sister carrie

Chapter 43 (1)

Chapter 26 The Messenger Falls: Finding a Way Out (1)
("Messenger" refers to Hurstwood, one of the protagonists of this book; "Finding a way out" refers to Carrie.——Translator)
Drouet left Carrie and went away.She listened to his distant footsteps, and could hardly comprehend what had happened.She knew he left in a rage.It took her a while to realize that she didn't know if he would come back. Of course, it didn't mean that he would come back right now, but that he would come back eventually.She looked around the rooms, outside the rooms, the sunset was fading, and she didn't know why she felt different about these rooms today than usual.She went to the dresser, struck a match, and lit the gas lamp.Then he sat back in the rocking chair and thought about it.

It took her a while to concentrate.It wasn't until she was able to concentrate and think that she realized the seriousness of the matter.Now she is alone.What if Drouet did not come back? What if she heard from him no more? The elegant furnishings of these rooms would not last long, and she would have to move out.

She had never expected anything from Hurstwood, and it should be said that this was her greatness.When she thought about it, all she felt was pain and regret.To tell the truth, she was terrified by the evidence of the depravity of human nature.He could tease her like this without batting an eyelash.She almost fell into a worse situation.But on the other hand, she couldn't forget the way he looked and behaved.It was just such a thing, how incomprehensible and unfortunate it seemed.This was in stark contrast to all her feelings about this man.

But now she is all alone.Taking the present as an example, this is a bigger concern.So what? Does she want to go out again to find work? Does she want to go to the downtown area first? The stage! Oh, yes.Drouet spoke of this.Is there any hope in that aspect? She rocked back and forth, thinking about all kinds of things, and the time slipped away minute by minute, and it was completely dark.She didn't eat anything, just sat there, thinking and thinking.

Thinking that she was hungry, she went to look for the small cupboard where she kept the food she hadn't eaten in the morning.When she looked at these things, some worries sprouted.The importance of food in life is more important than ever.

As she ate, she began to wonder how much money she had left.She felt deeply that this was an extremely important matter.Without saying a word, she immediately went to find the purse.The purse was on the dresser with seven dollar bills and some change in it.She was very depressed at the thought of all that money was left; but rejoiced at the thought that the rent had been paid and would be paid until the end of the month.Then she wondered, what would happen to her when she was out in the street, if she started going out first? As far as she could see, she was better off than that.At least she still has some short time, and then maybe everything will be all right.

Drouet was gone, but what was it? He didn't seem very angry.He's just pretending to be angry, and he'll be back—of course he will.His cane is still in the corner, and here is his stiff collar.His light overcoat is still in the wardrobe.She looked around, trying to comfort herself with a dozen of these little things, but alas, another thought occurred to her.What if he does come back?
This is yet another annoying thing.She had to talk to him, to explain.He would want her to admit that he was right.It was impossible for her to continue living with him.

By Friday Carrie thought of an appointment with Hurstwood.Since she agreed, she should have been with him at that time, but now that the agreed time has passed, this incident made the disaster she suffered more prominently presented in front of her.Feeling uneasy and feeling that some concrete action must be taken, she put on the brown dress she wore on the street, and at about eleven o'clock, went to the business district again to inquire.She has to find a job.

By twelve o'clock it looked like it might rain; by one o'clock it was raining.It obliged her to go home and stay here, just as the rainy day had made Hurstwood look down and scowl all day.

On the next Saturday, many business districts were closed for half a day, and the weather happened to be mild and sunny that day. It rained last night, and the vegetation became greener.When she came out of the door, she could only hear the sparrows chirping and singing joyful songs. Looking at the lovely scene in the park, she couldn't help feeling deeply that life is still a joy for those who are carefree in life. , she hoped that time would turn around so that she could keep the current comfortable situation.She didn't want Drouet's money, or his money, which she thought of now and then, and wanted nothing more to do with Hurstwood.All she wanted was the content of life and the ease of mind she had experienced in the past, because she was happy in the past-at least happier than she had to earn a living alone now.

It was eleven o'clock when she arrived in the business district, and it would be closing soon.She didn't understand this at first, but she had some experience in this competitive and extremely demanding area a while ago.The lingering pain was still there, so I noticed this.She wandered about aimlessly, telling herself that she had made up her mind to find something to do, and on the other hand thought that perhaps there was no need to be so anxious.It's not easy to find a job. She still has a few days to maneuver.Besides, whether she really had to face the bitter question of earning her own living again, even she wasn't quite sure.Anyway, one thing is better than before.She herself knew that her appearance was stronger than before.There was a great change in her demeanor.Her clothes fit her well, and the men—well-dressed men, the kind who used to glance at her indifferently behind the polished railings and pompous offices—now stared straight into her face, eyes blazing in the corners of their eyes. She gave a soft look.She felt empowered and satisfied in a way, but it did not reassure her.She seeks only what is reasonably possible, not the other way around, nor does she ask for anything like a special gift.She is looking for something, but any man should not try to bribe her with sweet words or gifts.She wants to live honestly.

"Our shop is open at one o'clock on Saturday afternoon," was the notice posted on the front of some shops to her delight and satisfaction.These were the shops she planned to go in to inquire about job opportunities.This gave her an excuse, and after seeing the clock a quarter past twelve, she decided it was useless to look for it today, and hitchhiked to Lincoln Park.There was always something to see there—flowers, animals, ponds, and so on—and she told herself that on Monday, she would be there on time, looking for opportunities.Besides, a lot could happen between now and Monday.

Sunday passed, and it was still the same doubts, worries, self-comforts, and all kinds of whims, and so on.Every half-hour of the day, a thought would come to her, whip her like a whip, and demand action--immediate action.At other times, she would reflect on the situation around her and reassure herself that it wasn't too bad—she would be all right.At such times she would think of Drouet's advice to her on the stage, and think that there was some chance in that direction as well.She made up her mind to look for opportunities in this area tomorrow.

In this way, she got up early on Monday morning and dressed carefully.She didn't know how to apply, but she thought that such a thing was always directly related to the theater.You just ask someone in the theater for a manager and ask for a position.If there's any chance you might get it, or at least tell you what to do if it doesn't.

Before this, she had never been in contact with people of this class, and she didn't understand the lust and temper of this group of people.All she knew was Mr. Hale's position, but, as she knew his wife so well, that was the last thing she wanted to meet.

At that time, there was a theater called the Chicago Opera House, which was highly regarded by everyone, and its manager, V.A. Henderson, was very famous in the local area.Carrie had seen one or two grand performances there, and heard several other operas.She didn't know Henderson, and she didn't know how to apply, but she felt instinctively that this was a possible place, and she wandered around the neighborhood.She mustered up the courage to go to the richly decorated entrance and exit, where the aisle was resplendent, and stills of popular operas were hung up to the box office, but she could not go any further.There was a well-known comedian and opera singer this week, and she was awed by the splendor and boisterousness of her presence.She could not imagine finding any employment in such a noble place.She trembled at the thought that she might be reprimanded for her arrogance.All she can take comfort in is to look up at the strutting stills and walk away.In her opinion, being able to get away like this is a great thing. As for wanting to apply here, it is simply too daring.

Her search for this day ended with this little experience.She had looked elsewhere, too, but outside the door.She got the addresses of a number of theaters, memorized them—notably the Grand Opera House and the McVicar Theatre, both famous entertainment venues in those days—and walked away.Her spirit is very depressed, because she once again realizes how big these big companies are, and how insignificant her own demands on society are according to her own understanding.

That evening Mrs. Hale came to visit her.The conversation was insignificant and prolonged, so that it was impossible to talk about the predicament of her situation or the luck of the day.Before she rested, however, she sat down to reflect, and her mind was always occupied with the most gloomy omens.Drouet had not yet appeared.She has not received any news from any quarter.She had spent a dollar from her precious balance for food and car fare.Obviously, she can't last long like this.Besides, she has not found any source of income so far.

Under such circumstances, she thought of her sister in Van Buren Street.I haven't seen her since I left that night.She thought again of her old home in Columbia City, now gone forever.She does not want to seek refuge from these aspects.Thoughts of Hurstwood often came to my head, but the thought of Hurstwood brought nothing but misery.How cruel that he would deceive her so deliberately.

Tuesday came, still indecisive, cranky.After the previous day's failure, she was not emotionally eager to hunt around for work, but on the other hand she blamed herself for being too weak the previous day.So she set off to find the Grand Opera again.But at the end of the day, I lacked the courage to go in.

Still, she managed to inquire at the box office.

"Are you looking for the troupe manager or the theater manager?" asked the well-dressed conductor.He had a good impression of Carrie's looks.

"I don't know," said Carrie, startled at the question.

(End of this chapter)