There is a feeling called heartache

Chapter 41 The Best Mentor
eternal pain in heart
There is a kind of emotion that makes us feel pain in our hearts; there is a kind of spirit that makes our hearts flutter; there is a kind of power that can help us go through suffering; there is a kind of thought that makes us unforgettable.

broken heart
At the moment of disaster and death, my father still cared about me and was still protecting his heart, because it was a heart he longed to transplant to me!
The disaster started when I was not born.

When I was born, I was different. My pale face and light blue eyebrows made some relatives and friends persuade my parents to abandon or give me away.But my parents insisted that I was their flesh and blood, their baby, and they cared for me and loved me with no less love.

When I was five years old, the disease hidden deep in my body finally rushed towards me and my parents fiercely.In a sudden high fever of nearly 40 degrees, I had difficulty breathing and convulsions in my hands and feet. After the doctors tried their best to rescue me, although I was out of danger, I was also diagnosed with a medically called "Tetralogy of Fallot" "Congenital heart disease, which is the most complicated and dangerous disease in the world, and may stop breathing and heartbeat at any time.

Under the leadership of my parents, I started seeking medical consultation in major hospitals in China, and started a life of nasal catheterization all day long.My parents seem to have aged a lot at once, but they didn't mean to bow to the illness at all. They stubbornly believed that a miracle would happen to me.Soon, everything that could be sold at home was sold.When I was young, I was very naive. I asked my mother why I always had a tube in my nose. My mother told me that it was because I had a strange cold and I would recover soon.

In this way, when I reached the age of school, my "cold" was still not cured, and my father sent me to school.I like it there, there are many friends there, there are many stories and fairy tales, the most important thing is that there is no hospital smell.

Although my body is weak, if I sit for a long time, my chest will be very stuffy, so I have to squat on the seat to listen to lectures, read books, and do homework...Occasionally when I get sick in class, I use one hand To pinch the other arm so I won't cry out in pain, I want to be strong.Even though I often fainted in class, the walls of my house were already covered with various awards I had won by the time I graduated from elementary school.

During the summer vacation when I was 16, I was admitted to a hospital in Beijing again. I finally knew from the medical record card that I was suffering from a nearly terminal disease.

Can the fear of death destroy everything?

That night, as usual, my father bought my favorite food, put it on the cabinet beside my bed, and handed me the chopsticks: "Eat quickly, it's all what you like..." I restrained myself I was calm, but despair still tore me madly, and I burst into tears.

I choked up and asked my father during the crying: "Why have you been lying to me? Why..." My father was stunned by my crying, and suddenly turned his back, his shoulders kept shaking. I spent the night in insomnia.

, Early in the morning on the fourth day, I dressed myself up and sneaked out of the hospital while no one was paying attention.

I knew that there was a pesticide store not far from the hospital, and I was going there to buy the medicine that could end my life.I can bear the ravages of illness, but I can't bear the pain of my parents being tortured by disasters.And the only way I could help my parents seemed to be to kill the disease, and the only way I could kill the disease was to end my life.

While I was bargaining with the boss, my father rushed in from the door and hugged me.

I couldn't see anything, I only felt that my father was trembling all over, I knew that my father must be crying... That night, the whole family was sobbing, but my father did not shed any more tears.He just told me calmly in a sea of ​​tears: "We can bear no matter how great the disaster is, but we cannot accept your frivolity of ignoring life."

Because I love my parents, I want to choose death; but my parents told me that if I love them, I should persevere in life.

Three days later, beside the busy street in the city, my father knelt there in ragged clothes, with a sign hanging around his neck, which read: "...my daughter has a terminal illness, her heart It may stop beating at any time, kind people, I hope you can dedicate your love and help my daughter walk through death, after all, she is only 16 years old..." I was looking for it after hearing my neighbor say that my father went to beg on his knees of.

At that time, there was a large group of people around my father. People looked at the sign and whispered. Some said it was a scammer cheating money, and some spit on my father... My father kept his head down and said nothing.I parted from the crowd, threw myself on my father, hugged him, tears fell again... my father stopped begging in my begging, he started to desperately do some more dangerous work, he said, Those jobs paid well and he was saving up to pay for my heart transplant.A heart transplant seemed to be the only way to continue my healthy growth.But transplanting a heart means ending another's life while saving one's life!Where will there be a heart for transplant.But looking at my father's firm eyes, I dare not say anything, maybe, this is the hope that supports him, let him hope!It seems that the only comfort I can give my father is to bear his love silently.

Until one day, when I was tidying up the room, I found a personal accident insurance policy and a letter written by my father in my father's pocket.It was a letter to the relevant notary department, to the effect that he voluntarily transplanted his heart to me!All legal issues have nothing to do with other people... It turns out that he was deliberately exposed to high-risk jobs, planning to exchange his own death for my healthy life!
I couldn't utter a word, only tears poured down my face.That night, I chatted with my father for a long time. I recalled the difficulty of tug-of-war with my illness over the years, and more importantly, the warmth and love I got from him and my mother.I told my father: "The quality of life is not about the length of life. I have received too much love from you and my mother. Even if I leave this world now, I will leave happily..."

Father was speechless.Xingyue was speechless.

One day, when I came back from school, I didn't see my father, so I asked my mother.My mother told me: "Your father went to the notary office for notarization and wanted to transplant his heart to you, saying that he did it voluntarily and had nothing to do with anyone, but this is a matter of death. The staff at the notary office did not accept it. , He went to the hospital to ask the doctor again..."

Mother said, weeping.My heart began to tug and ache.I know, that's because of the pain squeezed by my father's heavy love.But all I can do is to let my father go.

That night, my father came back with a gloomy face.I could see that the doctor must have disagreed with him.

My father stopped consulting about transplantation and started working with his head down.However, it is still those jobs with high risk.I long for the continuation of life, but I long for the freshness of my father even more.

I felt somewhat comforted in my heart, thinking that everything would continue naturally.

One day seven months later, my father, who was nearly 40 years old, fell from the fifth floor with another coworker while he was carrying jade slabs at a construction site.When I arrived at the hospital, my father was not breathing.I heard from some workers who took him to the hospital that after his father fell, he put his hands on his chest... I know, I know, my father was still thinking about me and protecting him when the disaster and death suddenly struck. My heart, because—that is a heart he longed to transplant to me!
And the reason is just because I am his daughter.

My father's heart could not be transplanted to me in the end, because that heart was broken when he fell from the building.

(Ice Girl)
My mother is an ordinary peasant woman, but the principles of life she taught me can inspire me all my life.

September 1997, 9 was the day I left home to report to the Peking University Institute of Mathematics.Curls of cooking smoke rose above my dilapidated farmhouse early in the morning.My crippled mother is rolling out noodles for me. My mother used five eggs to exchange this flour from a neighbor’s house. Her feet were pushing a large cart of vegetables on the way to the town the day before yesterday in order to raise more school fees for me. Sprained.Holding the bowl, I cried.I put down my chopsticks and knelt on the ground, stroking my mother's feet, which were swollen higher than a steamed bun, for a long time, tears rolling down on the ground... My home is in Dayoudai Village, Wuqing County, Tianjin, and my mother is the best in the world Mother, her name is Li Yanxia.

My family is too poor.When I was born, my grandmother fell ill on the kang. When I was 4 years old, my grandfather suffered from bronchial asthma and hemiplegia. The debt owed by the family increased year by year.

When I was 7 years old, I went to school.The tuition fee was borrowed from my mother.I always pick up the pencil end thrown away by my classmates, and then tie it to a small stick with a thread and use it again, or use an eraser to clean the written exercise book, and then use it again. My mother feels very distressed, but There is no other way, after all, sometimes the family is so poor that they even have to borrow a few cents to buy pencils and notebooks.

However, there are times when my mother is happy. No matter the big or small exams, I can always take the first place in the exam, and I always get full marks in mathematics.With the encouragement of my mother, the more I learn, the happier I am.I really don't know what is happier in the world than reading.

I finished learning the four arithmetic operations and fractions and decimals before I went to elementary school. I learned mathematics, physics and chemistry in junior high school by self-study in elementary school, and completed the science courses in high school by self-study in junior high school. In May 1994, Tianjin held a junior high school physics competition, and I was the only rural child among the students from five counties in the suburbs who entered the top three.

In June of that year, I was exceptionally admitted to the famous Tianjin No. 6 Middle School, and ran home ecstatically.Unexpectedly, when they told the good news to their family members, their faces were filled with sorrow: Grandma passed away less than half a year ago, and grandpa was also dying. The family now owed more than 1 yuan in debt.I went back to the room silently and wept all day.

At night, I heard arguing outside the house.It turned out that my mother wanted to sell the donkey at home so that I could go to school, but my father firmly disagreed.Their words were heard by the seriously ill grandfather, who passed away forever in a hurry.

After the grandfather was buried, the family owed several thousand yuan more.I stopped talking about studying. I folded the "Admission Notice" and stuffed it into a pillowcase, and went to work with my mother every day.Two days later, my father and I discovered at the same time: the little donkey was gone.My father asked my mother with a livid face: "You sold the little donkey? You are crazy, and you will push and pull with your hands when harvesting crops and selling grain? The few hundred yuan you sell the donkey can afford Jinpeng to study for a year." Semester or two semesters..."

That day, my mother cried, and she yelled at my father in a very fierce voice: "What's wrong with my baby wanting to study? Jinpeng is the only one in Wuqing County who is admitted to the No. [-] Middle School. We can't let the poor words put the baby's The future has been delayed. Even if I push it with my hands or pull it with my shoulders, I still want him to read it..."

Holding the 600 yuan my mother got from selling donkeys, I really wanted to kneel and kowtow to my mother.I love reading too much, but if I continue reading, how much hardship and suffering will my mother have to suffer for me?
That fall, when I went home to get my winter clothes, I found my father lying on the kang with a sallow complexion and skinny skin.My mother told me nonchalantly: "It's okay, I have a bad cold, and I'm getting better soon." Unexpectedly, the next day I picked up the medicine bottle and read the instructions on it, and found that these medicines inhibit cancer cells.I pulled my mother out of the house, crying and asked her what was going on, and my mother said that since I entered No. 6000 middle school, my father began to have blood in his stool, and it got worse day by day.My mother borrowed [-] yuan to go to Tianjin and Beijing to check again and again. Finally, it was diagnosed as intestinal polyps. The doctor asked my father to perform an operation as soon as possible.Mom was going to borrow money again, but Dad refused to agree.He said that relatives and friends have already borrowed it all, and who would lend it to us if they only borrow it and don’t pay it back.

That day, my neighbor told me that my mother finished the harvest in a primitive and tragic way.

She doesn't have enough strength to pick the wheat to the yard for threshing, and she doesn't have the money to hire someone to help. She cuts one piece after ripening, and then pulls it home on a flatbed cart. Spike was beating on the big rocks... the wheat on the three-acre field was harvested by herself, and she knelt down to cut it when she was too tired to stand up, her knees were bleeding, and she trembled when she walked... no After the neighbor finished speaking, I ran home and cried loudly: "Mom, Mom, I can't read any more..."

Mom eventually drove me back to school.My living expenses are 60 to 80 yuan per month, which is pitifully small compared to the 200 to 240 of other students.But only I know that for this little money, my mother has to save every penny from the beginning of the month, selling eggs and vegetables for every yuan, and if she can't make up the money, she has to borrow 20 or 30.But she, her father, and her younger brother almost never eat vegetables, even if they order some vegetables, they don't need to mix them with oil.

In order not to let me go hungry, she has to walk more than 10 miles every month to wholesale instant noodle scraps for me.At the end of every month, my mother always came to Tianjin to see me with a big bulging bag.In the bag, apart from instant noodle scraps, there was also waste paper she bought from a printing factory six miles away (it was for me to make calculation paper), a large bottle of soybean paste, shredded salted mustard greens, and a hair clipper ( The cheapest haircut in Tianjin costs 5 yuan, and my mother asked me to save it and buy a few more steamed buns).

I am the only student in Tianjin No. [-] Middle School who can’t even afford green vegetables in the cafeteria. I can only buy two steamed buns for each meal. I can use waste paper that is printed on one side to make drafts; I am still the only student who has never used soap, and I always go to the cafeteria to ask for alkaline noodles to wash clothes.But I have never felt inferior. I think my mother is a hero who fights against suffering and bad luck. I am extremely honored to be her son.

When I first entered Tianjin No. [-] Middle School, I was stunned by the first English class.When my mother came, I told her my worries about not being able to keep up with English, but she replied with a smile on her face: "Mom only knows that you are the child who can endure hardships the most. Mom doesn't like to hear you say it's difficult, because It's not hard once you suffer."

I remembered my mother's words.I stutter a little. Someone told me that to learn English well, you must first let your tongue listen to your own words, so I often pick up a stone and hold it in my mouth, and then try my best to recite English.My tongue rubbed against the stones, sometimes blood flowed down the corners of my mouth, but I still gritted my teeth and persisted.

Half a year later, the pebbles were rounded, and my tongue was also smoothed, and my English score was among the top three in the class.I really want to thank my mother, whose words inspired me to miraculously overcome such a large learning obstacle.

In 1996, I participated in the Tianjin Division of the National Olympic Knowledge Contest for the first time, and won the first prize in physics and the second prize in mathematics. I will represent Tianjin in the National Physics Olympiad in Hangzhou.

"Give a national first prize to my mother, and then go to the World Physics Olympiad." I couldn't restrain the excitement in my heart, and wrote to my mother about the good news and wishes.In the end, I only won the second prize. I fell on the bed without eating or drinking. Although this was the best result among the participants in Tianjin, it was not enough to repay my hard-working mother.Back at school, the teachers helped me analyze the reasons for my failure—I always wanted to develop mathematics, physics and chemistry in an all-round way, and I was distracted by too many main projects.If I specialize in mathematics now, I will definitely be able to get in.

In January 1997, I finally won No.1 in the National Mathematics Olympiad with a full score, successfully entered the national training team, and won the first prize in ten tests.According to regulations, I have to bear the expenses of going to Argentina to participate in the competition.After paying the registration fee, I wrapped up the necessary books and the soybean chili sauce made by my mother, and the preparations were over.The teacher in charge and the math teacher saw that I was still wearing clothes of different colors and sizes that others donated to me, so they opened my wardrobe and pointed to the three-inch-long cotton padded clothes that had been patched twice at the sleeves and patched at the hem. The vest said: "Jinpeng, are these all your clothes?" I was at a loss, so I quickly said: "Teacher, I am not afraid of shame. My mother always told me 'I have poetry and books in my stomach', and I wore them to go to the United States." Not afraid to see Clinton."

On July 7, the Olympiad officially started.From 27:8 in the morning to 30 in the afternoon, we answered questions for 2 and a half hours.The results were announced the next day, the bronze medal was announced first, and I didn't want to hear my name; then the silver medal was announced, and finally, the gold medal was announced, one, two, and the third was me.I wept with joy, and silently shouted in my heart:
"Mom, your son has succeeded!"

The news that another classmate and I won the gold and silver medals in the 38th International Mathematical Olympiad was broadcast by the Central People's Broadcasting Station and CCTV that night. On August 8, when we returned with honor, the Chinese Mathematics Branch of the Chinese Association for Science held a grand welcome ceremony for us.At this time, I wanted to go home, I wanted to see my mother as soon as possible, and I wanted to hang the shining gold medal around her neck with my own hands... After 1 o'clock that night, I finally returned to the home I had been dreaming about in the dark.It was my father who opened the door, but it was still my kind mother who hugged me tightly into his arms.Under the bright starry sky, my mother hugged me so tightly... I took out the gold medal and hung it around her neck, crying happily.

On August 8, the auditorium of Tianjin No. 12 Middle School was packed, and my mother sat on the rostrum together with the leaders of the Municipal Education Bureau and famous mathematics professors.That day, I said something like this - I want to thank one person with my whole life, and that is the mother who nurtured me as an adult.She is an ordinary peasant woman, but the principles of life she taught me can inspire me all my life.

In the first year of high school, I wanted to buy a "Chinese-English Dictionary" to learn English.Mom has no money in her pocket, but she still promises to find a way.After breakfast, my mother borrowed a shelf car, loaded a car of cabbage and dragged it with me to the county town 40 miles away to sell.It was almost noon when we arrived at the county seat. My mother and I only ate two bowls of sweet potato and corn porridge in the morning. The money is sold for a catty. 210 catties of cabbage should be exchanged for 21 yuan, but the buyer only gave 20 yuan.When I have money, I want to eat first, but my mother said that I should buy books first. This is today's business.

When we went to the bookstore and asked about the price of the book, the price was 18 yuan 2 cents, and only 5 yuan 1 cents was left after buying the book.But my mother only gave me 7 cents and 5 cents to buy two biscuits, and said that the remaining 7 yuan would be saved for me to go to school.Although I ate two biscuits, by the time my mother and I had walked home for more than 5 miles, I was already dizzy and dizzy from hunger.Only then did I realize that I actually forgot to share a biscuit with my mother. She was hungry for a day and pulled a car for 1 miles for me.I was so regretful that I really wanted to slap myself, but my mother said: "Mom doesn't have much education, but Mom remembers a sentence from Gorky that the teacher read when I was young-poverty is the best university. If you can live in this school After passing the customs, you can take the entrance exams in our universities in Tianjin and Beijing." When my mother said this, she didn't look at me, but looked at the dirt road in the distance, as if it could really lead to Tianjin and Beijing.When I listened to it, I felt that my stomach was no longer hungry, and my legs were no longer sore... If poverty is the best university, then I would say that my mother is the best mentor in my life !

Under the stage, I don't know how many pairs of eyes are wet. I turned around and bowed deeply to my mother who had gray temples.

(An Jinpeng)

(End of this chapter)