There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 34 Can you hear the sound of the string of wind chimes?
My heart moved.I think the string of wind chimes hanging by the old man's window must be ringing.

She is a mother.Her son, like me, was once a radio presenter.However, an unexpected car accident claimed his precious life.From then on, the mother was so desperate that she was in so much pain that she locked herself in the small room all day, holding the photo of her beloved son and weeping silently.

Until one day, she accidentally turned on the radio, and accidentally heard my voice... She called and told me that she was 66 years old this year.This surprised me.I never thought that the Youth Hotline program I hosted would attract such older people.She said: Zhang Hao, I really like your program - every night, I can only fall asleep peacefully after listening to your program, it is more effective than taking any medicine... Saying "thank you" to her is as polite and measured as I am to the thousands of viewers who write to me or call me.

The first time she called me was on a windy evening.The wind jingled the wind chimes I hung by the window.She heard it, and said, that wind chime sounds really nice, just like your voice... After that, she often called me, very wordy, and almost every time she would force someone to chatter about It's been a daily routine for a long time.At first, I could bear her endless nagging patiently.

But over time, I became a little impatient.I'm very upset that she always takes my work time without time limit.

One night, I was nervously rushing to write a manuscript for a magazine when she called again unexpectedly.When I was writing, I hated being disturbed by others for no reason, so I told her very tactfully and politely: I am really sorry, I am busy tonight, can we talk at another time?

I thought I could make her feel my rejection of her by doing this, but unexpectedly, she held on to the microphone tightly and refused to relax, and asked urgently: When will it be changed?When are you free?I'll call again... I think this old lady is really ignorant, and my patience with her has indeed reached the limit, so I can only say coldly: Let's talk about it later.hang up the phone.

Unexpectedly, a few minutes later, she called again: Zhang Hao, I... am I annoying?

I chose the words in my mind very carefully: Mom, I'm really busy—there are hundreds of letters on the table to answer, the magazine is pressing for manuscripts, and I haven't selected a music disc for my program... ...I really don't have time to talk to you.You... can you ask your family to spend more time with you when you want to talk?

The old lady was on the other end of the phone in a daze for a long time before she quietly told me: I...don't have any family members anymore.I froze for a moment.

That night, under the blowing of the gentle night wind, I heard the story told by the old man about her and her son——the old man had a lot of bad luck in his life.She got married very late.But her husband was labeled as a "counter-revolutionary" during the "Cultural Revolution" and died tragically in the "cowshed".At that time, the son had just turned one year old. During the difficult and long years of more than 20 years, the old man nurtured his child so meticulously and painstakingly, helped him to go to college, and became a radio host.Who would have thought that he would leave when he was only 25 years old... But now, enduring all the pain in his heart, the old man told me slowly: The only reason for me to live is to stand in front of my son's grave every year during the Ching Ming Festival. Add a handful of new soil, present a bouquet of white flowers... When the old man told this story, his tone was as calm as the breeze slowly passing by on a summer night.But I... can really feel the sadness and pain hidden deep in her heart that can never be erased.

When I was growing up, I also watched my relatives leave me one by one.I know how lonely and helpless it is for a person to live alone in this world away from family happiness.I also know how sad and helpless it is for a white-haired person to cry for a black-haired person.I decided to go see her.

The old man's home is in a small county town far away from the city.It took me a lot of trouble to find where she lived.I didn't expect a person who was only 66 years old to be as old and weak as 80 years old.She stood there tremblingly, groping her hands in the air for a long time before grabbing my hand, her eyes could no longer see anything.

I sat with her for a long time that day.When I knew that Guo Lanying's "Nanniwan" was her favorite song, I sang this song.At this moment, a sincere smile finally appeared on the sad face of the old man.

How I wish I could erase all the pain in her heart, and give this lonely old man a very happy old age.But I have neither the ability to keep the pace of time, nor the slightest way to rewrite the fate of the old man's life.I just sang the song "Li Niwan" over and over again with tears in my eyes, hoping that the gentle melody would echo in the old man's heart forever.

When I was about to leave, the old man grabbed my hand again: Son, since I heard your voice for the first time, I think you are very similar to my son.In the end, I guessed right, you really are just like him... kind-hearted and extremely intelligent.

I said: Aunt, if your son is still alive, he must be doing better than me.What I have done is what all sons and daughters should do.It's just that I want to ask my aunt to promise me that no matter what kind of blows and misfortunes we have encountered in our lives, you must... live well.

With the support of the little nanny, the old man saw me off one way after another, until I had boarded the bus back to the city, and she finally shouted: "Son, remember to come home again when you are free!"
However, after that, I was so dazed and busy with my work that I seldom even called the old man.

But she began to worry about my life, my body, and everything, as if she was always worried that I would not have enough food, clothing, warmth, and salary. She began to send me things frequently and warned me that I was not allowed to return them.

Once on the phone, I finally said to the old man: "Auntie, don't send me any more things. I have your heart, but I can't accept the things. You listen to my program, you are already doing it to me." Greatest care and support.

She was silent on the phone for a long time before she said: Son, you can reject the excessive enthusiasm of an audience, but you have no reason to reject a mother's heart!

In the days that followed, my life suddenly became extremely complicated. My new book was published, my friends invited me to film TV series, and countless parties invited me to be the host... I became a spinning top , Forgot about the old man who was waiting for my news.

It has been three months since I saw the old man again. She came to say goodbye to me and went to Beijing to have her eyes treated.

She was full of joy and hoped that when she cured her eyes, she would be able to help and take care of me in life like a normal person.She said: Child, you are right, no matter what kind of blows and misfortunes we encounter, we should live well!But as a mother, if you can't give your child a little help...how can you feel at ease?
That night in my workshop the old man heard the wind chime I hung on the window again.She smiled and said: My son always likes to hang such a string of wind chimes on the window.He always said that when relatives in the distance miss him or bless him, the wind chimes will jingle.You two... so much alike.

When I was leaving, I took off the string of wind chimes and handed them to her: "Auntie, you won't be able to hear my show in Beijing from now on."I hand this string of wind chimes to you, and when you hear its sound, that's me talking to you... The old man didn't speak, but I could feel the joy and satisfaction deep in her heart.Only then did I understand that, in fact, sometimes our mothers just need a bunch of wind chimes.

After the old man went to Beijing, he called me and told me that she was fine, and told me that when she had an operation, she insisted on asking the doctor to bring the string of wind chimes into the operating room.The old man said: My child, as soon as I hear the wind chime, I am not afraid of any pain.

Later, the old man wrote me a letter.Only then did I know that her eye surgery was done, but she had to stay in the hospital, because besides her eyes, there were many terrible diseases eroding her body-all of which were detected only this time.

My heart is very heavy when I read this news.Only then did I discover that there is a kind of family affection that has been deeply rooted in my heart unconsciously-it is a son who cares and worries deeply for a mother.

At this moment of writing, there is a gust of wind blowing slowly.My heart moved.I think the string of wind chimes hanging by the old man's window must be ringing.And I just want to tell the old man: Maybe in this world, we have lost too many relatives, but as long as we still have an unchanging true love in our hearts, then in our lifetime, we will also find more relatives than relatives. People who are closer and love that is deeper than family affection!

(Zhang Hao)
(End of this chapter)