David Copperfield

Chapter 126

Chapter 62 A Guiding Light

Time flies, Christmas is coming again, and it has been more than two months since I returned to China.I go to see Agnes a lot.Loud as the voices of encouragement were given to me, as warm as the effects and emotions it aroused in me, the slightest compliment from hers was there for me, and I heard nothing else.

I spend an evening with her at least once a week.I often ride back at night.And as that old unpleasant feeling haunted me now—I was always so sad when I was away from her—I preferred to go out, lest I should fall into insomnia and distressed dreams.As I walked, all the thoughts that had been haunting my mind when I was abroad were brought up again.

Agnes is in love with me.But if I disturb it, I have defiled it terribly selfishly and foolishly, and will never be able to restore it.My mature thought is that now that I am that fate, and have gotten what I desperately need, I have no right to complain, I have to live with it.My thoughts of obligation and maturity to Agnes constitute all that I feel and all that I already know.But I love her, and I have a vague feeling that some day in the future we will justly confess my love for her.By then all will be a thing of the past.That's when I was able to say, "Agnes, that's how I came home. Now I'm old, and I haven't loved since!"

She never told me that she had changed in the slightest. What she was before in my eyes, she is still what she is now, and she has not changed at all.

From the night I came back, there had been a tacit understanding between my aunt and me that we would both think about that question, but neither of us would say what we thought.

Christmas is fast approaching, but Agnes hasn't confessed her secret to me yet.I wondered whether she had understood what I actually thought, but she kept it from speaking because she was afraid it would cause me pain—a question that weighed heavily on me.If this is the case, all my sacrifices are meaningless. I have not fulfilled my minimum obligation to her. I want to make this situation clear-if there is a gap between us, I will stand firm destroy it.

It was a cold and windy winter day.

"Are you riding out today, Trol?" my aunt asked.

"Yes," said I, "I'm going to Canterbury in a moment, and it's a fine time for a ride."

My aunt said, "But your horse seems to think his stable is better!"

"It'll cheer up in a minute!" I said.

"Anyway, this kind of travel is good for its owner," said my aunt. "My child, you have been writing for hours! When I used to read, I never imagined that writing a book turned out to be like this." Something to worry about!"

"Sometimes it's hard to read, Auntie," I said. "As for writing, it has its charms too!"

"I get it," my aunt said. "Motivation, love of compliments, empathy, and a lot of stuff, I guess? You go!"

"As for Agnes' love," I said, "do you have any more information?"

"I think so, Trol," she answered.

"Is your impression well-founded?" I asked.

"I think it's justified, Tello."

She looked at me with suspicion, or sympathy, or concern.I showed her a very happy expression.

"And, Tro—" my aunt said.

"what?!"

"I'm sure Agnes is getting married soon."

"God bless her!" I said cheerfully.

"God bless her!" said my aunt, "and her husband."

I immediately agreed.Then I said goodbye to my aunt.

I saw Agnes alone at home.By this time the little girls had all returned to their own homes.

We sat by the window talking about the book I was writing.Agnes was particularly cheerful, predicting that I would soon become too famous for her to discuss such subjects with me.

"So I'm trying to make the most of what I have, you know," Agnes said, "to talk to you while I can."

She caught my gaze as I looked at her intently beautiful face.

"You seem to have something on your mind, Trowood."

"Agnes, may I tell you my thoughts? Dear Agnes, do you trust me in your loyalty?"

"Yes!" she replied.

"Do you suspect that I won't treat you like I used to?"

"No!" she replied.

"When I return to China, Agnes, I want to tell you how much I owe you, have you forgotten?"

"No," she said.

"You have a secret," I said, "tell me, Agnes." She said nothing.

"Even if I have never heard of it, I know very well that you have someone to give your love to."

Still she said nothing.

"Agnes! My dearest! Sister! Did I say something wrong?"

"Leave me alone, Trowood. I'll tell you at another time. Say nothing to me now. Don't!"

"Agnes, I am sorry to see you like this. If you are upset, let me share it; if you need help or comfort, let me find a way; if you really have a burden on your heart, let me find a way to lighten it. Nisi, I am living in this world now because of you."

"Leave me alone! Let's talk about it later!"

"I have to go on! You can't leave me like this! Agnes, let's not misunderstand each other after so many years and so many things! I have to make this clear. If you Now hesitating, thinking that I am jealous of the happiness you have given me, since I do not want to bless your happiness from afar, then please get rid of this thought! Because I am not like that! I did not suffer completely needlessly, And you never guided me completely pointlessly."

She calmed down now, and said to me:

"For the sake of our chaste friendship, Trowood—I must tell you that you are mistaken. I have nothing more to say. For many years, if I have been unhappy sometimes, but that is over; if my heart There was a burden on me, and that burden has been lightened. Our secret has been mine for a long time, and it will always be mine alone."

"Agnes, don't go, please wait!"

I stopped her.

"Dearest Agnes! Someone I have the utmost respect for, I think I could keep my heart a secret for the rest of my life, until we're both old. But, Agnes, if I ever get the chance, I'd like to , call you with words that are completely different from what your siblings call you!"

Her tears fell rustlingly, and I saw hope.

"Even when I was in love with Dora--madly in love with Dora, Agnes, you know--"

"Yes!" she exclaimed earnestly, "I'd love to know."

"When I loved her, even then, without your sympathy, my love was incomplete and incomplete. I had your sympathy then, and my love was complete. But when I lost When she was here, Agnes, what would I be without you!"

She was nestled in my arms, close to my heart, and there were tears in her tender and pure eyes, and she just looked at me like that.

"Dear Agnes, I went abroad, stayed abroad, and returned to China, all because of loving you."

Then, I tried my best to tell her all my struggles and conclusions I had reached over the years.I tried to tell her as frankly and fully as possible what was on my mind.I did my best to express to her how I had wished I had known myself and her better.

"I feel very happy. I am full of emotion, Trowood, but there is one more thing I must tell you."

"What is it, my dearest?"

"What do you think?"

"I dare not guess, tell me."

"There's never been a time in my life when I didn't love you."

Oh, how happy we are, we weep, we weep that we have come this far.

When we came to my aunt, it was almost dinner time the next day.

"Oh!" My aunt looked over hard in the twilight and asked, "Who is this person you brought back?"

"Agnes," I replied.

"By the way, Auntie," I said after dinner, "I told Agnes what you told me."

"Tro," said my aunt, "you've broken your faith in me."

"I'm sure you won't be offended, Auntie. You won't be offended when you hear that Agnes is happy in love affairs."

"Nonsense!" said my aunt.

When I saw that my aunt seemed about to be irritated, I thought the best thing to do was to calm her down. I put my arms around Agnes and we both leaned over her.My aunt immediately cheered up.

This alarmed Peggotty too.As soon as my aunt recovered, she threw herself on Peggotty, calling her a stupid old thing, and hugging her as hard as she could.Then she hugged Mr. Dick again before she told him what was going on, and they all cheered up together.

We got married in less than two weeks.The only guests at our wedding were Traddles and Sophie, the Doctor and Mrs Strong, and the wedding was very quiet.When they were still immersed in the joy, we drove away together. I held her in my arms. She was my center, the whole of my life, myself, and my wife!

"My dearest husband!" said Agnes, "I can call you by that name now. I have one more thing to tell you."

"Speak, my love."

"It happened the night Dora died, and she asked you to come and find me."

"Is such that."

"She told me she left me a thing. Can you guess it?"

i think i can.I hugged her tighter.

"She begged me to leave me one last job."

"That job is—"

"Only I can occupy that vacant seat."

So Agnes lay on my breast, weeping, and I wept with her, but we were so happy.

(End of this chapter)