The FBI teaches you lie detection, people reading and intelligence skills

Chapter 2 Why are you lying? (1)
Since ancient times, lies have been a common social phenomenon in human life.It can be said that as long as human beings exist, lies will exist.We are caught in a world of lies, and even if we don't want to be good liars, we don't want to fall prey to them.In this chapter, the FBI reveals the true colors of lies for you.

§§§What is a lie
Lies can also be called the language of lying.It takes many forms, but its essence is deception.According to the definition of "lying" in "New Merriam-Webster's Dictionary (Seventh Edition)" (1971), "lying" is an attempt by the speaker to pretend that something he knows or believes is not true, or to create some kind of falsehood. or misleading impressions.According to this definition, we can know that a lie has two basic characteristics, one is the content of the lie, that is, something the liar himself believes is not true at all; the other is the motive of lying, that is, an attempt to deceive.

While the definition of lying is self-explanatory, the reality is often more complex.For example, telling the truth and consciously lying may exist at the same time. Secretary Xiao Wang explains to her boss that she is 20 minutes late because of a traffic accident on the road.But from a certain point of view, what Xiao Wang said was the truth, but only part of the truth, because the traffic accident only delayed her for a minute or two.Through part of the truth, Xiao Wang achieved the purpose of deception.

Also, there is a situation where a person may be telling the truth, but is actually lying!If someone mistakenly believes that something is true, but deliberately tells the opposite direction for the purpose of deception, then he is indeed telling the truth, but according to the definition of lying, even if what he said is the truth, but he If there is an attempt to deceive, then his behavior is also fully consistent with the definition of lying.

As a form of cultural expression, lies also have their own classification.

1. The easiest lie to be seen through - defensive lies
Defensive lying is intended to protect oneself and others.Such lies may be told to avoid punishment or attack from others, or to protect self-esteem.For example:
"There is no one else here except our family members." (During the Anti-Japanese War, a farmer who hid the Eighth Route Army said this to the Japanese invaders.)
"I don't know what's going on, but the computer suddenly crashed." (The female secretary said to the manager after accidentally deleting important files on the computer hard drive.)
Defensive lies are among the easiest lies to spot.Lying to protect yourself or others is a defensive behavior with a long history.

2. Self-destructive lies—pathological lies
A pathological lie, also known as a compulsive lie, is a lie motivated by self-destructiveness, a lie told with little or no benefit to the liar, and is of particular interest to researchers in the psychology of lying a kind of lie.In fact, sometimes such lies are told even when telling the truth is better.

Pathological lies are not entirely determined by situational factors and appear compulsive or absurd.In general, lies were classified as pathological when they disrupted the normal development or quality of life of the liar himself.

In pathological lying, delusional liarism is a form in which the liar tells stories involving his present and past life experiences.At the beginning of the telling, the story can still make people feel believable, but as time goes by, the inconsistencies in the words invariably expose the fantasy element in the story.It is often difficult to tell the truth from such lies, as fact and fantasy can be subtly intertwined.The story told by the liar is true, and the emotional response of the teller is exactly the same as the content of the story, which is enough to support the apparent truth of the story.

Psychedelic liars are well aware that the things they invent do not exist, and so they always show that their stories are quite different from the delusional products of psychopaths.Trying to discern which of these liars are telling the truth is no different than trying to catch a swimming fish.

3. Social politeness - no malicious lies
As a kind of social lying, harmless lies play a role in lubricating interpersonal relationships.Innocent lies are often expressed in an unconscious and spontaneous manner.For example:
"Sorry, I can't go to the concert with you on Sunday night. I have another date." (In fact, the woman is not willing to do anything with the person who sent the invitation at all, and the so-called "other date" "It's just that she wants to stay home with her pet dog.)
"I had a great evening at the party today. Thank you very much for the invitation." (However the fact that the invitation was accepted was purely business-like and the party was boring.)
Generally speaking, harmless lies have no intention of deceiving, and are primarily intended to respect the sensitivities and self-esteem of others.But many people don't think so. They think that any lie should be condemned morally, and people should try their best to tell the truth as much as possible, even if they have to tell part of the truth sometimes.For example, the person at the banquet in the example should say something like: "I appreciate you inviting me to your party."

4. Unethical Behavior – Malicious Lies
Malicious lies intended to benefit oneself by deceiving are considered immoral by most people.For example:
"Last night, our merchant ships were attacked by the North Vietnamese Navy in the Gulf of Tonkin." (This is what the US President said in order to get Congress to authorize the bombing of Hanoi. under attack.)
"I can type 80 words per minute." (A job applicant says this to a recruiter. In reality, the candidate can only type 60 words per minute and makes a lot of mistakes.)
"That guy is so stingy, he's a cock! He can't even buy me dinner!" (A girl annoyed that the guy didn't date her a second time told a friend.)
5. Lies that meet the needs of the listener - altruistic lies
Altruistic lies are also called suggestive lies, which are not malicious in themselves, and try to induce the listener by telling part of the truth, and are expected to bring benefits to the listener, lying to alleviate the pain of others or enhance self-esteem.For example:
"You are very beautiful and very smart. When you grow up, there will be many people vying to marry you." (Mother said this to her plain-looking, mentally retarded daughter.)
"Ms. Wang, you don't have to worry, we will use chemotherapy to deal with this cancer." (This is what a doctor said to a patient whose cancer had spread.)
There are many ways to classify lies based on the degree of maliciousness of the lie, the purpose of the lie, etc., so I won’t list them all here.But the division of lies must be cautious, otherwise it is easy to produce moral implications.

§§§ Section [-] chooses to lie for the sake of justification
"No! I didn't do it."

"It's because of him that I made this mistake."

"I originally wanted you to get more benefits."

"Don't listen to his nonsense, I never said that."

Do these words sound familiar? Lies are often accompanied by justifications.Observing the common lies in daily life, we will find that there are many things like this lying for justification.When we don't want to go to school, we often lie that we are sick; some people justify being late for work because of oversleeping because the car is late or the car broke down halfway; originally planned to complete this task today I was working, but a very familiar customer called and chatted for a long time, and as a result, the work that should be done was delayed.When the leader asks, he often makes an excuse like this: "In fact, I am not the only one who made such a mistake, and other people in the company will make the same mistake."

Of course, no matter who you are, you will make mistakes. This is an unavoidable thing in life.Sometimes the serious situation caused by the mistake is that I can't predict it in advance.Some people are quick to admit that they have made a mistake, while others vehemently deny it and even place the blame on others.

Those who are good at explaining and defending, when they make mistakes at work, are late for work, or fall behind in performance, they often fabricate corresponding lies for specific occasions to confuse the public, hoping to minimize losses and maintain their self-esteem as much as possible .

People who lie to justify themselves can be found everywhere, but in general they fall into three categories:
1. Error justification type justification

Someone made a mistake and admitted that he did it himself, but he strongly advocated that this behavior is justified and he should not bear the adverse consequences.

When you say, "It's all for your benefit," you admit that you are partly responsible, but you imply that the main fault is on you.

The most typical example is Bush's argument that the Vietnam War was the Iraq War.Bush said: "Then (the Vietnam War) was the same as it is now. People argue that the real problem is the presence of the United States (there), and as long as we withdraw, the massacre will be over." Using the Vietnam retreat as an example, it was pointed out that the withdrawal of US troops would only lead to more catastrophic consequences, and millions of refugees would pay a terrible price.

Bush really had good intentions. He wanted to justify his insistence on the Iraq war, find excuses for not withdrawing troops earlier, and try to calm down the American voters who are increasingly anti-war.

2. Denial-type justification
Such a person refuses to accept responsibility for what he has done and what he deserves.The most typical is that some people who commit serious crimes, such as homicide, robbery, rape, etc., will never admit it in the interrogation of judicial organs before they have conclusive evidence of committing the crime.Because they know in their hearts what kind of consequences their crimes will bring, they make up all kinds of lies to justify themselves.Only in the face of irrefutable evidence will they bow their heads and plead guilty.Their typical words and deeds are: "That's not what I did!"

3. Strong explanatory justification
This kind of person also admits his responsibility, but thinks that this kind of behavior caused harm to the other party and it was not his intention.

What they say after being late for an appointment and forcing others to wait: "Sorry, the car is late."

While drunk, he sexually harassed the opposite sex. When he woke up, he said: "I was so drunk at the time, I can't remember anything that happened afterwards."

The FBI believes that if a person tries to defend himself, either he has been wronged, or he wants to shirk responsibility and protect himself.In his justification, he will add a lot of true and false rhetoric to confuse the public.

§§§Section [-] Choosing to lie for self-preservation
Everyone has the psychological tendency to collect information that is beneficial to them as much as possible and avoid information that is harmful to them.Even lie about it, to protect myself. The FBI specifically cited the following example to illustrate this problem.

Pooh is only four years old this year and is in kindergarten. One day, Pooh’s mother was at work when she suddenly received a call from the kindergarten teacher, saying that her son suddenly had a stomachache and was rolling all over the floor in pain, asking her to come quickly.Pooh's mother rushed to the kindergarten. She felt distressed when she saw Pooh covered in sweat, so she took a taxi to the hospital in a hurry.But on the way, Pooh Xiaoqiang said that his stomach didn't hurt anymore, he felt hungry and wanted to eat ice cream.So Pooh's mother took Pooh to eat ice cream. Seeing her son eating happily and proudly, no matter how she looked at it, she felt that this little guy was pretending to be sick.

In life, in order to avoid reprimand from parents and criticism from teachers, children will come up with various reasons to shirk their responsibilities or cover up their mistakes, so they lie.When they avoid punishment or beating or scolding in one lie, and even get sweets, they can't help lying a second time. They think that being able to deceive their parents and teachers is a kind of success.

Lies may accompany a person's life. After adulthood, people step into the workplace, whether they are bosses or employees, they will lie more or less at the right time and on the right occasion.The purpose of their lying is often to protect themselves from their own interests.

People often fabricate lies, distort facts, and use lies to cover up mistakes to protect themselves in order to evade responsibilities that are caused or may be caused by certain accidents.

FBI experts claim that lying is a social survival mechanism, like an animal's shell, that protects people from harm.In life, there are many people who use lies to protect themselves. These people have a tendency to social fear, either fearing that they will be eliminated by the times, or fearing that they will be retaliated by others.

In addition, Horns, a professor at the Department of Psychology at University College London, once said: "Interrupting the other party's further inquiries with simple excuses can protect one's privacy and true thoughts, so as not to fall into some kind of right and wrong; on the other hand, It is also because of the indifference between people in interpersonal relationships, which makes people feel defensive, out of the need for self-protection."

§§§Choose to lie in order to protect self-esteem
Self-esteem begins with the knowledge of shame, and with a sense of shame, people can control their behavior, but some people have too much self-esteem. In order to maintain that poor self-esteem, they will not hesitate to lie.

There was a fox in the forest who hadn't eaten for several days.At this time, it suddenly found that a grape shelf was full of attractive-looking grapes, so it immediately jumped up to reach it, but it couldn't reach it anyway.Finally the fox said: "These grapes must not be ripe yet, they are too sour to eat!" So he walked away sourly.

Are grapes really sour?In fact, it wants to feast on the delicious grapes, because it can't reach them.But it didn't want to admit its own incompetence, so it insisted that "grapes are sour".

This is a very famous story in Aesop's fables. In life, those who comfort themselves in order to maintain their poor self-esteem and fail to obtain or achieve a certain result often have this kind of mentality-if they can't eat grapes, they will eat grapes. Say sour grapes.

During the interview, many people will be asked: "Can you evaluate yourself?" They will definitely talk about their strengths and also their weaknesses.However, people have a tendency to gloss over their mistakes.For example, describe yourself as: honest, serious in work, united and friendly, have good logical thinking ability and judgment ability, etc.

However, in actual work, if you make a fool of yourself in public and do something terrible, you will fall into a state of anxiety.In order to avoid this kind of anxiety and tension, they will do everything possible to try to lie to get rid of it, and maintain the self-esteem that was originally established.

We can also find that when the tasks assigned by the boss are not well completed, everyone reacts differently.Some of them will say "maybe my business ability is not enough!", and regret that "it would be great if I was familiar with the business before!" And among those who faced the same experience, some people thought: " I can’t do a task like this well, and others may not be able to do it well.” I usually think that everything is the fault of the other party, so my self-esteem will be hurt less.

When people make things change in their favor and find suitable reasons to justify them, they are activating a defense mechanism to protect their self-esteem.This psychological phenomenon abounds in the workplace.

After a failed interview, a certain gentleman said: "That company doesn't look very good, even if I'm admitted, I won't go!"

The employees who were eliminated from the elite training courses lied: "The people trained there will have heavy responsibilities in the future, and the work pressure will be high, which is not interesting."

(End of this chapter)