The 21 Laws of Leadership: How to Develop the Qualities of a Leader

Chapter 4 Exercising Personal Charisma That Can Make a Difference

Charisma
How to have personal charm?It's about trying to help others affirm themselves, not trying to make others affirm you.

——Dan Leyland, Vice President of Leadership Development, Yinjiu Group
Nobody, no matter how high up, is more willing to work and perform better in an atmosphere of criticism than in an atmosphere of affirmation.

—Charles Swaber, Entrepreneur

Different ways of treating people produce different personal charms
In the second half of the 19th century, two politically powerful men, William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli, fought each other for the British Prime Ministership.The two men were evenly matched, and the tension between them could be heard in Disraeli's words: "What's the difference between an unfortunate event and a catastrophe? If Gladstone slipped into the Thames, it would be It would be a misfortune; if someone rescued him ashore, it would be a catastrophe."

Many people believe that Gladstone, the leader of the Liberal Party, has the best British qualities in the Victorian era. He has been in public office all his life, and he is not only an excellent orator, an expert in finance and taxation, but also a person of high moral integrity. The only person in history with this honor.Under his leadership, Britain established a national education system, institutionalized parliamentary reforms, and extended voting rights to the working masses at the grassroots level.

Disraeli served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom twice, and had a different background.He entered politics in his 30s and began to make his mark in diplomacy and social reform.His most representative achievement was planning and executing the British acquisition of a controlling stake in the Suez Canal.

While both men have made indelible contributions to Britain, the most striking difference between the two men is their approach to people.One woman, after having dinner alone with the two men two nights in a row, described their differences with profound observation.She said: "When I had dinner with Gladstone, I thought he was the smartest man in England; but after I had dinner with Disraeli, he convinced me that I was the smartest man in Britain." Smart woman." Disraeli had a quality that made people want to follow him, and he was very attractive.

what is charisma
Most people think of charisma as somewhat mysterious and almost indefinable.They think it's an innate quality, but that's not true.In fact, charm is the ability to attract people to get close to you; just like personality and quality, charm can also be cultivated.

How do you make yourself a deeply charismatic person?Here's what you can work on.

1. Love life
People like to be around leaders who enjoy life.Think about the people you know that you really enjoy spending time with.Can you describe their qualities?Blaming others?Resentful?Depressed?Presumably not, they should be people who love life, not people who complain about others.They have a zest for life.If you want to be someone who attracts others, you should live like those who attract you. The famous 18th-century preacher John Wesley knew this well when he said: "When you light yourself up, people naturally like the light and heat that come near you."

2. Put full marks on everyone's face

One of the wonderful things you can do for others is to affirm everyone, and this act will draw others to you.Let me call this approach "putting full marks on everyone's face".Such an attitude will make others more sure of themselves, and it will also help improve your popularity.The famous writer Jacques Wiesel once said: "According to my statistics on 100 self-made millionaires, they all have one characteristic in common, that is, these successful people, in their eyes The first thing you see is the good in others.”

Disraeli understood this and lived it, which is one of the secrets of his charisma.He once said: "The most beautiful thing you can do for someone is not to share with him the wealth he has acquired, but to help him discover the treasure in his life." If you have affirmation for people, inspire them , and help them reach their potential, they will be grateful to you.

3. Give people hope

The famous French general Napoleon described leaders as "experts in giving hope". Like all great leaders, Napoleon knew that hope is the most precious asset.If you can be the one to give the gift, people will be easily attracted to you and will be forever grateful to you.

4. Share yourself

People love leaders who are willing to share themselves and their lives with others.When you lead others, dedicate yourself to them, sharing your wisdom, resources, and even access to special occasions.For example, I recently went to the "Annual Storytelling Competition" in Genesburg, Tennessee, something I've been wanting to do for years.When the trip was finally confirmed, my wife Margaret and I also invited two other executives in the company and their wives to watch it together. We had a very pleasant time together.More importantly, through these memorable moments, I infused another value into their lives.

When it comes to the topic of "personal charisma", the most important concept is: a leader who puts others first, thinks of others first, and takes care of others' needs is a charismatic leader.

Self-reflection: Barriers to charisma

How do you rate yourself in terms of charisma as a leader, are people naturally attracted to you, are you popular?If the answer is no, then you may have one or more of the following obstacles on the road to personal charisma:

Arrogant.Nobody wants to follow someone who thinks he's great.

Lack of security.If it is difficult for you to accept who you are, it will be even harder for others to accept you.

emotional.If people think you're elusive, they won't hold on to you.

Perfectionist tendencies.People respect the will to strive for excellence, but hate critics.

cynical.Who wants to be close to someone who makes fun of others at every opportunity?
If you can avoid these tendencies and qualities, you can begin to develop your charisma.

"Prescription" for removing charisma barriers

Taking the following "good medicine" will help you improve your charm.

Adjust your focus.Start observing your own relationships and coping behaviors, and within a few days you'll be able to notice how much of your conversation is centered on you.However, decide to balance your conversation by paying attention to others.

1. Pay attention to first impressions
Here's an experiment: When you meet a new friend, try to make the best impression of yourself, remember his name, pay attention to his hobbies, and keep a positive attitude.More importantly: Affirm him without reservation.If you can do this one day, then you can do it every day.This will greatly enhance your personal charm.

2. Share yourself
Starting today, make it a regular goal to share your resources. Think of at least five people you can help them grow this year, whether it’s family, colleagues, subordinates, or friends, who can provide personal or professional support to them. Helpful resources, share your own successful experience and experience with them.

The real source of "charm"

Ms. Perle Mesta, a well-known socialite in Washington, was once asked the secret of her banquet success, especially how she can invite so many celebrities to her meetings every time.

"The secret is all in meeting and saying goodbye," she replied.Whenever a guest came in, she would walk up to her and say, "You're finally here!" When the guest left, she would remember to say goodbye and say, "I wish you'd stayed a little longer."

She always focuses on others, not herself, which is where the charm comes from.

(End of this chapter)