Harvard Emotional Intelligence Class

Chapter 36 Improving emotional intelligence skills (2)
Angry—you grit your teeth and stare intently at the person.You clenched and parted your hands, one hand clapping the other.You feel heat all over your body, and your heart beats faster.You frowned, the corners of your mouth pulled down, and your lips and shoulders tensed up.

Happy - you feel good, warm, not hot, but safe and content.You feel as if your body is floating, as if you were lying in a tub filled with hot springs.You laugh, laughing every now and then.You wander around in excitement, as if dancing endlessly.

4.Strengthen your visual and physical senses at any time.Enhanced imagery can help you experience the physical sensations of different emotions.Freeze the picture you have imagined, then replay it in your mind at a slower pace.Rediscover the bodily sensations as each scene unfolds.Try to make the picture more vivid to enhance your feeling.

5.End on a positive note.If you're imagining anger, sadness, fear, or any of those emotions, practice ending on a different note.Picture a peaceful picture where you feel relaxed and happy.Intensify this feeling until it flows through your body.

One of the most effective ways to change your mood is to repeat certain words.The effect of this practice is subtle, but it is very effective in changing mood.

If you are looking for mood-changing words, all you have to do is read the words below.It is best to read it out loud.Of course, if you think it is not suitable to read aloud at that time, you can choose to read silently without aloud.

1.I feel great today.

2.I am very happy.

3.Everything is getting better.

4.It's a good day.

5.I feel great.

6.I am in a good mood.

7.My heart is full of joy.

If you're already having fun, but if you're going to an event where you're sad or otherwise negative, you might want to try not to make yourself so happy.Therefore, the words used must reflect the emotions you want to generate.

Sometimes we should feel sad.The loss of a loved one or a disappointing event can cause us to feel sad.This grief is a signal to ourselves and others that we need to be comforted and supported.

But there are times when sad emotions get in the way of taking necessary action.From ancient times to the present, there are countless stories of people who have gone through ups and downs in history.But history is also full of stories of people who overcame adversity and regained hope, strength and courage.Whether it is some heroes in history or a nation that has made great achievements, there are always great achievements that were once on the verge of extinction and then embraced the new world.Whether it's the people killed in the Holocaust or the cities devoured by natural disasters, they tell stories of rebirth and hope that inspire and inspire us when we're down.

Of course, we don't want to compare our dissatisfaction and disappointment with such historical events.However, it is helpful for us to learn how others deal with emotional conflict.

(Section [-] Improving EQ Application Skills

The true value of emotional skills lies in the increased desire and ability to serve ourselves and serve others.Here are some examples of how to apply the emotional blueprint to your life. I hope these examples of the emotional blueprint can inspire you to find a suitable way to apply emotional intelligence to your work and life.

★Yuki's story
Yuki's company decides to leave New York City, but she thinks she should stay there anyway.In Japan, Yuki used to be a successful industrialist in the financial field, and also a well-known figure.In New York, she wanted to start a small venture capital fund, and she had already managed to secure a small investment from a wealthy Japanese investor.

Yuki was introduced to an American company headquartered in Seattle that absorbs funds.Therefore, Yu Ji wanted to fly to Seattle to meet with the company personnel, but the intermediary company did not arrange for Yu Ji to fly to Seattle in time.Feeling disappointed, Yuki called the CEO of the company's headquarters in Seattle, who happened to be leaving for New York next week.So, they decided to meet in New York.

Yuki is a very positive and optimistic person.She is willing to fight negative feelings to the end, and she always tries to avoid negative feelings. When she hears bad news, her first reaction is to try to "calm herself down."She has mastered emotional skills that she uses instantly whenever negative feelings arise.So, the problem is solved. ★
It's one thing to be positive, it's another thing not to allow yourself to experience negative feelings.What Yu Ji is doing is an important investment project.If the president of the Seattle company is very persuasive, then Yu Ji will hand over a considerable part of his total investment to the president to realize the president's vision.

We know that people in positive moods tend to see the big picture, focusing on possibilities.They don't pay attention to details, and they don't analyze the information they have for possible problems.Yuuki had always avoided negative feelings, so she might not read the Seattle company president's proposal carefully and comprehensively, which was dangerous.

Yuki certainly understands the danger.She knew that she only paid attention to positive feelings, and she also believed that being in positive feelings for a long time may not always be the best strategy.In fact, she was also reminded of a time when positive emotions had gotten her into trouble.Therefore, Yu Ji should find the information he needs and make an assessment of the risks faced by the company before deciding whether to make an investment. This is the correct way to deal with the problem.

When the president made an introduction, Yu Ji felt immersed in the excitement of the president and couldn't extricate himself.Even so, a thought occurred to her: "Is this how I want to feel right now?" While Yuki decided to calm herself down, she had a different goal in mind: she must lower her mood from high to neutral. Sex and even some negative emotions.

Yuki focused more on the marketing plan and the company's plan to move the market.It turned out that there were many problems in the reasoning of the plan.Of course, she thought there were some serious problems that could be corrected.So, she had a constructive discussion with the president and put forward the assurances that the company needed to make.

After she presented her judgment and comments, the CEO was a little surprised, and perhaps a little embarrassed because she hadn't thought about these issues.

Yuki managed to think in accordance with the four steps of the emotional blueprint.First, she shuts down her feelings for herself and others.At the same time, she developed emotions that helped her to focus on the details.Yuuki then tries to understand the underlying problem, how the other person feels and why the other person has those feelings.In the end, Yuki accepted the unpleasant feeling, analyzed the information contained in the feeling, and finally achieved a satisfactory result.

★Russell's story

Russell has never been an optimistic person. Although he is not pessimistic, he is very melancholy and silent.

Russell's main job in the past was to make sure that transactions between bankers and dealers were legal.Therefore, he must be well aware of the laws and regulations of the securities and banking industry, explain these laws and regulations to the client, and finally approve the closing of the transaction.He is particularly good at finding discrepancies and mistakes, finding mistakes in countless pages of figures, tables and promotional copy.

He did a great job, so he got promoted.In his new role, Russell will need to explain how the investment banking division can better handle regulatory issues.On the face of it, the job was exciting because it offered him the opportunity to mingle with people in the investment banking department.

However, the new job presents a dilemma for Russell.He seems to be still immersed in the original work.He still focuses on finding institutional problems and how bankers don't understand policy.He has no plans for the future and sees no hope. ★
Russell's difficulties and problems at work were mainly due to his flaws in using emotions to drive thinking and controlling emotions.

Russell handles negative and neutral feelings well, and he can easily slip into slightly negative feelings without realizing it.For him, it has become part of the job.However, his ability to find mistakes and pay attention to detail has not diminished in the new job.The negativity that used to be appropriate at work no longer works.

Russell's emotional intelligence training program was simple—all he needed to do was acknowledge the connection between his feelings and his mind, and coordinate his emotions with the task at hand.Acknowledging the connection between feeling and thinking was not easy for Russell.As a person who does analytical work, Russell attaches great importance to rational thinking and judgment. He does not think that emotion has any role in work, especially in his own work.However, with his analytical skills, he was able to quickly turn this obstacle into a tool to help him.

Russell quickly embraced the idea that emotional intelligence is a collection of skills, and he loved studying the role of emotion in thinking.He became fascinated by the study of emotional intelligence.He took note of his usual emotions, how they changed and how those changes changed his perspective.He started keeping a relationship journal, in which he tried to relate things and thoughts to changes in mood, which provided him with important information.Armed with this information, Russell can understand how he develops certain emotions.Russell, for example, once aspired to be a fisherman, and when he thinks about traveling with his father to Northern Ontario as a child, his emotions grow.In short, he is much happier now, less negative and less critical.Not only can he imagine many different emotional situations now, but he can use them at the right moment.

After months of hard work, Russell has been able to generate positive emotions with ease.In the months that followed, Russell seemed to be thinking more creatively, and he was able to empathize with others, so the relationship with the client improved.

Russell, who was once very low-key, is still a very low-key person.He likes a low-key emotional state, which makes him feel comfortable.Neither his personality nor his temperament had changed, but he had mastered a new technique.

★Sun Qian's story
Sun Qian has been a nurse for many years, and she mainly works in neurosurgery.She loved her job and was good at it, but after an accident she found she could barely walk.After restorative treatment, although she was able to walk again, she had to change careers because she could no longer stand for a long time without rest.

Sun Qian returned to school and obtained a master's degree in operations research with No.1 grade.She prefers internal audit because she thinks it is similar to the crisis management environment in the operating room.Sun Qian uses her diagnostic skills to analyze problems, but then leaves the work to others, as she does in the operating room.

During an audit, she found an error worth $1250 million.Sun Qian believes that it was just a mistake, and the bank will admit the mistake to the Securities and Exchange Commission and take proactive actions to eliminate the root cause of the problem.However, the bank president didn't want to hear these words. He said to Sun Qian, "Find me a consultant who won't find the problem."

Sun Qian disagreed with this suggestion, but the president still insisted on going his own way.A month after Sun Qian was ordered to cover up her mistakes, Brad, a representative of the human resources department, came to see her.It took him a long time to tell his real purpose. He told Sun Qian that the bank no longer needed her services, and that Sun Qian's dismissal had nothing to do with contradicting the president. ★
Sun Qian's emotional intelligence skills are her strengths, and through the analysis of her emotional intelligence, we found that it may be partly due to these skills that caused her to lose her job.Our analysis begins with judging feelings.

Sun Qian knew that Brad must have something to say.Brad always "taps his fingers" when he's nervous and doesn't look at you when he talks.Brad was like that when talking to Sun Qian.Therefore, Sun Qian observed carefully.

When Brad came to the crucial point, Sun Qian was ready.Brad told her that her position had been eliminated and that the bank no longer needed her services.Sun Qian was naturally unhappy and disturbed by such a decision, because the bank did something wrong in this matter.But, as she puts it, "If I'm angry, I focus on the wrong reasons."Sun Qian needs to listen to Brad's information and needs to look at the problem from the bank's perspective, including the perspective of Brad and the bank's president.Sun Qian's ability to generate emotion and reason allows her to find the right way to deal with the problem.

Sun Qian understands the truth of the ever-changing world.She saw Brad's uneasiness when he spoke, and understood the president's dilemma.She knew how these people felt and why they felt the way they did, which means she had a remarkable ability to understand feelings.Later, when she was asked if things were a little unfair, she replied: "It all depends on how you look at it. They see me as a cannon, which I can understand."

Sun Qian tried her best to ask the bank to admit the mistakes in accounting, and faced the problem directly without avoiding it.Trying to turn a blind eye to a problem is clearly not going to work, no matter how much one would like the problem to go away.Sun Qian demonstrated her ability to control her emotions because she accepted them and hoped to be motivated by them to act in the interests of the company.Although her efforts were unsuccessful, her approach is commendable.

Whether in the operating room or dealing with auditing issues, Sun Qian tried to start from the perspective of human nature.Sun Qian is not a strong leader, and she admits it.She is willing to act as the second in command, which can make full use of her judgment, understanding and overall perspective.

But not enough in this case.Despite these skills, Sun Qian failed to achieve her goal, and the story has an unsatisfactory ending.When she was asked this question, she said she would rather it had not turned out that way, maybe someone else would have done it better than her.At the same time, she also pointed out that she would never make a decision that violated her values ​​and moral standards.Under strong pressure, Sun Qian was willing and able to maintain her position unwaveringly.

If Sun Qian had used the emotional blueprint technique, would things have turned out differently?Maybe.If the desired goal is to get the president to accept Sun Qian's advice, it is necessary to better understand the president's feelings and how these feelings guide his thinking.Through the analysis of emotional hypotheses, we need to consider how the president will respond to different suggestions and how these responses will be expressed.In order for him to accept uncomfortable feelings and fears, Sun Qian should grasp the president's feelings, which may give her the power of observation, desire and ability to make correct choices.

As a result, Sun Qian lost her job.Although it didn't take long for Sun Qian to find a new job again, Sun Qian's honesty and integrity were not rewarded, so it still seemed unfair and unjust.We don't know if the results would be different if we did it all over again, but we have learned that while the world sometimes rewards emotionally intelligent behavior, using emotional abilities and information is definitely the right thing to do.We want people with high EQ not only to do things right, but to "do the right thing."

Emotional Intelligence Skills Practice

1.Recall a relationship conflict that you handled well—a conflict involving you and another person that was difficult at first and could have serious consequences if handled poorly, but ended up being resolved well.

2.Who are the people involved?
3.Describe some details of the time.

4.What is the reason for the emotional conflict?
5.What did everyone (including yourself) do?
6.What is the path to solve the problem?
7.What did you learn from it?
8.How did you feel when your relationship crisis was resolved?
9.Make a note of the specific circumstances of the time.Include emotional words in your notes.Use your notes to tell a story about yourself that evokes strong memories and hopes.

The story then becomes a tool to inspire positive emotions in tough times.It's best if you can tell the story quickly and vividly.Even if you're just reminded of the scene and the feeling of the story, you're already moving toward positive emotions.

(End of this chapter)