The most virtuous wife, the most talented woman: the biography of Yang Jiang

Chapter 27 Making Love with Pen·Looking for the Past and the Future on Paper (2)
In the dream, Ah Yuan was also sick, hooking her own fingers, saying it was a relapse of an old problem.Qian Yuan once had a problem when he was a child. His fingers were swollen. The doctor said it was bone tuberculosis, and there was basically no cure for it.What will happen to this relapse, Yang Jiang has no idea, after all, Qian Yuan is no longer that child, he is also a person who wants to retire.

In her dream, Qian Yuan recovered and came to the boat to see her and her father, chatting affectionately.

Qian Zhongshu, who was ill, was still very clear-headed.On November [-], [-], lying on the hospital bed, he suddenly looked at Yang Jiang's back and called repeatedly: "A Yuan! A Yuan!"
Yang Jiang comforted him and said, "A Yuan is in the hospital."
Qian Zhongshu said, "Tell her to go home."
"Back to Sanlihe?"
"That's not her home."
"Go back to Xishicao?" (Qian Yuan's husband's house)

"The west stone trough is not her home after all. Tell her to go back to her own home."
Yang Jiang promised him that he would convey his words to A Yuan, and then he became quiet, closed his eyes and stopped talking!

Before Yang Jiang and his father had a "heart-to-heart connection", Qian Yuan and his father were also "broken together". Later, when Yang Jiang brought the words to A Yuan, she nodded with a smile, she understood what her father meant.Qian Zhongshu's nurse said that from that day on, Qian Zhongshu only called Yang Jiang and his mother in his dreams, never called Qian Yuan's name again, and never asked about his daughter's illness.

Is Qian Yuan really healed?Or just say goodbye in a dream!

In the dream, A Yuan accompanied Yang Jiang to get off the boat. She supported Yang Jiang and said, "Mother, you once had a daughter, and now she is going back. Dad told me to go back to my own home. Mother... Mother..."
She missed her daughter so much, and wanted to use a switch to restore her daughter's recovery, but it was only a dream. In the dream, her daughter called "Mother" softly, and then disappeared, disappeared from the real world. Disappeared.

The dream will always wake up, the daughter still left, but the feeling of heartache is real, the daughter is the flesh that fell from the mother, what is the feeling of the daughter leaving the mother? "I exerted too much force, and my chest was burst with tears. There was only a thud, and a pile of bloody things fell from the stone slab in the ground. The cold wind directly poured into the hole in my chest. I couldn't bear the pain, so I squatted down and crumpled the bloody thing into my chest; fortunately, there was a lot of blood, and all the dirt was washed away."
In the dream, Qian Zhongshu saw Ah Yuan who was about to leave, but knew that it was not the real Ah Yuan.He said he knew that Ah Yuan was worried about his parents, Qian Zhongshu knew it all in his heart, he understood it all!
"On the ancient post road, the old man's eyes are dry, and he can only cry in his heart. When his daughter is gone, Zhongshu's eyes are full of burning pain and suffering. He looks at me sadly, and I know he is also crying in his heart. "
Three people became two people, and when one person left, all three people were sad!After waking up from a dream, the person has passed away. Yang Jiang was lying alone on the bed at home in Sanlihe. This dream exhausted her last ounce of strength and hope, but gave her endless longing. This long dream is over.

In the last scene of the dream, she lost her way on the ancient post road, lost her direction, couldn't find the inn, let alone the boat number 311, she kept walking, the scenery in front of her became more and more blurred, and finally it was pitch black , only the sound of water can be heard.

She had no choice but to go back along the way she came, like a leaf being swept away by the wind, with no straw to hold on to, and no branches to hold her back. When she opened her eyes again: "The home in Sanlihe is no longer a home. My inn."
The second part is to recall the life of her and Qian Zhongshu from 63, studying abroad, raising children, learning, until [-] when Mr. Qian Zhongshu left first.The time has spanned [-] years, and this family has experienced all the changes of that era, from wars, diseases, political storms to the final parting of life and death. The family is a big tree that shelters everyone from wind and rain.

Three people, each has its own fixed role in the family, and also has other "part-time" roles. Yang Jiang once described the relationship between the three of them in "The Three of Us", let us understand the relationship between these three people when they are together. The situation has a basis for conjecture:

"There are three of us, but there are more than three of us. Everyone can transform into several people. For example, when Ah Yuan was only five or six years old, my third sister said: "Your family has the biggest round head and the smallest Zhong Shu." . "My elder sisters and younger sisters all think that what Sanjie said is right. When Ah Yuan grows up, he will take care of me, like a sister; he will accompany me, like a younger sister; he will take care of me, like a mother. Ah Yuan often said: "My father and I are the closest" Buddies, we are my mother's two urchins, and my father is not worthy to be my elder brother, only my younger brother." I became the oldest again.Zhong Shu is our teacher.Ah Yuan and I are both good students. Although we are close at hand, if we have any problems, we can solve them by just asking, but we will never disturb him.He is very tall.But he needs our mother and daughter to take care of him like a child when he dresses and eats, and he is very weak. "
In the end, only Yang Jiang was left alone, guarding a lamp that once illuminated the way home, sewing a map of life with words alone.With her century-old experience, she best interpreted one word for us——home!
This is a life textbook, which teaches people how to face suffering, death, happiness, and personnel changes, and how to recall their own lives.

The long dream at the beginning and the "good things in the world are not firm, but the colorful clouds are easy to disperse and the glass is brittle" tell us that a person's life is a mixture of sorrow and joy. easy to go.

Yang Jiang's writing makes people calm down very quickly. Reading it is like a kind old man telling a story far away in a slow tone.No matter what kind of storm it is, she always talks calmly, as if she is afraid that you will be hurt, and she protects your heart, but you don't know each other.

The success of Yang Jiang's literary language is obvious to all.Its concise language looks plain, neither cloudy nor clear, not artificial, not hypocritical, and not playing tricks.The clean and clear language has great expressive power in Yang Jiang's works.

In Qian Zhongshu's last days, she stayed there all the time, as if she had been waiting for his arrival at the very beginning.At that time, Qian Zhongshu had no energy to speak, but his eyes kept looking at Yang Jiang.Some words need not be said, but the mind is understood, and the mouth is smiled. "He is walking slowly on purpose now, asking me to send him off one way at a time, get together as much as possible, and turn a small dream into a long dream. I am willing to do that. Send me off, say goodbye, and see each other again ...Does the prolonged parting increase the pain or reduce the pain? I can't figure it out. But the farther I go with him, the more afraid I will never see him again."
In fairy tales, beautiful stories always end with "the prince and princess live happily ever after", but no one wants to talk about the parting scene, because no parting is what people want, they parted many times, and they tried to find a way Get together, stay together like this for a lifetime, but never stay by each other's side enough, just guarding like this, just like the song sings: I wish to win the heart of one person, and never leave each other...

The daughter and her husband left one after another. Yang Jiang said: "I clearly saw that the apartment that used to be "our home" was just an inn on the journey. I don't know where the home is. I'm still looking for the way home." She She didn't say how sad she was, how many times she cried, or how to face a house alone with sadness. She only said that she would keep looking for the lost father and daughter, because they are the home.

"The three of us have not wasted our lives, because it is the three of us." She said this sentence to "the three of them". This sentence hits the mark.

She knew that sooner or later she had to set off and set foot on the road to continue searching. In her old age, she still wrote about the things of this life, like counting the bags in her heart, just to start more lightly and arrive faster.Yang Jiang said: "My heart is as calm as water. I should greet every day peacefully, live every day well, and prepare to go home."
As the translator Gao Mang said──
Some people praised her as a famous writer, and she said: "I don't have such ambition."
Some people say that her work is a bestseller, she said: "It's just a short time when the sun is on the tip of the dog's tail."
Someone said that one of her books should always be treasured. She said: "After a while, my books are only worthy of being sold in [-]% off bookstores, or sold by the catty."
Someone asked her for calligraphy, and she said: "My calligraphy is only worthy of writing big-character posters." Yang Jiang is not used to giving books to people. She thinks that giving books is just to put them on the bookshelf or exchange a few words of praise. if.

Someone invited her to visit abroad, and she said: "Zhong Shu and I are like old mahogany furniture, which will fall apart when we move them." She said that her greatest desire is for people to forget her.

The editor of the publishing house initially wanted to make "The Three of Us" into a picture book. At that time, Mr. Yang Jiang provided a lot of photos, which were enough for production.After the editor read these words, he completely changed his previous thinking. The whole book of Mr. Yang Jiang is a whole, which seems to be a work completed in one breath, and people can't bear to interrupt it.

In the published book "The Three of Us", the photos are placed in the front, and the text is in the middle, allowing readers to read their stories and walk through their lives in one go. "The Three of Us" has been on sale since it was published, and it has been reprinted, and there will always be readers who like the stories of their family and the three of them.

Some people are curious, who is the leader of such a family of three?Everyone guessed that it would be Mr. Yang Jiang, because Yang Jiang was always taking care of the external affairs of the family, and Qian Zhongshu seemed to be a protected person who hid and devoted himself to learning.But Mr. Yang Jiang's answer was: "No, no! The three members of our family are like three mirrors in a kaleidoscope. I am in you, and you are in me."
In [-], "The Three of Us" was published and touched a generation with her story and words.In January [-], "News Evening News" published the title "Who is the Most Influential Female Figure in China in [-]?" " mentioned: Yang Jiang──she moved China with "The Three of Us".She also won the "Ms. Literature" of the year in the selection of Chinese literary figures in [-].

In one year, "The Three of Us" sold 50 copies, and letters from readers flew in from all over the world, telling everything they were touched and their concern for the elderly.Mr. Yang Jiang likes to read these letters very much, but she said: "I didn't write any big articles, I just recorded my personal thoughts, not for the purpose of educating anyone." She never thought that the book would be a bestseller , just felt that as the last fighting member of the family, she had the responsibility to record it all, she was the one left to "clean the field".

walk to the edge of life
On New Year's Day in [-], Yang Jiang was admitted to the hospital because of a fever.After two days of treatment in the hospital, the fever subsided, and she returned home and began to write.The title "Walking to the Edge of Life—Self-Ask and Answer" was thought up by her on the hospital bed, and the matter of this book has been lingering in her mind since then.

It took her two and a half years, intermittently, to record many thoughts about life during this period, more like reflections after experiencing life.

"Walking to the Edge of Life" is divided into two parts, the first part is the discussion, and the latter part is the notes on the problem.This book actually echoes the title of Mr. Qian Zhongshu's book "Writing on the Edge of Life" 40 years ago. Before that, Qian Zhongshu sighed: Life is said to be a big book, and this book is really big!It's not easy to finish reading at a time, and there are a lot of blank spaces at the edge of the writing.

Go to the edge of life and look directly at the big issue of life and death.People walk in the world once, and they will always come to this day. Some people will finish their journey in a daze, and some people will think about why I came here?How can I prove that I have been here?
Yang Jiang mentioned in an article commemorating the three sisters: "Life has four hardships: "birth, old age, sickness and death". My sister understands a little bit about old age, sickness, and death, but what is so terrible about "birth"? This is a big problem. , I have consulted philosophers and Buddhist scholars. There are different opinions, and I should say that I still don’t understand it.” She has been exploring questions about life and death. Every time she thinks she is close to the answer, she finds that there are more unexplained The problem.

In "Walking to the Edge of Life", Yang Jiang discussed many issues, about gods and ghosts, about human souls, about fate, about literature, and interspersed with a lot of fantasy and numerology-related content, all of which are products of thinking , It is also evidence to prove that a lifetime has really passed.

Regarding fortune-telling and numerology, Yang Jiang should be skeptical, because something happened before, so she had to believe it.She recalled that when she was a child, she once met a blind fortune-teller who gave him the "horoscope" of her brother who had just passed away and asked him to do the calculation. The blind man pinched his hand and shook his head and said, "It's not good, the sky is so strong. "Yang Jiang was dubious, and asked him to calculate the "horoscope" of her sister's child who died young. After the calculation, the blind man suddenly became angry and said: "What's the matter with your family, are you making fun of others? This child has countless lives , died early!"
The blind man didn't know each other at all, so it's really hard to explain.Yang Jiang did not deliberately learn fortune-telling and related numerology, but occasionally heard some "remnants" of the corners and corners, and briefly introduced them in the book "Walk to the Edge of Life".

Of course, some so-called numerology is also inaccurate.For example, before leaving the country, Qian's father once gave Yang Jiang a copy of Qian Zhongshu's "fate book". predictions of things.The content is roughly like this: his wife will be one year younger than him, and this has been fulfilled; he also said that he is destined to have no son, and this has also been fulfilled later.However, there are some inaccuracies. The "Book of Fate" said: "Sixty years and eight years, once you go there, you will never return." In fact, he was 68 years old when he died of illness.

At the age of 68, Qian Zhongshu once remembered his "prophecy" and asked Yang Jiang: "When will I die?" Yang Jiang coaxed him: "There are still a few years." No more questions.

Not everyone can understand the meaning expressed in "Walking to the Edge of Life", and everyone's understanding of the content will be different, just because everyone thinks about life with different trajectories.

The power of calm, like a black vortex, attracts people irresistibly, sincerity can only be seen in the middle of trivial matters, and the accusation of subtle things resonates more than tears.

When writing this book, Yang Jiang was already 96 years old.

Comprehension is divided into levels. The general level is to listen to what others say and understand later. The comprehension of a wise man is to penetrate the opportunity and warn future generations.Yang Jiang, on the other hand, plucked the fruits of what she experienced and what others experienced, and shared it with everyone who walked here afterwards.

The book "Walking to the Edge of Life" has been created for two years. Yang Jiang searched many Chinese and foreign books that she has read and unread for reference and basis.With a pile of scrapped manuscripts, this 4-word "Self-question and Self-answer" completed the dialogue between myself and myself, and the struggle between myself and myself, and finally found the meaning of life: the value of life lies in Cultivating the soul lies in self-improvement.

In the book, a piece of "Cranky Thinking" describes the speculation about what kind of soul will use to meet relatives in heaven, which is surprising and involuntary.And the most embarrassing thing is "Neighboring Two Magpies".How many joys and sorrows the magpie couple in the window performed in a year!There is only one sentence at the end: "The joys and sorrows, hopes, and sorrows of the past are like a dream, and they are all in the past."
Yang Jiang has always kept writing by hand, as long as her physical condition allows, she will sit down and write.If she is not feeling well, she just sits quietly and thinks about how to write next. She cherishes time more and more.

Life goes on, the sun still rises in the east every day, and every day is still 24 hours a day, leaving in sequence. Mr. Yang Jiang, who is over [-] years old, is living quietly in that home at this time, plain and fulfilling.What is the meaning of life?What is the purpose of living?How are you going to live tomorrow?These questions no longer need answers.

She just lived peacefully, watched the time go by, recorded the things that flashed in her mind with a pen, and cared for her life with a gentle attitude, which is the greatest respect and remembrance for her deceased relatives.

This world is so quiet, please do not disturb the world. Even the wind can't bear to blow hard here, and the grass just grows quietly. There is a smiling old man here, doing what she loves to do.

(End of this chapter)