There are ways to speak and speak skills

Chapter 5 Talking to Colleagues → Tolerance Strategies (2)
Some people have suspicions, which often have a lot to do with lightly believing in hearsay. In the battle of Changbanpo in "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Liu Bei's troops were beaten to pieces by Cao Jun.In the panic, Mi Fang reported again: "Zhao Zilong has defected to Cao Cao!" When Zhang Fei heard this, he suspected Zhao Yun's treachery, and immediately became furious, and wanted to go over and kill Zhao Yun immediately.Although Liu Bei warned him: "Don't be suspicious... If Zilong goes here, there will be an accident. I expect Zilong will not abandon me." Zhang Fei still didn't believe it, and led 20 cavalry to Changbanpo to find and kill Zhao Yun.In fact, Zhao Yun single-handedly returned to the rebel army in order to save Mrs. Gan Mi and Liu Bei's son A Dou.Fortunately, Jian Yong witnessed it with his own eyes and reported it to Zhang Fei, thus avoiding a misunderstanding.

Hearing is delusion, so is seeing must be true?Not necessarily.When Confucius was running out of food in Chen Cai, he once saw Yan Hui scooping up a handful of rice and put it in his mouth while cooking. Cleaning, I have to worship my ancestors first, Yan Hui hurriedly said: "No! Dust fell into the pot just now, I have already fished it out and ate it." At this time, Confucius suddenly realized that he had made a mistake.And from this he said with deep feeling: "The one who believes in the eyes, but the eyes are still untrustworthy; the one who relies on the heart, but the heart is still not trustworthy." He also emphasized: "Listen to the way and talk about it, and abandon the present. "

Psychological tips:

In this case, Master Confucius wrongly blamed Yan Hui because he was suspicious of Yan Hui's stealing behavior. Later, when Yan Hui reminded him, he realized it.It is not advisable to make random suspicions without fact-finding.

People who are prone to suspicion are often stubborn people.They draw conclusions and make rash assertions based on their own impressions, and often act emotionally instead of doing research and understanding, nor make rational judgments, but just believe in their own conjectures and judgments.This is detrimental to the harmony among colleagues.Suspicion leads to narrow-mindedness, extreme behavior, and obedient personality. It leads people into a blind alley of subjective conjecture, leaving the objective standard of right and wrong, and confusing the real with the fake.Therefore, when encountering problems, we must base ourselves on fact-finding and overcome suspicion.

Talking and laughing to resolve conflicts
In interpersonal communication, you must learn to deal with all kinds of people and have tolerance for everyone.For some people, whether you like it or not, you have to deal successfully with him.Even if you dislike someone, don't show too much dislike when you are dealing with him.This is not to say that you have to be double-faced and three-handed, but that you need to increase your tolerance for different people.You should be generous, and you might as well talk and laugh instead of it. In this way, I believe your popularity will be better.

There is a legendary basketball coach in the United States named Pemel. He led the basketball team of Dibauer University in Europe to win 39 championships in domestic competitions, which fascinated the fans.However, his team suffered an unprecedented defeat after winning 39 consecutive championships.

As soon as the game was over, reporters swarmed him, surrounded him and asked him pointedly how the defeated general felt.Faced with this pointed question, instead of throwing a fit or arguing with the reporter, Pemmel smiled and said:
"I feel great because now we can go light and go all out for the championship. We don't have the baggage of a championship anymore."

At work, not all questions can be answered positively, so funny and humorous language can act as a buffer.

During the American Civil War, the initial progress of the Northern Army was frustrated, so Lincoln appointed the young and promising Grant as the supreme commander of the army.However, this appointment caused dissatisfaction with Secretary of Defense Stanton. He felt that Grant was junior but above himself, and he was very unhappy.

One day he approached Grant and savagely demanded an explanation for his appointment.Grant did not want to argue with him, so he said mildly:
"I think it's just that I'm superior to you in military terms, but that doesn't mean anything. I'm inferior to you in many ways, Mr. Minister."

"Let's go see Mr. Lincoln together." Stanton still refused to accept.

"Well," said Grant, "Mr. Lincoln is above us all."

So the two came to the White House together.When Stanton expressed his dissatisfaction, Lincoln said with great humor:

"Mr. Stanton, you can't put a piece of beef and a chicken leg in your mouth at the same time, can you?"

Hearing this, Mr. Stanton shook his head and smiled.Mr. Lincoln then said to Stanton:
"I am as anxious as you to take charge of this work, but we are too busy to have the energy to do it. So I have specially asked Mr. Grant to lighten our burden. In this way, we can all feel at ease, because He deserved it."

After hearing these words, Stanton realized his unreasonable request and had no objection to Lincoln's decision.Since then, the cooperation between Stanton and Grant has become very tacit.The Northern Army eventually defeated the Southern Army, and both Grant and Stanton became American heroes.

Psychological tips:

A well-placed joke from President Lincoln resolved Stanton's displeasure and estrangement towards Grant.It can be seen that great people are masters who are good at using psychology. In this regard, Lincoln deserves it.

In interpersonal communication in the workplace, it is often encountered that the other party’s opinions are denied. If you say something badly, it is very rude and will cause conflicts.At this time, using some witty and humorous language can enhance the attractiveness and appeal of the reasoning, make it easier for the other party to accept your opinions under conflicting psychological emotions, and achieve the purpose of convincing the other party in a relaxed atmosphere.

Factional disputes remain neutral
Forming gangs is a common human nature, and this nature is reflected in the office culture as various factions and interest groups.When we encounter factional disputes, remember not to express your feelings lightly, because it often doesn't work out well.Only by remaining neutral can one be wise and safe.

After serving several local officials, Su Shi returned to Kaifeng in the second year of Xining (1069) and was still working in the "Ruzhi History Museum".With the support of Shenzong, Wang Anshi prepared to implement the new law. In this way, above the imperial court, two factions, the new party and the old party, were formed.The old party was opposed to political reform, and its representative was Sima Guang.The new party firmly advocated political reform, and its leader was Prime Minister Wang Anshi.Since Wang Anshi was in urgent need of selecting people who supported the new law, some snobs took advantage of the opportunity to deceive Wang Anshi's trust.

Between these two factions, Su Shi will never favor either side because of his feelings.Even if Su Shi has feelings for one party, he will not cover up his true views and speak out against his will because of his personal feelings.However, Su Shi felt that Wang Anshi had many inadequacies in both the specific reform measures and the recommendation of talents.Therefore, he strongly opposed Wang Anshi.

After Sima Guang knew Su Shi's attitude, he was very happy, thinking that Su Shi was his party, and praised Su Shi greatly.Not long after, when Wang Anshi promoted the new economic law with great fanfare, Sima Guang became anxious. He urgently recruited helpers to stop Wang Anshi's new law.One day, Sima Guang found Su Shi, and said to Su Shi straight to the point without being tested, "Wang Anshi dared to go his own way and risk the disgrace of the world. It is really audacious. We must unite and attack him together!"

Su Shi smiled and said, "I know what to do."

Sima Guang thought Su Shi was going to resolutely oppose Wang Anshi, so he was very happy, and then asked, "So, what are you going to do?"

Su Shi said to Sima Guang very seriously: "Wang Anshi reformed the current problems and wanted to implement new laws. He also thought about the country and the people. He did it for the public and not for selfishness. From the overall situation, there is something commendable. But his new law does harm the country and the people. I oppose it because of the harm caused by the ancestors. As for your creed that the laws of the ancestors are immutable, compared with Wang Anshi's new laws, it is more harmful to the country and the people!"

When Sima Guang heard this, he was furious, and cursed loudly: "What a party of Anshi!" and left in a huff.Since then, Sima Guang also hated Su Shi.

Su Shi knew everything and said everything, with a heart of a child who was responsible for the country, the people and the emperor, within two months, he wrote the "Shang Shenzong Emperor's Letter" and "The Second Emperor's Letter". Wang Anshi's new law was criticized comprehensively, which caused shock in the government and the opposition.Wang Anshi's new party knew this and gritted their teeth with hatred.Wang Anshi is still a gentleman, but the party members under him are all gearing up to punish Su Shi.

One day, Wang Anshi sent Xie Jingwen to invite Su Shi to have a "deep talk" with him face to face.Wang Anshi scolded Su Shi angrily and said, "You stand by Sima Guang's side and reject the new law. What is your intention?"

When Su Shi heard this, he became angry and asked back: "You keep saying that I am on Sima Guang's side, but you know that I am also against Sima Guang's obstinacy? You don't judge the situation, but are eager for quick success and instant benefits, and rashly implement the new law. You will be punished by the world. refuse."

Just like that, the conversation between the two broke down.Soon, Su Shi was demoted to Hangzhou and served as the general judge in Hangzhou.Soon after, Wang Anshi was dismissed, and Lu Huiqing, Li Ding and others took control of the government.

Psychological tips:

Su Shi really was full of "inappropriate words" in the disputes among his colleagues, which caused the new party to demote him when he came to power, and the old party also demoted him when he came to power.The ill-fated fate of his life was not due to his bad luck, but the root cause was that he did not understand the principle of maintaining neutrality in the midst of factional disputes in order not to be harmed.

Differences in ideology or pursuit of interests often form groups or factions with certain influence among colleagues.From time to time, these groups and factions have frictions or rivalries, and even tit-for-tat, life-and-death struggles.And in this complex and changeable form, one should avoid it as much as possible, and not easily express one's attitude and feelings.Otherwise, it's easy to get involved, get burned, and suffer the consequences.

(End of this chapter)