The Complete Works of Xu Zhimo's Classical Prose

Chapter 8 Catching Duckweed on the Edge of Autumn Dream (7)
I dare not criticize Soviet communism. I am not worthy, and I am not worthy. Criticism in writing is only half deceiving, and half self-deceiving.In the early years I was much more courageous, Russell criticized the Soviets, I criticized Russell, I can’t remember how I said it, and it doesn’t matter, I just remember Russell saying “I was a Communist Party when I went to Russia, but... ..." means that as soon as he arrived in Russia, he canceled his belief in red.I made fun of him earlier.This time I also went to that air to breathe for a few days. I have no need to cancel my beliefs, because I have never had beliefs, communism or non-communism.But I did understand better than before why Russell had to turn back.I am afraid that my own spleen and stomach will inevitably carry some old smells. There are still a few things in my old home that I always feel a little bit reluctant to part with, such as personal freedom.Not only am I old, but I also have superstitions; sometimes I am simply a fatalist. For example, I think the sins of this world are too deep, and minor changes are unnecessary. Calamity, but the messenger who executes the catastrophe is not an angel, nor a devil, but human beings themselves.Moscow seems to have that mission.They believe that heaven exists and can be realized, but there is a sea between the present world and that heaven, a blood-stained sea.Human beings can swim through this sea of ​​blood before reaching the other shore. They decided to realize the sea of ​​blood first.

Let's be more serious. For example, some people said that China has a tendency to go too far. I no longer believe it. When planting melons and trees, you have to distinguish the nature of the soil.Now my negative grasp is gone. The "resentment" has permeated the air, entered the blood vessels, and when it grows out, it may be a small gangrene or a large carbuncle. There is no way to hide from the operation. There must be a way out of the bruised pus.I dare not speak of other countries, but my dearest mother country is actually too depraved; there is poison in the blood, bacteria in the cells, the most unbearable filth in the spirit, and leprosy in the skin.Taking a bath in the blood-stained pool may be a symptomatic treatment. I am not a doctor after all, so I dare not make a judgment.At the same time, I can't help but say a few words to some of our truly bloody young people.I never blame you for believing in communism. I believe that only those with marrow and blood in their bones are willing to sacrifice everything and do things for communism; as long as seven or six out of ten young people are like you, the future of our nation will be bright. Not so dark.But at the same time, I want to say something to you, don’t be angry: most of what you say is borrowed, and you may not understand what the real meaning is behind what you say; and, according to your ideals, we You may not have calculated or recognized the cost of the preparations; in other words, we have never tasted the taste of the sea of ​​​​blood on a large scale.Getting the government arrested and jailed, or breaking half an arm against a policeman, is certainly a sign of heroism, but there are many more joyful and louder deeds, Jesus said to his mother (who traveled a long way to find him), "Woman, go to you!" "Follow me," Jesus said to his disciples, "and the fisherman must cast off his net, his son, his father and mother, his husband, his wife and his children." Someone asked him My father just died, you let me bury him and come back to you, or I don’t care if I lose the body and come back to you, Jesus said, let the dead bury the dead.Don't laugh at me reciting the Bible, I know you don't believe it, and I don't believe it either, but these passages are quotations and comparisons, I think you understand, that is to say, when you continue to do what you are doing now, you will soon You will feel that you somehow asked people to put it on the tiger's back. At that time, it is better to get off, or not to get off?You are now in the era of theory, the era of writing and writing. After all, things are easy to handle. If the words are not round, you have to say that they are round. If they are square, just cut off the four corners and they will be round. Later, you yourself forget that you cut the corners. Yes, I just thought it was round, so I understand.For example, on that day, someone puts a kindling seed and a sharp knife in your hand, and asks you to go to your own village and your family to see the house set on fire. Would you do it when you saw someone using a knife?It’s not scary, if one day I want to read a book by a certain author, it is Tolstoy’s, but someone tells you that not only can you never buy his book, but you will never be able to read it if you have a book. How do you feel?We don’t talk about other things in China. In my opinion, the comparative personal freedom is much stronger than other countries. Sometimes it is too free. We curse at people, rumour, and lie casually. No one interferes except our own conscience. , That's not ruthless and willing to meddle in other people's business.How would you feel if the individual liberties in this part were one day banned below zero by the invisible state authority?Of course you intend to be the person who represents the authority of the country at that time, but what if you are not turned around?

Moscow is the proxy that seems to be destined.As long as there are more waves of blood in the world, no matter where, they think they are one step closer to their ideals. From their position, you can see that this is not absurd, it is very reasonable.

But at this point (I scratch my hair), I say it is necessary to think about it.If we want to save ourselves, bloodshed may be unavoidable; but why can't we invent a fresh bleeding method?Since the blood is our own blood, why are we so poor, we have to borrow from others for our ideals, and we have to borrow from others for our methods?Yes, they don't talk about Moscow, they keep talking about the International, so what's theirs is ours.That's a lie, I said: talk about peace, talk about humanitarianism, maybe you can add the words "international", that's still to be tested. As for killing and shedding blood, what international is there?If you are lazy and don’t invent your own methods of shedding your own blood, but only covet ready-made methods and listen to others, I say you are not worthy, you have failed the marrow in your bones and the blood in your tubes!

There is a Macdonald in the UK who is an example of not being lazy. You should check his words and deeds.There is a Mossolini in Italy who is another example. Although you and I don't necessarily admire the Fascist doctrine, it is a fact that he does not shirk.

Russian oranges sell for seventy-five cents, why?Most of the heavy taxes collected in the country have to be shipped abroad to subsidize and promote, so the standard of living will inevitably increase too much. There are more and more people walking on the edge of starvation in their country!I felt sad after hearing that; I only hope that we Chinese will not go to receive their allowances and make the people in their country suffer more hunger!

I'm not someone who advocates nationalism, but when it comes to revolution, I have to talk about nationalism. Why can't I be a military adviser when I revolutionize myself, and I have to use foreign ideas to plan bloodshed?That, too, is a shameful depravity.

It was Cromwell who revolutionized England; Rousseau, Danden, Rospia, and Madame Roland who revolutionized France; Mazzini and Gallibault who revolutionized Italy; Lenin and you who revolutionized Russia. To remember.If Sun Yat-sen is the one who revolutionized China, you have to be careful, don't let wild ghosts from foreign countries get into Mr. Sun Yat-sen's coffin!
Xu Zhimo

On May 29, [-], in Fei Leng Cui Mountain

Fantasy on Beidaihe Beach
They all went to the sea.I never went because of inflammation of my left eye.I sat alone on the front porch, snuggled up in a big comfortable chair, with my chest bare, my feet bare, my hair was loose, and I was blown by the wind from time to time.The clearness of the morning did not wake me up from sleep; but my dreams were half-broken by the dawn wind.I closed my eyelids and looked inside, only to see spots of faded colors, like the smudges of sunset glow, attached to the sky with nostalgia.The cherry blossoms, redbuds, vines, green leaves and bright red flowers in front of the porch all reflect their wonderful shadows on the water, creating countless charming expressions; my arms and chest are also covered with flowers. The twill of the shade.Looking down from the gap in the shade of the trees, you can see the bay: the sea waves seem to be awakened by the morning light, and the yellow and blue waves are dancing happily.From time to time, white waves surge up and shoot snow-like sprays on the beach.Small boats and bathers in the bathing line float like waterfowl; children's cheers, the sound of water lapping on the shore, and the whimpering of submerged waves, alternate with each other, competing to report the fun and joy of life on the beach.But in front of the porch where I was sitting alone, it was just quiet, so quiet that there was no sound.The charming Ma Ying just moved slightly, and the flies and insects also restrained their wings and did not fly.Only the cicadas in the trees far and near were spinning their endless chants like spinning yarn.

In this endless chant, I sat alone in meditation.It is rare to be in a lonely environment, and rare to be in a tranquil artistic conception; there is indescribable harmony in loneliness, and infinite creation in silence.My mind is like the seashore, the first angry tide in my life has gradually disappeared, leaving only the occasional echo in the loose sea sand, and even more incomplete shells, reflecting the brilliance of the stars and the moon.At this time, grope for the scars left by the tide, recall the turbulent scene at that time, whether it is a dream or reality, there is no need to distinguish anymore, just the light crease on the brow and the slight smile on the lips are enough to explain the infinite mystery, the deep feeling In the microfibers of the soul.

Young people always tend to be rebellious and adventurous; they are always like first-time voyagers, dreaming of golden opportunities beyond the vast mist: they want to cut the cables tied to the shore, raise their sails, and happily plunge into the boundless embrace.What he hates is peace, and what he likes is indulgence and boldness.Colorless life is the thorn in his eyes; the wild sea and fierceness are the way he loves to find freedom.He loves to fold roses; for her color and fragrance, but also for her cold sting.He loves to fight wildly: for his majesty and greatness, but also for his genius to devour everything, which is the most motivation to stimulate his exploration and curiosity.He worships impulse: unpredictable, uncontrollable, and unforeseeable, its rise, movement, and disappearance are all invisible, sudden, violent, and mysterious like a gust of wind.He worships struggle: he seeks the meaning of fierce life from struggle, seeks absolute reality from struggle, and in the blood-stained battle, he sings the carnival of victory or sings the mourning song of defeat.

The disappearance of illusions is a doomed tragedy in life; the disillusionment of youth is the tragedy of tragedies, as dark as night and ferocious as death.Pure, rampant fire of passion, unlike Aladdin's magic lamp, can only radiate splendor for a while, but cannot shine forever; in an instant, perhaps, the last flame has been extinguished, leaving only limited embers and flames. Remnants of ashes, self-injury and masturbation in the lingering warmth.

The light of flowing water, the light of stars, the light of dewdrops, the light of electricity, shining in the beautiful eyes of young people, we cannot but marvel at the magic of the Creator's art, but the terrible shadows, the shadows of weariness and decay and satiety, At the same time, it is closely following the time, as if troubles, pains, failures, or vulgar trails, also in a flash, like a comet, wiped out our most proud glory, the stars disappeared, the dewdrops scattered, Lightning no more!

In this gorgeous sunlight, one can only see joy, joy, joy and joy of life, hopes, flickering hopes, rippling, in the endless blue sky, in the luster of green leaves, in the singing of insects and birds, in the swaying of green grass The glory of summer, the success of spring.Spring and hope are permanent; nature and life are harmonious.

In the blessed valley in the distance, lotus flowers are smiling in front of the slope, young sheep are jumping among the rocks, some shepherd boys are playing the reed flute, some are lying on the grass, looking up at the changing white clouds , the radiated blue shadows moved mistyly in the early yellow rice fields.In the peaceful village in the distance, there is a young village girl, reflecting her homemade spring skirt by the stream; farmers three and four with pipes in their mouths, predicting the abundance of autumn harvest, and old women sitting outside their homes in the sunshine To keep warm, there are many children around them, holding yellow and white money in their hands, dancing and cheering in circles.

In the world far away, there is infinite peace and happiness, and infinite spring... Here you can temporarily forget the countless fallen stamens and residual red; you can also forget the dead leaves falling in the shade of flowers, and whisper to predict the love of three autumns You can also forget the distressed and dull world, the sun and rain can't restore the smile of life on their cheeks, and you can forget the strife and mutual killing in the world, the kindness of the sun and rain can't affect their ferocious animal nature You can also forget the vulgar and humble world, where the beauty of the clouds and the morning dew cannot arouse their gaze for a moment; you can also forget the consciously disappointed world, where the gorgeous springtime and the grass can only irritate their sad feelings Mood.

I can also temporarily forget all my own things; forget the innocence of my childhood; forget all the vain hopes of my youth; forget my gradual realization of life; forget my passionate pursuit of ideals; forget the optimism in my heart Struggle with pessimism; forget my hardships in climbing the peak of literature and art; forget the magic of instant enlightenment and enlightenment; forget the sudden turn of the tide of my life; forget my luck and misfortune in a dangerous vortex; forget my incomplete recall of dreams ;forget the secrets buried in my deep sea;forget the sharp blade that once cut my soul, the flame that burned my soul, the hurricane and rainstorm that destroyed my soul;forget my deep resentment and grievance;forget my wish and wish Forget my grace and gratitude; forget my past and present...

The reality of the past is gradually expanding, blurring, and unrecognizable; the reality of the present is gradually shrinking, forcing it into a line of consciousness, and the thin and narrow line splits into countless unconnected black spots. Dots... the dark dots are gradually fading away?Illusionally gone, gone, a terrible dark void...

The original publication was "Morning News Supplement · Literary Xunkan" on June 1924, 6, included in "Falling Leaves"

Emerald Green Mountain Dwelling Gossip

Going out here for a walk, uphill or downhill, on a fine evening in May, is just like going to a beautiful banquet, such as going to an orchard, where every tree is full of poetic sentiments. The fruit of Xiuyi, if you are not satisfied just by standing and watching, you can take it as long as you stretch out your hand, and you can taste the delicious taste, which is enough to fascinate your soul.The sun is just warm, never too warm; the wind is gentle, and often because it blows from the flowery mountain forest, it brings a faint fragrance from afar, followed by a breath of moist water, caressing your skin Face, lightly around your shoulders and waist, just this simple breathing is infinite pleasure; the air is always clear, there is no smoke in the nearby valley, and there is no mist in the distant mountains, all the beautiful scenery is just like a picture. It is displayed in front of your eyes for your leisure appreciation.

The beauty of being a guest in the mountains is that you never have to hesitate about your clothes and body; you may wish to sway the grass on your head, you may indulge your moss on your cheeks; you can wear whatever you like; A fisherman pretends to be a farmer, a jabshem wandering the rivers and lakes, and a hunter; Wrap a long scarf in this bright color over your head, like a Taiping leader, or Byron's Egyptian costume; but most importantly, put on your oldest shoes, don't care what he looks like Jia, they are the most lovely friends, they bear your weight but don't remind you that you still have a pair of feet under you.

It is best not to have a companion for this kind of play, I actually want to strictly ban it, only allow you to be celibate; because having a companion will always distract you, especially a young female companion, that is the most dangerous and authoritarian traveling companion, You deserve to hide from her like you hide from a beautiful flower snake in the green grass!Usually we walk from our own home to a friend’s home, or to our deacon’s place, it’s nothing more than moving from one cell to another in the same big prison. Restrictions will always follow us, and freedom will never be found. We; but if you have the opportunity to wander alone in the beautiful mountains or in the countryside in spring and summer, that is the time when your lucky star shines brightly, that is the time when you actually receive it, taste it yourself, and be free and at ease. That's when your body and soul act in unison; my friends, how old we are is often just to increase the shackles on our heads and tighten the chains on our ankles. We see children in the grass and in the sand in the shallow water Rolling and having fun, or seeing a kitten chasing its own tail, there is no time to envy, but our shackles, our chains are always the bosses who formulate our actions!So only when you rush to the embrace of nature alone, like a naked child throwing himself into the arms of his mother, you will know what the happiness of the soul is, what the happiness of living is like, breathing alone and walking alone Just open your eyes to see and listen to what happiness is like.Therefore, you have to be strict with yourself and extremely selfish, only allowing you, body and spirit, to beat in the same pulse, fluctuate in the same sound wave, and be content in the same magical universe with nature.Our simple innocence is as delicate as a mimosa, and when his companions resist, he rolls up, but under the clear sunlight and gentle wind, his posture is natural, and his life is unimpeded.

When you wander alone, you will sit on the ground in the grass, and sometimes even roll, because the warm color of the grass will naturally arouse your childish liveliness; on the secluded road, you will dance wildly involuntarily, Watching your own figure conjure up all kinds of strange disguises, because the shadows of the trees beside the road imply the joy of dancing in their slow whirling; My own casual ditty, because Yingyan in the woods tells you that the spring is worthy of praise; not to mention that your mind will naturally follow the long mountain trails, and your heart will look at the clear blue sky and calm down, you Thoughts and the sound of the water in the mountains, the sound of the spring in the mountain crevices, sometimes clear to the bottom, sometimes arousing regular waves, flow, flow, flow into the cool olive grove, flow into the charming Arno River ...

(End of this chapter)