Sex and the city

Chapter 14 Bicycle Family (2)
One Halloween, Mr. The New Yorker was wearing an England police cape when a group of teenage gremlins pulled him off his bike. "I said to them: 'I can take you all by myself, but we have to go one-on-one.' So the biggest of them stepped forward. I realized instantly that I couldn't even beat him. ’” The group of guys jumped up and started beating up “Mr. New Yorker” until one of the onlookers started screaming. "I'm pretty lucky," says Mr. New Yorker, "that they didn't take my bike. But they took the records in the basket." (Mr. New Yorker made a point of saying he had "vinyl ", not a CD—how can a real cyclist listen to a CD?)

A similar thing happened to Mr. Eccles. "Two days ago, around ten o'clock in the evening, I was riding through Central Park, and a group of brutal guys on inline skates surrounded me. They surrounded me from the side and tried to stop me. Fortunately, I was riding fast."

And the greatest danger is always related to sex, a reporter named Chester's personal experience proved this point.Chester doesn't ride a bike much now, and he's still haunted by the aftermath of his affair a year ago.He met Lola while writing a story about showgirls.Guess Laura thought she was Marilyn Monroe and met her Arthur Miller.Chester only remembered Laura calling one night to say she was lying on a bed in a room in Trump Tower and asking if he would come over to be with her.Chester immediately hopped on his bike and rode there at lightning speed—in just 15 minutes.They did it for three hours.Then she suddenly said he had to go because the man who had given her the apartment could come back any minute.

Chester fled in despair.He ran out of the building and hopped on his bike.But the problem was that his legs were shaking so badly from the intense fight, that his calves started to cramp as he rode downhill on Murray Hill.So he sprinted off the curb and landed hard on the pavement. "It was so painful!" he said, "the skin on the chest was scratched, it was like a first-degree burn" - thankfully his nipples grew back.

"Big dick between the legs"

Cycling in Manhattan is definitely a dangerous sport.If these boys lived in the West, they would all carry guns—like the characters in Larry McMurkey or Tom McGoney or Cormac McCarthy.But in New York, the cyclists are more like Superman Clark Kent — debonair reporters struggling with aggressive female editors by day and social troublemakers by night.But who can blame them?Chester said: "You can run red lights, you can run around on a bike, and you are as handsome as a drag racer." One biker, who did not want to be named, said: "I feel a huge iron thing throbbing between my legs. "I'm touching my bike right now," says writer agent Kip, sitting in his office. .As long as I’m with my bike, I’m not afraid. The moments on the bike are some of the best moments of my life, and it’s a perfect blend of me and the city.”

Cyclists usually don't ride high-tech variable-speed mountain bikes. The transmission and elastic shock-absorbing suspension are all insulated from them.Mr. New Yorker's car is typical—a modest shifter with fenders and a rear basket that exudes retro vibes. "You gotta have a basket for the clutter," says Mr. New Yorker, "and computers and work materials." "My bike is like my dog ​​or my kid," Kip said. Say, "I groom it, take care of it, pet it."

Every time I hear bikers talk about their cars, I think they're talking about women.

"I love my bike to death, you feel attached to it," said one cyclist, "although there is not much difference between a bike and a bike."

"My previous car was crazy about it," Kip said. "The frame was made of aluminum, I waxed it myself, and wrapped the handlebars carefully. It was stolen. I was devastated and gutted. Then I got a new car and spruced it up and it made me feel better."

In New York, bikes are as easy to steal as girlfriends. "Even if you just stay in the bookstore for 10 minutes, the car will be gone by the time you come out," Eccles said.

Mr. New Yorker, however, does not think this is a problem. “Three months of subway fare is enough to buy a new bicycle if you take the subway,” he said. “It only takes one month if you take a taxi.”

Not only that, but bicycles are also a weapon for chasing girls. "This is a good prop to find a topic." The writer Sade said, "It can also divert attention when the scene is cold."

Of course, you can also use the bicycle to test whether you are having fun with a woman. "I once told a woman I wanted to ride to her house and she lost her temper," Sade said. "So I thought if a woman could say to me, 'Get the car in!' women are the sexiest."

"The way to tell if a woman is agreeable is if she wants you to push your bike into her house," says Eccles. .”

But sometimes a bike isn't just a bike, and women seem to understand that. "They'll use that to judge your personality, saying you're too independent or too changeable," says Eccles. "It makes you feel really bad."

"Some people think you're like Peter Pan," Kip said, "so I don't bike everywhere like I used to."

“They also feel that bicycles imply a certain kind of selfishness,” agrees Eccles, “because you can’t drive people home like you can with a car. And people on bikes feel too free.” Eccles added Said that he had more than a dozen reasons why he was not married in his 50s, "None of these women's bullshit is tenable."

In a way, it also means cheap.A female assistant editor at a men's magazine remembered her date with a biker.At a book signing, the man accosted her and asked her out to a swanky steakhouse on the Upper West Side.

She arrived as promised and stood waiting for him outside the restaurant, smoking impatiently.He shows up much overdue - with his beloved car, of course.Then they sat down and looked at the menu.The cyclist said suddenly, "Hey, let me say, I've got a sudden craving for pizza...you don't mind, do you?" He stood up as he spoke.

"But we have to..." she said, looking at the waiter next to her.He jerked her by the arm and dragged her out of the restaurant, saying, "You just had a few sips of water, and I didn't even drink water—never touched it. How can they ask for money?"

They went to her house, had pizza together, and he was groping her.They met a few times later, but every time he asked to go to her house to eat takeaway together, and he always arrived late at ten o'clock in the evening.She finally had enough of it, dumped him, and found a banker.

The Consequences of a Bike Rack
The biggest mistake cyclists make is that they always try to turn their girlfriends into cyclists too.Joanna, an interior designer who calls Fifth Avenue home, was once married to a biker. "We both ride bikes," she said, "so I didn't think there was a problem at first. But when he gave me a bike seat for my birthday, I felt something was wrong. The best is yet to come, I My Christmas present was a bike rack - the kind you would put a bike in a car! When we got divorced, he asked for that rack back! It's unbelievable!"

"Bike guys? Oh my god, I never want to talk about them again," said novelist Magda. "You don't know how disgusting their thing is! I almost got killed by these men on bicycles... …they're like Kamikaze on a rampage with no regard for your feelings! I'd be so thankful if they could seriously fuck like a biker - but not so fast!"

"Women don't think cycling is sexy at all," Thaddeus said. "They think it's childish. But you don't change who you are to please them."

(End of this chapter)