To communicate is to speak well

Chapter 9 Grasp the timing and speak when it is time to speak (1)
No matter how wonderful the content of a person's speech, if the timing is not good, the purpose of speaking will not be achieved.Because the heart of the listener often changes with time.If you want the other party to be willing to listen to you or accept your point of view, you should choose the right time.

You must grasp the timing of your speech
Although a participating baseball player has good skills and a strong physique, he does not grasp the "decisive moment" of hitting the ball, and sooner or later, the bat will be empty.

Therefore, timing is very precious to the speaker.But when is this "decisive moment" and how to judge and hold on to it, there is no definite rule. It mainly depends on the specific situation of the dialogue, and it depends on one's own experience and feeling.

The refrigerator is old and the cooling effect is poor.The husband proposed to buy a new one several times, but the purchase was not successful because the wife disagreed.

At noon, the wife said to her husband, "It's really hot today, bring me a popsicle from the refrigerator."

The husband opened the refrigerator and said, "The popsicles have all melted."

"This broken refrigerator!" the wife scolded.

"Let's just buy a new one."

"Buy one." The wife readily agreed.

When I arrived at the store, I saw a refrigerator. When I asked about the price, it cost more than 3000 yuan.

"It's too expensive, so I don't want to buy it," said the wife.

"Dragon Boat Festival is coming, and the weather is so hot, where should I put the meat and fish given by the unit?" the husband said.

At this moment, the salesperson interjected: "Although this refrigerator is more expensive, it consumes less power and has a larger volume. In the long run, it is still cost-effective."

"Okay, let's buy this." The wife finally agreed.

The husband caught the moment to speak and finally got his way.

When reflecting the situation and persuading people, we should pay special attention to choosing the time when the other party is in a relatively peaceful mood.Because some people are not in the mood to listen to you when they are tired, have trouble, or are concentrating on other things.

You must have heard such complaints between couples:
The wife said: "He came home, drank tea by himself, sat down and buried himself in the newspaper. If I asked him something, he would answer vaguely. If I wanted to talk to him, his heart would have been far away. It’s far away, maybe I’m still thinking about the office. I’m with my child all day long, and I’m eager to refresh myself, but he just ignores me.”

And the husband was full of resentment: "Before I had time to close the door, she started nagging to me in a hurry: the price of some dishes was too expensive, the child dropped the cup, and the old lady next door said something to her again. died……"

Therefore, in order to respect the other party, it is very necessary to consider when the other party is more interested in talking.

The effectiveness of language must be grasped
In debate or persuasion, the purpose of our counterattack is to adjust and improve the interpersonal relationship environment we are in, to solve the contradiction rather than expand it.This is an important indicator of the effectiveness of the counterattack.Good eloquence is a magic weapon to overcome "receiving anger", but if you have a good gun in your hand, it will go off if you don't use it well, hurting others and yourself.Therefore, to use language to counterattack, we must grasp the effectiveness of the counterattack.

The degree of mastery of language counterattack is the decisive factor for the effectiveness of counterattack.The so-called degree is the boundary.According to the first principle of not being angry, when using language to fight back, one should follow one's keen judgment of the environment, clarify one's own strengths and weaknesses, and accurately grasp what to say, how to say, and to what extent.That is to say, one should determine one's own language boundaries based on an accurate prediction of the possible consequences of language export.Otherwise, if the language is inaccurate or not in place, you will put yourself in a passive and embarrassing situation.

To master the speed of verbal counterattack, first of all, it should be clearly targeted and not expand the scope of attack.When fighting back, we must grasp the main contradiction, Ding is Ding, Mao is Mao, and we should not make enemies on all sides, push all the intermediate forces and even friends that could have been won over to the opposing camp, and isolate ourselves. Passive status.

In Beijing, when taking a bus, it is well known that extra tickets should be purchased if the luggage exceeds the prescribed standard, but outsiders may not understand this rule.A foreigner with a large bag on his shoulder got into a dispute with the flight attendant for purchasing a luggage ticket.He seemed quite reasonable, and asked the flight attendant, "I have traveled thousands of miles by train without paying the fare because of the excess luggage. You should pay more for the bus alone? What's the point?" He choked back at what he said, not knowing how to refute.After a long time, she seemed to be talking to herself: "It's just these unqualified foreigners who have messed up Beijing." Unexpectedly, on this bus from Beijing Railway Station, two-thirds of the passengers It's an outsider.Her words stirred up waves like a stone, and the passengers asked the flight attendants: "Didn't we foreigners buy tickets? Isn't it unreasonable? This fellow came to Beijing for the first time. Is it because he doesn't understand the rules of Beijing? Is he deliberately rude and unreasonable?" The flight attendant suddenly didn't know how to answer.

There was nothing wrong with this flight attendant who conscientiously performed her job duties in accordance with the rules and regulations. At the beginning, she was fully supported by everyone, but because she did not grasp the language in her counterattack, she stepped into a predicament one step at a time.This is the lesson we should learn when we fight back verbally.Therefore, you should think twice before speaking back, and weigh before speaking.Otherwise, the words will be overwhelmed and difficult to close, and I will be even more angry.

Secondly, the strength of the blow should be controlled, not to beat people to death with a stick, or to choke people to death with a single sentence.In most cases, when counterattacking, you should leave a little room for the opponent and grasp the proportion of the blow.Because most people care about saving face and leave room for each other, in essence, they leave room for maneuver to ease the conflict between each other, and also leave a step for themselves.Otherwise, you've put your opponent in a dead end and he has no choice but to play against you.As a result, the two sides were at war with each other, and in the end both sides suffered losses, but it still didn't change your angry situation.This is not the purpose of our counterattack.However, many people do not have a deep understanding of this truth in life, and it seems that the harder the counterattack, the better, but this is not the case.Therefore, verbal counterattack is an art of struggle.

Awei has a crush on Jiajia, but Jiajia has her own heart and is not moved by him.It's finally Jiajia's birthday, and Awei decides to make a big splash at the birthday party.

In the flickering birthday candlelight, Ah Wei sang "Love, Love, Endless Love...".Jiajia felt that Awei was embarrassing herself in public, but she just smiled lightly and said in a soothing tone: "I can't see that Awei is usually quiet, so it turns out that his singing voice is so beautiful. Blessings to the lady who is lucky enough to have his affectionate singing voice." In one sentence, it seemed to be a compliment, but it also seemed to be a confession, but it gave Ah Wei a blow in the head in a silent place, but those who didn't know it would not notice it.In this way, Jiajia not only saved enough face for Awei, but also made herself easily overcome "receiving anger".

The above two aspects can be summarized in one sentence: Only by grasping the breadth and depth of verbal counterattacks can we ensure the strength of verbal counterattacks, effectively achieve the purpose of counterattacks, and avoid being angry.

Determine the best time to speak

Smart children often know how to ask adults when they are happy, and most of their requests will be met at this time.When the parents are in a good mood, in order not to spoil the atmosphere, they tend to be more tolerant than usual.

The same situation also exists in the process of getting along with superiors and subordinates.Naturally, subordinates are not children, and there is no personal attachment to the leader.However, there is no doubt that there is a relationship of power and affiliation between them, and every benefit that a subordinate wants to obtain requires the approval of the leader.In China's cultural tradition, in fact, every leader has a tendency to be a "parent" and has a mentality of emphasizing both kindness and power. Then we might as well make the best use of the situation and make use of it skillfully. , or into admonishment, will be able to receive unexpected good results.

According to historical records, once Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty was very happy and happy, so he asked his minister Wei Zheng with a smile: "What do you think of the recent politics?" You took the initiative to guide people to give advice; after three years, when someone offered advice, you could accept it happily; in the past two years, you have reluctantly accepted some opinions, but you always feel uncomfortable in your heart."

(End of this chapter)