David Copperfield

Chapter 84 Frustrated (1)
Chapter 35 Frustrated(1)
I was shocked at first.When I had calmed down, I suggested that Mr. Dick go to the grocer and sleep in the bed which Mr. Peggotty had not long since left.Mr. Dick was quite satisfied with this.He absolutely fell in love with his place.

I would like to know from Mr. Dick the cause of this sudden and important change in my aunt's affairs.Sure enough, he didn't know anything about it.Only the day before yesterday my aunt said to him, "Dick, I've got nothing." He said, "Really?"On the way they eat sandwiches, drink bottled stout, and come to me.

Mr. Dick looked so contented that I could not help explaining to him that ruin means misery, poverty, starvation.His face turned pale all of a sudden, tears streaming down his face.I regret it, and I have gone to great lengths to make him happy again.

"What shall we do, Trowood?" said Mr. Dick. "The petition—"

"Of course we can't forget that petition," I said, "but all we can do now is keep our spirits up and don't upset my aunt."

He sincerely agreed.I found him gazing at the bun at supper as if there was a famine right in front of us.

My aunt, on the other hand, had a calm demeanor, which was a good lesson for all of us.She was very gentle with Peggotty.

"Tro, my dear," my aunt said when she saw me making her a drink, "I don't want it!"

"Don't want anything?"

"Not wine, but ale."

"But there's wine here, auntie. You always make wine out of it!"

"Keep it for when you're sick," said my aunt. "Let's not waste it, Troo. Just give me half a bottle of new ale."

As my aunt was determined, I went to fetch the ale alone.As the hour grew late, Mr. Dick and Peggotty went to the grocer together.I bid farewell to the poor man at the corner of the street.

My aunt was walking about the room when I came back; and while I had the ale hot and the bread baked, she too was ready, and put on her cap.

My aunt said after a spoonful: "This is much better than wine because it's less bitter."

Affirming that I showed doubts, she continued:

"All right, boy. We'll be content if nothing worse than ale happens to us."

"I ought to think so myself, aunt," said I.

"Why don't you think so?" asked the aunt.

"Because you are very different from me," I replied.

"Nonsense, Troy," said my aunt.

My aunt drank her hot ale and dipped her bread in it.At the same time she went on with quiet contentment.

"Tro," she said, "I don't care about strangers in general, but I like your Baggis very much."

"I'm glad to hear that," I replied.

"It's strange," said my aunt, "how that woman should have that name, when other names are so much easier."

"But it's not her fault," I said.

"Yes," said my aunt, "but it's annoying, and now she's Bagis. It's a consolation, Bagis loves you."

"I know." I said.

My aunt took it and said, "Here, the poor man asked for part of her money--because she has a lot of it!"

"She's the funniest thing in the world," said my aunt, "but there's something good about Baggies!"

Then she went on talking while she ate the bread.

"Ah," sighed my aunt, "I know everything, Tro! Bagis talked to me a lot when you and Dick were away. I don't know where the girls want to go. I wonder Why don't they—knock their brains out on the mantelpiece," said my aunt.

"Poor Emily!" I said.

"Oh, she's nothing to be sorry for," went on my aunt. "She ought to have thought about it before she got into all this trouble! Kiss me, Trol. I'm sorry for what you've been through."

When I leaned over, she stopped me and said:

"Tro! You think you're in love, don't you?"

"I think, Auntie!" I cried, "I adore her with all my heart!"

"Dora, really?" said my aunt. "Is she charming?"

"Auntie," I replied, "no one can imagine what she is like!"

"Not stupid?"

"Stupid, aunt?"

I was struck by this new insight.

"Not frivolous?"

"Flirty, auntie?"

"Come on!" said my aunt. "I'm just asking. I'm not trying to belittle her, poor couple! Going to live a life like a dinner party, eh, Trollo?"

She asked me kindly with that half-joking, half-sorrowful look, and I was very moved.

"We are young and inexperienced, Auntie," I replied, "but I can assure you that we really love each other."

"Tro!" said my aunt, "blind!"

"As far as I know, Trol," said my aunt, "though submissive, she is so faithful in love that it reminds me of a suckling child. Loyalty is what a man should seek to improve him, Trol. .Frank loyalty."

"If only you knew Dora's fidelity, Auntie!" I cried.

"Tro!" she added, "blind!" For some reason, I felt vaguely a loss I had never felt before.

"Having said that," said my aunt, "I don't want those two young men to lose their confidence or make them unhappy, so I don't mean your love--no fruit, we still seriously look forward to it. There is a happy ending."

These words are not very useful to a man in love, and I was glad that my aunt knew my secret, and after saying good night she came into my room with her nightcap.

As I lay down, I thought sadly of my poverty in Mr. Spenlow's eyes; of my duty to tell Dora frankly my financial situation, and to break off the engagement if she thought fit; During the long study period, there is no income, how should I try to live; I thought of doing something to help my aunt; I thought that I was too poor to give Dora a little gift, and I couldn’t talk about ostentation! But I am very loyal to Dora , I can't help it.I know that it is selfish of me not to think of my aunt but only of myself.But selfishness is inseparable from Dora, and I cannot abandon Dora for anyone.

I had so many dreams that I felt like I was dreaming before I fell asleep.

My aunt didn't sleep well either, and I often heard her walking up and down.Several times during the night I found her sitting beside me and saying, "Poor child!" How selflessly she cared for me! I was selfishly concerned for myself.This thought makes me sad.

It was a long night, and when I awoke I saw the sun streaming through the window.

At that time there was a Roman bath at the end of a street off the Strand--I used to go there for a cold bath.I dressed as lightly as I could, and left Peggotty to attend to my aunt.Then I went to the bath, and after taking a bath, I decided to annul my study contract and claim back the tuition fee.So I went to the doctoral school.

I got to the office too early, and it was half an hour before old Tiffy showed up with the key, and I sat in the corner thinking of Dora.Until Mr. Spenlow came in.

"Hello, Copperfield," said he, "good weather!"

"It's a beautiful day, sir," said I. "Before you go, may I say a word to you?"

"Of course," he said.

I followed him into the room.

"I'm sorry," I said, "but my aunt has brought sad news."

"She suffered significant damage, in fact, almost all of her property was lost."

"You frighten me, Copperfield!" said Mr. Spenlow.

"It's true, sir," said I, "that she's in a bad place, and I want to ask you if—" I said, seeing his disappointment, "release me from the bond?"

"Release your bond, Copperfield?"

I explained that I don't really know how to make a living if I don't earn a living myself.I'm not afraid of the future, I said—but for now, I've got to make up my own mind.

"I'm sorry to hear you, Copperfield," said Mr. Spenlow. "Rescission, which has never happened before, is not professional procedure. It is outrageous. And— —”

"It's very kind of you, sir," I whispered.

"Not at all," said Mr. Spenlow, "if I were not restrained—no—Mr. Joggins—"

My hopes were dashed at once, but I kept trying.

"You think, sir," said I, "that if I went to Mr. Jokins—"

Mr. Spenlow said: "I will never lie, Copperfield, and least of all to Mr. Jorkins. Mr. Jorkins would not agree to the proposal. It would be difficult to take him out of the routine. You know What kind of person is he?"

All I know is that he used to run this institution by himself, and now he lives alone in a house near Mang Dagu Square.He comes very late and leaves early every day.He never seemed to discuss matters with people.Upstairs he has a cabin of his own.I don't know anything else about him.

When Mr. Johnkins came, I went to his room.He was surprised when he saw me.

"Come in, Mr. Copperfield," said Mr. Jokins.

I repeated what I had said to Mr. Spenlow.Mr. Johnkins was tall, gentle, beardless, about sixty years of age.

"Have you spoken to Mr. Spenlow on the subject?" asked Mr. Joggins.

I answer yes.

"He said I would object, didn't I?" asked Mr. Yokins.

I am compelled to admit that it occurred to Mr. Spenlow that this might be so.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Copperfield, but I can't do it for you," said Mr. Jorkins. "In fact—I have an appointment at the bank."

He stood up hastily as he spoke, and as he was about to leave the room, I said, "Can there be an accommodation?"

"No!" said Mr. Johnkins. "I object," and he went out quickly. "You ought to know, Mr. Copperfield," he said, looking into the door, "that if Mr. Spenlow be opposed to--"

"He has no objection himself, sir," I said.

(End of this chapter)