Meet you in the most beautiful years
Chapter 14 Zhang Youyi: Even Dreams Are Deep and Lovely
Chapter 14 Zhang Youyi: Even Dreams Are Deep and Lovely (3)
Later, Xu Zhimo, Ms. Ming and Guo Jun began to discuss English literature. During the discussion, the Chinese was filled with English, so I could hardly understand their conversation.I noticed that Xu Zhimo kept looking at the floor and peeping at Miss Ming's feet while he was talking.So I couldn't help stretching my big feet under the table anxiously, almost kicking Xu Zhimo.Why did he treat her so equally?And she looked so peculiar, that coat and skirt set out against her little feet, so out of proportion and out of proportion.
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
This memory, when she said it, should have the pleasure of revenge.Xu Zhimo said that she thought conservatively like a woman with small feet, but the woman he brought back turned out to be a real one with small feet.This made her feel like a huge mockery!So later when Xu Zhimo asked her her opinion on Miss Ming, she blurted out: "Well, she looks good, although her feet don't match the suit."
He walked around the living room irritably, and when he heard this, he suddenly said loudly as if venting: "I knew it, that's why I want a divorce!"
maybe i love him the most
"Miss Ming" seems to be a mystery.It's hard for me to understand that Zhang Youyi would forget her name.For a woman who came into her life and threatened her, she should not remember all the details while ignoring her last name.
Maybe she is too sensitive, and the so-called Miss Ming is just an ordinary friend; or, that woman is Lin Huiyin, who was already a vicissitudes old woman when she told this story, and it is very possible that her memory is wrong.
She never thought that Xu Zhimo would really divorce her.She always felt that Xu Zhimo would not be able to divorce his wife if he did not violate the rules of virginity and jealousy.But when she gave Miss Ming the comments on the feet and the suit, he finally roared and said these two words to her: Divorce!
Obviously, she hurt his self-esteem.He couldn't tolerate the ridicule and sneer at him from an old-fashioned woman. The Miss Ming incident was just the trigger, and his long-standing dissatisfaction found an outlet to vent.
That was the first time Xu Zhimo raised his voice to her.He is a new type of man influenced by Western civilization, so he would rather maintain a cold relationship than yell at women like a country savage.But this scene happened, and their relationship should end.
Unable to contain her grief, she escaped through the back door of the house.The night in the countryside of Shaxton was cold and dark.The night air enveloped her, and there seemed to be a lump of ice in her heart, which made her feel cold and painful.
Xu Zhimo chased her all the way to the balcony, stood beside her panting and said, "I thought you were going to commit suicide!"
Light came through the open door of the living room.She raised her head and stared blankly at the night sky in a foreign land, and the profile of Xu Zhimo's profile illuminated by the lights.Pain, like a tide, came rushing in.
When I went to bed that night, Xu Zhimo was still studying in the living room.However, in the middle of the night, he tiptoed into the bedroom, pulled the sheets when he lowered his body and climbed onto the bed, and when he was sleeping on his back to me, his body gently rubbed against me.I knew he had been careless, but I had the feeling that this was our last physical contact and that it was waving goodbye to our pathetic intimacy.
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
That was the last time they slept in the same bed as a couple.A week later, Xu Zhimo left without saying goodbye, leaving her and her unborn child in Shaxton.
This time, Xu Zhimo never came back. "Isn't Xu Zhimo abandoning me like this because he wants me to die?" When she waited desperately in Shaston's hut day after day, preparing to kill herself and her child, fortunately she remembered the "Jiaojing" "The code of filial piety in the book: "If the body is hairy and skinned, it will not be damaged by the parents. This is the beginning of filial piety", and finally dispelled the idea of suicide.
One morning, a man named Huang Zimei knocked on her door.He brought Xu Zhimo's message from London:
"I'm here to ask you, would you like to be Xu's daughter-in-law instead of Xu Zhimo's wife?"
"What do you mean? I don't understand. If Xu Zhimo wants to divorce, how can I be Xu's daughter-in-law?"
"Xu Zhimo doesn't want you anymore."
She finally yelled out: "Xu Zhimo is too busy to come to see me, right? Did you come all the way here just to ask me this stupid question?"
This question is indeed stupid, but Xu Zhimo has never shown up. "I am an 'autumn fan', an abandoned wife." She didn't know how to go on in the future, so she wrote a letter to Zhang Junmai in Paris in desperation, planning to abort the fetus in her womb, and Zhang Junmai wrote back Said: "The Zhang family's pain of losing Xu Zhimo is like mourning a concubine. Do not abort, brother is willing to adopt. Put everything aside and come to Paris."
She lived in Paris for several months, and followed her seventh brother to Berlin, Germany. On February 1922, 2, she gave birth to her second son, Peter, in Berlin. In March, the child's father, Xu Zhimo, finally appeared in Berlin. That was the first time he appeared in front of Zhang Youyi after he left Shaxton without saying goodbye.But he came to divorce her.
On that day, he specially invited his friends Jin Yuelin and Wu Jingxiong to be divorce witnesses.He pressed his face against the windowpane, looking at the little child, fascinated, but never asked her how the child would be raised.
Zhang Youyi calmly faced everyone in the room and signed the divorce agreement.The pain she has experienced has made her extremely strong.
"Okay." I said softly after signing my name four times, then broke the silence of the room, looked him squarely in the open eyes that I couldn't use on our wedding day, and said, "Go and find yourself a better place." my wife!"
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
At that moment, perhaps it was her new life.From then on, she was a heroic Zhang Youyi.Years later, when she looked back on her life and her emotional entanglements with Xu Zhimo, she said: "I want to thank Xu Zhimo for the divorce. If it weren't for the divorce, I might never be able to find myself and grow up .He set me free and became a different person."
When everything has been disturbed and the dust has settled, and when I look back, I feel that their marriage is like a curse. When the curse is lifted and the cards are reshuffled, the world will be reversed. into the abyss.
In November of the same year, Xu Zhimo published "Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi's Divorce Notice" in "New Zhejiang": "We have automatically broken free from the dark hell, untied the knots of troubles, and restored our free and independent personality. Now we report with a smile This is good news for you, please join us in our joy." And specially accompanied this announcement with a poem "Laughing and Solving Troubled Knots", subtitled "Send You Yi":
……
Come, now let go of your face and smile, and shake hands to help each other; this is a cool day, and the scenery of Freedom Road is beautiful.
After listening to the cheers behind me, Zhengdao dissolved the knot and eliminated the troubles!
Seven years of marriage ended like this.Since then, their relationship has become as cordial and natural as mountains and rivers, which is the connection of family and friendship.After the divorce, Zhang Youyi treated Xu Zhimo's parents with all her heart, and helped the dying Xu Shenru manage affairs as a adopted daughter. Even when Xu's mother died of a serious illness, Xu Shenru refused Lu Xiaoman to enter the house, but insisted that Zhang Youyi take charge of housekeeping and funeral affairs.During Xu Zhimo's wandering days, the Xu family was lucky to have her, so everything was in order.
It is indeed as Zhimo said, freed from the emotional entanglement of worrying about gains and losses, Zhang Youyi regained her free and independent personality, and transformed from a conservative woman with small feet into a new self-reliant woman.She once said: "I have always regarded my life as two stages: 'Before Germany' and 'After Germany'. Before going to Germany, I was afraid of everything; after going to Germany, I have nothing to fear." It is the pre-marriage and post-marriage with Xu Zhimo.
Shortly after the divorce, she entered the Pestalozzi Academy to study early childhood education.Luo Jialun, a well-known educator who was studying in Berlin at that time, once expressed his feelings to her. When he asked her if she planned to get married again, she declined:
In order to keep the face of the Zhang family, I will not teach others to see that I go in and out with a certain man in the next five years... And I know that I have a son in my hometown, and I have never taught him. I cannot marry into another family until I have fulfilled my responsibilities as a mother.Therefore, I didn't dare to listen to Luo Jialun's gentle words, so I looked at my teacup and said softly, "No, I have no such plan."
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
Influenced by traditional Chinese etiquette and influenced by Western culture, Zhang Youyi has gradually become a self-respecting and elegant woman. In 1925, after the death of Peter, who was only three years old, she returned to China to accompany her eldest son, A Huan, to study in Beijing, and then taught German at Soochow University. The general manager of Yunshang Clothing Company.Zhang Youyi, who is so charming, is no longer the "country bumpkin" that Xu Zhimo said back then. You can hardly imagine that she is the Zhang Youyi who was always nervous when facing her own men.
After Xu Zhimo died in a plane crash on November 1931, 11, his legal wife Lu Xiaoman fainted in panic and denied the cruel reality by refusing to recognize the corpse. Only Zhang Youyi calmly let the eighth brother Zhang Yujiu take 19 A Huan, the 13-year-old son, went to Shandong to claim the body, and at the same time presided over the funeral ceremony for Xu Zhimo.In the future, he presided over the publication of the Taiwan version of "Xu Zhimo's Collected Works".
Later, she took over from Xu Zhimo to support the two elders of the Xu family, and brought up A Huan to study in the United States. After Xu Shenru's death, she sent money to Lu Xiaoman as scheduled, and did not stop supporting her until she moved to Hong Kong in 1949.She explained: "It is my son's responsibility to take care of Lu Xiaoman."
It was not until 1954 that she started her second marriage, marrying her tenant, Hong Kong doctor Su Jizhi.This is an ordinary and warm marriage, perhaps, this is the true meaning of a happy life.
When she was getting old and became an elegant legend in the vicissitudes of life, someone asked her if she loved Xu Zhimo after reviewing the past, she thought for a moment, and slowly answered:
"You know, I can't answer this question. I'm so confused by this question, because everyone always tells me that I must love Xu Zhimo after doing so much for him. But, I can't say what to say Love, I have never said 'I love you' to anyone in my life. If taking care of Xu Zhimo and his family is called love, then I probably love him. Among the few women he met in his life, Maybe I love him the most."
Forget that there was this world; there was you;
Mourning who was ever in love;
Falling like flowers, forgetting to go
(End of this chapter)
Later, Xu Zhimo, Ms. Ming and Guo Jun began to discuss English literature. During the discussion, the Chinese was filled with English, so I could hardly understand their conversation.I noticed that Xu Zhimo kept looking at the floor and peeping at Miss Ming's feet while he was talking.So I couldn't help stretching my big feet under the table anxiously, almost kicking Xu Zhimo.Why did he treat her so equally?And she looked so peculiar, that coat and skirt set out against her little feet, so out of proportion and out of proportion.
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
This memory, when she said it, should have the pleasure of revenge.Xu Zhimo said that she thought conservatively like a woman with small feet, but the woman he brought back turned out to be a real one with small feet.This made her feel like a huge mockery!So later when Xu Zhimo asked her her opinion on Miss Ming, she blurted out: "Well, she looks good, although her feet don't match the suit."
He walked around the living room irritably, and when he heard this, he suddenly said loudly as if venting: "I knew it, that's why I want a divorce!"
maybe i love him the most
"Miss Ming" seems to be a mystery.It's hard for me to understand that Zhang Youyi would forget her name.For a woman who came into her life and threatened her, she should not remember all the details while ignoring her last name.
Maybe she is too sensitive, and the so-called Miss Ming is just an ordinary friend; or, that woman is Lin Huiyin, who was already a vicissitudes old woman when she told this story, and it is very possible that her memory is wrong.
She never thought that Xu Zhimo would really divorce her.She always felt that Xu Zhimo would not be able to divorce his wife if he did not violate the rules of virginity and jealousy.But when she gave Miss Ming the comments on the feet and the suit, he finally roared and said these two words to her: Divorce!
Obviously, she hurt his self-esteem.He couldn't tolerate the ridicule and sneer at him from an old-fashioned woman. The Miss Ming incident was just the trigger, and his long-standing dissatisfaction found an outlet to vent.
That was the first time Xu Zhimo raised his voice to her.He is a new type of man influenced by Western civilization, so he would rather maintain a cold relationship than yell at women like a country savage.But this scene happened, and their relationship should end.
Unable to contain her grief, she escaped through the back door of the house.The night in the countryside of Shaxton was cold and dark.The night air enveloped her, and there seemed to be a lump of ice in her heart, which made her feel cold and painful.
Xu Zhimo chased her all the way to the balcony, stood beside her panting and said, "I thought you were going to commit suicide!"
Light came through the open door of the living room.She raised her head and stared blankly at the night sky in a foreign land, and the profile of Xu Zhimo's profile illuminated by the lights.Pain, like a tide, came rushing in.
When I went to bed that night, Xu Zhimo was still studying in the living room.However, in the middle of the night, he tiptoed into the bedroom, pulled the sheets when he lowered his body and climbed onto the bed, and when he was sleeping on his back to me, his body gently rubbed against me.I knew he had been careless, but I had the feeling that this was our last physical contact and that it was waving goodbye to our pathetic intimacy.
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
That was the last time they slept in the same bed as a couple.A week later, Xu Zhimo left without saying goodbye, leaving her and her unborn child in Shaxton.
This time, Xu Zhimo never came back. "Isn't Xu Zhimo abandoning me like this because he wants me to die?" When she waited desperately in Shaston's hut day after day, preparing to kill herself and her child, fortunately she remembered the "Jiaojing" "The code of filial piety in the book: "If the body is hairy and skinned, it will not be damaged by the parents. This is the beginning of filial piety", and finally dispelled the idea of suicide.
One morning, a man named Huang Zimei knocked on her door.He brought Xu Zhimo's message from London:
"I'm here to ask you, would you like to be Xu's daughter-in-law instead of Xu Zhimo's wife?"
"What do you mean? I don't understand. If Xu Zhimo wants to divorce, how can I be Xu's daughter-in-law?"
"Xu Zhimo doesn't want you anymore."
She finally yelled out: "Xu Zhimo is too busy to come to see me, right? Did you come all the way here just to ask me this stupid question?"
This question is indeed stupid, but Xu Zhimo has never shown up. "I am an 'autumn fan', an abandoned wife." She didn't know how to go on in the future, so she wrote a letter to Zhang Junmai in Paris in desperation, planning to abort the fetus in her womb, and Zhang Junmai wrote back Said: "The Zhang family's pain of losing Xu Zhimo is like mourning a concubine. Do not abort, brother is willing to adopt. Put everything aside and come to Paris."
She lived in Paris for several months, and followed her seventh brother to Berlin, Germany. On February 1922, 2, she gave birth to her second son, Peter, in Berlin. In March, the child's father, Xu Zhimo, finally appeared in Berlin. That was the first time he appeared in front of Zhang Youyi after he left Shaxton without saying goodbye.But he came to divorce her.
On that day, he specially invited his friends Jin Yuelin and Wu Jingxiong to be divorce witnesses.He pressed his face against the windowpane, looking at the little child, fascinated, but never asked her how the child would be raised.
Zhang Youyi calmly faced everyone in the room and signed the divorce agreement.The pain she has experienced has made her extremely strong.
"Okay." I said softly after signing my name four times, then broke the silence of the room, looked him squarely in the open eyes that I couldn't use on our wedding day, and said, "Go and find yourself a better place." my wife!"
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
At that moment, perhaps it was her new life.From then on, she was a heroic Zhang Youyi.Years later, when she looked back on her life and her emotional entanglements with Xu Zhimo, she said: "I want to thank Xu Zhimo for the divorce. If it weren't for the divorce, I might never be able to find myself and grow up .He set me free and became a different person."
When everything has been disturbed and the dust has settled, and when I look back, I feel that their marriage is like a curse. When the curse is lifted and the cards are reshuffled, the world will be reversed. into the abyss.
In November of the same year, Xu Zhimo published "Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi's Divorce Notice" in "New Zhejiang": "We have automatically broken free from the dark hell, untied the knots of troubles, and restored our free and independent personality. Now we report with a smile This is good news for you, please join us in our joy." And specially accompanied this announcement with a poem "Laughing and Solving Troubled Knots", subtitled "Send You Yi":
……
Come, now let go of your face and smile, and shake hands to help each other; this is a cool day, and the scenery of Freedom Road is beautiful.
After listening to the cheers behind me, Zhengdao dissolved the knot and eliminated the troubles!
Seven years of marriage ended like this.Since then, their relationship has become as cordial and natural as mountains and rivers, which is the connection of family and friendship.After the divorce, Zhang Youyi treated Xu Zhimo's parents with all her heart, and helped the dying Xu Shenru manage affairs as a adopted daughter. Even when Xu's mother died of a serious illness, Xu Shenru refused Lu Xiaoman to enter the house, but insisted that Zhang Youyi take charge of housekeeping and funeral affairs.During Xu Zhimo's wandering days, the Xu family was lucky to have her, so everything was in order.
It is indeed as Zhimo said, freed from the emotional entanglement of worrying about gains and losses, Zhang Youyi regained her free and independent personality, and transformed from a conservative woman with small feet into a new self-reliant woman.She once said: "I have always regarded my life as two stages: 'Before Germany' and 'After Germany'. Before going to Germany, I was afraid of everything; after going to Germany, I have nothing to fear." It is the pre-marriage and post-marriage with Xu Zhimo.
Shortly after the divorce, she entered the Pestalozzi Academy to study early childhood education.Luo Jialun, a well-known educator who was studying in Berlin at that time, once expressed his feelings to her. When he asked her if she planned to get married again, she declined:
In order to keep the face of the Zhang family, I will not teach others to see that I go in and out with a certain man in the next five years... And I know that I have a son in my hometown, and I have never taught him. I cannot marry into another family until I have fulfilled my responsibilities as a mother.Therefore, I didn't dare to listen to Luo Jialun's gentle words, so I looked at my teacup and said softly, "No, I have no such plan."
——(Zhang Bangmei's "Little Feet and Suit: Zhang Youyi and Xu Zhimo's Family Change")
Influenced by traditional Chinese etiquette and influenced by Western culture, Zhang Youyi has gradually become a self-respecting and elegant woman. In 1925, after the death of Peter, who was only three years old, she returned to China to accompany her eldest son, A Huan, to study in Beijing, and then taught German at Soochow University. The general manager of Yunshang Clothing Company.Zhang Youyi, who is so charming, is no longer the "country bumpkin" that Xu Zhimo said back then. You can hardly imagine that she is the Zhang Youyi who was always nervous when facing her own men.
After Xu Zhimo died in a plane crash on November 1931, 11, his legal wife Lu Xiaoman fainted in panic and denied the cruel reality by refusing to recognize the corpse. Only Zhang Youyi calmly let the eighth brother Zhang Yujiu take 19 A Huan, the 13-year-old son, went to Shandong to claim the body, and at the same time presided over the funeral ceremony for Xu Zhimo.In the future, he presided over the publication of the Taiwan version of "Xu Zhimo's Collected Works".
Later, she took over from Xu Zhimo to support the two elders of the Xu family, and brought up A Huan to study in the United States. After Xu Shenru's death, she sent money to Lu Xiaoman as scheduled, and did not stop supporting her until she moved to Hong Kong in 1949.She explained: "It is my son's responsibility to take care of Lu Xiaoman."
It was not until 1954 that she started her second marriage, marrying her tenant, Hong Kong doctor Su Jizhi.This is an ordinary and warm marriage, perhaps, this is the true meaning of a happy life.
When she was getting old and became an elegant legend in the vicissitudes of life, someone asked her if she loved Xu Zhimo after reviewing the past, she thought for a moment, and slowly answered:
"You know, I can't answer this question. I'm so confused by this question, because everyone always tells me that I must love Xu Zhimo after doing so much for him. But, I can't say what to say Love, I have never said 'I love you' to anyone in my life. If taking care of Xu Zhimo and his family is called love, then I probably love him. Among the few women he met in his life, Maybe I love him the most."
Forget that there was this world; there was you;
Mourning who was ever in love;
Falling like flowers, forgetting to go
(End of this chapter)
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