childhood, on earth, my university

Chapter 2 Childhood (1)
1
I had just recovered from a serious illness when my father, who had been busy caring for me, died.Mother knelt on the ground, talking to herself in a low and hoarse voice, and tears fell down in big drops, as if melting her eyes.Grandmother took my hand, trembling all over, pulled me over, and pushed me towards my father.I hid behind her and dragged her to refuse to go, both scared and sad.

I have never seen grown-ups cry, so I don't understand why my grandmother said to me over and over again: "Farewell to Daddy, little orphan, you will never see him again. He is dead, he died too soon." It's over, you shouldn't die..."

My father died, and it was my grandmother who took care of me instead of him.She is a very special person.

"Where did you come from?" I asked her.

"From upriver, Nijni, not by foot, but by boat! You can't walk on water, little one!!" she replied.

"Why am I a little thing?"

"Because your mouth is not idle." She replied with a smile.

Her voice sounded gentle, happy, and smooth.From the first day I met her, I became friends with her.Now I just hope she takes me out of this room as soon as possible.Because my mother made me feel very depressed.Her tears and wailing aroused a new uneasiness in my heart.It was the first time I saw her like this.She has always been strict and reticent.

Suddenly, the mother, who was busy taking care of her father's funeral, lay on her back on the ground, and cried out in a painful and terrifying voice:

"Shut the door! Get Alexei out!"

Then my grandmother pushed me away and shouted:

"Honey, don't be afraid, let's all go! This is not cholera, it is about to give birth!! I was very scared and hid behind the box. After a while, the cry of a baby was heard.

"My God, thank God! It's a boy!" said the grandmother.

It was raining when my father was buried.I stood on the smooth clay hillock and looked at the pit where my father's coffin was placed. There was a lot of water at the bottom of the pit, and there were several frogs, two of which had already climbed onto the lid of the coffin with difficulty.

Grandmother burst into tears.The two farmers bent over and couldn't wait to start filling the pit with soil.The frogs jumped from the coffin and climbed up the outer wall of the pit, but the clods knocked them down to the bottom of the pit again.

"Let's go, Lyonya," said my grandmother, grabbing me by the shoulder.I broke free from her hand, I didn't want to leave.

"What's the matter with you?" She said strangely.Then, she also lowered her head and stood silently for a long time until the grave was level with the ground.She took my hand again and led me away.

"Why don't you cry?" she asked as she walked, "You should cry!"

"I don't want to cry." I said.

"If you don't want to cry, then don't cry." She whispered.

I seldom cry, only when I am wronged.At this time, my father would always laugh at me and shed tears, but my mother would always shout: "Don't cry!"

"Those frogs won't crawl out?" I asked my grandmother.

"No, they can't climb out." Grandma said, "May God bless them!" Neither father nor mother would say God so frequently and so affectionately like grandma.

A few days later, my grandmother and mother took a boat to Nijni City to find my grandfather.In the small cabin, my newborn baby brother Maxime died.

"Don't be afraid." Grandma said, gently hugging me in her soft hands and putting me on the luggage.

A gray mist filled the surface of the water, and black land appeared in the distance, which disappeared in the mist and water after a while.Everything around was trembling, only my mother leaned against the bulkhead, stood silent and motionless all the way, the whole person was completely changed, she became a stranger, even the dress she was wearing was strange to me. is strange.

Grandmother whispered to her more than once: "Varya, eat something, just a little, huh?"

But the mother remained silent and motionless.

When my grandmother spoke to me, she spoke softly, but when she spoke to my mother, she spoke much louder.But I don't know why, I can hear that she is very cautious when talking to her mother, even timid. I think she is afraid of her mother.However, this brought me closer to my grandmother.Although the grandmother looks black with a swarthy face and black clothes, her heart is shining with a happy and bright light.When she smiled, her cherry-like black eyes shone with an indescribably warm light, and her whole face looked young and full of vitality.She was a little stooped and fat, but she moved as easily as a big cat.

Before my grandmother came, I seemed to have been sleeping in the dark. Her appearance woke me up and brought me into a light.It is her infinite love for the world that enriches my heart, and it is she who gives me the infinite strength to bravely overcome the difficulties and hardships in life.

Our boat sailed for a long time to reach the city of Nijni.It was a beautiful day, and my grandmother and I stood on the deck from morning till night.The ship sailed along the banks of the Volga River, which were dyed golden by the thick autumn colors.On the Volga River, a round of red sun was moving quietly, and everything around was changing like a revolving lantern.The green mountains in the distance are like gorgeous ornaments on the earth.The cities and villages on both sides look like a colorful tapestry from a distance.The golden autumn leaves floated down the river.

"Look, how wonderful!! Grandmother kept talking, walking up and down in the cabin. She was radiant, happy, and her eyes were wide open. Sometimes she was silent and looked at the river bank with tears in her eyes. .I tugged at her black print skirt:
"What?" She shook her body, and said with a smile, "my dear, it's because of joy. Old people often do this. You know, I'm old. I've been through sixty years."

She sniffed the snuff, and began to tell me strange stories.For example, good robbers, anecdotes about saints, demons and goblins.When she told me the story, her voice was very low and very mysterious, and she kept staring into my eyes, as if she was injecting a kind of power into my heart to cheer me up.She talked like she sang, and listening to her stories was an indescribable joy.I often begged her immediately after listening to one:

"Tell me one more time!"

"Okay. There is one right now: there is an old house god sitting under the stove, noodles stuck into the soles of his feet, and he staggers as he walks, crying: 'Oh, little mouse, I hurt so much, I suffer No more!'"

The grandmother was talking, frowning, and raised one foot, pretending to pinch a little mouse with both hands, as if her own foot was pricked, which was very funny.

All around stood a group of bearded sailors.They listened, laughed, praised her constantly, and always begged her:
"Well, old lady, tell me one more! Anything will do."

Mother rarely came on deck.She was always sullenly alone, leaving us alone.Once, she actually said sternly to her grandmother:
"Everyone is laughing at you, mother!
"Let them laugh!" Grandma said indifferently, "Let them laugh as much as they want."

When the ship arrived in Nijni, my grandmother showed a childlike smile.She took my hand, pushed me over the side, and said aloud:
"Look, look, how beautiful! This is the city of Nijni! You see, this is simply a place where gods live! Look at the church again, as if it is flying in the air."

Then she said to her mother in a pleading tone:

"Varya, take a look, huh? You probably forgot about this place? Be happy, child, huh?"

Mother smiled gloomily.

My grandfather came to pick us up with his family in a boat.Grandma spun like a spinning top, hugging and kissing everyone.After a while, she pushed me to the crowd again, saying:
"Hey, this is your Uncle Mikhailo, this is Uncle Yakov and Aunt Natalia, these are your two cousins, both named Sasha, and this is your cousin Katerina, this is Our family. You see, what a family!"

We got off the boat and got on the boat, went ashore together, and walked up the mountain along the slope covered with large pebbles.Grandfather and mother walked in front of everyone.The grandfather's head only reached the mother's shoulders, and although his steps were small, he walked very quickly.The two uncles followed behind. Uncle Mihailo's black hair was combed neatly, and he was as thin as his grandfather.Uncle Yakov's hair was shiny and curly.Several children walked silently among them.I walked with my grandmother and my little aunt.In this group, neither adults nor children, I do not like.I felt like an outsider among them, and even my grandmother had changed a little, alienated from me.I especially disliked my grandfather and felt that he was my enemy.

We walked up the slope and came to the top of the slope.On the right side of the slope stood a solid one-story house.The bungalows had dirty pink paint on the walls and low roofs.My grandmother told me that this is my grandfather's home.We went into the yard, and there were big chunks of wet cloth hanging everywhere, and big buckets of colorfully stained water in which the cloth was soaked.The whole yard exudes a pungent smell, which makes people feel upset.A low wing room was built in a corner of the yard, and it looked like it was about to collapse. A voice came from inside: "Chai Tan—Magenta—Sulphate."

2
My grandfather was engaged in the dyeing industry, and he was the leader of the dyeing guild.But the atmosphere of mutual hatred was always shrouded in the grandfather's house.From what my grandmother told me, I knew that my two uncles, Yakov and Mikhailo, had been pestering my grandfather to divide the property, and my mother came at this time.They are afraid that their mother will demand their share of the dowry they were entitled to when they were married.Because the mother married someone privately, against the wishes of the grandfather, the dowry was deducted by the grandfather.The two uncles believed that the dowry should be divided between them.

Not long after we arrived at my grandfather’s house, another quarrel broke out while we were having lunch in the kitchen. The two uncles wrestled. I was so frightened that I jumped onto the stove and looked down in horror.Later, my grandfather and grandmother also quarreled.After Uncle Yakov left, grandmother stood in the corner, crying loudly, trembling all over:

"O merciful Mother, please give my children a little reason."

When I turned awkwardly on the stove, I knocked over the iron, and it rolled down the ladder and fell into the dirty water basin with a plop.My grandfather jumped onto the kang ladder all at once, dragged me down, and stared at my face:
"Who put you on the stove was your mother, right?"

"I came up by myself."

"you're lying!"

"I'm not lying, I came up by myself, I'm afraid."

He lightly patted my forehead with his palm and pushed me away:

"Too much like your father, go away..."

I hurried out of the kitchen.I felt my grandfather's piercing green eyes always staring at me from behind, and I was terrified.In my impression, my grandfather was vicious. He spoke to everyone with ridicule and provocation, deliberately provoking and irritating each other.His catchphrase "Hey, you guys" always gives me goosebumps when I hear it.

Soon my grandfather forced me to learn to pray, taught by the quiet and timid Aunt Natalia.She has a baby face and her eyes are so clear.I love looking into her eyes.She narrowed her eyes, shook her head, and whispered my prayers.But when I asked her questions, she said don't ask, the more you ask, the worse it gets.This made me very angry and it also affected me from remembering my prayers.

Once, my grandfather asked me if I had memorized the prayers, and my aunt said in a low voice, "He has a bad memory."

My grandfather smiled coldly when he heard this, and said:
"If so, you will be beaten."

Then he asked me again:
"Did your father ever hit you?"

I haven't answered yet, my mother said:

"No, Maxim never hit him, nor did he let me hit him."

"why?"

"He said that sticks can't produce talent."

"He's a complete fool, Maxim, thankfully he's dead, God forgive me"

My grandfather's words hurt me, and he realized this, and said to me:
"Why are you pouting? You really have..."

He stroked his grizzled reddish-brown hair again and said, "I'm going to whip Sasha on Saturday."

"What is whipping?" I don't understand.

Everyone laughed.Grandfather said:
"You'll know when the time comes..."

However, by Saturday, I not only knew but also experienced my grandfather's whipping.

I've always been fascinated by the dexterity with which grown-ups dye and color fabric.They soaked the yellow cloth in black water, and the cloth turned dark blue, and rinsed the gray cloth in reddish-brown water, and the cloth turned red.I wanted to dye something by myself, so I told Sasha of Uncle Yakov's family about this idea.

"White is the easiest to paint, and I know how to do it!" He told me solemnly.

I dragged the heavy tablecloth out into the yard.But when I just put a corner of the tablecloth into the wooden barrel filled with dyed water, the young apprentice "Little Gypsy" rushed towards me, snatched the tablecloth away, and while wringing it dry vigorously, he looked at me in the doorway. Sasha yelled:

"Go and call grandma!"

Then, shaking his disheveled head restlessly, he said to me:
"Look, you're going to get a good beating too"

Grandmother came running, she screamed and even cried:

"Salty ear ghost! I wish I could lift you up and throw you on the ground."

Then, she said to "Little Gypsy":

"Don't tell Dad, I'll keep it a secret."

"Little Gypsy" said while wiping his hands:

"I will never tell. Be careful Sasha, he will definitely inform."

On Saturday, near all night prayers, I was ushered into the kitchen.Grandpa stood beside the dirty water basin in the corner, picked up long thin tree stalks from the bucket, waved them in the air, and arranged them one by one. "Little Gypsy" sat on a bench angrily, and the grandmother stood in the dark and sniffed snuff loudly.Sasha of Uncle Yakov's family sat on a stool in the middle of the kitchen, wiped his tears and said:
"For Christ's sake, spare me..."

Uncle Mihailo's children stood by the stool like logs.

"Beat me, and I'll spare you..." said the grandfather, picking up a long, soaked tree stick:

"Come on, take off your pants and go to the bench!"

"Little Gypsy" tied Sasha to the stool.

"Lexei!" my grandfather called me, "come closer and watch carefully."

Every time he raised the tree stick, my internal organs were lifted up, and every time his hand fell, my whole body seemed to fall apart.

Sasha screamed:

"I don't... dare again... or did I tell you about the tablecloth..."

My grandmother immediately rushed to me, hugged me with both hands, and shouted to my grandfather:
"I won't let you hit Lexie, no!"

She kicked the closed kitchen door again and called out to my mother:
"Varya, Valya!"

However, my grandfather rushed over and snatched me.I pulled his beard and bit his fingers.He screamed and threw me on the bench:
"Tie him up!"

My mother came, but her pleas were of no avail, and I was beaten unconscious and sick for days.Those days when I was sick were the big days in my life.Since then my heart has become unbearably sensitive to all the humiliation and pain.

The quarrel between my grandmother and my mother made me realize that my mother was as afraid of my grandfather as everyone else, and that I dragged her down so that she could not leave this place she did not want to stay.I am devastated.But before long, my mother left my grandfather's house, as if she was visiting somewhere.

Grandpa came, sat in front of my bed, touched my hand with his hand, and brought a lot of delicious things.I really want to kick him, but when I move, my whole body hurts.His thin and shapely body leaned against me lightly, and said:
"I hit you too hard. I was mad. You bit me and scratched me, no, I got mad too! But it's not too bad if you take a few more hits, so you'll have Promising!"

Then he told me about his childhood in a forceful and heavy tone:
"You came by boat, and when I was young, I used my own strength to drag the barge up the Volga River. The boat walked in the water, and I dragged on the shore, barefoot, stepping on sharp stones .Just like this from sunrise to late night. Walking, dragging, sometimes the rope fell off, and I just fell down and gnawed on the mud. Good! In this way, I traveled tens of thousands of versts. In the fourth year, I became the head of the trackers, because the master appreciated my intelligence and ability..."

He said, sometimes jumping out of bed, waving his hands, showing me how the boatman pulls the fiber, and singing in a low voice.

The family watched us several times at the door and called him to go, but I always begged him, "Don't go!"

He smiled and waved them away: "I'll stay for a while..."

He talked till evening.Before leaving, he bid me farewell cordially.Only then did I feel that my grandfather was neither vicious nor scary.However, I will never forget that he beat me so cruelly.

My grandmother often visits me. "Little Gypsy" also came.

"Look," he rolled up his sleeves and stretched out his arm in front of my eyes, with red scars all over it, "how many times have I suffered for you, I used this arm to protect you, you finally saved a few times .”

I told him I liked him a lot.He replied:
"Yes, I love you very much too. I endured this pain for you because of this love. Do you think I was beaten for anyone else? I didn't even look at them..."

Then, looking back at the door, he whispered to me:

"When you hit you next time, be careful not to shrink into a ball. Do you know that if you hold your body tightly, the pain will be doubled. And don't pout your lips, take a deep breath and howl desperately. Remember my words , good for you!"

I asked him, "Will you still hit me?"

"Why not? Maybe he will beat you often."

"why?"

"Your grandfather is the best at finding fault..."

He smiled, smiling so softly and kindly.Looking at his happy face, I couldn't help thinking of the fairy tales my grandmother told about the brave, simple, kind and troubled Prince Ivan and the fool Ivanushka.

3
(End of this chapter)