Me and Empress Dowager Cixi

Chapter 53 The Miracle of the Lotus (1)
After announcing the punishment for the governor of Guangdong, Lafayette was depressed all afternoon.At that time, Lafayette resolutely dealt with that person regardless of sympathy, obviously out of a sense of justice, but there is an obvious duality in Lafayette's character, and he often regrets it afterwards, and it is the same today.After returning to the palace, she thought of the performance of the man's grandfather and father in the court, and also thought of his own contribution to the court. The more she thought about it, the more uneasy she felt, and the smile on her face became less and less, until finally all restrained up.Seeing the empress dowager's ashen face, although I knew she was unhappy about the Guangdong governor's affairs, I didn't expect it to last so long.

The queen mother is the axis of the entire palace, and when she is upset, everyone in the palace also becomes serious.All the eunuchs, court ladies and other deacons seemed to have disappeared without a trace.It is understandable for everyone to do so, after all, no one wants to be the queen mother's punching bag.In fact, the queen mother was not angry at that time, but because of the incident in the morning, she felt unhappy, as if something was blocking her. It is more accurate to say that she is sad than angry.The Empress Dowager was very distressed and wanted to speak to me several times, but she held back in the end.I know that the Empress Dowager has a knot in her heart that has not been untied so far, and this knot can only be untied by the Empress Dowager alone, and no one else can get in.It was precisely because she was in a state of anxiety that the Empress Dowager became extremely fussy, and she would weigh over and over again the little things that she usually didn't care about, and the irritability and irritability of ordinary old people also showed in her.This situation lasted until dinner time, and for some unknown reason, her depression was suddenly relieved. The specific manifestation was that she wanted to talk, and when she spoke, she held back a long paragraph of words all afternoon.I was still the one who spoke to the Queen Mother first. The conversation between us started with a question. This was unexpected to me, and it was also a very rare way for Lafayette to start a conversation. "Have you ever been beaten by someone before?" the queen mother asked me.

This question is really unexpected. I don't know what her intention is, let alone what kind of connotation is contained in the question.I was born in an aristocratic family, and I grew up in a house full of servants. For a well-to-do man like me, the answer to this question is not difficult to guess.I have always regarded beating as a kind of punishment, and it is a punishment for servants who have done wrong things.When I was young, if the maids or servants around me did something wrong, I would teach them a lesson. Not only did they dare not fight back, but they even knelt down and thanked me for beating them.I have hit people, but never been beaten.If I am going to be beaten, who should beat me?My mother is gentle by nature and never gets angry easily. She never even beat the servants at home, let alone her precious daughter; my father is a strict person, but he never beat me, and he rarely even reprimanded me loudly.If I did something wrong, my father would always bring me in for a pleasant talk and make me swear never to make the same mistake again.I think Lafayette must understand my parents. It is really not easy for people from a family like mine to be beaten.Therefore, I replied in a low voice: "If you go back to Lafayette, you have never been beaten. Up to now, the slave has never been beaten." What kind of questions will Buddha ask next?

Her Majesty didn't seem to notice my reply, she just wanted a good start.She asks me questions, and as long as I say the answer, it doesn't matter what the answer is.She talked about her thoughts on her own: "Although I have a lot of power in my hands, I can't do as I want in many things. There are always many obstacles that affect me. Today, due to the situation, I have to punish myself. My lord, once such a man of great merit is excluded from the imperial court, I really feel very sad. Now that his crimes have been verified, out of the heart of justice, I have to punish him. If he is easily released If he passes him by, the governors in other places may follow suit and break the law together. In this way, the whole country will be in chaos. According to the law, the punishment I gave him is very fair, but the human heart is not made of iron after all. It's always a very torturous level. Besides, I always find it a bit uneasy to punish someone who is corrupt and law-breaking by those of us who can barely abide by the law. Don't know if you've heard , if his own son commits a crime, and a father is forced to teach his son a lesson, he will feel very uncomfortable.” I have never heard my father talk about this. "What kind of feeling, can the Queen Mother tell me?" I asked with a very curious look.

Seeing my question, the Empress Dowager continued: "Being forced to do so, when a father hits his son, tears always flow down his stomach. For them, hitting their own child once is equivalent to having endured ten blows. A child is hit a hundred times, and I have suffered a thousand. The child hurts on the body, but the parents hurt in the heart. This is how I feel now. Those courtiers are like my children. I was forced to punish them helplessly , but how do they know the pain in my heart? After punishing them, I will be uneasy for the next few days. I have no choice but to express it in front of everyone. His affairs have already In the past, in order to reconcile the mood, we must find some things to do, only in this way can I dispel the troubles in my mind. If I stay idle all the time, I will never forget these things anyway. I keep telling myself that I must put Forget about this matter, there are still many things waiting for me to deal with in the future. With so many ministers in the court, there will definitely be people who make the same mistakes in the future. If I can't adjust my mood in time and let these depressions accumulate in my heart, My body must be overwhelmed."

From the Queen Mother's conversation, we can see that she is basically a person who can distinguish right from wrong, and she can see very clearly about right and wrong.In fact, the queen mother not only has a clear distinction between right and wrong for others, but also for herself.Although no one dared to criticize her regardless of whether what the Queen Mother did was right or wrong, there was one advantage in the Queen Mother's character, that is, she was unwilling to play up her mistakes and always had the courage to admit them afterwards.The queen mother did many things wrong, but no one ever said that she should be punished. On the one hand, it was because we did not have the right, and on the other hand, it was also because of those trivial things.The queen mother never apologized to others for doing something wrong, she just mentioned it verbally every time.For example, one day the queen mother asked me to do something, which I felt was very unreasonable, and even a mistake at all, but since I dared not tell the queen mother, I had to follow her orders.After the matter was settled, the Queen Mother didn't say anything, and after four or five days, we almost forgot about it, and the Queen Mother suddenly said: "A few days ago, what I asked you to do was actually my mistake. "After listening to the queen mother's words, we really couldn't laugh or cry, and really wanted to say: "This is your fault." However, none of us had the guts, so we had to laugh it off.

In order to make herself forget the unpleasant things, the queen mother has been looking for a way to relieve boredom. When dinner was about to finish, she finally thought of a good idea, and when she said it, we all agreed.The queen mother said: "The lotus flowers in Kunming Lake have bloomed in recent days, and there will inevitably be hundreds of them blooming tomorrow morning. The scenery at that time must be very beautiful." The queen mother looked around and found that we were all very interested in this proposal. , and then said: "Tomorrow morning we will go to Kunming Lake to see lotus flowers. Everyone must get up early, preferably before breakfast. We will have fun in a small boat. Only in this way can we forget our worries." A good idea, the queen mother was very excited, and she forgot all her troubles.There was no sign of restlessness until it was time to go to bed after eating.Even after going to bed, the time it took for her to fall asleep was not as long as it used to be. Occasionally, she would still snore, showing that she was sleeping soundly.I happened to be on duty that night. Since the queen mother went to bed early, I sat on the ground to rest after I went.On the one hand, the weather is still early, and on the other hand, I have to plan for tomorrow, so it is not easy for me to fall asleep.When he opened his eyes in a daze, Dongfang had already turned pale.

(End of this chapter)