There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 30 How to impress the other party→The Law of Emotions (2)
Emotion is a kind of thought and emotion deep in the heart, but it is often controlled by external affairs and fluctuates accordingly.If you can manage your emotions, your future life will have a bright future.

John applied for a job with an offshore oil field drilling crew.The foreman asked him to board the drilling rig tens of meters high within a limited time, and deliver a beautifully packaged box to the top supervisor.He took the box and quickly climbed up the high and narrow gangway, panting and sweating to the top floor, and handed the box to the supervisor.The supervisor only signed his name on it and asked him to send it back.He quickly ran down the gangway again and handed the box to the foreman, who also signed his name on it and asked him to give it to the supervisor.

When he handed the box to the supervisor for the third time, the supervisor looked at him and said arrogantly: "Open the box." He tore off the outer wrapping paper and opened the box. Inside were two glass jars, a can of coffee, A can of coffee mate.He raised his head angrily, his eyes glaring with anger, and shot at the supervisor.

The supervisor said to him again: "Pour the coffee up." The young man couldn't bear it any longer, and threw the box on the ground with a bang: "I won't do it!" After finishing speaking, he looked down and threw the box on the ground I felt a lot of joy in my heart, and all the anger just now was released.At this time, the arrogant supervisor looked directly at him and said: "What I asked you to do just now is called extreme training, because our offshore operations will encounter danger at any time, so the team members must have extremely strong endurance. It's a pity that you passed the first three times, and you were only a little short of the last one. You didn't drink the sweet coffee you brewed yourself. Now, you can go."

When someone is angry with you, you can't act impulsively when you see the anger. This will only add fuel to the fire, and the result will not be very good.

One morning, an angry customer rushed into the office of Dieter Wool Company founder Dieter.He had come all the way from out of town for $150.The cause of the incident was that the customer owed the company $150 because of the purchase of Dieter's suit wool.The company's trustee wrote him several letters urging him to settle the account, but he forgot the amount owed, and thought the company had made a mistake.So I packed my bags and came to Chicago to find out.He said that not only would he not pay the money, but he would never buy anything from Dieter again in his life.

Dieter listened to the customer's complaint patiently and kindly. When the customer finished speaking, he said calmly: "I want to thank you for coming to Chicago to tell me about this. You have done me a great favor, because if our trust department gives You add trouble, and they are equally likely to interfere with other customers, which is unfortunate. Trust me, I want to hear what you tell me more than you do."

Dieter went on to say, "You are a very careful person. There is only one account, and it is unlikely to make mistakes. However, company employees have to manage thousands of accounts, so it should be easy to make mistakes. Please rest assured that this account will be eliminated. Since If you don’t want to buy our wool any more, then I will recommend other wool companies to you.”

Dieter is still the same as before, inviting customers to lunch.The customer accepted it sheepishly.After eating and returning to the office, the customer unexpectedly signed a large order with Dieter.

It's over.Both sides feel very happy.But soon, Dieter unexpectedly received a check for $150 and a letter of apology.It turned out that the customer went home and looked at the bill again, found that one was misplaced and forgot it.

Later, the customer and his wife gave birth to a boy, whom they called "Dieter".From then until the customer's death 22 years later, he remained a customer and friend of Dieter.

Psychological tips:

As the saying goes: bear with it, and the sea will be calm; take a step back, and the sea and the sky will be brighter. You must absorb more experience from the protagonist in the story, and you don't have to worry about some small things.

We don't advocate unprincipled concessions, but some things don't need to "add fuel to the fire" like that, it will only make things worse, and it will only damage your relationship with others.If you lose your temper and get angry with people for a while, you are certainly giving vent to your feelings very happily.But what about that person?Can he share your vent?Does your belligerent tone, your hostile attitude, make it easy for him to agree with you?
When you want to get angry, try to restrain yourself!You don't fly into a fit of rage, but deal with the problem calmly.If you know that getting angry will damage your self-interest and health, then it is best to restrain yourself.

Psychological hints force him to protect himself
If you ask people: "What color do you like best?" Of course, the answers are different.But if you tell him in advance: "Green is popular this year." Then even people who like "red" or "coffee color" may turn to like "green".

Green is popular this year.This sentence is a kind of "advance hint".Especially for those who don't have a clear idea, "advance hint" is an extremely powerful weapon to make them obey themselves.

Former U.S. President Washington had a good horse. This horse was shiny in color, strong in body, loud in voice, and agile in walking. Washington liked this horse very much.On one occasion, he found his horse in a stable on a neighboring farm, the owner of which had apparently stolen his beloved horse.He called the police and told them that the horse was his own that had been stolen.However, the farmer did not admit that the horse was stolen, insisting that it was his own horse.Obviously, the farmer who stole the horse could not voluntarily return the horse.

Washington walked up to the horse, covered the horse's eyes with his hands, and said to the farmer: "If this is your horse, you must know which eye of this horse is blind?" Before he could think about it, when he heard that the horse was blind in one eye, he hurriedly said that the right eye was blind.Washington took his hand covering his right eye and motioned the policeman to see if it was blind. The policeman saw that the eye was completely normal.The farmer got anxious and quickly said, the horse is blind in the left eye, and I was the one who said it wrong just now.Washington picked up his left hand again, and showed the horse's left eye to the policeman. The policeman saw that the horse's left eye was not blind. The farmer hurriedly said, I was wrong again.The farmer who stole the horse wanted to fill in his own loophole, but the police said: "The question just now shows that the owner of the horse is not you. You stole the horse. Mr. Washington is the real owner. You must Return it immediately to Mr. Washington."

The farmer had to blushed and returned the horse to Washington.

It showed great wisdom in Washington to deal with this matter.The horse belonged to him, but the man who stole the horse also claimed that it belonged to him. To the police, it was not very clear who the horse belonged to without corresponding evidence. Washington used his own wisdom to prove that the horse was indeed his own. to induce the farmer himself to "tell the truth".Washington lied and made up a bogus question that didn't exist.

Psychological tips:

Using false or non-existent premise as a psychological suggestion to induce the other party to answer can disturb the other party's judgment and produce wrong choices.

For the farmer, if the horse is his, he can answer it perfectly. If he cannot answer it, the horse does not belong to him.The question is whether the horse is blind. The horse was stolen by the farmer. He was not familiar with horses, and he was guilty of being a thief. Treating it as a real question and guessing randomly, this just exposed his own falsehood.

Intentionally avoiding direct confrontation, without direct persuasion at all, can force the other party to consciously abandon the old self through their own perception, association and reasoning, and establish a new position, viewpoint and attitude, so as to seek preservation.

Let it vent and show sympathy
In the process of doing business, if you find that the other party has complaints, you can let them vent to their heart's content, and then wait for an opportunity to deal with it. This will make it easier to straighten out the work and benefit both parties.

When Oshima was about to take office as the manager of Westinghouse Electric Company, he was suddenly scolded by the owner of a hotel—a thin old man.Under the curse, Oshima discovers a strategy that will allow him to succeed.

It turned out that instead of scolding him face-to-face, the furious hotel owner sent a letter of dissatisfaction with the telephone company in extremely severe terms.Therefore, the company sent Oshima to investigate and mediate the matter.

Later, Oshima recalled: "When the old man heard that I was from the telephone company, his complexion immediately turned livid. I thought, my first task is to let the old man's angry breath go away."

He went on to say: "At that time I decided not to say a word, just listened quietly and let him vent as much as he wanted. After he finally finished complaining about the phone company, I also knew the crux of the problem. I A few pointed words." When I had finished, the innkeeper patted me on the shoulder and said, "That sounds good to me, lad, but I'm blaming that bastard's phone company."

Oshima continued, "I appreciate your sound opinion, but I cannot go back unless you say that your problem has been satisfactorily resolved."

"Okay," he said, "for your sake, I promise, I'll never write to your phone company again. Is that okay?"

The old man was really trustworthy, and he never wrote to our company again.In this experience, I got a very important inspiration, that is, when a person wants to vent his anger and dissatisfaction, you must not interrupt in the middle, it will make things worse, the best way It's better to let him vent. After venting, he also becomes comfortable, but you have found a way to overcome him from his words.

For ordinary people, even if they are wrong, they are not willing to admit their mistakes to the parties immediately, and it takes a lot of effort to get them to admit their mistakes convincingly.If they are a person with a higher status, it will be more difficult to make them retire. This is all due to "self-esteem".

If we were eager to prove his point of view incorrect or foolish at the outset, we would have done a foolish thing ourselves, and the only result would be to make them stick to their guns.If we show them due respect and sympathy, understand their real intentions, and then point out step by step the misunderstandings they may step into, it will be easier for us to make them condescend to accommodate and respect our opinions.

Sympathy is a good recipe for doing good things. If you can give sympathy to the other party in life, you can often get the other party's sympathy.

Toshio Shimizu of Tokyo Electric, an official labor dispute arbitrator, has told how he deals with workers' anger and complaints."When two contenders are brought together, what they both often crave is official 'sympathy' for them," he said.

"In this case, I never say whether someone on either side is at fault or not. It makes them feel that you can understand how each other got this way, and that there is some value in what they have to say. Simply say : If a certain person gets someone else’s goat, then you should say a few words of thoughtfulness and regret for the person who lost the goat.”

He also said: "Whether it is a legal mediation or an illegal arbitration procedure, my attitude is always to listen to them quietly first, and encourage both parties to say what they want to say, even if it has something to do with the case. I let them finish everything that wasn't big or irrelevant. I think it's important to make them feel that they've been dealt with fairly. One more thing: what else do you have to say? No By the time they think I'm solving the problem, my arbitration has already been settled."

That being the case, most people have a special need for sympathy from others, and many talented managers and customer service professionals can appreciate this, and express sympathy for those who express dissatisfaction or even hostility towards people and things. , making them feel approachable.

Psychological tips:

The angry old man in the story felt that his self-esteem was damaged, so he vented his anger on the manager Oshima.

Therefore, in the process of doing things, no matter how fierce or ignorant the other party’s anger is, the only way to calm him down is: to listen to him quietly, to show that you are listening carefully and that you understand his feelings, even if you Can not agree with his point of view, but also to express great understanding and sympathy.

Active Atmosphere Controls Emotions
In life, some people speak quickly, say what they have to say, open their mouths, and speak without thinking carefully.If in a familiar environment, everyone knows each other better, knowing that this is your personality, it may be considered your cuteness; Objects, always say what you think in your heart, which will also cause emotional conflicts.

In the late Qing Dynasty, Chen Shuping had quick wit and quick talent, and was good at solving disputes with a few words.When he was a magistrate in Jiangxia, Zhang Zhidong, a famous minister of the Qing Dynasty, was the governor of Hubei. Zhang Zhidong did not have a good relationship with Fujun Tan Jixun.

One day, Chen Shuping entertained Zhang and Tan at the Yellow Crane Tower.Some of the guests talked about the width of the river. Tan Jixun said it was five miles and three points, but Zhang Zhidong deliberately said it was seven miles and three points.

Chen Shuping knew that they were making use of the topic, and was very dissatisfied with the two people's quarrel, but he was afraid of spoiling everyone's interest, so he had an idea, calmly cupped his hands, and said humbly: "The river rises to seven miles and three minutes wide. That's five miles and three minutes. Governor Zhang refers to the rising tide, and Lord Fujun refers to the ebb tide. Both of your lords are right, so what is there to argue about?"

Zhang and Tan were talking nonsense at first, but they couldn't get off the stage because of the dispute. After hearing Chen Shuping's interesting smoothing, naturally they had nothing to say.

Everyone clapped their hands and laughed loudly, and the debate could not be settled.

There is a need for gravitas in socializing, but maintaining it all the way through can seem tense.At this time, it is necessary to use good emotional control to give a little regulator to the serious atmosphere.The way of talking in harmony with solemnity is relatively free and can be used in many occasions.More important content can also be expressed with humorous and witty language.

You can act funny now and then, or look careless and disheveled, or act reckless, pretend to be drunk, put on a nonchalant look, and so on.But these all require good emotional strength to be able to bend and stretch.These "disadvantages" are not common in your body. When people suddenly observe this change, they will have a special sense of novelty or surprise.Your tucked in and let go behavior will make people laugh, make everyone look at you with admiration, and like you more, so it can also promote your relationship, and of course their own emotions will be better.

Serious people will give people a rigid, monotonous, and boring feeling, so in addition to deliberately being funny, interspersing some unexpected, seemingly absurd but meaningful questions from friends from time to time in the conversation can very well enliven the atmosphere.

Maybe someone will ask you some ridiculous questions from time to time. If you directly tell the other party that it is ridiculous, or dismiss it, it will not only destroy the atmosphere of the conversation and interpersonal relationship, but also be considered as lacking a sense of humor.At this time, it is best to control your emotions, sometimes to laugh at yourself, and sometimes to ease the atmosphere with humorous language.This is the best time to show your good emotional strength.

(End of this chapter)