Meet you in the most beautiful years

Chapter 7 Beauty is always sad (1)
Forgive me for meeting you like this

In this life, I only came to this world for the person in my dream.

I have gone through hardships, wandering and wandering, just waiting for you to appear, and take you across the country.I just want to crawl to you when I am tired and sing sad songs for you.

He said that beauty is always sad.There is a kind of affection, like the morning mist in the valley in early spring, curling up from the bottom of the valley, the softness that is not stained with smoke and dust, like a deep pool in the eyes of a lover, moves all hearts.

Their love is a beautiful and sad lake, parked in the quiet time, gentle and silent.I was intoxicated in their stories, climbed thousands of mountains and mountains, stood on the top of thousands of mountains to see the peaceful lake, and felt that when the fireworks in the world were gone, there would be no trace of them in the world. At that time, the quiet and ubiquitous tenderness is like the deepest tenderness in the eyes of two hearts meeting for the first time.

Shen Congwen, a sensitive and affectionate man, crossed the Yuan River of the Tuojiang River and came to Beijing with pure ideals.He looks forward to using writing to prove faith and hope, but in the context of turbulent times, this is simply a ridiculous game.In the first days in Beijing, he was like a speck of dust, down and out, and he only made friends with the sunshine and air.

Although his life was on the brink of starvation and cold, he had the perseverance to curl up in the "narrow and moldy small studio", writing day and night, and sending it to newspapers and magazines under various pseudonyms. In 1924, he finally received his first manuscript fee; later, "Morning News" began to publish his articles; "Si" came to tell him the news. This Xiangxi native with a pure dream was so moved that he just wanted to hug his friend and cry.

During these difficult days, he got to know Ding Ling, Hu Yepin, Yu Dafu, Xu Zhimo, and the best elites of the May Fourth New Culture Period.After Xu Zhimo edited "Morning News Supplement", he became a capable author; in 1927, he published two collections of essays, "Duck" and "Tangerine", and began to show his prominence in the literary world; in 1928, he left Beijing for Shanghai, and Ding Ling When Hu Yepin founded the "Red Black" monthly magazine, he was already a famous young writer.

The first issue of the "Red Black" monthly magazine sold nearly a thousand copies in one week in Shanghai. This news made them flush with excitement. , It stopped after only eight sessions.Life fell into a predicament again. In order to repay the 1000 yuan he owed, he had to find a new job.

But life is so strange. All living beings, karma and destiny, are obviously tribulations and ups and downs, but they seem to be a prelude, coming in twists and turns, just to pave the way for a gorgeous event.

For example, he obviously doesn't like teaching, his official education is obviously only a primary school graduate and he is introverted, but Xu Zhimo introduced him to Hu Shi, and recommended him to go to the Chinese public school where Hu Shi is the principal, to teach first-year students. Modern Literature Elective.

I remember that a few years ago, when he first arrived in Beijing, he dreamed of becoming a university student, sitting in the classroom and listening to lectures, but he was unable to achieve his wish despite all the hardships; but no one expected that after only a few years, he really entered After entering university, he actually went to be a teacher!It is impossible to use common sense to explain the inevitability of this. I can only say that this is probably a good fortune.Like the fate of a rain cloud and a distant mountain, no one understands why it can't help falling so happily when it floats to a distant mountain by chance.

Even though he was so unsuitable, and even though he had slight doubts due to lack of self-confidence, no one could deny that teaching at Wusong China Public School in September 1929 was the most beautiful turning point in his life.

However, his first class on the podium was abysmal.

He temporarily rented in the French Concession.That day, he made full preparations.After preparing a class for a long time, he could stand on the podium and talk for 10 minutes; he changed into a clean and tidy gown, and tidied himself up very well; afterward, although the salary for an hour of lectures was only six yuan, he spent I hired a car for eight yuan and rushed to the school.He did all this with a solemn and apprehensive heart.He knew that this change of identity meant a new life.

In the classroom, it was dark and full of people.Prior to this, the students had already learned that the young writer Shen Congwen would come to teach at the school. For these young students who were enlightened by the new literary thought, this was gratifying news.They even wanted to know how the writer who wrote wonderful articles under the pen names of Xiu Yunyun, Jiachen, etc. was different, so the classroom was suddenly full of bright-eyed students.

The moment he stepped onto the podium, his mind went blank.This scene was beyond his imagination.He didn't expect that the first class in his life would come so formally and grandly without any transition at all.He is a man with a rich heart, but he has not yet learned how to release this richness in public.

He was at a loss, and blankness spread in his mind.He had prepared the opening speech, but he couldn't say a single word at this time.Time passed by, he stood awkwardly on the podium, and finally said a few words softly: Please give me 5 minutes...

It took him 5 minutes to calm himself down, but for the next 10 minutes he was still unable to speak.The students began to discuss in low voices. It was hard for them to imagine that such an accident would happen to the young writer they admired on the stage!

At this time, a pretty and quiet girl with a dark face was sitting in the crowd, looking at him with flickering eyes.She is Zhang Zhaohe, a first-year student in the English Department of the University Department who has just entered from the preparatory course.The teacher's embarrassment made her very uneasy, and she was a little sad to understand his state of mind at the moment.She even felt that even sitting there motionless and waiting would be a torture to the teacher.She couldn't bear to witness that a young man who had achieved success failed in front of everyone's eyes, obliterating that brilliance.

What a long and unbearable 10 minutes!At that moment, Shen Congwen was so inferior that he wanted to escape into the sky.Compared with the bloody massacres and life-and-death hardships he experienced when he was in the military camp in the thirteen counties of Yuanshui when he was young, compared with the scene of writing while bleeding from his nose in the damp and cold "narrow and moldy studio", this time Pairs of piercing eyes looking at him seemed like an insurmountable obstacle.

He was finally able to speak in a low voice, and he quickly finished the content that could only be finished in one class in just over ten minutes.Then, there was another embarrassing silence.

He turned his back and wrote a line on the blackboard: It was my first lecture, and I was scared when I saw so many people!

This is the first time they met—Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe, their first meeting was in such an embarrassing scene.Although at that time, he didn't know that a girl who was about to make him love painfully was sitting in the crowd; she also didn't know that this elegant but embarrassing teacher would woo her passionately.

At that time, Miss Zhaohe was already a black peony with outstanding talent and appearance in Chinese public schools.This dark-faced, fit and yet elegant woman exudes a unique elegant temperament. On campus, she is a fascinating scenery, and people can't help but be fascinated by her.However, she never pretended to be arrogant, she was as calm as a calm lake.Not long after entering the school, she received a hot love letter. She casually showed it to her second sister Yunhe, and then casually wrote down the names of these suitors in her diary, made a long blacklist, and compiled frogNo1 , frogNo2... (Frog No. 13, Frog No. [-]), until she received that nonsensical letter from Teacher Shen, Yunhe teased her: "Shen Congwen should be ranked as No. [-] Toad, right?"

It is said that 13 is an unlucky number. However, Shen Congwen, who was unfortunately numbered as Toad No. 13, later became her frog prince.

Perhaps it was the failure of the first class that affected Shen Congwen's image in Ms. Zhaohe's heart, or maybe her love letter like smoke had not yet begun. She neither responded to the teacher's love letter nor was she bothered to return it. With a somewhat indifferent aloofness, he walked through the campus as usual.

"I don't know why I fell in love with you all of a sudden." This is a heart-pounding love sentence, but it comes suddenly, like a cloud in the sky, suddenly seeing its own shadow in the clear lake.

Shen Congwen did not mention the circumstances under which he suddenly fell in love with Miss Zhaohe.But he once wrote such a passage in "Remembering Ding Ling": "My ideal woman must be so smart that you say one thing and she knows ten things. She understands what you say, and she understands what you don't say. She must be beautiful. Being dignified and proud can make me go crazy." This most ideal woman appeared at this moment.

At the age of 19, he fell in love with a white-faced girl in Yuanzhou. That first love of unrequited love was originally bright and moving, but it turned into a deception.For a long time after that, he "no longer felt that women were interesting", and only poured his delicate emotions into pen and ink, expressing emotions in articles and falling in love in novels.

His love for her may have started from the first sight, and after just one glance, he was lost, and his heart that had been silent for a long time suddenly became tender and painful.This handsome and charming little woman with a slightly dark face took his heart away in an instant.

He was going mad with joy, and wept with sorrow.Sweet and sad emotions tormented him, he felt that he suddenly fell into a soft abyss, only she could save him, as long as she was willing, he even felt that it was worth giving his life.

He kneaded his fiery heart into pieces of tender petals, and sent letters to the little woman who made him crazy, but he only saw the yellow cranes go, but no geese came.

Because of loving her, he has humbled himself like dust, like a piece of grass.The feeling of inferiority that he felt at a loss in the first class, he could not calm down for a long time.If she hadn't been there at that time, all the unhappiness could have been ignored. However, the first impression he left on her was so unbearable.When he thought of the black-faced beauty sitting under the stage at that time, watching him struggle and support every second, he felt a painful sense of frustration.

To be honest, he was not happy at the Chinese Public School. Although he was appreciated by Hu Shi and was able to teach there as a famous young writer, his sensitive introspection often reminded him that he was just a countryman born in the army.Therefore, on the youthful university campus, in front of his well-educated colleagues, especially his beloved Zhang Zhaohe, his distress and inferiority made him feel a great sense of oppression.

That white-faced girl many years ago made him experience that a precocious love affair is like the morning mist by a pond in early spring, with a hint of sadness.Meeting Zhang Zhaohe, this beautiful and sad feeling was actually a sweet hangover. He was drunk and willingly fell into the deep valley, but the pain spread so clearly, slowly cracking in the bottom of his heart.He bears this kind of dull pain, and he is so sweet that he gets carried away.

Every Huaichun woman has a love fairy tale in her heart. There is always a handsome prince who meets his princess romantically.For Miss Zhaohe, Shen Congwen did not give her this romance.When he met her, fate was in such a mischievous way.

Since he didn't allow her a romantic start, well, in the following time, he will give her the most touching affection.

he loves you stubbornly
In a blink of an eye, summer vacation is here.

Wusong in the summer of 1930 was a green city, but to Shen Congwen who fell in love, it was clearly purgatory.A proud little woman broke his heart.

In the past six months, how many love letters he wrote to her is beyond count.She didn't reply a single one, not even a blank sheet of paper, a full stop.The more she was silent, the more painful he was, and in the end, this almost crazy love made him unable to do anything.

At this time, Zhang Zhaohe had returned to Suzhou for vacation.Although he didn't love him, once she left, Shen Congwen's heart was like an empty campus, suddenly he lost all expectations and was completely empty.He couldn't bear this torture and decided to leave this sad place.He asked Hu Shi to resign. After Hu Shi knew the reason for his emotional frustration, he persuaded him to stay.

To stay or to leave, he finally indirectly handed over the decision to the little woman he loves.He was eager to know what she thought, whether she loved him or not, would be the reason for him to stay or leave.

(End of this chapter)