The Complete Works of Xu Zhimo's Classical Prose

Chapter 12 Catching Duckweed on the Edge of Autumn Dream

Chapter 12 Catching Duckweed on the Edge of Autumn Dream (11)
I cannot bear your wisdom, but you cannot begrudge your patience.I am not your someone, not your friend, not your acquaintance, but you cannot help but know the sorrow I am telling you now, your Lian Feng's hand touched a bunch of things that were frozen at the end of the stone slab.A handful of withered roses.There are three of them, and the snow is so stiff.He kissed the frozen snow on the petals.I envy you for your unbroken love in the world, girl, but this is also a burden, to be honest.Put these three fragrant flowers on your head, he or your relative or your confidant, you can't help but be moved, right?I also personally went to the valley to gather wild incense to put on my her head.When my hot tears dripped on the cold stones, I couldn't doubt that she was also appreciating my affection with sadness in the soil or in the stars.But she is far away in the other side of the sky, and I can only use the scenery to express my hardships tonight.

Life is hard.The hardest ones are those who seek light and heat in the dark world.Poor Autumn Moth, he can never forget the fire.Transforming among the mud and grass, flying in the dark, shaking the gold powder on its wings, its wish is a star thousands of miles away.that's me.When I see the light, I feel excited, when I see the light, I don’t care about my fragile body, when I see the light, my body is full of tragic magic, and the martyrdom of sacrifice goes to the bottom of the flame to realize the meaning of life.that's me.God let me see that beam of light!That magical time! "It's only half a sentence, the nectar lives withered buds." My life suddenly split into a flower of strange wishes. "Life is long", but the blooming of flowers is just an interlude between morning dew and sunset.Attentiveness is looking forward to the setting sun, caring for the prosperity of flowers.Poor this pinch of soil in my heart, who else will pay my respects? "I know all your troubles, even though you never tell me; I know all your sorrows, and I often suffer because of you." The beautiful morning breeze woke up the glory of the earth! "Be patient, the beauty is no more than this half-bloomed bud." "I'm gone, you don't have to be sad, cherish this volume of poetic heart, the brilliance will always stay among the stars and the moon." She has gone!The brilliance is always between the stars and the moon.

Unfamiliar friend, you don't think my words are obscure.I think you understand.You must understand.The moonlight has dyed my hair white, and this haggard description is suitable for the company of the people in the tomb; it also seems to illuminate for me the tranquility of your long sleep... Isn't that my eyebrows?Misty moon shadow, why don't you seriously write a psychic for me?Her eyebrows; how can I forget your expression when you were parted forever!Maybe that once, on the edge of life and death, you allow me to embrace the true nature of your life; on the edge of life and death, you allow me to kiss the mystery of your spirit; The brilliance of the eyes.That eye, that eye!The pure spirit of love explodes in a miraculous moment!You go, but you stay forever.From your death, I first realized life.You will realize a kind of mysterious thread between life and death.The world is dark, but I have forever stored your aura of immortality.

Lian Feng looked up at the moon.Yue also looked at him.Aozora deepened the silence.There seemed to be a crow outside the city wall, like a tearing silk, like a ghost howling.A handful of snow fell from a tree by the wall, shining brightly.Is this still a human world?Why didn't she come, like that night in the mountains?
"I send her farewell and go home, parting from her here,

Floating in the grass, her white dress. "

Weird life!What queer dream hope has vanished from between your fingers like pearly mercury when you fold your palm to estimate the weight.Everything has to turn to ashes, fly away, fly away...I can't but envy your comfort, silent tomb dweller!There is still a fire burning in my heart, and I am pregnant with my treasure; no one will ever find out the source of my pain, and no one will ever know, and on that day when I too will die, I will return my treasure to God: Who else can give and inherit this life but Him?I am happy!Don't you envy me, friend?

I am happy because I love, because I have love.What a great and fulfilling word!Holding it, the chest and ribs radiate heat, radiate light, and breed strength.Thank you for your sympathetic listening.Sleeping friends, this time is a rare luxury for me.This is another quiet corner of Beijing.Under the cold moon, at the edge of the deserted city, when the trees are covered with silver frost.But Beijing Lianfeng opened up the ferocious front door again.Like a head, like a skeleton.Drum music for funerals.Reeds of the North Sea.Can Rong Ye not die?In the golden light of the evening, there are solitary ducks flying on the ice.Pin sink, pin sink.Who else misses the purple air of Xishan?She was dead with a pile of ashes.Beijing is also dying. Prepare an alms bowl and go to the dead forest to arrange its funeral.What can I say?Goodbye, friend, what more can I say?

He was about to stand up and walk, when he turned his head and saw another figure on the way through the door.The fat black mass was moving on the snow, moving slowly, towards his side.There is a tree blocking it, do you really know what it is, is it a person?Strange, who is this?Are there any comrades with me in this cool night?Why not, just allow you?It was really weird, it didn't move again, the black shadow twisted with the shadow of a tree, like a big burden.It can't be a ghost.Why are you silent, afraid of something?It's a person, maybe it's another sad person, it's a ghost, maybe it has other arms.It might be a woman, who knows!Under the cold moon, among the barren mounds, when the ground is covered with silver frost.It bent its body, as if picking up something.It can't be a child who can't come to the cemetery.Phew, it turned around!

Here it comes, that mass of black shadows.approached.Standing still, he also looked at the one sitting on the mound in a daze.Is it a person, or a ghost, this bunch under the moonlight?He was thinking too. "Who?" Rough, dull accent.Lian Feng stood up, holding a pair of frozen hands. "It's me, who are you?" He was a little old man, shoulders hunched, his hands in the ragged pockets of one of his battered uniforms. "I'm the gatekeeper here." He also walked into the moonlight.Like the gravedigger in "Hamlet", Lian Feng finds it interesting, more interesting than a young woman, whether it's a ghost or a human. "Sir, when did you come in? I hum, I fell asleep. Is the door not closed tightly?" "I have been in for a long time." "Isn't it cold, you sit on this rock?" "Just you watching At the door?" "Except for a poor old man like me, who would be willing to do this hard job?" "How long have you been here?" "How do I know how many years! Anyway, Lafayette is not dead, I have already Here we come. It must have been quite a few years, sir? I am a person who lives in Qiqi, don’t you look at my clothes?” “Do people come here often?” “Yes. Except for foreigners who bring flowers to graves, There were also students who came, most of them were a man and a woman. When it was cold, there were very few of them. Aren't you a student too?" He squinted his old eyes at Lian Feng's clothes. "Aren't you afraid to see so many foreign ghosts by yourself?" the old man laughed.How naive to ask this question, he must be a student, not very old. "Afraid? People are old and poor, what are you afraid of! Besides, don't I rely on ghosts to eat? Rely on ghosts, sir!" "Do you have a family, old man!" "I'm already dead. Die clean." "Aren't you afraid of death yourself, old man?" The old man laughed again. "Sir, you are here again! People are poor and old, are you still afraid of death? You young people love to play, love music, and life is interesting, how can we say that?" He took out a piece of black silk in his pocket Blowing his cold nose.The voice was louder.There was another echo in the city circle, which added a lot of life to the cemetery.A few old crows in the trees over there woke up too, and flicked their half-frozen wings. "Old man, do you think you grew up in Beijing?" "I have never left in my life." "Then do you love Beijing?" The old man almost wanted to grin.What a joke this student asked!Do you love Beijing?People are poor, people are old, what is there to love or not? "Let me tell you," he said.

"Just here in Dongchenggen, there are many poor and miserable people. Those who push earthmovers, those who push water carts, those who live idle, and those who are disabled, are all exactly like me. They grew up in this city circle and have never left in their entire lives. Every year it becomes more bitter, and rice becomes more expensive every year. There are too many cinders in the mound to pick up. Who can start a fire? How many meals are enough to eat? It can be dealt with in summer, but it can’t be ambiguous in winter. It’s more difficult to freeze Hungry, it’s colder when you’re hungry, and you can’t eat dirt. It’s been snowing a lot for the past few days, okay; the dogs are deflated a lot!” The old man blew his nose again. "I heard that all the rich people have moved away, going south, southeast, those who got rich, those who got promoted, all went. How can the poor and the poor leave? The rich left and they suffered even more. No. Beijing is like a dead city. It’s dead, you know! It’s not as deserted as it is this year. Listen, there’s no sound, and the dogs don’t bark anymore! I saw a couple last time The two and their three children were very hungry, and they couldn't be thieves, so they discussed and borrowed a knife to cut his belly to see Lord Hades. Poor man, the man stabbed his wife's stomach with a knife, and the intestines leaked, and the blood was straight Take a risk, after finishing one calculation, when he wipes his head and stabs his stomach with a knife, what do you say, that woman's eyes are still open and she is not completely dead, seeing her husband stabbing herself with a knife, she is desperate to fight her The bloody body pushed straight towards the knife edge, what do you think, her hand is pointing at the knife edge, hurry up, one hand, four fingers, let it come off like a white radish, so crispy! That man When he saw this, his heart ached and his heart ached. He threw the knife and turned around and ran outside, shouting frantically for help. Who knows where he went after this run, a policeman from the armor factory police station said yesterday I can't hold back my tears when I think about this incident. We are the same people, but people always have one heart. Who can stand these hard years? People who are suffering love face, and they can't steal from others. If you are in a hurry, you can hang yourself. If you don't hang up, you can go Flooded in the water, the river ditch was frozen in heavy snow and couldn’t be submerged, so I borrowed a knife to wipe my neck and guts. I’m poor, what can I say? Well, then again, you ask me if I love Beijing. People are poor, people Suffering, what else is there to go? What to love! If you can’t live, you have to love to death! Didn’t I say that Beijing is like a dead city? I said that it is almost dead! A family of three boys buy corned buns to eat. What a pity! Okay, do you love Beijing? Beijing is doomed, sir! What else can I say?"

Lian Feng walked out of the cemetery with his head down, walking three or four long alleys in the moonlight before he hired a car.The car heading northwest is facing a cool breeze like a knife point.He wrapped his overcoat tightly, catching his breath, all thoughts frozen in his mind.Sometimes he opened his eyes and looked at the gloomy street lights, and saw the elderly coachman step by step against the wind on the slippery snowy road. He, but always unable to speak out.The half moon shone its silver light on the snowy track.Late at night.

Originally published in January 1929, "New Moon", Volume 1, Issue 1, included in "Roulette"

give new moon

Friends of the new moon, where are you at this time?The sun has not set yet, I guess you all have different jobs, some are in the school, some are in the government office, some are walking in the park, and some are doing pen and ink and coloring. My dear friends, I miss you here!

I am where most of you have never been.You know that there is Lake Baikal in Siberia; for half a day, we drove around the shore of that lake.I am writing by the window now, the left side is just rocks and cliffs, the right side is the big lake, what kind of lake, it is like a sea of ​​snow, God knows how deep the ice is at the bottom, and on the other side are mountains with many mountains, countless people wearing snow caps The peaks of their nobility are proud of them in the sunset.The sky here also seems to be exceptionally clear. Just now, the sky in the afternoon was completely clear, and there was no cloud at all. At this time, a thin mist began to evaporate along the lake, and there were three or two bronze-colored frozen clouds lying across the mountain peaks on the opposite bank. .Just now I wrote a letter to a friend saying that the silence in the snow is a unique artistic conception, which is the most reverie.Facing this great nature, I couldn't help but be moved and moved. Although my body is just a tiny ant in this icy and snowy land, the thoughts and emotions that suddenly expanded in my heart seemed to break through this tiny body, Fly to the unobstructed sky.Friends, you have my thoughts; I have long wanted to write to you, to let you know that I will remember you at all times, I did not write early and I have my plans: I have been busy changing trains along the way, and I have never had half a day of comfort; On the edge of Changbai Mountain and the banks of the Songhua River, the scent of human beings who are called profit has changed. At that time, when I wrote a pen, I could only feel disgust and indignation. Pull yourself together and decide to start this roaming correspondence.

Not only do I miss my friends today, I miss my new moon too.

When I was about to leave Beijing, some friends were very worried about the Crescent Club when they heard that I was going to Europe. They said that if you went to the Crescent Club, it would definitely be affected, and even if it didn’t close down, it would be embarrassing.I was very reluctant to hear these words, because it can be seen from these words that ordinary people do not have a proper understanding of what the New Moon Society is all about.But this cannot be blamed, because although we have volunteers, we have not had any deeds to prove our volunteers so far. Therefore, if the outside world does not understand or even misunderstands the purpose of the Crescent Society, we have no one to blame except ourselves. go?I was the first person to initiate this volunteer. With this qualification, I would like to say a few words about the new moon.

Organizations are tangible, ideals are invisible.At the beginning of the new month, it was just a wish shared by a few people. At that time, the New Moon Club was just a verbal name, and it can be said that there was no close blood relationship with the current New Moon Club at No. [-] Pine Tree Alley.What was it that I wished for?Just a nerd's dream of course!We want to make a play, we want to gather the power of several people, write and perform the play by ourselves, invite people to watch it if we want it, and have fun anyway if we don't want it.Sad to say, "Qira" in April last year was our only achievement this year, and thanks to Mr. Teguer's birthday, it was forced to come out!At the end of last year, I was busy for two or three weeks trying to rehearse a few small plays by Mr. Xilin, but for some reason it never got scheduled.There are all kinds of ideas that arise at any time, want to do this, want to do that, but the result is still nothing.

At the same time, the Club of the Crescent Society, thanks to Mr. Huang Zimei's ability and hard work, has actually settled down.The house is not bad, the layout is not bad, the cook is suitable, everything is good, but one thing is difficult to finance.The start-up fee was paid by Mr. Xu Shenru (my father) and Mr. Huang Zimei. As far as I know, none of the money has been returned.Of course, the recurring fee depends solely on the monthly fee of the members. Based on the current list of members, if each member can pay the monthly fee, the income and expenditure can barely cover the balance.But in fact, it is not easy to collect all the social expenses, and the expenditure cannot be reduced. Looking at just one or two months, it is inevitable that there will be a shortfall of more than a few hundred.When there is a shortfall, ask who will borrow money to make up for it?Of course I asked the manager.But this situation is by no means normal.Mr. Huang works for all of us, as the chief steward, so that we can avoid bothering him with the big and small things in the company. It is our advantage that he does not ask us for compensation, and it is too unreasonable to ask him to pay for it out of his own pocket every month. up.So no wonder his eyes were really red when he first heard I was going to Europe.He said that you didn't intend to make trouble, I must do my best for you!Although Mr. Huang thinks too much about my relationship with the New Moon Society, he does have his own difficulties, so I don’t need to go into details here. Anyway, I live there, and he can always grab one when there is an emergency. If I leave in a hurry and follow the elders who don’t pay the fee if they don’t like it, and don’t come to the door if they don’t like it, wouldn’t Master Huang be full of Coptis chinensis, with a mouthful of bitterness in his mouth, what should he do?Originally, he spent money to pay for his time and thought to make everyone happy. If everyone turned their backs and said that you didn’t deserve to run a club, wouldn’t it be a casual joke?As soon as Master Huang was discouraged, he cursed Xu Zhimo without mentioning the first one. It's hard to say that he really knows how to come to me with a pistol!Therefore, for the sake of my personal safety, I have to ask all my friends to help me to maintain the life of this club.

This is of course a joke. Seriously speaking, if most of the members joined the club just for perfunctory friendship, and they didn't actually have much sympathy for the purpose of the New Moon Club and its future, then things would be easy to handle.The Xinyue Society has a lot of ready-made equipment, and it can't be considered bad. We can come to the auction as soon as possible. Fortunately, Xijiaomin Lane is next to the next wall, so we don't have to worry about not having customers, and we may make some extra profits!It is not easy to set up a platform, and it is not easy to collapse a platform.If the bankers don't offer a considerable price, politicians and gentlemen can also think about it. Anyway, as long as the start-up expenses are paid, everyone will break up and it will be over.

(End of this chapter)

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