The Complete Works of Xu Zhimo's Classical Prose

Chapter 29 Laughing at Life's Hibiscus Bird (1)
"Even if I break my head, I still want to keep my soul free"

Judging by the behavior of the masses, the Chinese are the cruelest nation.

Judging by personal behavior, most Chinese people are the most shameless individuals.The true meaning of compassion is to feel the feeling that human beings should feel, and to have the courage to express inner compassion.

The Chinese will only listen to the little fever in the killing field, and will never congratulate the innocent criminals in the court; they only want to drag the innocent people into the muddy water, and will not forgive the head of personality The spirit of sacrifice that opens the gates of hell.It's just "gloating" and "throwing stones into a well", and will not take a little risk to share the burden of others' struggle for justice.

In the past, in history, we seem to have heard of righteousness, chivalry, role models, integrity, integrity, and so on.Now, I only hear sacred professionals accepting sweet "ice and charcoal respect", kowtow and birthday blessings, and everywhere I see posters of "sell souls at a low price" for personality auctions.This is the most obvious achievement of the revolution, and this is the most moving advertisement of the Chinese Republic!
"A nation without ideals will perish" is an unpublished mantra.Our current society and politics are only taking the path of despicability, and the most unacceptable thing is ideals, because ideals are like a big mirror.

Shakespeare's ugly ghost Caliban (Caliban) sometimes reflects his own face in the sea, always (annoyed) shame into anger.

Therefore, every time there is an idealistic behavior or personality, this despicable society must not tolerate it; instead of punching and kicking, it is always ridiculed, and the Sanlu doctor is always pushed to the bottom of the Miluo River, so they can rest assured.

We used to be a Confucian country, so the standard of ideal personality in the past was wisdom, benevolence and courage.

I don't know what country it has become now, but the generality of the most ordinary personality at present is obviously stupid, cruel and cowardly, which is exactly the opposite.But truth and justice are a holy fire that never dies; perhaps it is sometimes overshadowed.Why don't most people have a momentary reply of clarity within 24 o'clock in a day?But who has the guts to think his own thoughts, to feel his inward feelings, to express his righteous impulses?

That's why Cai Yuanpei is what people from the south call "dumb", an unbelievably stupid nerd, and the most out-of-date ideal in the squalid society.Therefore, no one can understand his words; his behavior is something that very few people dare to express sympathy for; Woolen cloth?

"A villain knows but never retreats,"

"I can't bear to be safe for those who are in the same boat,"

"non-cooperativeism,"

"In order to maintain my personality..."

"I only know right and wrong in my life, and I never take people as the unit."

How many people can understand these words, how many people dare to understand?

Such an ideal must fail; for ideals always fail.If the ideal wins, then the humble society and politics fail, and that is too extravagant a hope.

Gays and lesbians who are knowledgeable, courageous and capable of feeling should recognize that this trend is a moral issue; no matter how confused Peng Yunyi and Beijing and Tianjin newspapers are, how they spread rumors, and how to involve political parties, they cannot cover up any ideals in this trend. Mars.It is our responsibility, the burden on our conscience, to keep this little spark alive; we should actively sympathize with the spirit of knocking down the gates of hell with the head of a personality.

Originally published on January 1923, 1, "Work Hard Weekly" No. 28

I celebrated the Dragon Boat Festival
I just came back from the south entrance.It was really hot, and the temperature in the south-facing room was over ninety degrees. The two-hour train ride was like being tortured in a fire cellar, and it was as uncomfortable to sit up.We got up early this morning before the wild birds sang, and set off on mules before six o'clock. Apart from resting at Yongling for half an hour, we continued our journey in high sunlight until after one o'clock in the afternoon.As soon as I got home, I felt pain in the muscles of my limbs as if they were tied tightly with a hemp rope, the blood in my head was rushing like boiling water, and my nerves were under intense pressure, like countless red-hot iron snakes coiling. twisted together...

As soon as I entered the shady room, I felt dizzy from the top of my head to the bottom of my heels. Not only could I not see clearly, but I couldn't even support my body.I collapsed on the nearest wicker chair, pressed my trembling chest with both hands, closed my eyes tightly, indulged the chaos in my heart, a piece of dark yellow, a piece of dark green, a piece of dark green, like a movie in my tired eyes. tearing on the film...

It wasn't until after taking a bath that my mind recovered and my body felt unusually refreshed, so I thought about it...

Man, are you not ashamed of yourself?

Beast, natural, tough, vivacious, beautiful; I just envy you.

What is a civilized man: just a corrupted beast!If you take a human being who is used to civilization, strip him of his clothes and decorations, deprive him of the false language and writing tools, and put him naked in the wilderness, what a beast in a "cold village" it is!I'm afraid even the little mule with long ears would look down on him!
During the day, wolves and tigers sleep peacefully in the jungle, and he hides under the shade of a tree and has a fever; at night, the breeze plays soft music in the woods, and the birds are dreaming in their nests, and he falls on a stone and has a fever and coughs. It's cold!
We don't wait for wolves and tigers to discuss his limited flesh, and we don't need little sparrows to laugh at his cowardice; the bright sun and cool breeze, sweet rain and morning dew that he usually sings about are enough for him: within a few hours he can use The illusory scenes of money, reputation, economy, doctrine, etc. have been eliminated in his mind. Within half a day, all the illusions of life's emotions, sorrows and joys have been eliminated in his heart. Not having been eliminated would have made him completely beyond the ugliness of a civilized person. At that time, he was asked to put down his hands to share the burden of walking for his feet. He didn't think it was weird, so he would tear his skin and flesh and climb up the tree to pick the fruit. , nor does it feel the concept of decency...

When I see lively and lovely beasts, I think of the beauty of braised game.Now you have lost the guarantee of civilization, but it is a great luck to ask for equal treatment and non-aggression...

Civilization is but an absurd condition; civilized man is but a miserable phenomenon,

I rode on the mule, screaming and screaming, and followed the dumb mule driver, telling me with gestures that he had been running all day, and the weather was not too hot. He happily picked a wild flower and split a stalk of wheat from time to time along the way. , laughed at his weird smile, and sang his dumb songs; we went to the guest house to drink ice soda to breathe, when he passed a small stream, he jumped down to drink a noodle, and one of the companions said: "Really, they are like this. If you drink nonsense, you won't get sick, how cheap!"

Turning back, I got on the first-class car and sat on the leather chair screaming tired and hot. There were two bottles of ice water, and I felt that there was no electric fan in the car; Laugh at their laughter in the high temperature, talk about their talk...

The farmers mowing wheat in the fields are working with their brown and black bare backs arched. They have been working for eight or nine o'clock since the early morning. The hot sun seems to be shooting sparks on their skins, but they have never cried out. Backache is called headache...

We dare not deny that man is the spirit of all things; but we can conclude that man is the adulterous of all things;
What is modern civilization; just a kinky phenomenon.

The price of prostitution is the corruption of vitality and the ugliness of humanity.

What is ahead, nothing else, just a big black mouth, opening and waiting on our fateful path, when the time comes, swallow us whole and finish!
June [-]

Originally published on August 1923, 6, "Morning News Supplement"

a letter

to a friend who complains about life being dry
Getting your letter is like a treasure dug into the ground, it is equally rare and precious.

Reading your letter is like looking at an ancient tombstone. The surface is vague, but the meaning is profound.

It’s also like in the night beside the Nile, when the moon is shining on the pyramids, I dreamed of an emperor wearing a golden robe, who tricked me, and I knew what he meant. He said: “I am nothing but a decent man. mummy;"

It was also like when I woke up in the middle of the night at the foot of this heavy mountain, and heard Soprano of the nighthawk in the pine forest, poor detested bird, although he did not have the gift of a tongue like Zigui, but I understood his resentment, his Ideal, his urgency is his sarcasm and curse; I know how he despises everything, how he despises the light, despises the tumultuous sparrow, and despises the thrush who delights himself;
It’s also like a wonder I found on Mount Putuo; it looks like a large rock from the outside, but the inside has been emptied by sea water long ago, leaving only a skull like an Arhat’s head. Every time the sea waves embrace the island, It emits a very mysterious influence, like love words, like curses, like prayers, whimpering among the carved stalagmites and stalactites, like the homophony of the Yamato echoing among the rafters and stone couplets of the ancient temple in Gaoxuege. Unless you have the patience and courage to climb down several layers of rocks, bend down to observe and listen intently, you may never imagine, let alone discover such a secret;
It's like...but I know, friend, you've heard enough of my metaphors.Perhaps you would rather hear my natural voice and unaffected intonation than words wrapped in the foil of fantasy, though, I must add, you yourself are most fond of blowing you from a crooked silver trumpet weird tone.

You said: "The wind is strong and the soil is strong, and life is dry." These words seemed to be a strange cool wind, which made me feel a shudder of fear; like a cluster of falling autumn leaves, a drop of compassionate freshness fell from my soul. tears.

In my memory, I seem to be confident, not without the color and aroma of wine, not without traces of a charming smile, I think I can always resist the influence of your gray tone Yes, I was in the field yesterday afternoon When I was walking, didn't I clearly see two fierce black clouds disappearing in the fierce flames of the sun, five young goats, as white as rabbits, listening to their mother's orders to find grass to eat by the roadside, three grass mowers A child throws a sickle in front of a rice field; the natural vivacity inspired me a lot, and I shouted to the pagoda standing in the white clouds that I know life is interesting.

The sun never came out today.Bundles of clouds are closely next to each other in the sky, and your words happened to add a few layers of clouds, and I doubted my declaration yesterday again.

I also wonder, my friend, why your words are in my heart like chalk on glass. This translucent dullness is a very clever punishment; I am almost crying out for pain.

I looked out of my window, it was dark, there was no moon, no starlight, let alone daylight, he had left long ago, the forest was dark and blue, and on the tree, I knew it was the residence of the night owl , under the trees are lined up in the dimness of the early night, I also know that it is a tomb, the stiff bones are buried in the hard mud, and the phosphorous fire is not a single star, so quiet, so miserable, the victory of the night is complete .

I closed my eyes and inquired in my spiritual mansion, ah, I couldn’t find an image of life free from dryness, dryness is like a shadow, always following the feet of life, and like the onion tube of an onion, always attached to it The head of life, it's a wonder.

My friend, I'm sorry, I can't answer your words, although I really want to, I'm not a cool west wind that can't blow away the clouds in the sky, I only have a rough mud shovel in my hand, and if I have beautiful ideals or Is hope to be buried, my work touches ready-made I have had my experience.

My friend, I am afraid that in the end, I have to accept your influence, because your words have bitten into my heart fiercely, like a poisonous scorpion, and have weighed heavily on my heart, like a piece of panto Shi, I can only endure, I can only endure...

February 26
A single article was published on March 1924, 3 in "Morning News Supplement·Literary Xunkan"

Fall:

Two years ago, in Beijing, on such a vivid autumn day, I compared a person's feelings to fallen leaves, leaves falling from the tree of life.Fallen leaves are, yes, a symbol of decay and withering, and its mood is almost mournful.But those little leaves fluttering in the air and upside down on the street are not without their charm, their color, and their meaning. In the eyes of a few caring people, they are not completely without status in this universe. "Thank you for your destruction, so that we can be liberated and free." They seemed to say to the ruthless autumn wind. "Excuse me, kick us into powder and crush us into mud, so that we can be liberated and wiped out," they seem to say to people who don't care.Because watching, on the day when the spring breeze returns, this humble seed of life will be turned from the frozen soil into a fresh world.Their power, although invisible, cannot be doubted.

I was feeling dull, really an indescribable dullness.It is like a great mountain, and my whole life weighs it down.My thoughts at that time were simply poisonous. I have a poem called "Poison" and the first two lines are

Today is not the day when I sing, with a sneer that drools on my lips, not the day when I talk and laugh, with a sword that glows coldly in my chest;
Believe me, my thoughts are vicious, because the world is vicious, my soul is dark, because the sun has lost its glory, and my voice is like a night owl in a grave, because the world has been killed All harmony, my accent, is like a ghost accusing his enemy, because all kindness has given way to all grievances.

I used this formless curse poem to vent my sulking anger, but I was not desperate or pessimistic. Under the deepest depression, I still had hope.Therefore, in the latter part of the last stanza of the shapeless poem "Baby", when describing the suffering of a pregnant woman in her childbirth, there can still be a sentence of hope.

In my then prophetic imagination, I was looking forward to a great revolution.

So I was at the end of that "Falling Leaves", I still had the courage to face the challenges of life, solemnly declared an attitude, and shouted loudly to borrow two powerful foreign words "Everlasting Yea". "Everlasting Yea"; "Everlasting Yea" One year, one year, two more years passed.Has my dream come true in the past two years?Has that great "baby" been born?Has our suffering gained awareness and value?
I do not know I do not know.All I know is the mass of ugly bloated dullness, the loathsome dullness that covers my mind, my life.It's in my meridians, in my blood.I cannot resist, I have no more strength.

What we live by is not only bread, not only rice, but what we live on is a poet's words, love, adoration, hope. "We Live by love, admiration and hope" contains another condition, that is, the human beings in this world can bear our love, are worthy of our admiration, and allow our hope.But what is the modern situation?The manifestation of human nature, what we can see and hear, what is going on?I think we are not outsiders, there is no need to cover up, in fact there is no way to cover up, there is no expression of humanity here, except ugly, obscene, and dark.It's ugly, we can't love with love in our fiery breasts, it's too nasty, we can't adore it, it's too dark, we can't even hope.

The sun has been eaten by the dog, we can only be silent in the boundless darkness, silent forever!It was as if the tragedy of a strong earthquake had caused thoughts, feelings, and personality to be shaken into irreparable fragments, disorganized, no longer coherent, and no longer expressive.But you want me to speak at this time, which makes me feel strangely uncomfortable.Suffering because of my own misery.I feel uncomfortable, especially because I feel that your invitation is not just an invitation for an ordinary lecture. Of course, you are not asking for some ready-made doctrines when you invite me. Then I am a layman, and I don’t have special knowledge. He is a poet, his property, except for a few castles in the sky, is at most a warm heart.If you invited me, maybe there are some among you who feel the sadness of this era as I do, a situation that cannot be escaped and cannot be shaken off, so I invite me, a comrade who is also in this sad and dull situation, and I hope that I can give you a call just in case. A few humorous metaphors, tell a little joke, give a little comfort, there is such a small half hour, each other can forget the cruelty of time in the warmth of sympathy.So I hesitated. I was afraid that there would be nothing to explain when I came, and I felt uneasy if I didn't come.I also wanted to choose a few things that are far away from the actual life to talk to you, but believe me, friends, this idea is in vain, because no matter whether your starting point of thinking is the starlight, the moon or the butterfly, As soon as he turned around, he encountered the basic problem of life again, and stood coldly like a few tombstones blocking the way.

(End of this chapter)