The wisdom of I Ching

Chapter 88 Learn to Respect Others——If You Do It Wrongly, You Don’t Respect It

【Original Code】

On the ninth day of the ninth day, it is wrong to act wrongly, and there is no blame for respecting it.

"Xiang" says: The respect of wrongdoing is to avoid blame.

—— "Book of Changes · Li"

【Interpretation】

"Li" hexagram Chu Jiuyao said: If you do something wrong, be vigilant and treat others with prudence, there will be no faults and disasters.

"Xiang Zhuan" said: After doing something wrong, be vigilant and treat others carefully, so that mistakes and disasters can be avoided.

"Respect" means to respect each other, "no blame" means harmless, "respect without blame" means to treat people, no matter friends or opponents, we must follow the rules and respect each other, so that we can be admired with benevolence and righteousness. The essence of "respect without blame" has two points: one is to respect others; the other is to reciprocate and benefit each other.

As the saying goes: "If you want people to respect you, respect them first." Respect even your enemies, because respect calls out all good intentions.

There is no distinction between high and low, who is not a drop in the ocean?Such insignificant people who can face up to themselves will be humble, modest and prudent, so that they will have stricter requirements and higher pursuits, and life will reach new heights; Lose the motivation and opportunity to make progress.In this way, even a once brilliant life will eventually be eclipsed.

The most basic principle of being a human being is to respect others. You should treat others the way you want others to treat you.This has become the "gold rule" for most people.

【Category】

Story [-]: Confucius "promoted himself and others"

There are historical records: Confucius was going out when it was raining heavily and he couldn't find a car.Some of Confucius' disciples said: "Zi Xia has one, let's borrow from him first!" But Confucius disagreed: "Zi Xia's shortcoming is that he is relatively stingy in money and things. When dealing with people, we should respect his strengths and avoid His shortcomings, so that we can get along for a long time." After hearing this, the disciples stopped borrowing a car from Zixia.

Confucius said: "To be a man, you must know how to treat yourself and others in three things. If you can't serve the superiors wholeheartedly, but ask your subordinates to obey orders in everything; if you can't be filial to your parents, ask your sons to be filial; if you can't respect your elders , but ask the younger brother to be obedient, this is a bad habit. If a person knows how to treat himself and others in these three things, he can become a gentleman of integrity." Confucius said here "respect oneself and others" means to use simple and popular language It clarifies the principle of "do not do to others what you do not want yourself to do to yourself".

In interpersonal communication, you must really think of the other party and respect the other party, instead of imposing your own requirements and ways of handling things on the other party.

If we use our heart to understand the reasonable demands of others, and without violating the reasonable affection of others, control ourselves, and not cling to our own wishes and interests, then we can learn to be more considerate of others, and the demeanor of a gentleman can be established.Only on this basis can people live in an environment where peace is the most important thing.

Story [-]: Lian Po pleads guilty
During the Warring States period, Lin Xiangru was a retainer of the State of Zhao, with a low status. He was known to the King of Zhao only by chance. The King of Zhao sent him to the State of Qin with He Shibi. Task.Since then, he has been promoted one after another, and his official worship is Shangqing, and his name ranks ahead of the veteran Lian Po.

Lian Po was very dissatisfied and said, "I am a general of the Zhao State. I have made great achievements in attacking cities and defending the country, but Lin Xiangru only made a little contribution by playing tricks, but his title is higher than mine. Besides, he came from a humble background, I am really ashamed to hold the same position as me, and now I cannot accept being his assistant.” He threatened to the outside world: “If I meet him, I must humiliate him. "

When Lin Xiangru heard these words, he always avoided any positive contact with Lian Po.Every time at the court meeting, Lin Xiangru often pretended to be sick, and did not want to compete with Lian Po for the priority.Once when Lin Xiangru was out, he saw Lian Po approaching from a distance, so he immediately turned his car around to avoid it.

Lin Xiangru said to his disciples: "Actually, I am not afraid of General Lian, I am for the sake of the country. The reason why Qiang Qin dare not send troops to attack us now is because General Lian and I are still alive. Two tigers fighting each other, There must be an injury. The reason why I endured humiliation and backed down was that the first thing I considered was the country's suffering and safety, and I put personal grievances on the back burner."

When this word reached Lian Po's ears, he felt very ashamed and felt that his ideological realm was too low, so he sincerely pleaded guilty, and the two finally reconciled and worked together for Zhao Guo.

In dealing with people, our attitude towards others determines the attitude of others towards us, just like a person standing in front of a mirror, the various actions you make, the people in the mirror will also make the same actions as you.Therefore, in order to gain the favor and respect of others, the first thing to do is to respect others.

Story Three: Mei Lanfang’s Way of Making Friends
The famous opera artist Mei Lanfang once learned painting from Qi Baishi.As a disciple, he often ground ink and laid paper for Qi Baishi, and his painting skills were also appreciated by Qi Baishi.

Later, Mei Lanfang entered the opera world with superb acting skills and a high reputation.But Qi Baishi lived a simple life, dressed in ordinary clothes, and was often ignored by others.However, Mei Lanfang did not despise Qi Baishi because he was a well-known actor in the opera world. In public, Mei Lanfang always talked to him respectfully, which surprised the guests present.

For this reason, Qi Baishi specially drew a picture of "Sending Charcoal in the Snow" and presented it to Mei Lanfang, and wrote a poem: "I remember that the previous dynasty enjoyed peace, and the commoners were honored and touched the public. Now it is in Chang'an City, and it is fortunate that Mei Lang said his name." The two art masters His friendship has been maintained for a lifetime and is admired by future generations.In this story, there is neither the snobbery of the philistine nor the bad habit of "disregarding each other" among literati. It can be regarded as a model of treating people equally and getting along with each other on an equal footing.

No matter what kind of position we hold, what kind of work we do, and what kind of achievements we achieve, it is all caused by the different division of labor in society, and we should not use this to despise others.Treating others equally is the basic principle of being a human being, and only when both parties are on an equal footing can there be a truly successful exchange and thus a sincere friendship.

【The Heart of the Book of Changes】

There is an old saying: "A gentleman respects without loss, and is respectful and polite with others." When dealing with people, only when they treat each other as equals can there be mutual respect.Respect for others can be exchanged for the respect of others, mutual respect can benefit each other, and taking the initiative to show kindness is the most precious virtue.

Everyone is equal, whether rich or poor, it is impossible to change human dignity.Don't easily deny or ignore a person, because any life has its own insurmountable value and characteristics; at any time, you should treat everyone around you with kindness and fraternity, because every life has the ability to be respected. meaning.

However, living in modern society, it seems that many people have an inexplicable sense of superiority. Local people look down on foreigners, people in big cities look down on people in small cities, city people look down on rural people, rich people look down on poor people, and white-collar workers look down on them. Blue-collar... It is undeniable that people do have different degrees of differences in terms of origin, education, appearance and personal ability, but they cannot be treated differently because they are classified as high or low.

In the process of communicating with others, we advocate equal communication. In communication, we should be self-respecting but not arrogant, respect others but not flattery; benefit from others but not form dependence; criticize others, treat each other with sincerity, and guide with loyalty; When criticized by others, you should be modest and sincere, even if the other party's words are biased, don't worry about it, as long as the other party has a sincere purpose, don't care about the gains and losses.

People often like to "put on airs", find fault with others, and criticize others in front of everyone, without considering whether it hurts others' self-esteem.Everyone has self-esteem, and the external manifestation of self-esteem is good face. The Chinese are a nation that cares about face very much. Therefore, it is very important to save face for the other party, but people often ignore this issue.In fact, as long as you think about it more, say a few words of concern, and put yourself in other people's shoes, you can avoid many unpleasant situations.

(End of this chapter)