if there is no tomorrow

Chapter 9
Walking out of the office building, I took a deep breath of the thick smog. I knew that I could not wait until I got lung cancer.People who are about to die are so willful.From this moment on, I will cherish every day that I can still take care of myself.Today is Christmas Eve. This is a day that I have never disdained before. There are two disdains: one is that I am afraid of buying gifts for my wife. I haven't read it, and I have no Christian holidays.I strolled on the streets of the CBD, yes, it was a stroll, the first time in my life.I used to be in a hurry, rushing to work, rushing to get off work, rushing to squeeze the subway, rushing to buy vegetables, why am I so anxious?I suddenly remembered a narration in the movie "The Shawshank Redemption": Life can be boiled down to a simple choice, either busy living or rushing to die.

Luckily, I strolled before I was in a hurry to die.How should I spend the last Christmas Eve of my life?Walking towards me was a young man with a wretched appearance, holding a bouquet of beautifully packaged roses in his arms, and talking on the phone with earphones in his ears. He probably meant to invite his girlfriend to a bar with an English name in Sanlitun.That's right, I should go to the bar. I've only been to a bar once in my life. I'd better find someone, Lufmont.At that time, I was just married, the child had not yet been born, and my wife went to Shanghai on a business trip. Lu Fumeng sent me a text message, saying that he was at the Moonlight Bar in Sanlitun, and asked if I would go for a drink?At that time, I felt that bars were not places for serious people to go. If my wife found out that I went to bars, she would definitely quarrel with me.But I have never been to a bar, and I was itchy and wanted to see what happened, so I sent back a message to Lu Fumeng: Is Moonlight Bar fun?Because I was nervous, I ended up sending this message to my wife. In less than a minute, my wife called and scolded me, saying that I asked the little girl to go to the bar to fool around while she was on a business trip.I explained that it was Lufmont, not the little girl.My wife didn't believe what I said, and scolded me for a quarter of an hour on the phone.After finally hanging up the phone, I poured a glass of water and just brought it to my mouth, when I was disturbed by the sound of "boom bang bang" knocking on the door, and the water glass fell to the ground.I opened the door angrily, and found my wife standing at the door with a suitcase, with an angry look on her face that she had successfully caught the rape.I hurriedly took the box and asked her, "Why didn't you say something when you came back early?"

She replied, "Did I come back early and spoil your good deed?"

I hurriedly took out my cell phone, took out the text message, and showed her whether it was a text message addressed to Lu Fumeng.My wife twisted her mother-in-law's mouth and said, "This trick has been used a lot by men. They put their lover's phone number under the name of their best friend, and put their best friend's phone number under their nickname."

For a while, I couldn't argue, and I wished I could cut my wrists and commit suicide to clear my grievances.The wife said: "Well, take me to the Moonlight Bar in Sanlitun and see if it's Lu Fumeng."

So, I took a taxi to Sanlitun with my wife, and found the Moonlight Bar but couldn’t find Lu Fumeng. It turned out that this fellow had finished drinking in the Moonlight and went to the Boys and Girls Bar.That's what I've been going to bars in my life.Recalling this useless experience has strengthened my idea of ​​going to the bar tonight.Before I go to the bar, I have to clean myself up.The last time I entered a bar, I was unconsciously ashamed of myself when I saw those men and women with bright clothes and flamboyant hairstyles.I looked up and saw a well-decorated hair salon. I had a flash of inspiration, walked into the hair salon, and said to a stylist who couldn't tell the difference between male and female: "Shave me bald."

When I was young, my father and the director of the pickle factory were bald, with a central hairstyle.One day, my father invited the bald factory manager to drink at home because he wanted to compete for the head of the supply and marketing department.Halfway through the drink, the haggis soup made by my mother was served on the table, and my father got up and filled a bowl for the bald factory manager.The bald factory manager took a sip and said that the pepper noodles were not enough.My mother hurriedly fetched a bottle of pepper noodles, poured a spoonful of it into a bowl for the bald factory manager, and floated a thick layer of pepper noodles on top of the mutton soup.The bald factory manager picked up the bowl to smell the smell, but the hot air sent the pepper noodles into his nasal cavity. The bald factory manager sneezed hard, and the long hair stuck in the center was thrown into the haggis soup by the sneeze. He stroked his hair with his hand and shook my father's face with pepper noodles.That scene of embarrassment is firmly etched in my memory. When I think about it in class, I will laugh for half of the class. The teacher and classmates all think that I am crazy.At that time, I thought, don’t make me bald if any bad luck happens in this life.Life is like this, what I am afraid of will happen to me. Just after I passed my thirties, I gradually became bald. After the age of 35, my center was completely exposed to the place. Every time I stood in front of the mirror, I felt that I was cursed by the embarrassing bald factory director.

I came out of the hair shop naked, and went into a men's clothing store next door. The shopping guide was as enthusiastic as if welcoming a lover, and asked me with a smirk, "What fashion do you want to see, sir?"

I asked the shopping guide lady: "What kind of clothes are suitable for going to a bar?"

The shopping guide lady was very clever, and asked me: "Go to the bar to hunt for sex, or date a lover?"

I said neither, so I wanted to go to the bar and have a drink and sit for a while.The shopping guide was very measured, and she called the inferior suit on my body a work suit, and she said, "It must be inappropriate to wear this."

I said to the shopping guide: "You can help me match my clothes according to my figure and where I'm going."

The shopping guide lady was very excited and promised to make me a new look and become another person, and asked me about my budget?I glanced at the price tag on a scarf. The price was 688 yuan. I gritted my teeth and said, "It's about [-] yuan."

The shopping guide lady's eyes flickered for a moment. Although her smile remained unchanged, the luster in her eyes was obviously dimmed by half.She floated around the store like a whirlwind, holding a pile of clothes in the crook of her left arm, and a pair of "NB" casual shoes in her right hand, walked up to me and said: "It may be a little bit over budget, you go to the left hand Let's try the size in two fitting rooms."

The eyes of the shopping guide lady are really poisonous. Versace tight T-shirt, Jack Jones jeans, and Armani short windbreaker all fit well.It wasn't until this time that I realized that my head shape is very cool. It is not a big round head like that of a bald factory manager, but a pointed head with a slight protrusion in the middle. Isn't this the wisdom bone mentioned by the Buddhists?In addition to the fashion outfit that the shopping guide gave me, I am completely reborn. The short windbreaker just blurs the waist-to-hip ratio. From the appearance, I am at most a little shorter, which is not at all the same as the "five short stature". Don't get involved.I am calamus!The fitting room is really a magical place, which can make people find such a good feeling in an instant, no wonder the couple can turn upside down in Uniqlo's fitting room.

Relying on the self-confidence that swelled up in the evening, I walked from Guomao to Sanlitun.I went to Sanlitun not to save money, but to show off my nearly 1 yuan outfit.The only regret is that the return rate is not high, or there is no return rate.Probably because the weather is too cold, the cold wind will pour into the back of the neck when you turn around.The shopping guide's "a little bit over budget" is actually doubled. These girls really have seen the world and can handle it.The moment I walked out of the dressing room, I wouldn't take off this outfit, let alone 688, even if it cost [-].Throwing that [-] scarf back, the moment I walked out of the fashion store, I forgave all the women in the world who love to shop and buy clothes.Life is short, women's youth is even shorter, and no one will ever guess who will come first, the accident or tomorrow.The shopping guide came out of the store wearing a short skirt, carrying the inferior suit and broken leather shoes that I had replaced, and I threw two words at her without looking back: "Throw it away!"

Sanlitun has not changed much from when I came to look for Lu Fumeng in the early years. It is still full of feasting and luxury.According to Lufmont, there are only two types of men who go to bars alone: ​​spiritual hunters and physical hunters.When I go to the bar tonight, am I a spirit hunter or a flesh hunter?How to hunt the spirit, and how to hunt the body?Lufmont also said that there are many more styles of women than men in bars, such as cute little white rabbits, beautiful sika deer, lively Garfield cats, and glamorous leopards. Don't be embarrassed for the hedgehog, she must be the aunt.Just when I was hesitating to choose between two bars, I was pulled into a bar called Cobra by a waiter.The waiter took off the short trench coat for me, put it on the back of my seat, and asked me what I would like to drink.I asked him, "Is there any liquor?"

The waiter hesitated and said, "Do you want to drink high alcohol?"

I nodded yes."Whiskey, rum, gin and vodka," said the waiter.

I ordered a glass of whiskey, and the waiter brought the wine over with a smile, and whispered, "You shouldn't drink high-alcohol until you find your target."

I said: "I want to get into the role as soon as possible, and I will dare to act when I am emboldened by wine."

The waiter walked away with a professional smile and continued to solicit customers at the door.I looked around, and most of the men and women in the bar were familiar with each other, or had hooked up maturely. There were only two single men sitting in two corners, and they seemed to be old hunters of Lufmont's level.Whiskey is far worse than Chinese liquor. I swallowed a sip of the hot liquor and rushed straight into my stomach, and then rushed to the top of my head, feeling dizzy.

Does drinking alcohol speed up the spread of cancer cells?Who cares, he already knows the date of death, so what's the point of living another three or five days.It is said that cancer cells are afraid of heat, so if this wine is hot, will it kill cancer cells?Still the same sentence, if you already know the date of death, what's the point of living another three or five days?Living in the present every day and every moment, there is no use in thinking so much, which is the current Internet buzzword: Ran and eggs.

I had a whiskey and one of the waitresses served me a gin, and I wanted to try both to see which was worse.I closed my eyes and tried to swallow the glass of gin. When I opened my eyes again, I found a girl with big eyes sitting across from me, staring at me blankly.The girl was wearing a black down jacket and a white woolen hat with two long ears on her head. Could this be the cute little white rabbit mentioned by Lufmont?The little white rabbit blinked and asked me, "What do you believe in?"

I was very confused about what she wanted to know, so I shook my head and said, "I don't believe in anything."

The little white rabbit said: "Impossible, people have to believe in something, for example, believe in Buddhism, Taoism, gods, ghosts, God, Allah, or believe in your wife."

I said, "I'm divorced, no wife can be trusted."

The little white rabbit hurriedly apologized to me, and I said, "It's okay, I'm going to die anyway."

The little white rabbit said: "We are all the same."

I was very surprised, could it be that the little white rabbit also had cancer? Since I found out that I had cancer, I felt compassion for the first time.The little white rabbit went on to say: "Everyone is going to die, it's just that they die early or die late."

I understand that the little white rabbit looks at death from a philosophical point of view, and I immediately put away my pity that is about to flood, and I can't be deceived by women again and again.I drank the rest of the gin in my glass and was about to get up and change bars. According to Lufmont, some people don't get along with certain bars, so some people change several bars in one night.The little white rabbit grabbed my arm and said to me: "Do you want to redeem yourself before you die?"

I asked her, "Will the redemption allow me to die?"

The little white rabbit said: "I can't, I have to die."

I said, "I have limited time, so I won't waste my time."

The little white rabbit stood up after me, and she said, "Do you want to die without being aggrieved, and more calmly?"

I was a little anxious to stand up, Jiu Jin rushed to my head along with it.It is a good suggestion to die calmly and without being aggrieved. In the past two months, I have felt the same thing: aggrieved.

Seeing that I was struggling, the little white rabbit took out a stack of leaflets from his school bag and said to me: "We are a non-profit hospice care organization, and we are going to distribute leaflets on this street tonight. Can you help us distribute leaflets in the Cobra Bar?" Leaflet?"

I asked the little white rabbit: "Why did you choose this time and place?"

The little white rabbit said: "Today is Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve, adults give gifts to children. This year we want to give gifts to the old people too."

I asked the little white rabbit: "Do all your non-profit organizations believe in Christianity?"

The little white rabbit said: "No, there are some who believe in Christianity, some who believe in Islam, some who believe in Buddhism, and some who believe in faith. In short, they all have faith."

I asked her, "What do you believe in?"

The little white rabbit said: "I just joined this charity organization, and I haven't decided what to believe, but I will definitely believe in something. People without belief are like pigs and dogs. They are very pitiful. They have nowhere to go when they die. Become a lonely ghost."

With the strength of wine, I looked directly at the little white rabbit, her eyes were beautiful and clean, pure and innocent like a dog's eyes.Maybe it was the little white rabbit's sentence "If you die, you will become a lonely ghost" played a role. I obediently took the leaflets from her hand and said, "Okay, I will help you distribute the leaflets." .”

(End of this chapter)