The wisdom of I Ching

Chapter 69 Taking a step back is the best way to live in the world, and it is a blessing to be more lenient in treating others——Don’t do things forever, talk a little, and be lucky in the end

【Original Code】

Litigation, Youfu suffocation, Zhongji, final evil.See you, my lord.Unfavorable for Dachuan.

"Yuan" says: Litigation, up and down danger, danger but health, litigation.Litigation, Youfu stifled, Zhongji, just came and got it.In the end, it will be fierce, and the lawsuit will not succeed.Li Jian adults, Shang Zhongzheng also.It is unfavorable to cross the big river and enter the abyss.

"Xiang" says: "Heaven and water are against each other, lawsuits."A gentleman starts with doing things.On the sixth day of the lunar new year, don’t do things forever, talk a little, and end up auspicious.

"Xiang" said: "If you don't do things forever, lawsuits can't last long."Although small and eloquent, it is justified.

——"Book of Changes Litigation"

【Interpretation】

The hexagram of "Litigation" says: Be honest and trustworthy, be vigilant against things that don't go your way, keep a clear mind and not take extreme actions, and take a moderate approach is in your best interest.If you start a lawsuit because of this, it becomes dangerous.When encountering a controversial matter, it will be beneficial to find someone with authority to deal with it. If you use force to resolve it, it will only mess things up.

"Zhuan Zhuan" said: The upper hexagram of the hexagram "Cheng" is Qian Gang, and the lower hexagram is rough and dangerous. It is dangerous and vigorous, and it is inevitable that there will be disputes.When encountering unfavorable things, be vigilant and you will get auspiciousness. This is because the rigid line of [-] is in the middle of the lower body.In the end, it is dangerous to start a lawsuit, which also means that the lawsuit cannot be carried to the end.Why finding someone with authority to handle a dispute is the best option?Because the most important thing in litigation is that the judgment must be impartial.The result of making things big is as hard to extricate as falling into an abyss.

"Xiang Zhuan" said: Heaven moves upward, water flows downward, and conflicts will arise if they move in opposite directions.A wise person can always take precautions when doing things, and consider everything from the very beginning.

The sixth line of the first day means that the dispute should not go on for a long time. If it is handled in time, even if both parties are a little unhappy, the final result is still very good.

"Xiang Zhuan" said: Don't let the dispute last for a long time, because if the contentious matter is allowed to develop, it will turn to the bad side.While some minor frictions arise, this is easily resolved clearly.

The purpose of the hexagram "Litigation" is to tell us: tongues are inevitable in life, but it is best to get the result through litigation.Even if there is no good result in litigation, even if the final result is beneficial to oneself, but if the litigation itself is harmful to oneself, it is best not to do so.Some moderate methods can be used to make the other party realize that their mistakes are due to themselves, and it is possible to turn enemies into friends and bring good results.

Some people like to be competitive. Although they have the courage of a man, they lack the heart of a man.You must know that arguing about right and wrong with others may eventually turn into a lawsuit. If proper measures are not taken, both parties will be trapped in the disputes and there will be no room for maneuver, which will be harmful to themselves and others. Adverse.The ancients also believed that it is very troublesome to go to court with others, "It's not good if you can't win, and it's not good if you win."

Therefore, the hexagrams in the "Litigation" suggest that both parties should remain vigilant when disputes arise, and have a fearful mentality to prevent accidents.Because the outcome of litigation is often not what people expected, and there are great variables.

The hexagram of "Litigation" also tells us that when dealing with matters, disputes should not be taken lightly; if disputes inevitably arise, mediation should be the top priority, so as to "make big things small and small things small."

【Category】

Story [-]: Liu Kuan with a superhuman belly
There used to be Liu Kuan, the prefect of Nanyang in the Han Dynasty, who was generous and kind.

During the years when he was the prefect, the common people did wrong things. He just asked the guards to beat them with cattail whips to show their humiliation. He never used severe torture, which was deeply loved by the common people.

In order to test whether Liu Kuan was really as kind and tolerant as outsiders said, Liu Kuan's wife asked a maid to pour a bowl of broth on his official uniform when he was working with his subordinates.If you were an ordinary person, you would definitely beat the maidservant, even if you didn't, you would at least scold her angrily.But Liu Kuan didn't do that.

Not only did he not lose his temper, but he asked the maid with concern: "Did the meat soup burn your hands?" This shows that Liu Kuan's tolerance is indeed beyond ordinary people.

Another time, someone mistook the horse he was driving and insisted that it belonged to him.Liu Kuan didn't say anything at that time, but asked the coachman to untie the horse and give it to the man, and walked home by himself.Later, the man found his horse and carefully apologized to him when returning the horse, but Liu Kuan comforted the man instead.

This is the method of "reasonably giving up three points". Liu Kuan's stomach is not small, and he won people's hearts while touching people's hearts.Everyone has self-esteem and competitiveness. Why can't we show that we are more tolerant than others when it comes to some non-principle issues?

Story [-]: Yang Bing who always backs down
Song Dynasty Shangshu Yang Bing retired at home because of his old age, and enjoyed his old age without any worries.The house at home is spacious and comfortable, and the family members are prosperous.One day, when he was about to pick up "Zhuangzi" and read for a while, his nephew ran in and said loudly, "It's bad, our old house has been occupied by our neighbors for more than half, and he must not be spared!"

After hearing this, Yang Bing said, "Don't worry, just speak slowly. The neighbor's house has occupied our old house?"

"Yes." The nephew replied.

Yang Bing asked again: "Is their house bigger? Or is our house bigger?"

The nephew didn't know what it meant, and said: "Of course our house is getting bigger." Yang Ping asked again: "They occupy some old house land, will it have a great influence on us?"

The nephew said: "There is no big influence, but they are unreasonable, so we shouldn't let them go!"

Yang Bing smiled, pointed to the fallen leaves outside the window, and asked his nephew: "When the leaves are still on the tree, the branch belongs to it, but when the leaves turn yellow and fall to the ground in autumn, what will it think?" ?” The nephew still didn’t understand the meaning.

Yang Bing said directly: "I'm getting old, and I'm going to leave this world one day, and you have such a day too. What's the use of fighting for that little homestead?" The nephew seemed to understand that Yang Bing Reasonable, said: "I was going to sue them, and the case has been written."

The nephew submitted the written certificate. After Yang Bing read it, he picked up a pen and wrote four sentences on the certificate: "The neighbors invaded me and I followed Iraq. After all, there is no time to think about it. Try to look at the foundation of the Hanguang Temple, and the autumn wind and the grass are coming. Lili." After writing, he said to his nephew again: "I mean to be more transparent in terms of self-interest, and to take a step back when things happen, and don't have to worry too much."

There is also such a story. There was a man named Chen Xiao who lived next to Ji Bo.One night, Uncle Ji secretly pulled up the fence of Chen Xiao's house and moved it back.After Chen Xiao found out, he thought to himself, don't you want to expand your territory, I will satisfy your wish.After Uncle Ji left, he moved the fence back to his house.After daybreak, Uncle Ji found that the land in his home had become much wider, and realized that Chen Xiao was deliberately giving way to him. He felt very ashamed, so he took the initiative to come to the Chen family and returned the occupied land to the Chen family. .

This is the case with things, and the same is true for being a human being. You must leave enough room for others. Even if the two hostile sides start a tit-for-tat confrontation, in order to avoid losing both sides, you must adopt a roundabout tactic, avoid its edge, and then take the opportunity to achieve the real goal. the goal of.Therefore, sometimes you have to "forgive others and forgive others" when you are a human being. Hugging your opponent properly is also preparing yourself a way out.

In short, in the process of interpersonal communication, we should try our best to avoid direct conflicts with others. If there are differences of opinions, it is best to treat them with an indifferent attitude. own friends.

Story [-]: Zhang Tingyu who makes people "three feet"

During the Kangxi period, two families had a dispute over the ownership of a courtyard wall, and they wanted to file a lawsuit.One of the family turned to Zhang Tingyu, a relative in Beijing, for help. Zhang Tingyu had achieved the position of Minister of Rites at that time, and he was regarded as a high-ranking official. However, he didn't care about this matter. He just wrote a letter to the family, urging them to give up the dispute. .

The letter wrote: "Qianliqiushu is a wall, so why not let him be three feet? The Great Wall is still there today, and Qin Shihuang is not there." The family obeyed his words and gave up the dispute. Similarly, the neighbors felt embarrassed. In the end, they finally shook hands and made peace, from fighting each other to sincere humility.In fact, sometimes things are like this: "Give way, Sanchi Alley."

"Yupu Miscellaneous Notes" describes two small things about Yang Zhu.Once, Yang Zhu's neighbor lost a chicken, and he accused Yang Zhu of stealing it.After the family told Yang Zhu, he said, "It's not just my surname is Yang, let him scold you." There is also a neighbor who, whenever it rains, drains the accumulated water from his yard into Yang Zhu's house. The Yang family suffered from dampness.The family told Yang Zhu, but he persuaded his family: "There are few days of rain in a year, but there are many sunny and dry days." Over time, the neighbors were moved by Yang Zhu's forbearance.One year, a group of thieves conspired to rob his family's treasures. When the neighbors learned about it, they took the initiative to organize to help the Yang family guard against the thieves at night, which saved the Yang family from a disaster.

The ancients were still able to get along with humility. Should we be better at dealing with small issues of right and wrong today?Mistakes by others, misunderstandings among friends, miscommunication leading to credulity, rumors creating right and wrong... It is inevitable for many people to get angry when encountering such a situation, but anger will not turn into spring rain, and temporary patience can help you restore what you should Image, get fair evaluation and results.

It is popular among people to "play deep", in fact, playing deep in some occasions is showing a magnanimous demeanor.Modest people take the gains and losses of interests very lightly, let alone disputes about small right and wrong, it is not worth worrying about at all.The more reasonable and humble you are, the more you can show a person's open mind and profound cultivation.

Without these red-faced arguments in life, people will become more rational and caring; it will also make people respect each other and multiply friendship, which is more conducive to the exchange of ideas and opinions; it will help improve the quality of work. Efficiency makes the relationship between people full of warmth and harmony.

Story [-]: The gains outweigh the losses by going to court

There is such a friend who has to sue the law because his own interests have been infringed. He hopes to get 2000 yuan in compensation, but the case has not been dealt with for a long time. At a loss, I had no choice but to stop there.He said that he should take it as his own "eating a fall and gaining a wisdom", and he will not make similar mistakes in the future.

In one economic case, when the case was finally closed, the defendant and the plaintiff paid a total of nearly 10 yuan to the court.Among them, the plaintiff paid 4 yuan to the court as the prosecution fee, but after the trial process, the defendant was judged not to be wrong, and the plaintiff had to pay the court a large amount of litigation acceptance fee.

The hexagram "Litigation" tells us that when there is a dispute, it is best not to go to court.Because litigation is often the "ultimate murderer", very few have good results.Furthermore, when dealing with other matters, disputes should not be opened lightly. It is best to adopt a neutral method, and invite people of high moral standing and authority to mediate. It is an auspicious way to reduce major issues to minor ones.Of course, the best way is to always remain vigilant and not plant seeds for future disputes, so as to avoid disputes.

After some people have conflicts with others, they will hire a lawyer to entangle with the other party on their behalf, intentionally making the other party miserable and restless, and making him and his family panic all day long, while he sits peacefully at home watching Joke, this kind of practice is very immoral.If someone owes you money and cannot pay it back, and you know there is no point in asking for it, then there is no need to be aggressive and kill them all.Many people seek justice they think by going to court, but they also pay a huge price for it, and how many people get their wish in the end?
Going to court with others at every turn, this behavior is more terrible than the plague, more evil than the devil.This morbid behavior of threatening people is contagious like many diseases.Besides, the association of litigious people, who, through their frequent visits to the courts, unconsciously acquire the habit of opening their mouths and taking pride in court jargon, would be tiresome to any reasonable man. .

Sometimes, going to court is just a choice made out of a moment of arrogance, so before deciding to go to court, you must think about the cause and effect.What's the point of winning a lawsuit if it's making yourself poorer?It will only increase your anger towards the defendant, and in the end it will hurt both sides.It is very likely that before the lawsuit is over, human nature has already been distorted and deformed.

Therefore, when conflicts and disputes arise, it is best to resolve them through coordination and dialogue rather than relying on litigation.This is a conclusion drawn from a lot of observation, not just personal experience.If you encounter a problem that you cannot solve by yourself, you can solve it through other means, and don't take the path of litigation easily.

If you are unreasonable today, how do you know that you will not "encounter on a narrow road" in the future?If he is prosperous at that time, you may suffer a loss, leaving room for others, that is, leaving a way out for yourself.Therefore, in the process of interacting with each other, try to avoid confrontation with others. If opinions and differences arise, it is best to treat them with a calm and indifferent attitude, so that you can turn hostility into friendship.

【The Heart of the Book of Changes】

"Caigen Tan" said: "A step back is the high point in dealing with things, and a retreat is the foundation of progress; being lenient to others is a blessing, and benefiting others is the foundation of self-interest." Let people taste it. This is the ultimate bliss method for dealing with the world." This statement is the classic place for people to live in the world.

Wherever there are people, there are conflicts of interests and contradictions.

Even if there are only two people left in the world, there are still contradictions and conflicts between them.In the face of conflicts, we must resolve them with a tolerant heart. Tolerance and tolerance can reflect a person's self-cultivation and tolerance.

When you are innocently hurt or bullied, do you retaliate or forgive others?Tolerance is a kind of mind, haggling over every little thing and arguing endlessly will not only hurt the relationship between each other, but also not help to achieve great things, and even the one who fails in the end is yourself.If everyone has a tolerant attitude, then the society will become better, and the communication between people will become more harmonious.

The ancient sages warned us: "Don't fight for three inches, and you will turn your head white." "A small amount is not a gentleman, but a high character is a husband." People often fight over trivial matters, and no one is willing to bow down, so that they fight.But after calming down and thinking about it, if I could have tolerated three points at that time, it would have calmed down, small things would disappear, and the word would be good.The more reasonable a person is, the more humble he is, the more he can show his open-mindedness and self-cultivation, and the more he will be admired by others.

Lao Tzu's "bentness is complete, and injustice is straightness" means that a little twist can preserve it, and bending can stretch it.Lu Ben of the Song Dynasty said: "Those who don't compete with others will often gain more, and those who take a step back will often advance a hundred steps." Most of the contradictions that occur in daily life can be avoided, but we have not made them. Subside, often intensify, and finally get out of control.This is all the result of refusing to bow their heads, refusing to bend down, and refusing to admit defeat!

What kind of harm will there be in bending softly and forgiving each other?In life and life, one is not to be brave, but to reflect on oneself, not to argue because of disputes, not to insist on mistakes, and to be at ease; second, there are no winners in disputes, let alone turn disputes into wars. You use force against others , others will treat you in the same way, and in the end it can only be a lose-lose.Therefore, in reality, we can only live auspiciously if we face disputes calmly, settle for righteousness, and grasp the golden mean.

(End of this chapter)