Hunter and Hussar

Chapter 40 Falling Life

"We're here, it's windy outside, go back to the classroom." When the old class parked the car at the school gate, I realized that it took a long time.Along the way, I was thinking about how to teach Taotao phonetic symbols.Mi Le and I, including Ye Ruiyang and Brother Chuan, our English scores are not bad, but our spoken English is not very standard—at least not to the level where we have the guts to mislead others.Zhao Rui may be okay, but I don't want to go to him at all.After thinking about it, I thought of Huang Minxue.Brother Chuan, who knows everything, once told me that Huang Minxue’s English scores are particularly good, and every test is either full or close to full.But the other grades are pretty average, and it's holding back—no, Huang Minxue is not a dog, so he has no hind legs.

But I am not very confident about approaching Xuexue. Even though he is the child of our Chinese teacher, we have teased him a little at the drama festival.I always feel that I don't want to be close to him, not only because of the various performances in the class competition, but more importantly because of the quarrel between him and Xu Mu.I can't stand people who are harsh and mean.Thanks to Mi Le and Ye Ruiyang, they have always taken care of my emotions, even if I made a malicious joke with them (I regret it), they never said harsh words to me.

A few harsh words, they were not directed at me, but I was still overwhelmed by the cold light of this harsh language.Those few words might not be enough to destroy his friendship with Mu Zheng and Xu Mu, but it was enough to freeze and shatter all my good impressions of him.How can a man talk like that to his friends?

Perhaps what I am afraid of is not Xuexue, but what I see from him.Ask yourself, have I never said that? "Aren't you afraid that your parents will suddenly take you away?" "You look quite broad." "Then you should take care of yourself, go for more physical examinations, detect heart disease in advance, and treat it well, can't you?" "Ke Peixian, I hate you, I will never see you again!" "You villain, you are too good at flattering people..." I clearly know what these words mean, and I also know that nothing is worse than viciousness. His language can hurt people more, and he knows that what is spoken is water that is poured out, and it can never be taken back.Forever, what a cruel word.

"By the way, you can do your Chinese and English homework first when you go back today. It doesn't matter if you can't finish it. Thank you for your hard work." The old class told me again.I hurriedly nodded to him and said, teacher, you have worked hard too.He waved at me on the motorcycle and walked along the street lights to a neighborhood not far away.

After entering the school, I decided to talk to Xuexue.Now that he has decided to help Taotao, he must help to the end and do his best.The few behaviors that Xuexue learned might just be in a bad mood (maybe I was also making excuses for some of my behaviors), and the teammate who would play the guitar and sing birthday songs for me should still be very sunny and enthusiastic.He is so delicate and lovely, especially when he is grinning.

Asking him to teach Taotao directly is unrealistic and troublesome.I can ask him to record each phonetic symbol, then organize it into an audio on the computer, and copy it to Taotao's mobile phone through the memory card.Although his mobile phone is a button type, it still has some basic functions.As long as the audio file can be opened on his mobile phone, he can refer to it at any time.This method should be quite reliable.

On the way back to the teaching building, I took out my mobile phone, first to check what time it is, and second, I wanted to find Huang Minxue’s account in the WeChat group first, add my friends, and chat with him after the evening self-study .

It's [-]:[-], and our self-study will end at [-]:[-].When it comes to homework, I don’t have enough time, but I will definitely finish all the tasks today, and if it’s a big deal, I’ll take it back to the dormitory and lie down under the quilt and turn on the flashlight of my mobile phone to write.I don't like to be in debt, especially to those class representatives.I was thinking about it, and clicked on WeChat, and found that Xuexue had sent several messages in the school team group a few minutes ago.Yes, he should not be studying at night, so he can look at his mobile phone.

He said something big.I didn't look carefully, just clicked on the link he sent.One piece of news.The title is "The Most Tragic Air Crash in Football in the Past 20 Years: Chapecoense, Flying Dreams and Falling Lives".

Chapecoens?a little familiar.

Wait, plane crash?
what happened?
At noon on November 11, BJ time, a flight carrying the Brazilian football team Chapecoense crashed near Medellin, Colombia.There were 29 people on board, 81 passengers and 72 crew members.Only six people survived the accident.The purpose of Chapecoense's trip is to go to Medellin to participate in the first round of the South American Cup final. The opponent is the National Atlético de Medellin, which just won the Copa Libertadores this year...

I don't know where I'm going, but it's not the way to the classroom.Light and floating, I'm like a weightless balloon.If I ran into a teacher or a security guard, as long as he was an adult, he would ask, what are you doing?At this moment, I can only answer, I also want to know.What’s wrong with you?Don't study at night?Chapecoense crashed.What are chapecoenses?It's not a thing, it's a Brazilian soccer team.Today, their plane crashed on the way to the finals, leaving only three members of the team alive.Yeah?But what business are those Brazilians to you?People die every day in this world.I don't have any relatives with you, why are you sad?What are you pretending to be passionate about?
But... I'm just sad.I am not lazy, I am not lazy, I will study hard, but I want to be alone for a while, just for a while.May I?

I wandered to the west of the school. The teaching building is dedicated to courses such as music, art, labor skills, and computers. It is dark at night and no one will come.There is a huge maple poplar tree at the back of the building, which is far older than the newly built campus.I don't know if it was moved over or is still here.Trees are so strange.I stroke the trunk.It seems lifeless, because we hardly witness the death of trees other than being felled.But it is alive, like us, is alive, and breathes the same air.How long can a tree live?Decades, decades, even centuries.It outlasts us who are free to touch its branches.And the green team logo, as full of life as the summer leaves of trees, was seen by me, on a photo made of data, in front of a trembling mobile phone screen.It is also real, covered with salty mud that I can't smell. It is the soil of Colombia, which is separated from China by thousands of mountains and rivers, but it is also real soil.A reporter filmed it at the scene of the accident to let us know that the high-altitude fall was not a nightmare.

I typed a few characters I still remember into the browser of my mobile phone.The network handed me back a poem I haven't forgotten:

Who is crying somewhere in this world now,
Crying in this world for no reason,

crying for me.

Who laughs somewhere in the night now,
Laughing at night for no reason,

smile at me.

Who walks somewhere in this world now,
Walking in this world for no reason,

go towards me.

who dies now somewhere in this world,
To die in this world for no reason,

look at me. [1]
I cried, crying silently and for no reason.Maybe it was the thought of this poem I saw a few days ago, maybe it was the smell of the soft and wet soil in Colombia, maybe it was the unremarkable night three months ago, when I happened to see the green team logo of this club.Maybe not, just witnessing the embers of life suddenly burst, people will die.

The mobile phone reminded me that there was a new message in the group. It was a few classmates and teachers who were not in self-study. They sent prayers or candle emojis, or words like "may the dead rest in peace and the living be strong".I also sent it.Huang Min learned too much, he sent another link.He clearly knew that everyone would click on it.Another piece of news, about Chapecoense goalkeeper Marcos Danilo.When he first joined the club, the team was still in the second division.He accompanied the team all the way to upgrade and break into intercontinental competitions. Although Chapecoense is not a rich team with many championships, he and his teammates still work hard and play every game steadily.He dreamed of a bigger club in the past and played at a higher level, but he also liked Chapeco City and felt that reality was equally happy.It's not a big city, but it's warm and friendly, the fans are warm and respectful to the players, and the family lives happily.There is a photo of him standing in front of the goal in his jersey, stroking his two-year-old child with the palm of his father, who is wearing the same jersey as him, with his arms outstretched like a chick in flight.If there were fans present, they would definitely applaud the father and son on the pitch.Danilo seems to be an ordinary person like us. He likes to be quiet outside the arena. He spends more time at home reading, thinking, listening to music, and spending time with his family.He doesn't rule out going out, and when he meets fans, he will kindly sign autographs and take photos.

He was alive when rescue teams arrived on the scene.His wife soon heard him report that he was safe on the phone.Yet he died anyway.Danilo was not able to become the seventh survivor due to his injuries.I don't know how his wife will face this instant transition from heaven to hell. Just now, he heard the tenacious life trembling from his throat, and the sound was annihilated in the distance in a moment.Those hands can no longer guard the team's gate, or pet a child's head.

I trembled after reading the report, and a great, deep sense of dread overwhelmed me.Danilo is an excellent goalkeeper.He played well in the knockout round of the South American Cup. He saved four penalty kicks in the round of [-] and helped the team advance to the quarterfinals.Just five days ago, the team advanced to the final thanks to his brilliant save.However, when they celebrated their promotion to the final in the locker room, they never thought that the flight chasing their dreams would never be able to send them to the final stage as promised.Dreams are still flying lightly in the sky, and life has fallen heavily, making a distant muffled sound.I can't help but imagine that if Danilo hadn't saved the opponent's shot five days ago, the dressing room of Chapecoense must have been full of disappointment and tears.However, they will not set foot on the plane bound for the abyss. Each of them can survive, leave behind the disappointment of being eliminated, and chase their dreams again in the new season.Some of them may be able to win several championships, or some of them may be just ordinary players throughout their lives, without the attention of fans all over the world, but they can all live the years they deserve and pass away peacefully in the company of their families.But no more.They gave it their all, with Danilo giving his best in the semi-final and Chapecoense winning only to find that fate's buried reward for joy was a black whimper.If they hadn't chased their dreams so hard, they would have lived a long time on the earth, just like me.

What the hell is this world?How can people say that they will die when they die?He's gone, gone, gone, as if he never existed.This is impossible.But that is the truth.This leafy maple tree against which I lean against will also disappear at some point, although I may not exist at that time.

"Are you ok?"

Of course it's not good, I was scared to death by this sudden greeting.Behind the pitch-black teaching building, another person appeared without warning.If I hadn't known that the new campus of No. [-] Middle School had only been repaired for a few years, I might really have thought I had encountered a ghost.I am afraid of ghosts, I know there are no ghosts in this world, but I am still afraid.

Luckily I could see her face clearly.

"It's you. Didn't you go to study at night?"

"I still have to ask you." Meimei walked up to me, and I quickly covered my eyes with my sleeve.

"What? Are you a disciplinary committee member? Here to catch those who skipped class?"

"No. It's you, wanting to escape again?" Her tone was playful, but it gave me a sense of security.

"I don't want to escape."

"Well, that was my mistake. But how are you?"

"It's okay, I'm alive, can it be okay?" This is a sincere answer.

"You seem a little scared. I'm not a ghost."

"Why am I afraid? Even if there are ghosts, I'm not afraid, okay?"

"Really? Then why don't you look down, in case I don't have a shadow?"

I really instinctively looked down.The moment I bowed my head, I knew I had lost.She was right.

"Obviously I'm afraid of ghosts, but I still don't admit it."

"How could I!" I was even more unconvinced after being poked into a weak point, and raised my voice to cover it up.

"However, you are so afraid of ghosts, you dare to stay here alone at night. What happened?" Her gentle question quickly extinguished my dissatisfaction.I bit my lip and nodded, seemingly unwillingly.

"I'll listen to whatever you want to say."

This is encouragement and seduction.I have always been reluctant to tell anyone about myself, including Mi Le.If my sister hadn't told him about Xianxian, maybe he would never have known that I had a younger brother in his life.No, he should know, he will still be my best friend after all.I will take him home, and the two of us will get into the same bed, just like the time during the Mid-Autumn Festival.But the version of the story he heard would be the same as that of Mr. Liu, my brother is in Spain—or maybe France or Italy, depending on which country I was thinking of that day.He was spotted by foreign teams, and he read books while playing football.I miss him a lot.He never calls me.But Meimei is different from Mi Le.She is missing a connection with my life.Even though she was in the literature club, I never heard her mentioned by my sister, and I didn't know which class she was in, and I didn't even know her name.Except for the notebook with "The Red and the Black" and "Old Man Goriot", we have nothing to do with each other.And that note was also taken away by Mi Le, and it hasn't been returned to me yet.

I shouldn't affect her life.The two of us passed each other like people we met by chance, and quickly disappeared into the crowd.Maybe, I mean maybe, I could talk to her.I hope no teacher passes by here, otherwise she will definitely be regarded as my girlfriend, and I won't even have a chance to explain.If I was reported and criticized because of the non-existent "too close relationship between men and women", I would want to kill myself. (Of course, if it happened, it wouldn't just kill you.)
"I just saw a piece of news."

"uh-huh?"

"Chapecoense crashed. A Brazilian football team. Only six people survived from a plane."

It's winter now.Her sigh passed through the night, turning into a burst of white air.

"so unlucky."

I saw her take off the school hat she was wearing on her head.If she hadn't done that, I wouldn't have noticed that she was wearing the hat attached to her school uniform.It's normal too, it's too cold in winter, especially at night.

"I can't understand." My words also turned into a white mist on a winter night, floating under the shadow of the maple and poplar trees.

"Can't understand what?"

"The world itself."

She tilted her head and seemed to be looking at me puzzled.I spread my hands and gestured out of thin air, trying my best to convey my stumbling language accurately.

"It's just...you don't know how a person's life is arranged, and you don't know what every action of a person means and what it will bring. Can people really control their own destiny? Why do they disappear so easily? ? Some people work hard all their lives, but they get nothing or even worse because of their hard work.”

"I can understand what you mean. Did you think of specific people and things?"

"That's right. I saw the story of the Chapecoense goalkeeper. You know, I'm a goalkeeper too. His name is Danilo, he's a book-listener, he likes a quiet life. He has a wife and a The 2-year-old child, the family is very happy. Just a few days ago, he performed very well on the field, saved the opponent's shot, and led Chapecoens to the final. So they caught up with today's plane. Now, they can no longer get where they want to go.

"I don't understand why they died, why they died like this. What if Danilo hadn't been as good? No, I mean, I'm not blaming him. He's a really good guy, a good player, a good husband , good father. I have never watched him play, only read this report, but I like him a lot... I know best what a goalkeeper should do on the pitch, as soon as the opponent shoots, our instinctive reaction is to rush , desperately pounce. But who knows what will happen after this pounce? It can actually change the fate of so many people. It’s incredible.”

"I see what you mean. After hearing your description, I also like this player. But you know, even if he didn't save the opponent's shot, Chapecoense - I'm not wrong, their other players Players can also turn the game around by scoring goals. And they will also be on that plane. At a distance, even if they are eliminated, someone else will be on the plane. Maybe something will happen, maybe not. Maybe something happened, it was reported in the news, because there are not so many players, we don't pay so much attention to it. But once we see it, we will also feel sorry for the victims. Anyone's death is a tragedy. Many things are uncertain. Yes. A small change may avert a catastrophe, or it may not prevent it at all. It is possible that we are only taking that seemingly changeable little thing as the decisive factor."

"I disagree. Some things are completely avoidable." I stared at her.

"You're not talking about Chapecoense. Maybe you're talking about yourself." She raised her forefinger and shook it in my face a few times.

"How did you know?"

"A girl's intuition."

"You're right. I'm a selfish man." I hung my head.Indeed, I was thinking of some of my own doings.I don't deserve to put myself with Danilo at all.He is a hero, a hero who is happy and brave to chase his dreams.What am I?
"No need to think that way. I feel that you feel sorry for other people's misfortune. You are sincere and you don't want to hide what is really in your heart, which is brave. You are an empathetic person, better than many people. That's too much." She reached out and patted the back of my neck.I didn't run away.Obviously I always dislike others touching my body, especially afraid of being touched by girls. "The relationship between men and women is too close."

"I can understand that you may have thought something from this disaster. It's okay if you don't want to say it. Don't think you are selfish, you can't help but see yourself in others. This is not neglecting others, and it is not narcissism , This is a normal reaction. When I was very young, I was at home alone, and when I was bored, I often walked around the wall, and then lay on the window sill to look at the sky and clouds outside. When I had seen enough, I would go again Come back and keep going around the wall. That way, everything in the house feels a little different, but it's still my house.

"It's definitely not the first time you have thought of this kind of problem. Maybe it has troubled you for a long time, and it is a hurdle you can't get around. Now that you have decided to face it, I think it is possible to get over it. We are still young , Life is still long, just like what you said when you met me today, you are still alive. So, it will get better."

I nodded.Although the two of us just circled around a certain problem without really touching it.But Meme's calm expression made me relax a little.Suddenly, I seemed to have some delusions or fantasies: this girl whose name I still don't know may be the one who can really end the darkness that has always lingered in my life.

No, it is not.Miller is.That's what I thought as I walked back to the classroom.The evening self-study is almost over, and I haven't written a single word of my homework.Just wait, tomorrow will be worse than today.I don't care about my own life. I hope that tomorrow will be better for others.

[1] Rilke's Serious Moments.

　The air crash in this article happened on November 2016, 11.All descriptions of the air crash in the novel are true.In the four years since the crash, the Chapecoenses have shown the world how strong they are.May the dead rest in peace and the living never forget.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)