The 21 Laws of Leadership: How to Develop the Qualities of a Leader

Chapter 17 Relationships: People Will Follow You If You're Easygoing
Relationships
Among the secrets of success, the most important one is to know how to get along with others.

—Theodore Roosevelt, President of the United States
People want to know how much you care about them before they care how much you know.

—John C. Maxwell

best medicine

If you're not a doctor, you've probably never heard of William Osler.He is a doctor, university professor and author.Until his death in 1919 at the age of 70, he continued to practice medicine and teach at the same time.Osler's book Principles and Practice of Medicine influenced physician education in English-speaking countries, China, and Japan for 40 years.This is not considered his greatest contribution to the world. The medical profession believes that Osler's greatest contribution is to bring heart medicine back to the field of clinical medicine.

Osler showed a penchant for leadership from an early age.He was born to be a leader, he was very influential in school, and he always had an uncanny ability to show others.

Everything Osler does reflects the importance of building relationships.When he grew up to be a doctor, he created the American Association of Physicians so that professional physicians could come together, exchange information, and help each other.As a teacher, he also changed the classroom teaching mode of the medical school, bringing students from the boring classroom to the hospital ward to contact with patients.He believes that students should start learning from patients, and patients are the best teachers for medical students.

In addition, what Osler is most passionate about is teaching these future doctors love and compassion.

He once said to a group of students:

There is a strong feeling in the common mind that physicians seem to be devoted to science rather than to humanity.We care about diseases and medical knowledge more than patients themselves...I would like to appeal to everyone to care more about the body and mind of patients in the process of practicing medicine...just like treating suffering and helpless compatriots.We have seen the fragility and limitations of human nature, and only by keeping our hearts soft and gentle can we avoid arrogance and biased attitudes towards those who are suffering.

The extent to which Osler loved people and valued relationships can be seen in the way he treated his patients during the 1918 pneumonia epidemic.At that time, he mostly only saw patients in the hospital, but due to the prevalence and severity of the epidemic pneumonia, he also went to the homes of many patients for diagnosis and treatment.The mother of a patient with a little girl recalled: "Osler came to visit twice a day, talked softly with the little girl, played games, and observed the child's condition during the conversation."

After learning that the child's life was about to come to an end, one day, Osler came to the little girl's bedside with a beautifully packaged rose picked from his own yard.He explained to the child that even a beautiful flower cannot stay where it wants to be, but will eventually find a new home, and the little girl seemed comforted by the gift and his words.A few days later, the little girl passed away peacefully.

A year later, Dr. Osler also died, and his English colleagues described him thus:

Although he has lived a long life, the death of this great doctor is still a great pity for mankind while leaving his fame in history.For us, he has always been a good friend. He touched us with sincere friendship. His sincerity to everyone is unparalleled... From his essence and dedication to friendship, Osler Physician contributed his outstanding talents.

what is a good relationship
Working with people and building good relationships is absolutely essential to being an effective leader. According to a survey conducted by Executive Female in May 1991, among the three characteristics that employers value most in employees, the most important is the ability to get along with people: 5% of employers most value Value interpersonal skills; only 84% of employers rank education and work experience in the top three.If even employees need good people skills, imagine how important it is for leaders.People only get along with those who are easy to get along with.A person can have good relationships and not be a leader, but he can never be a leader who doesn't know how to get along with people.

How do you manage and cultivate your relationships as a leader?At least the following three things need to be done.

1. Have a Leader’s Mind – Know Others

The first ability that a leader who is good at handling interpersonal relationships needs to possess is the ability to understand the feelings and thoughts of others.When you work with people, understand that all people, whether leaders or subordinates, have the following in common:

They want to be different, so you need to praise them sincerely;

They want a bright future, so you have to show them hope;

They want to know the direction, so you need to guide them;

They care about themselves, so you need to prioritize their needs;
They get low sometimes, so you need to encourage them;
They want to succeed, so it's up to you to help them achieve it.

Knowing these facts, leaders must also treat each individual as an individual.Treating each person as an individual, getting to know him, and interacting with him is an important factor in building good relationships.This means that others cannot be treated in the same way.Marketing expert Rod Nichols (Rod Nichols) regards this as a very important point in business. He said: "If you treat every customer the same way, then you can only make 25% 30% of the business, because you can only do business with people with one personality. But if you master the skills of getting along with all four personality types, you can do 100% of the business.”

This sensitivity is also known as the soft factor in leadership.You need to adapt your leadership style to different subordinates.

2. Have the heart of a leader—caring for others

Henry Gruland, Chairman and CEO of Difinitive Computer, said: "To be a leader, it is not enough to want to be a leader in position. A leader needs to be a leader to others. To have empathy, and to discover their potential, rather than call out their faults, comes through caring for others.”

If you don't care about others, you can't be an effective leader that others really want to follow.Albert Einstein said: "The circumstances of our existence on earth are peculiar. Each of us is a passing guest, and there seems to be a special reason for us to come to this world, but none of us knows it. But we know from day to day that man exists for other men."

3. Reach out to be a leader – helping others

LeRoy H. Kurtz of General Motors said: "Scattered across the business world are the bones of failed companies whose leaders are rotting and withering in the air , and never give. They never realize that the only asset in a business that cannot be easily replaced is its people.” People respect leaders who have their employees’ interests at heart.If you focus on how much you give to people rather than how much you take, then they will respect and love you—and that's a good foundation for building relationships.

Self-Reflection: How Are Your Relationships?

How are your people skills?How is your ability to deal with strangers?Do you get along well with all types of people?Can you easily find common topics with people?How do you get along with people you've known for a long time?Are you able to maintain relationships?

If your interpersonal relationship is not handled well, then your leadership ability will be greatly reduced!

"Prescription" for improving relationships

To improve interpersonal relationships, you need to do the following.

1. Improve your mind

If your ability to understand others is insufficient, here are a few books you need to read to improve yourself.I recommend books by Dale Carnegie, Alan Loy McGinnis, and Les Parrott III.Spend more time watching people, talking to them, and applying what you learn in the book.

2. Strengthen your heart
If you don't care enough about others, then you need to shift your focus from yourself to others.Make a list of small things that would benefit friends and colleagues.Try to complete one each day.Don't wait until you want to help them.Get started so you can experience it.

3. Repair damaged relationships

Consider whether your precious and long-standing friendships are fading.Find ways to reshape the friendship and try to get in touch with this friend.If you're having an affair with a friend, take your responsibility and apologize.Try to understand him, care for him, and help him.

People's desire to live in harmony
In a short story called "The Capitol of the World," Nobel Prize winner Ernest Hemingway tells the story of a father and his young son Paco.The relationship between the father and his son became tense for some reason, the son left home and went to another country, and then the father embarked on the road of finding the son.In the end, my father pinned his hopes on an advertisement he placed in a local newspaper in Madrid: "Dear Paco, please meet me at the door of the newspaper tomorrow at noon, and I will wait until you come... It's all over. Daddy loves you. "The next morning, more than 800 young people named Paco stood in front of the newspaper office, hoping to restore a broken father-son relationship.

This story tells us never to underestimate the power of relationships in people's lives.

(End of this chapter)