The learning methods and training details of Harvard's top students

Chapter 44 Always appreciating the child is the spark that stimulates his inner motivation (2)
First of all, parents should be good at observing their children and have an accurate understanding of their children. They must carefully observe small changes in children's emotions, personality, expressions, etc., and be able to respond appropriately in a timely manner. Only in this way can effective recognition and praise be achieved. Effect.Secondly, if the child changes a certain point in his personality or a certain behavior habit, he should be praised in time for this point, so as to strengthen the positive change of the child and gain the child's favor.Thirdly, parents’ approval and praise for their children should be moderate. Excessive approval and praise will often arouse children’s resentment, and damage the dignity of parents.Finally, the language of recognition and praise should be concise, clear and specific, and discuss the matter as it stands. This is also an important principle for recognizing and praising children.Ambiguous recognition and praise is certainly not completely ineffective, but it is not effective, and it is difficult for children to learn from such recognition and praise.

[Easy interaction]

1. After reading this section, what inspiration does Carl Witt's father's story about educating your children give you?
2. In family life, do you think it is necessary to give children recognition and praise?Do you often give your children recognition and praise?

【Parent-child total product】

Everyone needs praise, just as all things need the warmth of the sun to grow.

Psychologists tell us: "There is no other trick to educating children, just praise them." Praise them when they finish their meal; praise them after drawing a picture; praise and encourage them when they learn to ride a bicycle . Successful examples such as "Harvard Girl" Liu Yiting and Liu Tingting who overcame deafness and became a college student in "Appreciate Your Child" all prove that encouragement and praise play a huge role in the process of cultivating children. Western parents never hesitate to say to their children " The purpose of compliments such as "You are amazing", "You are awesome", "You are so great" is to give children a sense of accomplishment and enhance their self-confidence.

Praise and encouragement are manifestations of the principles of positive education.The secret of Carnegie's successful education lies in being good at encouraging and appreciating others, and creating a positive and optimistic atmosphere of life.

Do you also appreciate when your child fails?Some parents may be puzzled.In fact, children may need your appreciation more when they fail.If you don't "appreciate" the child at this time, what the child may get is not only failure, but also the frustration left by the failure, which is much more terrible than the failure itself.And with your appreciation, the child can get something valuable from failure.

Don't shy away from your child's failures.Failure is failure, and it is not persuasive to say that failure is success.At the same time, failure should not be attributed to objective factors. Let children face up to their own failures. This is the first lesson, and it is also a very important lesson.Parents may wish to tell their children more examples of people's failures.In short, let children know that failures happen every day, every time, and every place, and everyone will encounter them.This is the normal state of life.

Make the child think "what have I got".Success and failure are not opposites, they are just a comparison. Sometimes, success is just a little more than failure.

And success or failure is better than doing nothing at all.Not doing it at all is equal to zero, but as long as you do it, even if it is only 0.01, it is greater than 0.Inspire children, don't think about the 99.99 that you didn't get, but think about what the 0.01 is.

Regulate the child's emotions and free the child from frustration.There are of course various ways to let children relax, such as listening to music, watching movies, playing ball, taking a walk, etc.

【Harvard view】

Appreciation, indispensable oxygen for excellent children

The healthy growth of every child is inseparable from the education of parents. It is the best choice for every parent to educate their children by giving children proper appreciation and using their own appreciation to help children reach the pinnacle of life.

In just 20 years, Bill Gates has accumulated private wealth that exceeds the gross national product of 38 countries in the world.Such a rare genius, what did he inherit from his parents?Or, what did his parents give him?
Bill Gates sent his mother a card on Mother's Day in 1975, when he was a sophomore at Harvard University.Bill Gates wrote such a passage in italic English on the card: I love you!Mother, you never said that I was inferior to other children; you were always looking for something worthy of praise in what I did.I miss all the time with you.

From this small card, we can see that this world-leading billionaire has received something from his mother that many mothers have neglected-appreciation.

There was once such a touching story: There was a girl who was not very good at her homework and her movements were not very agile. It was inevitable that she would sometimes be complained and blamed by others.Because of this, she felt inferior and lacked confidence. She dared not raise her hand to speak in get out of class, and she was reluctant to play with her classmates after class. She was even more depressed and unhappy at home.The parents were deeply depressed, and they thought of many ways to do this.

Once, her father intentionally left her alone at home and asked her to try to tidy up her room.After accepting the task, she carefully arranged her own little world, and specially made a doll with a unique shape and placed it in a suitable position.When my father came home, he was overjoyed and praised repeatedly: "You are so beautiful! You are so smart! I admire you!" Amidst a burst of sincere praise, she showed a sweet smile.

From then on, she talked more and more with her father at home, and his father also consciously praised every bit of her progress.The school held a handicraft exhibition, and her father tried to encourage her to participate.She confidently showed off the homemade doll. Amid the applause from her classmates and teachers, she smiled even sweeter.Under the praise of her parents and classmates, her personality gradually became brighter, and she gradually regained her confidence. Her grades in various subjects also improved quickly, and finally she was admitted to the Academy of Fine Arts with excellent grades.

Harvard psychologists have done this kind of experiment: there are two groups of boys, first let them run long distance together to consume physical energy, then one group accepts severe criticism, and the other group receives warm praise, and immediately conducts physical fitness test, it is found that The group of children who were criticized were like deflated balls - listless and physically in a state of collapse; while the group of children who were praised, their faces were flushed, showing a state of still wanting to fight hard, and their physical fitness recovered quickly , in a good mood and full of confidence.Psychologists told us: "Appreciating and praising children is very beneficial to optimizing children's psychology. It can not only quickly heal children's physical trauma, but also promote the healthy development of children's psychology."

Parents should give their children some proper appreciation when educating their children, and let them know that their parents care and recognize them.Appropriate appreciation and encouragement are necessary, but parents should also be careful not to over-appreciate their children.If a person receives too many compliments, his psychology will swell, he will not be able to find his own position, and thus he will not know whether his words and deeds conform to certain social moral norms. Such people are often imperfect in personality. Those who are immature will also be very fragile psychologically and cannot withstand the storms and setbacks in life.A person's growth needs to go through some tribulations. Only those who have experienced tribulations and can forge a strong character from the tribulations can adapt to the future life.

[Easy interaction]

1. Through reading, what enlightenment does the story of Gates' mother teaching children give you in educating your children?
2. Think about it, when your children face difficulties, how do you do it, do you give them appreciation and help them overcome difficulties?

【Parent-child total product】

Zhou Hong, graduated from the third grade, used to be an ordinary worker in a factory.

His daughter, Zhou Tingting, was completely deaf shortly after she was born.

周婷婷三岁半一句话不会讲，六岁却能认识2000多汉字；八岁背出圆周率小数点后一千位，打破世界吉尼斯纪录；小学阶段连跳两级；十岁被评为全国十佳少年；16岁被辽宁师范大学录取成为中国第一位少年聋人大学生；17岁被评为全国最年轻的自强模范；21岁赴美留学攻读心理学博士学位；2002年荣膺首届海内外中国妇女十大时代人物。

Zhou Hong's educational method is known as one of the most famous educational methods in the world.

From CCTV to local TV stations at all levels, as well as "People's Daily", "China Education News", "China Youth Daily" and more than 1000 famous news media have reported his deeds and his original "appreciation education", known as "The first educator who discovered that children are not wrong". Gordon, the author of "The Learning Revolution", called "appreciation education" a "learning revolution" in China, which is the return of education.

Zhou Hong not only cultivated a Zhou Tingting, but also cultivated a group of "Zhou Tingting", which was called "Zhou Tingting phenomenon" by the Chinese news media. Some of the "Zhou Tingting" were rated as the top ten teenagers in the province, and some won awards in the national calligraphy and painting competition.It is even easier for Zhou Hong to apply this method to able-bodied children.Appreciation education has changed the fate of many able-bodied children.

The key to Zhou Hong's success is that he found the "appreciation education method" in the process of exploring ways to educate his daughter, which is a treasure of education.Children educated with the "appreciation education method" can fully develop their potential, fully experience the joy of success, and automatically transform this joy into endless motivation to continue learning; the shortcomings will become smaller and disappear unconsciously; Personality is respected; full of self-confidence, strong independent ability, and success in the future is naturally a matter of course.

How did he appreciate his daughter?

When the three-and-a-half-year-old daughter just opened her mouth and said "water" as "heap", the whole family was ecstatic.

When the daughter drew the first masterpiece with trembling little hands - a few earthworm-like lines, the whole family cheered endlessly.

When his daughter just learned how to do word problems, and only one of the ten questions was correct, he exclaimed at this question: "It's amazing, you can do such a difficult question, when Dad is your age!" , I dare not even touch it!"

When my daughter just started writing essays, the family enjoyed her works together at dinner time. Whenever a good sentence appeared, they applauded enthusiastically, which aroused her interest in writing.So my daughter found the feeling of a writer, and later collaborated with Zhou Hong on a book "From Dumb Girl to Child Prodigy".

(End of this chapter)