David Copperfield

Chapter 103 Martha
Chapter 47 Martha

She was walking so fast that we were still some way between us when we pursued the narrow streets near Durbank.She walked across the street, as if she heard the approaching footsteps behind her, and wanted to avoid it.Without looking back, she walked faster.

At the end of an avenue is the beginning of the road between the houses and the river.Once here, she stopped, as if she had reached her destination.Then, she stared at the river and walked slowly along the river.

Following all the way here, I speculate that she is going to someone.I had a vague hope that that family might have something to do with the missing girl.But when I caught a glimpse of the river through the doorway, I knew that she would not go any further.

In those days it was a desolate place, as dreary, remote, and lonely at night as any place around London, with a deserted and empty road bordering a heavily fortified prison, without a dock or a premises.A ditch in which sewage stagnated, depositing its sludge around the walls of the prison.The nearby wetlands were overgrown with grass.One of them, on which stood the skeletons of several houses, had not had a good time when it was started, and stopped halfway, and is now slowly rotting away, and in another, the ground was covered with boilers, wheels, and crankshafts. , pipes, stoves, oars, anchors, windmilled sails, and some strange things I don't know what they are, all rusted there, all accumulated from a previous speculator, and now crawling in the soil— —because their own weight causes them to sink into the ground when it rains—as if trying to hide themselves and failing to do so.The noise and light of the various factories on the river's edge, raised late at night, disturbed everything except the constant smoke from their chimneys.Lots of sticky earth and causeways meander among old stakes, through mud and clay, to where the sea falls at low tide.There are disgusting things like green hair attached to the wooden posts; and the posters offering rewards for the rescue of drowned people last year float on the posts on the high tide line.One of the pits dug to bury the dead during the Great Plague is said to be nearby.So the plague from here seems to spread everywhere.Or else, due to the overflow of sewage, it seems that it has gradually melted into the nightmare scene.

Martha seemed to be a part of the mud that was about to be corroded in the river. She walked to the river, stared at the river in silence alone, and stood in the night scene.

In the mud of the bank several small boats were stranded, thus allowing us to be within a few yards without being seen by her.I told Mr. Peggotty to stay where he was, and then I came out of the shadows myself to talk to her.When I walked up to her lonely shadow, I felt a little trembling all over my body.It was by her resolute step that she had reached such a dismal place, where she now stood (almost in the hole of the iron bridge), watching the lights bend and reflect in the rising tide. The look, and the look, all caused a wave of terror in my heart.

I felt she was talking to herself.She concentrated on looking at the water while holding in her hand the shawl that had slipped from her shoulders.She was a little restless and at a loss. She didn't look like a sober person, but like a sleepwalking patient.As I grabbed her arm, I called out, "Martha!"

Shocked, she screamed and then started to fight with me. Her strength made me wonder if I could subdue her by myself.But a stronger hand seized her suddenly.So she fell among us.We carried her to a dry place with rocks.

"Oh, my river!" she cried, "my river!"

"Stop crying," I said, "just calm down."

But she kept repeating the same words, crying out over and over again: "My river!"

"I understand that this river is my life!" she cried, "I belong to it. It is the natural companion of my kind! It comes from the mountains (where it is clean), climbs Through the dreary streets, becoming dirty and muddy—like all my life, flowing to the sea—I feel I must go with it!”

From the tone of her voice, I understood what despair is.

"I can't get rid of it, I can't forget it. It haunts me every moment. It's the only thing in the whole world that is worthy or suitable for me. The dreadful river!"

"She's in a state of frenzy at the moment," I whispered to my companion, "and it won't be long before she stops talking like this."

So we stood beside her in silence until she was a little quieter.

"Martha, do you know who he is?"

She said weakly, "I know."

"Did you know we're following you tonight?"

She shook her head.

"Have you calmed down a little?" I said, "Can you tell me about the issue that was of great concern to you that snowy night?"

She began to cry again.

"I don't want to defend myself," she said after a short pause. "I'm a bad man, and I'm totally hopeless. Her misfortunes, in any case, were not caused by me."

"No one ever said you caused it," I said sincerely.

"She pityed me so much that night," she said, "cared so much for me, and helped me so much instead of avoiding me like the others. At that time, if I remember correctly, the man who came to the kitchen, Is it you, sir?"

"Yes." I said.

"If I'd felt sorry for her in any way," she said, "I'd have thrown myself into the river. If I had had anything to do with it, I wouldn't have survived that winter night!"

"The reason for her leaving home is well understood," I said. "We firmly believe that you had nothing to do with it."

"If only I had a kinder heart, I would have been kinder to her!" said the girl with bitter remorse. "She has always been so kind to me! She has always spoken so kindly to me. Since Knowing my own destiny, how could I let her be like me? When I lost all the precious things in my life, I was sad to think that I would never see her again!"

Mr Peggotty covered his face.

"Before that snowy night, I heard about everything that happened," Martha said. Wrecked her! God knows, I'd die if I could restore her honor!

"It's no big deal to die, what can I say? I'd rather live!" she cried, "I'll live to old age in that miserable street--walking in the night, being hated--see The sun comes up over those pale houses, and thinks, how that same sun used to shine into my bedroom and wake me up—and even then I'll live and get her out!"

"What am I supposed to do?" she said. "When I'm like this, I blame myself when I'm alone. I live like this when I meet others." She suddenly turned to my face. Companion, "Kick me! Kill me! When you were proud of her back then, even if I touched her on the street, you would think it was harmful to her. You definitely wouldn't trust what I said Even now, if I ever said a word to her, you would think it disgraceful. I don't mean that. She is different from me, and I understand that there was a long, long time between us. Gap. I'm just saying, I appreciate her from the bottom of my heart, love her! Don't you think that love has disappeared in me! You can hide from me, like people all over the world, or you can because I have fallen into this state, because I once knew her, kill me, but you must not think of me like that!"

When she begged him like this, he just stared at her blankly.When she stopped, he gently lifted her up.

"Martha," said Mr. Peggotty, "I would never judge you. I would never do that, my boy! You only thought I had something to say about you, and it was because you didn't know that in these days I've changed something in the last few months. Well!" said he, "now you listen to our present plan.

"I have traveled far to find my dear niece. For I feel, Martha, that I love her more now than ever."

"I have heard her say," said Mr. Peggotty, "that you grew up without parents, and without a relative to look after you. If you had such a relative, you would grow to like him, and you might think, I My niece is like my own daughter.

"Therefore, I understand that if she sees me again, she will definitely go anywhere with me. If not, then she will hide and refuse to see me, and flee to any place by herself. Because, although she has no reason to doubt my love , but shame will come in and lie among us.

"Master Weiss and I reckon," he went on, "that she may come to London alone one day. I am, we are all convinced, that you are innocent of what happened to her. I know she is innocent of what happened to her." Everyone is so gentle and kind, and you are no exception. You are grateful to her, so please help us find her as much as you can, and God will reward you!"

"Will you trust me?" she whispered in surprise.

"Total confidence in you, absolute confidence in you!" said Mr. Peggotty.

"If I meet her, I'll talk to her, and if there's room for her, I'll let her live. Then, without her knowing, I'll run to your place and take you to her, won't I?" she said anxiously. asked hurriedly.

We both replied at the same time: "Exactly!"

She solemnly declares that she must do this work with zeal and fidelity, and that if she is not faithful to this task, may all help, earthly or heavenly, be kept from her forever!

Afterwards, she stood there very quietly, looking at the dark river.

I told her exactly what we had learned.When she listened, she concentrated on it, and the expressions on her face changed from time to time, but there was a consistent determination in the different expressions.Tears welled up in her eyes, but she held them back.It was as if her spirit had changed completely, as if she was never quite so quiet again.

When all was said and done, she asked where she could tell us if we should meet her.I wrote her both of our addresses and I asked her where she lived.She paused before saying that she had no permanent place to live.It's better not to say anything.

I offered her money, but she would not accept it, and I told her Mr. Peggotty was not poor in his present state.We were all amazed at her idea of ​​finding someone for us by making a living on her own.She thanked us from the bottom of her heart, but was determined not to take our money.

"I might get a job," she said. "I'm going to try."

"At least get a little help before you try," I said.

She replied: "Even if I am starving, I can't ask for your money. Giving me money means that you no longer trust me. This is the task you gave me. Take back the only thing that can save me from the river." thing."

"For God's sake," I said, "get rid of that dreadful thought. We can all do good if we will."

She replied:

"You seem intent on rescuing a pitiful being and making her a human again. If I can still do good, I may perhaps begin to hope for that, for what I have done in the past has always been more harmful than beneficial. You would send me to Try this quest, and be trusted for the first time in my poor life."

She suppressed the tears again.When I saw her up close for the first time, I saw her haggard face, withered features, and sunken eyes, which showed that she had suffered hardships.

As we parted, praying for the success of this endeavor, I could not hardly detect another kind of thoughtful pity in her face.

It was midnight before I got home.At this moment I found my aunt's door open and lighted, and I was startled.

I thought maybe my aunt was falling into her old habit of looking at the fire she had imagined.So I wanted to comfort her.But I saw a man standing in the little garden, which surprised me.

He is drinking something.I saw at once that he was the figure I had thought to be Mr. Dick's imagination, the man whom my aunt and I had once met in a London street.

He ate hungrily.But with a restless look, as if he was in a hurry to leave.

My aunt came out.Uneasy, she counted some money into his hand.

"What's that enough for?" he said.

"I don't have any more," my aunt replied.

"Then I won't go," he said, "you take it back!"

"You wretch," replied my aunt with great emotion, "you have done this to me? You know how weak I am! What can I do to avoid your troubles, but to make you suffer for yourself?" Woolen cloth?"

"Then why don't you let me do it to myself?" he said.

"You still ask me why," my aunt replied, "How did your heart grow!"

He finally said:

"Are you going to give me this little money?"

"That's all I have," said my aunt. "I've suffered a loss and am poorer than ever. I told you. What are you doing here when you have the money?"

"I really messed up badly," he said.

"You've taken most of what I've ever owned," said my aunt. "You've made me loathe the world for years. You've treated me too cruelly, too viciously, and heartlessly. Go and repent. Don't Add new injury to the many things you have done to me!"

"Good!" he replied, "very well said! Come on! I'll just let it go."

"Auntie," I said, "this man is threatening you again. Who is he?"

"Son," said my aunt, "come in and talk to me later."

My aunt said, "He is my husband."

"Your husband, aunt? I think he's dead!"

"It's dead to me," replied my aunt, "but he's alive!"

I sat there silently in a daze.

"Bessie Trowood doesn't look like a man in love now," said my aunt, "but there was a time, Trowood, when she believed in him so much. She loved him so much then that At that time she gave him all her love and attachment, but he rewarded her by dividing her property, and almost broke her heart. So she put all her feelings of that kind forever Put it in the grave."

"Dear good aunt!"

"When I parted from him," said my aunt, "I was generous. After all these years I can still say, Troo, I was generous. He used to be so cruel to me that I could have spent no money." Divorced him for so much money, but I didn't do that. He soon squandered all my money and became more and more depraved. I heard that he took another wife and later became an adventurer. Gambler, liar. You've seen that too. The way he is now, but when I married him he was a fine man. I trusted him completely then—what a fool I was!"

"I've got him out of my mind now, Troo--not at all. But I wouldn't let him be punished for his crimes, and when he came I gave him as much money as I could and sent him away. When I married him Too stupid."

My aunt ended the speech with a sigh.

"My dear!" she said, "you know all about the story. Let's never speak of it to each other. Not to anyone. It's my grief, and we'll keep it a secret, Troll!"

(End of this chapter)