Funny: The Hilarious Life of a Wasted Taoist 1

Chapter 27 The Underworld (3)
I asked in a low voice: "Old Gou, I consider you a brother and I trust you to come to the underworld. Now you tell me something plain. Did you bring me here on purpose to make this old boy feel bad?"

Gou Fugui anxiously said: "Comrade Lei Feng, you are my benefactor, how can I repay my kindness with revenge? I, Gou Fugui, swear here, if I intentionally frame you, I will have nothing to eat but meat in my next life!"

This fat man was a petty official in his previous life, he had a lot of entertainment every day, and what he wanted most before he died was to eat a bite of vegetables, so I immediately believed his poisonous oath.

So and so, it's already rushing ducks to the shelves, I have to do it if I don't do it, I sighed and said, "Okay, then I..."

"Okay, of course we can help the underworld with this." Sanniang snatched my words, "But you have to promise us one condition."

Yama looked at Sanniang, frowned and said, "Fox spirit?"

Sanniang pursed her lips and smiled: "Yan Wangye, let's go charge and exchange your condition, isn't it difficult?"

Yan Wang said: "You vixens are extremely cunning. If I agree rashly, I don't know what tricks you are going to play."

"Oh, Lord Yan, you are biased!" Sanniang laughed, "How can our small thoughts compare to your great wisdom, Lord Yan? Who dares to lie in front of you?"

This flattery is very useful, Yan Wang laughed hehehe, thought for a while, pointed at me and said: "What conditions? You come to me."

I was taken aback, thinking that I don't know what conditions Sanniang wants to make.Turning to look at Sanniang again, the man looked at me with a smile on his face, and said, "Brother Ma, just drive whatever you want, I'll listen to you."

Gou Fugui said, "You don't have much savings, so you need money."

Wu Xiangwang said: "The special envoy is not a serious official position, you need an official position."

I raised my hand, stopped their discussion, glanced at Sanniang, and said, "I've made up my mind, I just have one condition, let Kong Ting reincarnate as soon as possible, and marry a good family."

Yan Wang obviously didn't expect me to make this request. He looked at me in surprise, nodded repeatedly, and said, "Love love and righteousness! Good! Good! I promise you."

I looked around again, and all the ghost messengers looked at me with admiration.

I looked at them with detached eyes, and said proudly: "I have always regarded money as dung."

All the ghosts applauded enthusiastically.

My heart is like a mirror, if I want money, they will definitely give me a stack of paper money.Be an official?Such an excellent person like me must often be pushed by the old boy as a scapegoat, so this request is more realistic.

Yan Wang swiped his pen, wrote a note, and said to me: "She is waiting for you at Po Meng's place now, and she should have been sent by a ghost to lead her to reincarnation. I see that you have deep feelings, and I authorize you to accompany her for a ride, go quickly!" Bar."

We walked out of the palace of the king of hell with the strip of the king of hell, and the bull's head and horse face reached out and pointed to the back of the Naihe bridge: "the Naihe bridge is right behind it."

Gou Fugui went up to make friends again: "The two comrades stand guard every day, it is very hard!"

The bull head and horse raised his chest and said: "Serve the ghost people."

I pulled Gou Fugui over and said to him: "Old Gou, you just said to find a way, did you think about it?"

Gou Fugui looked at the circle of ghost guards next to the underworld, and whispered to me: "Talk while walking."

When we walked onto the Naihe Bridge and there was no one around, Gou Fugui said: "This is actually easy. You see, the King of Hades didn't set a time limit. Let's take our time. One or two hundred years will pass quickly."

I was born smart, so I immediately understood what it meant to take your time, and said, "Your method is good, but what should you do when the King of Hades asks you?"

Gou Fugui looked at me, shook his head, and smiled subtly: "Comrade Lei Feng, you have never experienced it..."

Don Xiangwang said: "The first time he asked, he said 'is investigating', the second time he said 'something', the third time he said 'clue interrupted', and the fourth time he said 're-investigating'... After such a flash, it won’t be a problem to hang around for hundreds of years, as long as you are sincere, the higher-ups will think that you have done a lot.”

I nodded again and again, and finally understood why the area at the gate of my hometown village was said to be built ten years ago, but now it is still a pile of loess.

Gou Fugui asked: "Comrade Lei Feng, what do you think of this method?"

I said, "I see it."

Pixiu, who had been silent since entering the underworld, suddenly said, "Even if you didn't come to him, he would come to you."

Surprised, I asked, "How do you know?"

Pixiu said: "This is my intuition."

While we were talking, we had already reached the Naihe Bridge, and there were two guards standing beside the bridge. Seeing us walking over, two spears formed an X shape, blocking our way: "Where are the reincarnation documents?"

Gou Fugui said: "Comrade, we are not reincarnated."

The ghost messenger said: "Then pay the toll for sightseeing and crossing the bridge." After speaking, he stretched out his hand and raised his head to the side.

I saw a sign next to it, "Naihe Bridge - Hell Cultural Reserve, AAAAAAA Pole Scenic Spot in the Underworld".

I said, "We don't do sightseeing, we just walk over."

The ghost messenger said: "You can also walk next to it. If you walk along Huangquan for three years, you will have a broken bridge."

I said, "It's only 2 minutes from here. It's convenient. How much do you pay for it?"

The ghost messenger said: "Nonsense! Can you not pay for the expressway?"

Sanniang asked delicately: "Brother Cha, can't we offer a discount?"

The ghost messenger said: "We will not be moved by female sex, so don't waste your efforts. How about this, women don't have to pay, men pay the money."

Gou Fugui handed over the money for us.Walking through the Naihe Bridge, we saw a giant advertising screen full of light bulbs hanging high in the sky in the distance. A wrinkled old lady was holding a bowl, grinning, and said with a smile: "Meng After the mother-in-law is pregnant, you don’t have to worry about reincarnation, and the past is all forgotten. You are good to me and to him! You are right, the well-known trademark in the underworld, the time-honored Chinese brand-Meng Po Tang!"

Then a man's voice was interspersed: "Where's your Mengpo soup?"

The voice of another man replied: "Let my dad drink it!"

Then there was the wrinkled old lady again, took a sip of Mengpo soup, and said in a standard London accent: "mengpo~" Finally, it was a child's voice: "Niu Niu Niu!"

I was scorched on the outside and tender on the inside by Lei, and my chest was suffocated, and I almost spit out a mouthful of blood.

When we walked over, we couldn't help being shocked by the sight in front of us.Wherever you look, there is a long queue of ghosts, endless, with no end in sight, the number is like gathering people from the train stations of the Spring Festival travel across the country.

We looked forward along the back road, and after a while we found Kong Ting who was queuing up.

"Ah!" Kong Ting, who was listless, straightened up when she saw us, and shouted: "Horsepower! Horsepower!"

Seeing this, the ghost messenger of the watching team came over and asked, "What are you doing?! What are you doing?!"

I showed him the note from Hades, and the ghost officer immediately changed his expression and said, "Reincarnation, right? Come with me."

All the ghosts next to us looked up at us one after another: "Jump in line?"

"She just came to line up, why was she reincarnated?"

I said, "What are you looking at? Haven't you seen someone going through the back door?!"

After speaking, he took Kong Ting and the others, and followed the ghost messenger to the side.

Strange to say, we only took two steps on the long road with no end in sight.

I saw an old lady sitting at the end of the road, knitting a scarf with her head bowed. There was a table in front of her. On the table was a stack of number plates with the time of reincarnation and a row of soup bowls. The ghost picks up a bowl and drinks it, and a new bowl reappears on the table.

I said, "Reincarnation."

The old lady said without raising her head, "Get the number plate and drink the soup yourself."

The hanged ghost was a little scared and asked the Meng Po: "Is it a vegetarian and you forget it immediately?"

Po Meng continued knitting the scarf as if she didn't hear it.

A ghost nearby replied: "No, the medicine will not take effect until the moment of reincarnation."

After hearing this, Sanniang brought Po Meng's soup to the hanged ghost, and the hanged ghost drank the soup.

I said angrily, "What kind of service attitude!"

A ghost next to him said: "Be patient, monopolizing state-owned enterprise services is like this." (Political sensitive statement? Doubtful)

I slapped Hades' note on the table, and Po Meng looked up and said, "What are you doing! Do you want to rebel!" (Political sensitive statement? Doubtful)

I raised my haughty and sharp chin towards the note.

Granny Meng picked up the note and muttered: "What..." After taking a look, her complexion changed drastically, and she stood up quickly, smiling like Hua'er, "Oh, so I am a distinguished guest of Lord Yan, look at my presbyopia, You can’t see people coming. Come, come, don’t just stand, sit, sit!”

Presbyopia can still embroider "Love Tiger Oil" on the scarf?I gave her a disdainful look and asked the hanged ghost to take the sign.

Meng Po said again: "Is there anything else you need?"

The hanged ghost said, "Can I go back and have a look?"

Po Meng said: "Yes, of course I can. I'll prepare a shuttle bus for you. As long as you don't forget to reincarnate, you can go wherever you want in the Yang Realm."

We got on the bus called by Po Meng.As soon as I got in the car, I heard someone shouting, "I invite you, girl."

When I looked up, I saw a driver with his head turned backwards smiling at us.

It turned out to be the same as before!

I said, "Dude, is your head back yet?"

The driver stared at Sanniang who was sitting in the back seat and said, "It's okay, I can see clearly this way."

This kind of womanizer is simply a disgrace to us men!I saw that I was so angry that I squeezed to sit next to San Niang!

Sanniang glanced at me, but she was not angry, and said to Kong Ting who was sitting on the other side: "Don't worry, you will be reborn into a good family."

The hanged ghost sighed, leaned against the car window, looked out of the car and said leisurely: "Such a scene reminds me of many things..."

I glanced out the car window, the car was driving from the underworld to the yang world, and it was dark outside, how could there be any scenery?
The hanged ghost looked out of the window and said: "I have stayed in that small second floor for many years, and later I heard that the landlord of this house has become a surnamed Ma, but there are not many people who come to Su, so I treat him with respect." I don’t have any impression of shrimp. Although there are a lot of ghosts in our room, there has never been any shrimps. Until the horsepower operation came, I remember that the scene outside the window was always so beautiful.”

I looked out the window again, it was still dark.

The hanged ghost said: "Later Shanniang, Yunmei, and Leidigaga came again. I'm so happy that it's so lively..."

Sanniang asked softly: "You just want to recall these, what about the others?"

Kong Ting shook her head and said, "I remember you all now, and I don't remember the others."

I said: "Yes, that's how it should be, and let those messy things be a fart!"

Sanniang also nodded with a smile: "Forget it, forget it."

Speaking of this, his eyes suddenly lit up, and the car had already arrived at the bus stop at the entrance of the village.

After getting out of the car, we went to the small second floor.It was already bright outside, and Lei Dijiaga was squatting on the ground at the door, not knowing what he was doing, when he saw us, he ran over happily.

Gou Fugui said to us: "We still have work to do, let's go first. You are busy slowly, you have worked hard." Then they shook hands and said goodbye one by one.

Lei Dijiaga stayed by the side and watched Gou Fugui shake hands with us. After we finished shaking hands, he quickly grabbed my hand and said imitatively: "You have worked hard, you have worked hard."

I saw that he had caught some black thing in his hand, and rubbed my hand. I was startled and said, "You didn't catch Papa, did you?"

Lei Dijiaga said: "I don't grab such dirty things, this is the mud I squeezed."

I breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Why is this mud so wet?"

Lei Dijiaga grinned: "I pissed on the mud!"

I was so angry, I kicked his ass as soon as I flew up.Lei Dijiaga laughed hehehe, jumped in front of Sanniang and the Hanged Ghost, stretched out his hands and shouted: "Thank you, thank you!"

Sanniang pulled the hanged ghost back to hide, and said with a smile, "Brother Ma is our representative, you just need to shake hands with him."

I just wiped off the mud on my hands, when I heard this, I gave Sanniang a helpless look.Lei Di Ga Ga grabbed my hand and shook it back and forth.

Sanniang and the others were laughing happily when suddenly the door on the second floor was pushed open, and Wang Liang came out from inside.

Wang Liang said: "Horsepower, horsepower!"

Then he trotted all the way over, glanced across our faces one by one, and when he saw Kong Ting, he was taken aback suddenly and said, "You...you..."

The hanged ghost hastily curled up his tongue, turned his face and said, "No puppet, no puppet!"

I was wondering why he could see us, but saw Yunmei come out from the second floor.He came to us and said in a low voice: "I found some cow's tears and wiped his eyes, and told him everything before, how are you doing?"

I said, "It's hard to describe..."

Sanniang said: "Brother Ma, go back and revive your soul first, let me talk about this matter."

I went back to my room, looked at my manly body, and suddenly remembered that I would not be resurrected.

While hesitating, he heard Pixiu shouting "Go in!" He suddenly felt top-heavy, and his whole body floated up to the sky above his body, and suddenly he fell upside down and fell down.

When I opened my eyes again, I found that I had returned to my body, but for some reason, my whole body was exhausted, as if I had no strength at all.

Pixiu said: "Leaving the soul is extremely harmful to the body, not to mention that you have gone to the underworld again, and the yang energy will be greatly damaged."

I asked, "When will I be able to slow down?"

Pixiu said: "You are a man in your prime, you will be back to normal in a few days."

I heard him say that, jumped out of bed and walked outside.

Pixiu suddenly said: "I always feel that the fox has some intentions to stay here, do you know what she wants to ask the King of Hades?"

"Attempt?" I was shocked, "It's over, I am the most attractive person here! Then her goal must be me, she must have taken a fancy to my noble heart and pure body." I sighed and looked at me. Looking far away, he said: "I know we can't beat her, so I'm willing to sacrifice my life for righteousness. If she insists, I will obey her!"

"..." Pai Yao was silent for a while, then said, "Anyway, pay attention to her."

I paid close attention to Sanniang. When I went out, I didn't even look at Wang Liang and Reddy Gaga, and went straight to Sanniang.

Sanniang had finished talking and stood beside her, waving her fan.

Wang Liang looked at the hanged ghost and said, "No wonder I always had a feeling of deja vu when I saw you. It turns out that you and I were destined to have a destiny in the previous life."

The hanged ghost covered his face and said: "So I think you are Su Baoyuan..."

Wang Liang sighed: "It's a pity you didn't reincarnate, otherwise we might be able to continue our relationship."

The hanged ghost asked: "Don't you dislike my big tongue?"

Wang Liang said: "I didn't get used to it at first, but after looking at it, I got used to it. After watching it for a long time, I feel that it is quite different, very fashionable, and very trendy."

I think Wang Liang's aesthetics have changed a lot since he saw the turtle on my pants, and his taste has improved very quickly.

When the hanged ghost heard this, tears filled his eyes, and he wiped his eyes and said, "Then, after reincarnation, I want to have a big tongue again, would you like me?"

Wang Liang said, "I am willing."

These two people looked at me and looked at you. Their expressions and demeanors showed that the two of them were already kings and mung beans—they met their eyes.

But they have nothing to do in this life, and she is more than 20 years younger than Wang Liang when she is reincarnated immediately.

"We met each other in this life, but we can't be together." Yun Mei wiped her tears beside her, and said, "But still never leave, it's so touching!"

Reddy burst into tears and said repeatedly: "It's so touching, it's so touching."

I was a little sad at first, but I was even more sad when I saw Reddy's hand rattling my clothes.

"What is this all about?" Sanniang said with a smile, "Reincarnation is a good thing, why is it so sad!"

I said: "That's right, that's right, why cry? It's a good thing! Kong Ting, take a look at your brand, when will you reincarnate, don't delay."

The hanged ghost struggled to move his eyes away from Wang Liang, glanced at the sign, and said to me, "Ten o'clock in the quiet day, at the city hospital."

"Today?" I looked at my watch and asked, "Morning or evening, if morning is almost here."

She thought for a while and said, "It's not morning."

I said, "Let's make preparations quickly, go there early, don't delay."

"Roar..." Yun Mei's crying voice changed, just like the second generation of hanged ghosts.I saw that she was about to faint from crying, and said, "Don't go, let's go."

Yun Mei grabbed the hanged ghost's hand and said, "Sister, even if you are reincarnated, you must remember me."

The hanged ghost nodded repeatedly.

We just set off, went to the entrance of the village and waited for a bus, and several people got on together.

The small second floor is still a little far from the city hospital, we reversed the car a few times, and it was already noon when we got there.

Noon is the time when the yang energy is at its peak and the sun is the hottest. As soon as we entered the hospital, there was a gust of cold wind.

The hospital is the most magical place, even if there is no air conditioner or electric fan, it will be icy and cool in summer.

I used to put up some special small advertisements and liked to go to the side of the hospital. It was targeted and the effect was particularly good, and it was convenient to drill into the hospital when it was hot.

However, after the dispute between Lao Wang and the female head, I turned down all the hospital-related business, which cost me a lot of clients.

I am now different from before. I used to have poor eyesight and I could not see, but now my eyesight has improved. As soon as I stepped into the hospital, I saw ghosts in hospital clothes floating around.

The family of the hanged ghost to be reincarnated is Fang, who lives in special ward 305.

There was only one person in the entire ward. When we passed by, a man just came out of the ward, held the door and said, "I'll go out and buy you food, and I'll be back in a while. If you feel unwell, you can ring the bell to find a nurse." I walked over and looked around, and there was a woman with a big belly lying on the bed watching TV.

This should be the future parents of the hanged ghost.

Reddy Gaga was still holding the door to look in, but the man gave him a stare, and I hurriedly dragged Reddy away.Kong Ting was still standing at the door watching, Wang Liang said, "Can you go in and have a look?"

I originally thought that the hanged ghost would live in a general ward in the future, so we would go in and see what happened. I didn't expect that old boy, King of Hell, to be so interesting and give him a special ward with such a good family background.

It's not good to enter rashly.

I was thinking about something, but I saw Sanniang reaching out and knocking on the door a few times, then opened the door and went in.

Reddy followed behind in a rattling manner.Wang Liang and I were stunned, and quickly followed in. I stretched out my hand to hold Sanniang, and said in a low voice, "You can't enter here casually."

Sanniang opened her mouth and said, "Sister-in-law, how are you doing?"

The woman on the bed was a little dazed when she saw a group of people coming in.

Sanniang walked over with a smile and said, "If I hadn't met Brother Fang just now, I really didn't know that my sister-in-law was hospitalized here. I should have brought something here, but I heard that Brother Fang said that he went out to buy something for you." You are here alone, no one is looking after you, so I just want to see you first."

This vixen is really powerful, the lies are as true as the truth, and there is no stalking at all!
The woman looked Sanniang up and down and asked, "Who are you?"

Suddenly, such a charming and beautiful woman appeared, her eyes full of vigilance.

It seems that the future mother of the hanged ghost does not have enough trust in the future father of the hanged ghost.

"Brother Fang was my senior when I was in school. We haven't seen each other for a long time. No wonder he didn't tell you about me." Sanniang smiled and took my arm, "Brother Fang introduced me to my family back then. Yes, if I didn't come to the hospital by chance, I really didn't know that sister-in-law, you were about to give birth, and sister-in-law is so beautiful, the child must be very good-looking!"

(End of this chapter)