beautiful friend

Chapter 14

The dinner, like a dinner party, was unremarkable, and the guests chattered about meaningless trifles.Duroy was seated between M. Walter's eldest daughter, the ugly Mademoiselle Rosa and Madame de Marais.Although Madame de Marais looked natural and talked and laughed as usual, Duroy still felt a little unnatural.At first, he felt flustered and faltered, like a musician out of tune.Gradually, he began to regain his composure.The eyes of the two met from time to time, testing each other; after a while, they were flirting and flirting as before.

Suddenly, Duroy felt that something under the table touched his foot; so he stretched his leg forward a little, but it touched Madame de Marais's leg, which did not withdraw.At this time, the two remained silent, and turned to their neighbors as if nothing had happened.

Excited, Duroy moved his knee forward; Madame de Marais responded calmly.Duroy knew that the old relationship between them was about to rekindle.

What did they say afterwards?It doesn't matter.But every time they looked at each other, their lips trembled slightly.

In order not to neglect the boss's daughter, Duroy occasionally chatted with Rosa.The girl's personality is the same as her mother's, speaking cleanly and without any hesitation.

Sitting on Mr. Walter's right, the Viscountess de Persmeau always maintained the air of a royal family in her words and deeds.Duroy looked at her, not feeling amused, so he lowered his voice and asked Mrs. de Maraisle: "Do you know another lady named 'Lady in Red'?"

"You mean the Baroness Lival? Yes."

"Is it like this too?"

"No, but the temperament is just as queer. A lanky man in his sixties, with a wig, English teeth, Restoration minds, even clothes."

"Where did the newspaper find these literary eccentrics?"

"The bourgeois nouveau riche will always take in some remnants of the nobility."

"Aside from that, is there no other reason?"

"No."

At this time, Walter began to talk about politics with the two congressmen and Nobel de Wallen and Jacques Rival.The gentlemen chattered on and on until dessert was brought by the servants.

After dinner, the guests retreated to the living room.Duroy went up to Madame de Marais, fixed her eyes, and asked:
"Do you need me to take you home tonight?"

"Do not."

"why?"

"Because every time I come here to eat, Mr. La Roche-Mathieu will send me back. We are neighbors." "Then when can I see you?"

"Come to my house for dinner at noon tomorrow."

After speaking, they each walked away.

Duroy felt that it was meaningless to stay any longer, so he left early.As he descended the stairs, he met Noble de Wallens, who had come out ahead of him; the latter immediately took Duroy's arm.In the newspaper office, the division of labor between the two was different, and there was no competition. Therefore, Nobel de Wallen was full of kindness and love for this young man.

"How about it, would you like to walk with me?" He asked.

Duroy replied: "It's a great honor, old man."

After finishing speaking, the two walked slowly along Maleschaerbe Avenue.

On a cold winter night, the streets of Paris are deserted.Everything is so vast, the stars in the sky seem more distant, and the cold wind mixed in the air seems to come from a more distant sky.

At first, neither of the two men spoke.Later, in order to break the dull atmosphere, Duroy said casually: "Mr. La Roche-Mathieu looks very learned."

The old poet asked:
"Is that what you think?"

Duroy was startled, and said hesitantly: "Yes. Everyone says he is the most capable member of the House of Representatives"

"Maybe, but that's relative. Don't you know, those people in the House of Representatives are mediocre people? They are narrow-minded, and they think about politics all the time, or money. My dear, they are just in name, and the difference between us and them There is no common language between them. The intelligence of these parliamentarians has long been buried in silt, like the filthy section of the Seine Asnière."

"Ah! It's so hard to find someone who's open-minded enough to make you happy. I used to know a few, but they're no longer alive."

Noble de Wallen's voice was loud and clear, but still restrained, otherwise it would have rang through the silence of the night.He looked agitated and sad.These lingering melancholy haunt people from time to time, making their hearts tremble like the snow-covered earth.

Nobel de Wallen went on to say:

"Never mind him! Since everything is fleeting, what does it matter if there are more talents or less talents?"

After speaking, he fell into silence.Duroy, who was in a happy mood, smiled and said, "Dear senior, why are you so pessimistic today?"

The poet replied: "My boy, I have always been like this. When you reach my age, you will be like me. Life is like a hillside. When you go up, you see the peak, and you will see it in your heart." full of hope; but once you have reached the top, there lies before your eyes the dreadful descent, which ends in death. We walk arduously and slowly on the ascent, but swiftly on the descent. In your kind At my age, everyone is full of beautiful fantasies about the future, although they end up with nothing. But at my age, people no longer have any hope, and can only wait for... death."

Duroy began to laugh:
"Oh, your words really scare me."

Nobel de Wallen continued:

"Right now, you can't feel it. But one day, you'll remember what I said. You know, that day will happen to everyone. And for many people, it will come early. At that time, as As the saying goes, no one can laugh; for all they see is death. Alas! You don't know what death means. Death is far away for you young people. And; but for me, it is very scary. Yes, the meaning of death, people always suddenly understand, no one knows the reason and the reason. Then, everything in life will change accordingly. I feel It has been 15 years since death existed. For 15 years, the fear of death has been tormenting me, like a monster getting into my body and slowly devouring me. My body is getting old day by day, like a building gradually A corroded house will collapse one day; every month, even every hour, I can feel this change." My appearance has been completely changed, and I don't even recognize myself.The old me is long gone.I think how radiant and energetic I was when I was 30 years old; now, my black hair has become full of silver.Aging changes you little by little, so slowly and viciously!The supple skin, strong muscles, strong teeth, and even the whole body of the past are no longer there; the remaining desperate soul will gradually die.Yes, death is eating me slowly and minute by minute; the terrible thing is that I can't resist it at all.Now, no matter what I do, I can feel death coming.Every step, every movement or every breath seems to be speeding towards death.Everything we do: breathe, sleep, drink, eat, work and even dream, is for death.All in all, life is death!what!You will understand it all!As long as you think about it carefully for a quarter of an hour, you will suddenly understand.What else can I expect?love?Even just a few kisses, I feel powerless.What else?money?What am I using it for?Raise a woman?Not a bad idea.Or eat and drink so much that you turn yourself into a big fat man, moaning all night with rheumatism?What is left but love and money?honor?What's the point of honor when you can't get it through love?What else?All that remains is death, which is my final destination.Now, I feel that death is around me, and I often want to push it away, but it is everywhere.The crushed bugs on the road, the yellow leaves falling from the trees, and the white hairs in the beards of friends all make me feel shocking; because they always remind me that 'death is here'.Death not only ruins what I do, see, eat, and drink; it also ruins the things I love: the bright moonlight, the rising sun, the vast sea, the winding river, and The refreshing cool breeze in the summer night. "

Nobel de Valen slowed down, gasped slightly, and fell into deep thought for a while, completely forgetting the existence of Duroy.

After a while, he said again: "Once the fire of human life is extinguished, it will never be rekindled... If something is broken, we can copy it according to its model or fragments. However, my body, face, thoughts and desires Once it disappears, it will never be reappeared. Even if there are new lives coming, they have the same nose, eyes, forehead, cheeks and mouth, and even the same soul as me, but I cannot be resurrected. Although the surface is somewhat similar, in reality There are thousands of differences in the world, and there is no shadow of me, Nobel de Wallen. Who can we rely on? Who can we pour out our inner pain? What can we believe? All religions are nonsense, and those childish Ethics and selfish promises are folly. Only death is an unalterable fact."

Having said that, he stopped, grabbed both ends of Duroy's collar, and said earnestly:
"Young man, think about what I said, think about it for a few days, months, or even years, and you will have a different understanding of life. You should get rid of the shackles of life, your body, your mind, your gains and losses, and even the entire human race. Society, look elsewhere. Then you will see how trivial are the arguments between Romanticism and Naturalism, and disputes about daily income and expenditure."

Nobel de Wallen quickened his pace and continued walking.

“You feel scared, hopeless, like a drowning person struggling to survive. You shout ‘Help’ around, but no one answers you. You hold out your hand, hoping that someone will pull you. When you reach out, you want love, help and comfort, but no one comes. Why do we have to endure this? Because this is what we are meant to do. We are born to pursue higher material comforts, not more spiritual Wealth. But because we think too much, the gap between the ever-increasing spiritual requirements and the immutable material conditions will become wider and wider. Look at the people around you who are doing nothing. Unless one day disaster strikes, they will only Being content with the status quo, being indifferent to life's misfortunes, is no different from those animals."

Noble de Wallen stopped, thought for a few seconds, and said resignedly in a weary voice:
"I am a very failed person. I have no parents, brothers, sisters, wife and children, and even God. He paused for a moment, and then said:

"I have only poetry as my companion."

As he spoke, he looked up at the starry sky, facing a round of bright moon, and chanted a poem:

"The night is long, the cold moon hangs alone, I will explore up and down to find the mystery of life."

At this time, they came to the Concord Bridge.The two walked across the bridge in silence and walked along the Palais Bourbon.Nobel de Wallen said:
"My friend, hurry up and get married! It's not good to be alone forever. Now, I feel terrible loneliness all the time. Every night, sitting by the fire, I have only loneliness for company. Whenever this time, I feel that the world It seemed that I was alone in the sky, surrounded by looming dangers and horrible things I had never seen before.

Although there are neighbors living next door, we never communicate, and the distance between us is as far away as the stars outside the window.The pain and fear, especially the silence of the walls, made me restless at times.Living alone, the silent room will appear particularly deep and desolate; both body and soul will be shrouded in solitude.Every time the furniture cracked, my heart skipped a beat; in this empty room, any sound seemed so abrupt. "

Nobel de Wallen fell silent again.After a while he said:
"In any case, when one grows old, it is always a joy to have children by one's side." At this time, the two had reached the middle of Burgundy Street.The poet stopped in front of a tall building, shook Duroy's hand, and said:
"People like to talk when they are old, young people, forget what I just said, and live according to the way you should be at your age. Goodbye!"

After speaking, he disappeared into the dark corridor.

Duroy walked home alone with a heavy heart.The words of the old poet seemed to make him see a cave full of bones; one day, he himself would be thrown into it.He cursed in a low voice:

"Damn it! It must be very dull at de Valens' house. If I hadn't met by chance today, I wouldn't have had time to sit and listen to his chatter!"

At this time, a fragrant woman got off the carriage and was about to go home.Duroy stopped and let her go first; all the while inhaling greedily of the perfume of verbena and iris that emanated from her.In an instant, his heart was filled with hope and joy again, and he hoped to see Madame de Marais immediately.

Now is the time when everything is going smoothly for him, life has loved him so much, and his dream for many years has finally come true, how can one not be excited?

That night, Duroy slept very soundly.The next day, he got up early in the morning, walked around the Boulogne Gardens, and then went to Madame de Marais's house to make an appointment.

Temperatures rose overnight due to a change in wind direction.It was a sunny and pleasant morning.Parisian citizens who often come to take a walk in the Boulogne Gardens, could not resist the temptation of the bright sunshine, and ran out one after another.

Duroy paced leisurely, sucking in the sweet spring air.He passed through the Arc de Triomphe on the Etoile and onto a broad boulevard where a group of men and women were promenading on horseback.Duroy looked at these knights, walking slowly or galloping, without any envy.Now he could name almost all of them and knew the intimacy of their properties and lives; his career as a journalist made him the almanac of Parisian celebrities and their scandals.

At this time, a group of female knights came in front of them.These women are all slender, wearing dark tight woolen clothing, and habitually put on an arrogant expression that rejects people thousands of miles away.On a whim, Duroy whispered the names, titles, and identities of their lovers or rumored lovers, like people chanting scriptures in church.Sometimes, he doesn't even say:
Baron de Tanclair
Prince Tours-Engrand

Instead, name the other mistresses of these lovers:
Rose Mactanduroy of Opera House Luise Michaux found the game very entertaining.Once people strip away their sanctimonious appearance, one can see the unchanging nature hidden in it, the male thief and the female prostitute.Duroy was delighted to be able to see through all this.So he cried out, "Hypocrite!" and set out to search for the most flamboyant among the knights.Many of them are considered master cheaters; for these people, the club is their great source of money, their only source of money, and of course a dishonorable one.

It is no secret that others, though well-born, live on the pensions of their wives; and others, worse, live on the pensions of their mistresses.Quite a few people have paid off their debts (which is certainly respectable), but no one knows where the money came from (certainly not through some high-spirited means).Duroy also saw among the riders some financial magnates; men who had first made their fortunes by stealing, and who now frequented the houses of rich and powerful officials and were highly regarded.In addition, there are several figures who are greatly admired by the citizens of Paris.People doff their hats to them every time they hit the streets, and their brazen deeds in big state-owned enterprises are no secret to those in the know.

Regardless of whether these people have short beards or full faces, they are all domineering and triumphant.

Duroy smiled coldly and cursed in a low voice: "Despicable and shameless! What a bunch of villains and robbers!"

At this moment, a low, stylish open carriage, drawn by two small white horses, galloped past him; the manes and long tails of the horses flew with flying speed.The driver was a petite blond beauty, a well-known courtesan in the social world.Behind her sat two young grooms.Duroy stopped, longing to greet and applaud this woman who had made her fortune by the prostitution of her looks, for she had the audacity to flaunt the luxuries of bed while these hypocrites were strolling about.Duroy vaguely felt that there was something in common and a natural connection between himself and this woman; they should belong to the same kind of people and have the same soul.And to succeed, he must rely on equally audacious means.

Duroy walked back slowly, feeling overwhelmed, and arrived at his mistress' house ahead of time.

As soon as they met, Madame de Marais hugged and kissed him, as if she had never been unhappy.At that moment, she even forgot the prudent decision not to make out with him at home.While kissing Duroy's slightly upturned beard, she said:
"Honey, troubles have come again. I wanted to spend a few days with you, but my husband suddenly asked for leave and went back to Paris for half a month. I really can't bear not seeing you for six weeks, especially We've just been through a little turmoil. So I've arranged for you to come to my house for dinner next Monday, and I've mentioned you to my husband, and I'll introduce you to him then."

(End of this chapter)