Hunter and Hussar

Chapter 84 Autumn Wind and Rhapsody
Huang Minxue and Xu Mu entered the ward wearing black peaked caps with gold letters engraved on them.Xuexue carried a long bag on his back, almost as tall as others, and most likely it was his guitar inside.Needless to say, their eyes widened at the sight of me sitting on the edge of the bed with my arms dangling.I said hello calmly, showing a calmness that nothing happened.After being stunned for a while, Xu Mu first asked me what was the matter, and I said that I accidentally dislocated it, and it was not a big problem.Huang Minxue came up, put his hand on my right shoulder, was silent for a while, and then asked Mu Zheng when the results would come out.He said that after 10:30, the doctor will come to the ward then.It's only past nine o'clock.Huang Minxue grabbed my shoulder.I want to go out with the captain first, is that okay?he asks.He probably wanted to know what happened last night.of course.Mu Zheng said.So Xuexue took off his hat and put it on Mu Zheng's head.He obediently let him complete this action, like a child under the care of his brother.I saw the line clearly: Viva la vida, seems to be the name of a song?
When I saw Teacher Huang outside the ward, he was also taken aback by my appearance.I said I had a slight injury and it was fine. I am right-handed and I can still write my homework, so I won't fail to hand it in.He wanted to laugh when he said that, but he patted my head helplessly and walked into the room.

Xuexue carried his guitar on his back and took the elevator downstairs with me.As I walked, I was talking about my experience of going to Li Bin - which also explained the reason for my dislocation.He listened quietly, but said "Damn" when I mentioned that I took Mu Zheng out of the hospital.In order to make things clearer, I briefly talked about Xian Xian, anyway, I have already told Mu Zheng, so it's okay to tell him.He remained calm and seemed to have no reaction when he heard this.I went on to talk, and I also said some good things for Li Bin, saying that he and I encouraged Mu Zheng together, and he had already decided that no matter what the result was, he would actively treat him.Having said that, he nodded thoughtfully.

"Thank you, Captain. You have been wronged."

"It's nothing. Also, don't call me Captain, just call me Ke Ke."

"Okay. Actually, I'm a little too worried about him. I always have some weird thoughts or bad premonitions." Xuexue's face was already white, and with the erratic colors, it was blowing away under the bleak autumn sun. The wind and the chill.

I found that he had bags under his eyes a little heavy.

"Didn't you sleep last night?"

"Well. Actually I was scared, afraid of losing him suddenly. Last night, I had a feeling, 'My nightmares are back'. Although his body is much better than before, you have not experienced our darkest period. At that time, I couldn’t sleep well every day, and some days I set an alarm for every hour at night, from going to bed at 06 o’clock until 30:[-]. Do you know why?”

Shaking his head.

"I'm afraid he'll just leave at night." He smiled calmly and bitterly, "I go to the hospital a lot, and I know all the sister nurses on duty. I made an appointment with them secretly. You have to tell me every night. People even laughed at me, saying that it’s useless for a child to know. I didn’t know anything else at the time, so I would cry. When I cried, people would pity me and ask me why. I said, I'm afraid that I won't be able to see him for the last time, and I'm afraid that my dad will tell me that he's gone when I wake up. Damn, I really think so. During the few days when he was most serious, I let the alarm clock wake me up every hour of sleep, and went to check. Do you have any missed calls on your phone? Do you know? I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a damn missed call, from 10 minutes ago. I was so frightened that I didn’t dare to call back, so I cried on the bed. It was like seeing a ghost in the room. Not only my parents, but also the upstairs and downstairs woke me up. We lived in the family area of ​​the school at that time, and we were all teachers. We all knew each other. They came to help in pajamas. Then a group of them saw me crying on the bed and asked what was going on. I said Mu Zheng was dead. Can you imagine their reaction at that time? Some people believed me and cried too. Everyone knows what happened to Mu Zheng. My dad was clear-headed and asked me how I knew. I said the nurse had called. He took the phone and dialed the number. Guess what? It was a drunk caller. Lost It's dead, and I don't know how to end it. My parents have a good temper, so I really have to beat me up on the spot. After confirming that everything is fine, everyone dispersed, and they were all sleepy. They didn't teach me much, just told me not to lie about the military."

If it were me, I would definitely be beaten.But even if you are beaten, you have nothing to say, you have to admit your mistakes, and you have to stand at attention when you are beaten.Even if Xuexue received a beating at that time, it must be worth it to confirm that Mu Zheng is still alive.For three years, my parents never hit me.

I patted Xuexue on the back, although it was his guitar that was photographed.This seemed to remind him to find a place to sit.We turned into the small garden behind the inpatient department and found a bench.The autumn garden is as empty as the sky above, which is neither bright nor dark.The leaves of the trees are still there, but they are showing signs of withering, like the hair of a middle-aged man.The grass that carried some fallen leaves was also withered and yellow, and its vitality was gradually declining.Suddenly, I thought of a question, will the vegetation that will turn green again next spring still be what we see now?

Xuexue took the guitar out of the bag and placed it in front of him.This one is a little different from the ones I saw before, it seems to be older and has more traces of time.I said, it doesn't look like the one you played before.He said yes, this piano was given by sister Li Wan.She left something for Mu Zheng and me, and Li Bin handed it to us.What I got was the guitar she used in college. It was second-hand. I don’t know how many owners it has been transferred to. Maybe a well-known singer played it before he became famous.I asked what was left for Mu Zheng, and he said it was an album that he had listened to many times.

You look here.He handed me the guitar bag.Around the zipper, I saw many embroidered letters.Not words, like the pinyin acronym of a person's name.Did your mother embroider it?I asked.I did it myself, he said.Who are they?The people Mu Zheng and I met in the ward are all gone.My eyes dazzled, and I felt that the string of letters was so long, there were almost ten.Without counting, I saw a "LW" in the most prominent position.I definitely don't know the others, but Xuexue and Mu Zheng must remember.

I'm holding a gig bag.Xuexue plucked the strings.What Mu Zheng said was right, he poured his soul into his playing, a lot of soul.The trembling strings are alive.

"Want to practice? Play it to Mu Zheng later?" I asked.

"Not all. Listen."

After tuning the strings, he started playing.The music sound is quite slow, like walking slowly, suddenly there is a little jump, up and down, and then it returns to slow, with a short-term light lyrical emotion.Then it was like an irresistible confession, the repetition at the beginning of each paragraph seemed to call someone, and the emotions gradually became more intense with the beating of the fingertips.What did I hear?have no choice?persist in?sad?Sorrow?Maybe neither.Maybe it's just the slow and flexible dance steps of the fingers learned in the autumn wind on the strings, without interruption.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he finished playing.I said it played really well.He shook his head. He could only play half of it. There was nothing he could do. The rest was too difficult for him to finish alone. It would be nice to have a piano.I didn't understand, so I asked him what he was playing.He took out his mobile phone, and I saw the name of the song on the memo, as well as the long lyrics.The lyrics are fairly simple and easy to understand, but the two words in the title of the song are completely unknown.

"What's the Chinese name?" I asked.Xuexue didn't answer, put the guitar beside me, and said to help me.I was flattered, and hurriedly wiped my right hand on the clothes twice, and laid it on it carefully, like holding a sleeping baby.However, what Xuexue did next surprised me: He raised his hand and lifted the jumper, and took it off, revealing his shirt.It is between dark blue and light blue, a comfortable marine color, without the old-fashioned and monotonous work shirts.But before I had time to compliment his clothes, he unbuttoned all the buttons of his shirt.Both coats had been thrown on the bench, and he was wearing only a small white vest, and got up to straighten the clothes.

His lower body is a pair of beige pants with a belt, and his upper body is only a vest. Although he is a bit short, his arms are still quite fleshy. If he is hung with a big gold chain and sunglasses, I will really think he is a gangster.

"What are you going to do?" Xuexue is now much older than Ye Ruiyang.Does Mr. Huang know that he is so good at playing?If I wear it like this outside, I'm afraid my legs will be broken.

"Nothing. Have you never seen this kind of dress?" He blinked his small eyes and tilted his head.

"No, aren't you cold? Also, put on your shirt. Are you like this... Is it a bit..." I frowned, thinking about how to say it, without using "little bastard" or "bitch" or something like that. under the premise of the words.

"Like a little ruffian?" He was quite self-aware, "Damn, am I right?"

He smiled slyly, but I was stunned and let him take the guitar away.He asked me if I understood the lyrics, and I said that I didn't understand after reading the third part. There were too many new words, and they seemed to be proper nouns.He said it was all right, since he couldn't sing there anyway.Before playing and singing, I blushed and asked one more question, what should I do if there are people watching later.No matter what to do, maybe we can find someone who knows the goods, he said.

It started again.He played a little slower than before, and it was not easy to combine the words and music together.He must have practiced it many times, perhaps slightly rearranging the original song.His voice hasn't changed yet, but there seems to be a trace of turbidity in his childish voice.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see.
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.
Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low.
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me.[1]
The wind did not disturb the singing.The leaves are falling, I don't know.His slowness captured me from the very beginning, and if I was listening to him before, now I was vibrating with his strings and vocal cords.Inescapable reality, poor boy, no need for sympathy... In the almost crazy singing, I seem to find myself, and I seem to be putting him aside, like throwing away a meaningless person, even though his face Tremors.The world is dark and unclear, the outer wall of the hospital covered with white tiles is so smooth that it is no longer real, the sky is unobstructed, the hands of the wind are empty, and only the sound of piano and singing is the only existence.Even if it stops abruptly, it exists for a long time.

Xuexue shook his head and panted.Just by the way he was dressed, I thought he was stupid and rigid.It seems that what is vividly conveyed is not just music, but life itself.The moment the exuberant and vigorous sense of life burst out in his short body was shocking, and my chest was struck violently by a force that was about to spurt from my heart.I feel like I'm going to die any moment, and I'm never going to die.

He put the shirt back on and was carefully buttoning the buttons one by one.I took his sleeve with my hand, sorry, I misunderstood you.You sing really well, Mu Zheng will definitely like it.

"I don't intend to sing this song to him." Xuexue's face flushed a lot because of excitement, and she looked more cute, "I just want to sing it myself. This is the first time I sing it to others Woolen cloth."

"Why?" I asked.It should be because he felt that he was obviously not qualified, even if he didn't sing to Mu Zheng, he should sing to Xu Mu.

"I think the captain is a person of good taste and trustworthy. Although when I first heard you say that you took Mu Zheng out, my first reaction was damn it, and I wanted to scold you." He scratched Scratching his head, he was a little embarrassed. It turned out that he was also shy, "But it's okay. You know, there are always some things that are not easy to say to relatives or very close friends. Of course, I am not saying that you are not my friend Yeah. It’s just that there is a little distance between us, neither close nor far. I think the captain is a person who can talk, so I did it after thinking about it.”

The me in his eyes is so similar to the me in Mu Zheng's eyes.They both regarded me as the object of confiding, maybe I am really good at listening?

"Does the captain not like me that much? Or doesn't trust me that much? To be honest."

Maybe it's felt like this before, but I know it's all prejudice and it's time to put it behind me.Shaking my head very simply, I said to him, you are a very emotional person, if possible, I would like to regard you as one of my best friends.

What a "one", I understand, I understand.He laughed, and asked if Lao Ye and the others had a bad impression of him.I said that was all before we became teammates. When we had dinner that day, everyone felt that your game style was acceptable.Also, I also made it clear yesterday that you accompanied Mu Zheng to the examination before the match, so I understand your desire to win better.

"The main reason is that I don't want to talk to others. Apart from football and music, I don't have any means of expression. Unlike you, I can write poetry."

"I scribble all over."

"My guitar is played randomly, and Mu Zheng's football is also played randomly. Of course, don't say that Xu Mu's drum is played randomly. If she hears it, she will smash the heads of both of us."

We all laughed.

"How do you feel about this song?"

I squeezed my chin, stroked my non-existent beard and thought for a while, and told Xuexue that the boy in the song was really pitiful, and very helpless, helpless, wandering with the wind, what he did Everything seemed to be arranged by fate, and I had no choice or change, so I could only cry or smile wryly at my mother.Another point, even though he said it doesn't matter, he is as light as a straw, and he will be blown away by the wind or broken by others, but I listened and felt that everything in this world was still very important to him. important.

"You said it very well. I listened to this song over and over again, and it felt different every time. Because the lyrics are not difficult, but the content is vague, and there are many things mixed in when it is played. There are piano, rock, and music. There is opera, dreamlike. There is something fascinating about this chaos and ambiguity, and there is no standard answer. Do you know what I think of when I listen to it and sing it now?"

Of course I couldn't guess it, I just shook my head.

"I thought of Mu Zheng, and myself."

"Did you listen to him when he was sick?"

"No. I heard this song probably two years ago. Mu Zheng has been ready for a long time. I also heard it by accident, although Sister Li Wan mentioned this band before and told us that it is theirs. It is a masterpiece, but I have never listened to it. When I first heard it, I was very surprised and impressed. After listening to it repeatedly, I suddenly realized that the distance between me and Mu Zheng is also very far.”

"I don't know."

"I remembered the past. When he was sick, my father said, you spend more time with Mu Zheng, and he will gradually get better. So I accompany him every day, tell him about the school, and play for him. Little guitar - really strumming. I was also desperate during his worst period, afraid that he would die, and I would have no friends, so there was a farce that night. Later, he miraculously recovered Now, we played together again, as well as Li Bin. I forgot all about being sick, as if Mu Zheng has always been healthy and healthy, never lying on the hospital bed for so long."

"Isn't this normal? It's a good thing."

"Later, Li Bin left us for no reason, and I was angry and disappointed. But this incident reminded me of his sister, and we will never see her again. During those crazy days, I seemed to be I poured out all the emotions I had held back during Mu Zheng's illness. He was so heartless, he forgot the time he played every day, like a little lunatic, and completely forgot that not everyone is so lucky. So, while I still remembered those names that had disappeared, I embroidered them on the piano bag one by one. After hearing this song, I felt that I was far away from Mu Zheng's world. I am a healthy person , I have never been sick since I was a child. I am very lucky. Therefore, although I accompany Mu Zheng, I may just stand by him more often, and I can't help him share the pain. I can't help him. And he bears This kind of pain is completely without reason, just like the boy in the song, who made a big mistake for some reason. Those who listened to the song didn't understand what was going on, and saw him bid farewell in despair as soon as he came up. In fact, which patient in the ward is not like this? Easy come, easy go. Get sick for no reason, die for no reason, and have no dignity when they die. Especially when this disease occurs in young people and children, I feel even more It doesn't make sense. What did Mu Zheng do wrong? Why is he dying at such a young age when he is as old as me? I couldn't think of this at the time. And when I listened to this song, I heard the boy tell his mother that his back was Shaking, my whole body hurts, I can't help thinking about the past, thinking about my own inaction... Damn, I didn't really help Mu Zheng when he was sick. Some nights, when I listened to the first half of this song, It’s as if I saw Mu Zheng saying goodbye to his mother. What about me? The illness didn’t fall on me, so I just watched from the side?”

I forgot my napkin and had to rub his head.

"I understand you very much. You said that illness is for no reason, death is for no reason, and I even feel that even birth is for no reason. We were simply thrown into this world, and no one asked us Disagree. Then someone disappeared for no reason, again no one asked us. Why we were brought into this world, and everything that can be given, including life, is not eternal? My brother must have been very sad when he left Inexplicable, very overwhelmed. No one can help him, because no one has taught us how to be born, and no one has told us how to die. And me? I still fantasize about talking to him, thinking about what One day he will hear my voice and appear in my dream. It is impossible. My friend thought about it, and I thought about it too, to play football, to guess his mind, to be what he likes, He would be happy knowing that he is there. How is it possible? People are gone. As healthy people, we can’t really feel the pain of patients. As living people, we can’t imagine people who are not in this world. What would I think. Only living people can 'think'. Even if I think that one day I will die, that is what I think when I am still alive. One can only approach death when it comes, but at that time there is no more time to express this feeling. The boundary between life and death is too obvious, and the process of drawing my brother and me on both sides of this line , it makes no sense, it is so simple and crude, and it will never get rid of my relationship."

"But, captain, didn't you say that your brother had an accident? It's not Li Bin's mother..."

"The reason why he appeared there, and the reason why he was hit by that bottle, was to fulfill my wish, a meaningless wish that I raised when I lost my temper. Just to take care of my emotions, he threw his life away. It's fucking disgusting, why did God do this to him? My mother might as well just have him."

"Captain. Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here."

"What do you mean?"

"It's the words in the second half of the song. How should I put it, I think the same as you. There are too many disgusting things in the world, and they are different from those movies and anime. In reality, there is no mastermind behind the scenes, not bad guys It’s making trouble. It’s good to have them. Wouldn’t it be world peace if they were wiped out? This is too simple, impossible. Those things that disgust us are invisible, and they can’t hit anything with a punch. What’s the matter? What is the solution? I think the only option is to run. When you feel hopeless, you have to run. It’s not an escape, and it’s not suicide. I am firmly against suicide. Only by running can I feel that I can overcome this emptiness. And disgusting. Just run, and tell the invisible things by running, they can't do this to me."

no respond.Seeing me like this, he also remained silent for a moment, then poked his head over and asked me, Captain, what do you think is the meaning of life?

Didn't think much of it.I said.

Then you say, is life meaningful?he asked again.

This time there is no need to be as cautious as yesterday, since the theory says that he absolutely does not approve of suicide.

I think there should be, right?But I don't know.To live now is to live, and you can't die anyway.

Really can't say anything.I "enlightened" Li Bin all night yesterday, but now that I think about it, it's all a bunch of correct nonsense.I'm trying to figure out how to preserve his life and my own, keep it from going astray, and keep us from being the ones who destroy other people's lives or our own.I want to be a good person, but how to be a good person?What is a good person?You can't kill, you can't commit suicide, shouldn't this be the most basic thing in life?Is he a good person if he does it?
Actually, I don't know either.He grinned at me, and I showed an unwillingness to be teased.

But captain, just now, I played the guitar, you listen here.I am here and you are here too.can you feel itMusic itself is a kind of caring, I am trying to get close to Mu Zheng, you are trying to get close to me.Try very hard.At this moment, I feel that life is not meaningless. It is the vibration of my throat and the air in my lungs.Although I haven't figured out what its meaning is, I seem to see it somewhere, somewhere I can't reach or run.But if we run together, and keep running, we might meet him.Let's not stand still and stagnate, the past is never forgotten, we will take them to find a broader life.I want to sing, I want to play football, this is how I find my life.Captain, I think you are the same person as me, and so is Mu Zheng. Viva la vida, I may not be able to pronounce these Spanish correctly, it means "long live life", it is a painting by a Mexican female painter.She drew a bunch of cut red watermelons and wrote this line.The color of life is bright and brilliant, perhaps this is the meaning it brings to us.

I understand why he likes Mexico and why he paints his face like that at the fairground.Perhaps what Xuexue has attracted me for a long time is this kind of wildness that I long for but lack?Or, that kind of spontaneous vitality of life?
Pull it down, I don't dare to wander the streets in a vest.I said with a smile.However, your outfit is very handsome and has a lot of feeling.I like.

Is that so?That's a tribute to a classic!He showed great pride, and put the guitar back into the gig bag.Thank you, Captain.

What is there to be thankful for?It ended up being me complaining.I asked.

I think I dare to read Mu Zheng's inspection report now.He bit his lip and blinked.I want to find some courage from you today.Damn, I didn't expect that the captain was not much better than me, so it became me to cheer us both up.Of course, Captain, you have given me a sense of security, and you are a person who allows me to speak my mind.In any case, I will no longer be that child who wailed loudly in the middle of the night, nor will I be that little brother who only knows how to stand beside Mu Zheng's bed foolishly.This time it's really solidarity.

After talking for a long time, it turns out that you are more afraid than me.I shrugged my right shoulder.He reached out and scratched his nose lightly.He didn't resist, and said with a blushing face that he was not allowed to speak out.When Mu Zheng's father was still there, he took me and him to get vaccinated.I remember his father telling him that he can cry, but he can't scream, and he will be afraid if he screams.From that day on, I have never cried or made a fuss, whether it was injections, medicines, injuries or bleeding.

I've seen you cry twice already, twice!I held out two fingers to him.He grabbed my fingers and rubbed them back into my palm.There are only three things, and you will never see me cry in the future.

By the way, captain, when will your hand be healed?On the way back to the ward, he asked me.I'm talking about two or three months, the basic season is reimbursed.In two months, maybe we can catch up with the last game, he said, so let's pull the hook.

Yes, but what is the agreement?
My friends seem to like to make promises with me.

Even before you and Mu Zheng return to the arena, I guarantee that the team will never be eliminated.

It's weird to say that, can the team pass away peacefully after the two of us come back?
No, it's waiting for you to come back and win the championship together!Damn it, it's settled, I fought my life, was carried down by a stretcher and buried, and I have to carry the team to qualify.Come pull the hook!
Well, the hook is suspended for 100 years and must not be changed!
He is serious and highly motivated.I think, after next week's club class, I will discuss it with the coach. Maybe the captain's armband can be worn on Xuexue's shoulder when I am not on the field.

[1] The song is part one and two of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody".The lyrics and score were written by the band's lead singer, Freddie Mercury, and Xuexue's dressing up in a vest and beige pants was also imitating him.A well-crafted and complex piece, Queen's signature piece, a glam rock work of art with no repeats throughout, the song bursts from opening into opera and then into rock , and finally attributed to the lyric.

Lyrics to the effect:

Is this real life?Or is it a hallucination?
Trapped in landslides, unable to escape reality
open your eyes, look up at the sky

I'm just a poor kid, I don't need pity

Cause I come and go, sometimes high, sometimes low
Where the wind blows, it has nothing to do with me, it has nothing to do with me

Mom, I just killed someone

Put the gun to his head and pull my trigger, he's dead now
Mom, life is just beginning

But now I'm gone and throwing it aside

Mom, oh oh oh, I didn't mean to make you cry
If I don't come back by this time tomorrow

Take it off, take it off like nothing happened

it's too late, my time is up
My spine was sending tremors, and my whole body was in constant pain

Goodbye everyone, I'm leaving

Leave y'all behind and face the truth

mom, oh oh oh
i don't want to die
sometimes i wish i was never born

　That, my friends... My liver can't move... Three o'clock a day is really a special case...

　　
　
(End of this chapter)