If this is not love

Chapter 26: Alternative Relationships (2)
The door was closed again, and the people and voices inside were cut off.Tan Shaojie walked out slowly with heavy steps, his complexion was pale, and the bottom of his dim eyes was black...

With Yichen's temperament, he wouldn't show up here late at night for nothing.Faced with his mother's close concern and aggressive questioning, his heart was in a mess, and the only person he could find was Ruhua.

Mother said: What else do you and Xiaoxu need to understand slowly?Now that it's on the table, get married quickly.Mom has already entrusted her to watch the day, everything will be fine on the 28th of the twelfth lunar month, and it is the most suitable for marrying Shangliang.Tell Xiaoxu, mom will go to their house to propose marriage in the past few days, and it is just right to finish the marriage before the Chinese New Year...

The situation was urgent and imminent, Yichen was restless, after much deliberation, he decided to ask Ruxu to explain clearly.

After listening to the ins and outs, Ruxu sat quietly on the sofa, she was a little uneasy, clasped her hands on her knees, pursed her lips and said nothing.

"Xiaoxu... what do you think?" He hesitated.

"What can I think?" Ruxu tried her best to make her voice sound calm, and squeezed out a smile, "What do you think I will think? You knew my heart a long time ago. If you want to get married...Of course I will No comments, that is my dream job!"

Although I once said to myself that I don't care about the result of dating him, it's just that I don't dare, it's not that I don't care.Just because I care too much, I am afraid to think about it!Now that the hope of getting married is approaching, her heart is like a turmoil, and she can no longer control the surging emotion.

Yichen's fingers tightened suddenly, and his gaze fell somewhere on the coffee table. "Why don't you have any objections? We've been working hard these days, trying to change each other from confidants to lovers, but...you should be very clear, except that we spend more time together and date more times, other things... Not much has changed."

It was not easy for him to say such a thing.He really didn't want to hurt her.

Ruxu was stunned, then suddenly smiled, pretending to be relaxed. "Don't worry! What can't I understand? I never forced the relationship between us to change quickly. Think about it, we have been good friends for ten years, and suddenly we want to treat each other as lovers, let alone you, Even I haven't adjusted in this short month! Your mother is too impatient, does she still live with you now? I'll ask her to meet!"

Yichen frowned, his lips moved, and some words were swallowed back abruptly.

Ruxu held his hand lightly, her slender fingers were neat and beautiful, a pair of hands born to belong to a pianist.It's just that his fingertips were icy and cold, as if there was no warmth, a faint chill seeped into her palm.

Yichen raised his head passively, met her eyes, hesitated to speak: "Xiaoxu..."

She hugged him encouragingly, and smiled: "Can you just say what you think? Maybe I'm stupid, and I can't guess what people don't say. I don't like to beat around the bush and make people think hard. We are tired of each other. The most important thing is - if what you want to say in your heart happens to have a lot to do with me, wouldn't it be better for me to say it out?"

He thought, she must have seen through himself.Clear and beautiful eyes always contain wisdom and calmness, he has nothing to hide in front of her.

They held hands, but he couldn't give her warmth, and the words of apology blurted out.

"Xiao Xu, I'm sorry."

Why say sorry?These three words are not the opening remarks that people are looking forward to.

"During this month, I told myself repeatedly that you are my girlfriend, and I have to slowly adapt to this relationship. I have to learn to love you, care for you, and make you feel happy."

"Thank you, I really feel your intentions." For some reason, Ruxu's eyes suddenly became moist, maybe he was moved by his sincerity, maybe he was worried by the ominous premonition.Because if you fall in love with someone, you will always be a little scared, afraid of getting him, and also afraid of losing him.From the very beginning, she knew that there would be an end between her and him, but no matter how cruel the result was...she had to listen to what he said.

"Xiaoxu, please believe me, I've worked really hard..." Yichen gently pulled out his hand, crossed his fingertips, and looked away again, floating in the air in a trance, "But for many years, my heart Just pretending to be one person...you should understand it better than anyone else."

She nodded stiffly, as if her throat was blocked by something.

"I hardly remember when she walked into my heart, and then she has been firmly occupied, unable to drive away, unable to forget, when I learned that she was married... I encountered the greatest blow in my life for the first time. That I also thank you very much for accompanying me and encouraging me. Xiaoxu, I want to thank you too much."

The most grateful thing is that she fell in love with him, but because it was difficult to repay, he felt extremely guilty.

Ruxu sniffed quietly, a smile froze on her face.Jun's heart is like hers, Yichen is gentle and elegant, but when occupying the position of her heart, he is extremely domineering, leaving no room for her, making her unable to accept any other man.In the same way, for many years, seeing him behind Xin Ning's frustration and desolation, silently grieved, she also felt pain and couldn't express it...

She cleared her throat: "Cough! What I want is not thanks, so don't keep saying 'thank you' and 'sorry' to me. Useless men keep saying this, I don't like to hear it! Quickly change the subject .”

Change it!Please!Although I knew that you love Xinning, I love her until the sky is dark, I love her so much that I can't extricate myself, I may know more about you than yourself...I don't want to hear you mention Xinning again, I will be jealous, I will be jealous , will be sad and painful, but I have to continue to face you with a smile on my face.

Yichen...Xinning and I have the same love for sisters, I don't care how much you loved her, since you have given me hope now, please let me continue to have the opportunity to seize it.I will hold on tightly, tightly... Knowing that you will never give me a complete love, I am still willing to spend my whole life guarding this incompleteness. Do you really not want to accept me like this?

"I'm sorry..." As soon as he finished speaking, Yichen immediately smiled helplessly, and laughed at himself, "I should really slap myself for saying such useless words again. A useless man really doesn't deserve your love."

"Whether it's worth it or not, I have the final say. Whether you want to be kind or not, I have the final say! But, whether you want to get married or not...you have the final say. Yichen, would you like me to talk to your mother?" Mingming was very angry , but asked cautiously, never having such a lack of confidence.

"I see..." Yichen closed his eyes in pain, and grabbed her hand, "I'm sorry, please forgive me for saying 'sorry' again. The matter of getting married... it's better to just... forget it!"

In the dark night, the solitary lamp that ignited hope swayed with the wind, flickered on and off, and went out suddenly at this moment.

Ruxu only felt cold hands and feet, and the blood faded from her face. She shook her head eagerly and panicked: "No, no! Yichen, don't veto it so quickly. Auntie is impulsive, are you so restless? Time can change everything, What we need is time, there is no rush to get married, I can wait, I am not in a hurry..."

How many decades are there in life?As long as there is hope, she doesn't care how long it takes!

"Xiao Xu."

"Yichen, listen to me. I don't care how long you wait, and I won't put pressure on you, as long as...as long as it's like this month, we spend more time together, care for each other, love each other. I believe, We will be happier, happier...Are you right?" What a proud and indifferent heart, at this moment, tangles up and puts down the most precious self-esteem for the time being.Her face was so pale, her tone was short, and she was afraid that he would not want to listen more.

Yichen's eyes were as black as ink, dull and dull, only the deep guilt pierced her heart like a needle.

"Xiao Xu, this is unfair to you! I can't be too selfish, I can't continue to make you sad and disappointed, I can't..."

"No!" She reached out to cover his lips, her body trembling, "Who said you were selfish? Who said you let me down? I can tell you clearly that this month is my happiest time, as long as I am by your side, I can feel happiness. Really, without you..."

She wants to heal the wound in his heart; she wants to dissolve the pain in his heart; she wants to wipe away the tears in his heart; she wants to melt the iceberg and snow sea in his heart!Is she too greedy?She didn't even dare to be a little bit more greedy, for fear that God would take back this hard-won opportunity.Because she knows that such an opportunity is only once, once missed, it will never come again.

I was so choked up that I couldn't speak, the heat in my eye sockets became more and more intense...

After listening to Yichen, besides being moved, he was also moved.If someone treats me with such affection, what can I ask for?But the deepest and heaviest debt in the world is nothing more than this. Because I can't repay it, I don't feel joy, but my heart feels like a huge stone is being weighed down.

"Xiao Xu..."

"Yichen, don't talk too much, okay?" She was really scared.

"Xiao Xu." Yichen took a deep breath, and suddenly realized that he had actually done something extremely cruel.He is too aware of the loneliness and bitterness of unrequited love, especially when he sees hope rushing forward desperately, and suddenly realizes that it is just an illusion, and his lost heart feels more painful than before.

He treats Xinning like this, and Ruxu treats him like this, what kind of entanglement and debt is it?
This month, he was doing such cruel things, giving Ruxu warmth and hope, and then snuffing out that faint light with his own hands.The more flustered she was, the more sober he became.Fortunately, it was only a faint light. Fortunately, she and him had only developed for a month, and the long-term pain was worse than the short-term pain!Cutting off the hope of love at this point, she shouldn't be too painful, right?
When he calmed down, his deep eyes showed determination and firmness, and he no longer hesitated.

"Xiaoxu, you and I are both sensible people, otherwise we wouldn't have buried a relationship in our hearts for so long. In this life, you are one of the women I cherish the most, but on the road of love, I can't let you accompany me Pain together. I am ashamed of the hurts I brought you, and the happiness and sweetness I brought you... No matter how much, you forget it! In the future, we will still be the best confidantes, okay?"

Ruxu's fingers trembled, her body trembled, and her lips trembled.But soon, she clenched her fists, bit her lip, and sat upright.Examining his face carefully, looking into his eyes, she heard her own voice clear and calm: "I see. As I said, I won't force you...Thank you, Yichen."

She couldn't resist a kind of pain, which spread from the bottom of her heart, as if she had been prepared, the pain was not as sad as imagined.

Yichen sighed, "Thank you for understanding me so well."

Ruxu smiled bitterly: "Tell me, is there anyone in the world who understands you better than me? Xin Ning will definitely not. You will regret it if you give up on me."

Yichen stared at the tears in the corner of her eyes, feeling extremely sorry.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... If you regret it, it will be God's punishment for me."

Ruxu threw herself into his arms, and finally couldn't help crying, tears streaming down like rain.Who are you crying for?For myself, for Yichen, for ten years of unrequited love, or for a fruitless love?Maybe all of them, deep and complex, difficult to express in words, tears wet the front of his chest, he couldn't help but hugged her trembling shoulders, and the corners of his eyes were also quietly moist.

That night, Yichen didn't leave Ruxu's house, one was on the sofa and the other was hugging his knees on the carpet.Elegant and soft piano music came out from the small speakers of the computer. They did not feel sleepy, chatted all night, and recalled the old days.Sometimes, they will be silent, staring at a certain place in a daze, sharing each other's loneliness and sentimentality in tranquility.

That night, the wind was cold and the dew was heavy. In the pavilion downstairs of her house, there was a lonely figure who sat there until dawn, his stiff body almost turning into a cold sculpture.It wasn't until the sky was getting brighter and the early risers in the community came out for morning exercises that Tan Shaojie rubbed his dry eyes and stretched himself.Standing up, he took one last look at the closed elevator room, turned around and walked towards the gate with a gloomy face.

When Wang Yichen came, she chased him away.

Wang Yichen stayed here all night, what did they do?Is it chatting or doing something else, is it on the bed or on the couch...

He couldn't control the tumbling imagination in his mind, and the boundless speculation made him on the verge of explosion.Exhausting the greatest willpower in my life to restrain myself, my limbs were numb from the cold, but my chest was boiling with blood, and I finally chose to leave in the pain like needle pricks.

Rising Sun Law Firm.

Ruxu didn't dare to go out until after applying a cold towel to her eyes at home, otherwise her eyes would be swollen like walnuts, how could she dare to see anyone?However, when a colleague saw her, they would at most ask strangely, "Why did you go last night?", and no one would have thought that she would cry.

Yes, despite her recent temper change, she has long been defined in the eyes of others.She is unsmiling, and she doesn't gossip or talk about personal affairs in the office.Handle the work vigorously and decisively, say the same thing, and sometimes the words are so sharp that it is daunting. It is really difficult to associate such a woman with "crying, tears".

However, Tan Shaojie noticed it as soon as he entered the door.He didn't want to talk to her at first, so he walked into the personal office.The big leather chair turned around a few times, but she was upset and irritable, and her pale face appeared from time to time.Slapping the table with one palm, one step faster than thinking, and pressing the internal line.

"Come to my office."

Ruxu pressed her eyelids before calmly entering the door.

"What do you want from me?" There was no emotion on the calm face, and the eyes were calm.

Tan Shaojie stared at her, narrowing his eyes slowly.Apart from her bad complexion, there was nothing unusual about her.No, Wang Yichen visited late at night and stayed with her all night, how could she act the same?Shouldn't you be rejoicing, shy, bathed in the holy radiance of love like a bride?
In an instant, his heart miraculously came alive, and his pupils also became bright.

"Cough!" He couldn't let Suxi be discovered by her, he cleared his throat on purpose, "Wang Ruxu, the Ruifeng Bank robbery case will start tomorrow, are you ready?"

It turned out to be about work... Ruxu raised her chin: "Yes, everything is ready."

"Well, as the Chinese New Year is approaching, there are a lot of thieves. We lawyers are as busy as the police." He quietly curled his lips, "What about the couple in the Fang family who are going to divorce? They still don't agree to an out-of-court settlement. Go to court?"

Ruxu looked at him indifferently: "Yes, those two are hot-tempered and stubborn, and they must go to court to clearly divide the family property before they are reconciled."

"Tsk tsk! I really don't know what else they have in their heads besides money? After the Chinese New Year, they insist on tearing up a family and don't think about the children, what should they do?" He waved, "Forget it, it's not worthy of sympathy. You fight hard to win the battle and help Mrs. Fang get some money. You also happen to have more welfare for the new year."

Ruxu didn't smile, just looked at him intently. "In terms of work, I will handle it myself, so I will go to work first."

"Eh! Wait a minute!"

She stopped in her footsteps, feeling inexplicably tense.

"Cough! This case in my hand, I want to discuss it with you, please give me some suggestions for reference if I want to delay you for a few minutes!"

...

Walking out of Tan Shaojie's office, Ruxu was in a daze in front of the computer.Was she expecting something just now?Expect him to ask about last night, expect his care and comfort?
No, no, she is crazy to want comfort from him.If he knew that his relationship with Yichen was over, he wouldn't be surprised if he didn't take the opportunity to make fun of it. She would never ask for trouble.

But... it's not in line with his style to ignore it. How can I put it, he should be very concerned about it!After all, the kiss before he was driven away last night was like a violent storm, cold and domineering. She seemed to feel something in the chaos, but she didn't have time to catch it.Later, the impact Yichen brought was too great, and she didn't have the heart to guess other things...

After all, it's a lovelorn, so it's really not easy to show a smile, let alone she doesn't like to smile.Could ten years of unrequited love end overnight?Impossible, so difficult, so difficult... So, when my fingers tapped the keyboard unconsciously, my heart never stopped hurting.

Someone knocked on her desktop and met Tan Shaojie's mocking face.

"I thought you were so dedicated! Everyone went to eat, and you were busy here alone. I didn't expect that you were typing Martian language, a series of ghostly symbols!"

Ruxu looked at the computer intently, and there were indeed a lot of gibberish symbols on the screen, but she didn't realize it.Snapped the monitor off.Her stomach was constricting, her mouth was bitter, and after Yichen left in the morning, she didn't even eat breakfast.

"let's go and eat?"

"No." Hungry, but no appetite.

"Are you going to become a fairy? Let's go!" Tan Shaojie grabbed her wrist.

She broke free, feeling oppressed in her chest, and couldn't tell who she was angry with, "I can't say it."

He folded his arms and looked at her coldly: "Why are you losing your temper with me? I'm not the one who provoked you, right? Don't tell me, you're broken in love, that's why you look like you're dying and want to go on a hunger strike?"

Ruxu is not only depressed, but also irritable, so she can't help but raise her voice: "Whether I'm going or not! Whether I eat or not is my own business, and whether I break up or not, it has nothing to do with you! Don't meddle in your own business."

"Oh, doesn't it have anything to do with me?" He asked back in a low voice, raising a smile that disgusted her, "You're right, falling out of love has nothing to do with me, but eating has something to do. If you don't eat, you will starve your body, starve to death Physically, people think that we abuse employees here. If you become dizzy and depressed due to hunger, you will appear in court tomorrow and lose the lawsuit, and the loss will be even greater! Let me do the math, um..."

"Tan Shaojie!" Ruxu pushed him away unbearably, "You are really long-winded!"

He succeeds, and she goes to lunch with him.However, from the beginning to the end, she didn't say a word, just drank the porridge without taste.When he told cold jokes, she was indifferent, expressionless, at most she just frowned and stared at him coldly.

"You are very tongue-tied! You don't talk when you eat or sleep." Can't tell, is this girl in a very upset mood?People are falling in love, falling in love!

"Oh, you don't say anything, just listen."

"I don't want to hear it either." She ate everything and left.

"Tsk tsk, it seems that the matter is really serious. It doesn't matter. Generally, if you eat well and drink enough, you will feel better. I will cook a delicious meal to comfort you in the evening. How about it?" He chased after him, his words hidden in mystery.

"No need." Standing on the street, Ruxu stared at the gloomy sky in a daze.The scene will respond to people, the sun was warm yesterday, but today the wind is gusty, and it seems to be blowing into the bones.She tightened her coat, "You go back first, I'll ask you for a leave."

"Where to?"

"Walk casually." Shu Jie was depressed, at the moment he didn't want to see anyone, and he didn't want to talk.

But Tan Shaojie took her by the hand and smiled brightly: "Why don't we skip work together! I suddenly want to go to the Anti-Dou Paradise, let's go!" His domineering made people unable to refuse, but after two hours, Ruxu quietly Thank him for bringing himself out.

Anti-Dou Paradise is really a carefree and good place. It is very lively inside, and the people playing are very excited and devoted.She picked up the pinball and smashed the monster desperately until her arm became sore, and then switched to the motor, holding the remote control handle tightly with both hands, fighting fiercely.Change again when you get tired of playing, pick up the "gun" and frantically shoot terrorists...

She almost forgot that there was Tan Shaojie by her side, but Tan Shaojie never left her eyes for a second, following him like a shadow.He accompanied her to walk more than half a circle around the paradise, she played one item at a time, and was very focused when reading the game description. I have to say that she is also quite talented in playing games.Sometimes, when encountering technically difficult tasks, she remembered him and shouted: "Tan Shaojie, how do you play this?"

(End of this chapter)