My girlfriend who has been running for ten years is getting married tomorrow

Chapter 27 You Are Not Really Happy (2)
When I arrived in Nanjing, there was only one day left before the exam, and the exam location was also here.But I didn't stay, I went back to Rugao, and stayed in a hotel next to the station. Exams and qualifications suddenly became worthless to me.

I showered and shaved, changed into clean clothes, and tried to force myself to sleep for a while, so that I could be in a better state of mind when I met Ling Yiyao.However, I was sleepy and tired, but I couldn't fall asleep. As soon as I closed my eyes, I felt flustered and short of breath, as if someone was beating a gong in my ear and shouting loudly: "She's leaving you! She's leaving you!"

It was like extorting a confession by cruel methods in the interrogation room.

I left a message for Ling Yiyao on the Internet, and sent a text message, falling asleep and waking up, groggy.I don't know how long it took before she called and asked suspiciously, "Are you in Rugao?"

"Well," I added, "come back for the exam."

"Oh, I thought they came back to find me."

I originally wanted to tell her that I gave up this year's first-level construction engineer exam for her, but in the end I didn't speak because I don't know if she is still mine.

We made an appointment to meet in Anding Square. We had probably been together for a long time, and each other's figures had already been imprinted in our pupils. Even though we were far apart and there were many people, we still saw each other at a glance.We stood face to face, she looked into my eyes, and said with concern: "Why are there so many bloodshot eyes? How long have you not slept?"

I don't know how to answer, because I haven't had more than four hours of full sleep recently.

There were many children in the open space of the square. They were running around on roller skates. We were afraid of bumping into them, so we sat on the bench next to them.She asked, "Are you going to Xinjiang after the exam?"

I said, "I don't want to go, I want to come back to accompany you."

She frowned and asked, "Didn't you raise money there? If you leave it there, what will you do in the future?"

I was a little unhappy: "You want me to go back?"

She thought for a while, then sighed in a low voice: "I'm afraid you're out of money, and it's not worth it."

I didn't know what to say immediately, and tried hard to figure out what she meant by this sentence, but my mind was in a state of chaos, and I didn't know which direction to think.She added: "Some time ago, I had a quarrel with my mother, which made her sick with anger. Even my grandmother called me to scold me, asking me if I planned to make my family estranged. Family reunion, kowtow to the ancestors."

When she raised her eyes to look at me, she burst into tears and said aggrievedly: "My grandfather passed away last year, and I should visit the grave on Qingming Festival this year, but I hid in Nanjing and never came back. Don't you understand me? I was a grandfather when I was young." My grandmother brought me up, and they all said I was ungrateful, white-eyed wolf."

While wiping her tears, I comforted her: "We will have money as soon as this project is finished. Let's kowtow to your grandfather and visit your relatives from door to door. I can also be very filial to your elders."

She pushed my hand away, wiped away her tears, and said, "Did you forget? You and I are already secretly in love. Luo Tingyu and I have been dating in name since the beginning of the year. I can't go back now! I can not go back!"

Can't we go back?

I looked at Ling Yiyao's face in confusion. That face that once gave me tenderness and strength was now full of sadness and determination. This was the first time in ten years that I felt the helplessness that was close at hand but far away.

It took me a long time to recover and asked, "What do you want me to do?"

Ling Yiyao bowed his head in silence for a while, and said, "I'm so tired, I can't take it anymore, give me freedom."

I felt like I was hit on the back of the head severely by someone, and my eyes were dark, but I still tried my best to stand up and nodded, "Okay, listen to you."

"You will hate me?" She also stood up.

I bit my lip, trying not to speak, there are so many children around, don't be ashamed in public, I just opened my arms and put her in my arms, hugged her hard, and sniffed her long hair for the last time scent, and then turned away from that square.

Ling Yiyao, Ling Yiyao, I once swore to cover the wind and snow for it, the girl I love and protect in this life, you are the most powerful person in the world, you have the supernatural power to take my soul out of the sky with a simple word!From now on, where should I go, who should I live for, and how should I face such a long, dark and meaningless life?

For the next week, I lived the worst days of my life.

I can't keep up with the exam, and I don't want to go back to Xinjiang for the time being, and I don't want to find my old friends. Besides, I have already spent all my family savings on projects in Xinjiang, and I dare not go home to see my parents.I fell asleep in the hotel all the time, with the curtains drawn, sleeping day and night. I was so hungry that I ate the bucket of instant noodles that was already in the room.

I thought I could do something by staying in this city, but in fact I couldn't change the reality in front of me at all. Ling Yiyao didn't send me a text message or make a phone call, and I didn't contact her again.

So, I decided to go out for a walk.

In the past few years, I have been walking, from Jiangsu to Xinjiang, from the desolate coastal tidal flats to the even more desolate Gobi Desert.But I have never lost my way. Even if I walk in the wind and snow where I only know the front, back, left, and right, but not the south, east, northwest, there is still a tall lighthouse in my heart, and there are still people looking forward to my return.But now, the light from the lighthouse has completely disappeared, and I can no longer find my way back.

I went back to Nanjing alone to find the previous house, but the landlord hadn't rented it out yet, so I begged him to let me stay for one night.

"It's not a free hotel here." The landlord said.

I took out a one-hundred-yuan bill and said, "Let me stay overnight, and I'll leave tomorrow."

Only then did the landlord pretend to accept it reluctantly.

When Ling Yiyao left, he cleaned up the house. Some abandoned daily necessities were neatly placed in the corner. The blue towels, toothbrushes, and cups were all mine, and the red ones were hers; The backrest is still stuck to the label I tore off from the packaging of new socks, and she always calls me "childish" for it; the lampshade has her cartoon face painted with faded lip gloss, grinning heartlessly .

Because there is no bedding, I can only lie on the hard bed wrapped in clothes and sleep with the TV on to resist the silence here.Since the day I moved in, this place has been the warmest place in my memory and the safest harbor, but now it's as cold as an icehouse.I always heard her voice in a daze, and every time I woke up suddenly, only to find that it was just the sound of the TV.I really hope that what I have experienced is just a nightmare. I really hope that when I wake up, I see her drying clothes on the balcony, and the afterglow of dusk reflects her lovely body silhouette, or that she suddenly opens the door and walks in with a plastic bag in her hand. with supermarket labels.But she's gone and won't appear again.

In the early morning of the next day, I was washing alone, and there was only a haggard and lonely self in the mirror, but the image of two people standing here brushing their teeth and squeezing back and forth kept appearing in my mind.In the end, I put the red and blue toothbrushes in the same cup, closed the door and left.

That day I re-boarded the train to Urumqi, and I have been alone since then, without any worries.This body is already a walking corpse, this heart no longer belongs to Ling Yiyao, and I respect God for this life.

Back in the Gobi Desert, someone asked me how I felt about the exam. I smiled and said I was confident, and then asked me if I had gone home to date my girlfriend. I still looked extremely happy.I'm not a pitiful creature, I don't need to win the so-called mercy, I have lost my soul, but my fangs and teeth are still there, and I can participate in cruel scrambles.

I became the crankiest guy on the job site.I am full of energy at work, laughing and joking during breaks, and the supervisors keep a respectful distance from me, because sometimes I nod and bow to them like a pug and call them grandpa, and at other times, I show my fierceness to them like a mad dog, and even chase after the critical little supervisor while drinking.

"Gong Lu, I'm not talking about you, you should change your temper and drink less wine!" In front of Party A and the supervisor, Old Liu reprimanded me with a stern face.

But he reprimanded me, and indulged me, because it was inconvenient for him to turn against others, and he needed a mad dog like me.

However, as soon as I was free, I started to be in a daze. My colleagues joked that I was "a dog-beating stick in the corner".

The progress of the project has reached the late stage. We often invite Party A or people from the government department to dinner. Every time I bluff, grandstanding and talking about all kinds of vulgar jokes, and then take out the posture of dying together to drink, one cup after another Knock to death.Everyone praised me a lot, I was young and promising, and my future was immeasurable, but I knew that the wine market and the officialdom were all places where lies were distributed.

"Gong Lu, Director Chen rarely praises young people like this, do you think you should show it?" The people next to him booed.

"Don't dare to do it, don't dare to do it, just call me Xiao Lu," I filled a cup, "Thank you, Director Chen, I will definitely make persistent efforts to make it better, and live up to your love! I did it, you can do whatever you want." !"

The huge cup is full of three taels, 52 degrees.As soon as the strong alcohol entered my throat, I was so uncomfortable that I couldn't breathe, but I still held my breath and forced it down.

"Good! Refreshing!"

I sat down, rubbed my chest secretly, and enjoyed the pleasure of this moment, the pleasure of self-torture.

"Are you okay?" Xiao Meng poured me tea calmly.

"Uncomfortable." After I finished speaking in a low voice, I felt a smell of alcohol welling up in my throat, and I wished I could spit it out immediately.

Old Liu also leaned closer to me and said, "Swallow it back! I'm going to die to hold on to this scene!"

Of course I know that we were despised because we were young, and if we vomited again, it would be embarrassing.

The car drove to the edge of the Gobi Desert, I jumped out of the car and squatted on the side of the road, throwing up, and then crying in the dust.Including Lao Liu and Xiao Meng, the colleagues next to me laughed happily. Everyone knew that I would cry when I was drunk, but no one knew what I was crying about.

During that month, I completely lost contact with Ling Yiyao, and it seemed that I would never communicate with each other for the rest of my life.I counted every rising and setting of the sun in remote Xinjiang, looking forward to the day when she would be forgotten, but every time I got drunk and woke up from a nightmare, I would miss that familiar name crazily.

But after waking up, standing in front of people, I still have to force myself to smile every day, listening to people tell me how stupid my gaffe after drinking is, how stupid, how stupid, and then I laughed with them until I wiped my tears.

Xiao Liao, the driver of the project department of Party A, sent me some songs with a USB flash drive, and I loaded them all into my mobile phone.From Phoenix Legend to Vitas, from rock to red songs, I listened to them one by one without any choice, singing loudly while driving on the empty Gobi desert.

There is only one song that made me have to park the car on the side of the road, clutch my chest, and lie on the steering wheel to breathe—"You Are Not Really Happy" by Mayday.

(End of this chapter)