you believe me?"

"Believe you?" I burst into tears, laughing and trembling with trembling voice, I said, "I just trust you too much, that's why I gave you everything I have, wishing to live and die for you, you just say If I say that, I will disregard all ethics and morality, the three cardinal principles and the five constant principles, even my mother and my brother. I don’t know the truth? I don’t live in pain? But I am willing, because I think I care about you! Love you! So even if I feel so wronged, I'm digesting it by myself bit by bit!"

"Didn't I work hard for you? Didn't I promise you?"

"Yes! You have worked hard, and you have promised me! You promised to marry me and give me an aboveboard status! You promised a bright future, and you promised to spend the rest of your life with me! But which one did you fulfill? Endless waiting, endless postponement, you always use your various reasons to convince me to wait for you in place like a fool, I even feel that I have no three views, no bottom line, I really Don't know what I live like myself?"

"How can you think like this? Are these all what I want?" He was also anxious, and his voice suddenly raised a lot.

My heart was throbbing, it hurt so much that I wanted to hit it twice with something, and even more so, I wanted to take a knife and throw my chest away. I wanted to see how my heart was shattered.

"Chen Haotian, I know you are tired, and I am tired too. I have had enough. Whether it is Gu Xue or Liu Shuxian, it is up to you. We... let's do it like this. It is not suitable for us, so let's go." Don't go down!"

"What do you mean?" He was a little annoyed, he grabbed my chin with one hand and forced me to look at him, he gritted his teeth, his eyes shone coldly, he said: "Say it again! "

I twitched the corners of my mouth, closed my eyes desolately, and then felt my cheeks wet, it was difficult for me to open my mouth, and my teeth felt like they were touching each other.

My voice was trembling, but my words were clear, I said: "Let's stop here, I'm tired, let's part!"

"Can you say that again!"

I was dizzy and my neck was so sore, but my words remained the same. I said, "I'm really tired, let's break up!"

He smiled coldly at me, and then let go of me so hard that I staggered a few steps.He walked back to the bed and sat down, smoked quietly, and said: "When you hid the abortion from me, I wished I could rush to you and beat you up, but I couldn't bear it, and I still felt it was my fault, after all There was a lot I couldn’t give you at that time. I didn’t discover my feelings for you until that time! Thinking of you makes me feel uncomfortable and distressed. I am so old, love seems outdated to me The product, my marriage is also imperfect, and the ending driven by the desire to compete has made it impossible for me to clean up to this day!"

He flicked the cigarette ash, his face was bitter, and there were emotions in his brows that I couldn't understand, and I couldn't figure it out, let alone understand.He looked up at me with deep eyes, but felt painful, he said: "Shuxian didn't love me at that time, I couldn't bear the feeling of others belittling me, as long as the woman I wanted was always there, I couldn't get it." , she was the first one, so I tried my best to get her, now that I think about it, it was my own fault, I tied her up for so many years, now I figured it out, I found true love, but I can't get rid of it!"

"Xinxin, I thought I was going to live like this for the rest of my life. I think there is no love in this world. Women are just things to me. Things that can be bought with money, including Gu Xue, who keeps saying she loves me. It’s not that I can give her the life she wants! But you are different. You let me suddenly walk into another world and see the only beauty left in this world. I think you are pure, positive, and full of vitality. It's all not in my world!"

"Later when I got closer to you, I realized that what I wanted was more than just getting you. That scene when I saw you cooking for me, my heart was shaken for the first time, and I suddenly understood what I was missing all these years. What I need is a woman like you to give me a sense of home!"

I stared at him blankly, my mouth became dry suddenly, my heart shook slightly, but I still didn't dare to take another step towards him, and finally raised my head, still speaking coldly, I said: "These Gu Xue can also give you !"

He was stunned, and when he glanced at me, he had a sad expression, and finally smiled sadly and self-deprecatingly, and he said: "I didn't know about Gu Xue that time, she wanted to give birth to me without telling me. , probably trying to use the child to force me to be with her, after knowing that you beat the child that time, I drank and became unconscious, and she came to my house!"

"I do not want to hear!"

He smiled and stopped talking, stood up, picked up his coat and put it on, he said: "You don't have to go, this is your room, I'll go!"

His back is bleak, with a kind of sadness of being away from others, I can't help but want to catch him, but I am not willing to turn around like this.

Maybe I still have a strong self-esteem in my love. I need a clean relationship and a most loyal heart. I haven't been able to forgive everything, let alone see everything When the clouds are light and then life and death don't matter.

The door closed, and his figure was no longer in the room. I suddenly felt a little sad. I walked to the bed step by step and then fell down. I closed my eyes quietly and breathed in the air that still smelled of smoke, and then burst into tears. flow.

That night I had a dream, Chen Haotian in the dream married me and gave birth to a child!

(End of this chapter)