sister carrie

Chapter 19 (1)

Chapter 11 Trendy persuasion: Feelings try to defend themselves (1)
Carrie liked to learn how rich people lived--to learn how rich people behaved on the surface.Every time she saw something, she immediately thought how beautifully she would dress up if she could get her hands on it.Note, this is not a fine feeling, this is not a sign of wisdom, and the greatest minds are not guilty of it.On the other hand, the dumbest people don't suffer from this distress.For her, beautiful clothes are more convincing than anything else.It will speak nicely to her.As soon as she heard it whisper, she couldn't help listening carefully.This is the so-called voice of inanimate things! Who can translate to us the words of all things in nature!
"My darling," said the lace collar she had bought from Buttridge's, "I make you so fit and beautiful; don't lose me."

"Ah, such little feet," said the new leather shoes, "how well I have kept them. How pitiful it would be without my help!"

Once these things are in her hands and put on her body, she may also think about not wanting them.The means by which it was obtained may have been so stinging to her that she was too sick to even think about it, but she would not give it up. "Put back your old clothes—put back your old shoes," her conscience would have said to her, but to no avail.She might be able to overcome her fear of starvation and go home.Thoughts about hard work, hard living, narrow living, may give way under the final pressure of conscience.But to spoil her appearance? To wear an old suit and look pitiful? Never!
Drouet added jealousy to her views on these matters, and weakened her resistance to them still further.Generally, when the opinions expressed by others follow the same path as our wishes, then the above situation will easily occur.Drouet insisted on her being well-dressed, in the way he was enamored of.He looked at her with such admiration, and she believed it.In such a situation, she doesn't need to put on a show like ordinary beautiful women.She learned the knowledge about this aspect very quickly.Drouet had acquired, as is characteristic of his type, the habit of scrutinizing and commenting upon the fashionable attire of pretty women in the street.He was well acquainted with women's penchant for dress and could be a good judge - not of knowledge, but of clothes.He saw how they groomed their little feet, how they lifted their chins a little, how they turned around so gracefully and slenderly, how a woman twisted her hips beautifully on purpose, which seemed to him like the sparkle of a fine wine. As charming as an alcoholic.He would turn around and stare at the passing figure.He would have trembled like a child with a burning, unrestrained desire, which was his nature.What he loves is exactly what a woman appreciates for herself: beauty.It was their shrine, and he worshiped it.

"Did you see that woman who just walked by?" he asked Carrie on their first walk down the street. "What a walk, isn't it?"

Carrie glanced, contemplating the admired grace.

"Yes, that's right," she replied cheerfully, and suddenly the thought that she might be defective came back to her mind.If it was a graceful pose, she would have to take a closer look.She instinctively felt the desire to mimic that pose, and of course she could.

Seeing so many things being emphasized and praised over and over again, she grasped the logic and applied it accordingly.Drouet had not the intelligence to see that it was not wise.He didn't know that it was best to make her realize that it was not comparing herself with someone who was better than her, but comparing herself with herself.He would not have done it with an older, wiser woman, but he thought Carrie was just a newcomer.He wasn't as smart as her, so naturally he couldn't appreciate her sensitivity.He went on teaching her and hurting her, which was a foolish thing for a man who was so devoted to him as his student and victim.

Carrie accepted the instruction graciously.She saw clearly what Drouet liked; she felt vaguely where he was weak.For a woman to know that a man's affections are so clearly and generously distributed to others is enough to weaken her opinion of him.She only sees the most admirable object in the world, and that is herself.

Where she lived, what Carrie had seen, were courses taught at the same school.

He shared the house with a theater clerk, Mr. Frank A. Hale, manager of the Standard Theatre, and his wife, a good-looking, dark-skinned woman of thirty-five.They are very ordinary people in America today, leading a respectable self-reliant life.Haier's weekly salary is 35 yuan.His wife is very attractive, and loves to express the feelings of young people.I don't agree with the family life of just taking care of the family and raising children.Like Drouet and Carrie, they lived in the three rooms upstairs.

Not long after her arrival Mrs. Hale made her acquaintance and went out together.For a long time, this was the only person she had known.The daily gossip of the manager's wife became the channel for her to know the world.The trifles of the day, the praises of wealth, the conventional expressions of morality, fell through the meek heart to Carrie's, and for a moment confused her mind.

Her own feelings, on the other hand, were corrective.The longing for a noble life, this is undeniable, and those things that move her heart are often on her mind.In the apartment, beyond the living room, lived a young girl and her mother.They were from Evans County, Indiana, and their father was a railroad accountant.My daughter learns music, and my mother keeps her company.

Carrie was not acquainted with them, but she saw her daughter come and go.Several times, she saw her playing the piano in the living room, and heard the sound of the piano from time to time.The young girl was well dressed for her position, and wore a ring or two, which gleamed on her fair fingers as she played.

Carrie is now in love with music.Her sensitive heart is moved by a certain tune, just like a piano vibrates when its keys are pressed.Her emotions are delicate, and the pluck of certain longing strings will arouse her dim meditation.It evokes longings in her pursuit.The girl once played a short song, the tune was tender and touching.Through the drawing-room below Carrie heard singing from the open door.This is at dusk, the time when idle people and wanderers are prone to contemplation.In their hearts they often think of the past, and recall many joys that have been forgotten.Carrie sat at the window and looked out.Drouet started at ten o'clock in the morning.She took a short walk for amusement, looked at a book by Beta M Clay which Drouet had left behind, though she did not like it very much, and changed her clothes in the evening.Now, she sat looking out at the park, full of longing and depression.Her natural desire for change and richness in life is even more so under such circumstances.While she was meditating on her new situation, the music from the living room below crept in.Her thoughts were also affected and indulged in this melancholy music.She recalled the best and the saddest memories of her little world.In an instant, regret came to my heart.

While she was in such a state of mind, Drouet entered, and the atmosphere changed.It was dusk and Carrie had forgotten to light the lamp.The fire in the fireplace was dying too.

"Where are you, Garter?" he said.He used the pet name he had given her.

"Here," answered Carrie.

There was something delicate and lonely in her voice, but he couldn't hear it.He did not have the imagination to empathize with a woman in such a situation and comfort her in order to prevent tragedy in his life.Instead, he just lit a match and lit the gas lamp.

"Hello," he cried, "you're crying!"

She was still in tears, with some tear stains in her mouth.

"Shh," he said, "you don't have to cry."

He took her hand, thinking in his ego that maybe she was lonely because he wasn't home.

"Listen," he went on, "all right, all right. Let's waltz to the music." Nothing could be more inappropriate.This made it clear to Carrie that it was impossible for him to feel sympathy for her.She couldn't form an idea yet to describe his flaws, or to indicate the differences between the two of them, but she felt them nonetheless.This was the first big mistake he made.

Drouet related the graceful manners of the girl during her evening walks with her mother, and Carrie learned from them the fashionable little gestures a woman should perform in order to pretend to be a man.She looked at herself in the mirror, pursing her lips and tilting her head up a little, as she had seen the railroad accountant's daughter.She lifted her skirt and gave it a little flick, for hadn't Drouet told of her and other women in such a position, and Carrie was naturally good at imitating it.She began to understand the knack of these small movements, which are exactly what the showy beauty is good at.All in all, her knowledge of manners doubled, and as a result, her appearance changed.She has become quite a charming girl.

Drouet noticed this.One morning he saw a new bow in her hair and a new style of curling.

"You're beautiful like this, Garter," he said.

"Really?" she replied sweetly.On this day, she also tried some other styles.

(End of this chapter)