curse

Chapter 18

This was the first time Bai Bi went to see her mother after Jiang He's death. She sat on the bus, leaning against the window, looking at the autumn scenery outside. After driving for an hour, she arrived at the psychiatric hospital.

The surrounding area of ​​the psychiatric hospital is very quiet. There are not many shops and buildings to be seen. People seem to be very jealous of this place. Passers-by have to quicken their pace before passing the door, for fear that a lunatic will suddenly come out of it.But Bai Bi never felt this way, she always came and went back calmly, just like going for a walk in the countryside.She walked into the gate slowly, walked through the somewhat desolate autumn garden, and after bypassing a beautiful small building, she saw that in a garden, many people in sick clothes gathered together in small groups to chat, Others walk or meditate alone.Occasionally there are a few doctors and nurses passing through, like some kind of embellishment.

Bai Bi knew that her mother must be among them, she walked into this small garden to look for her, when someone greeted her suddenly, it turned out to be her mother's sick friend.After the death of her father, her mother's spirit became abnormal, and then it became more and more serious. When Baibi graduated from junior high school, her mother was finally admitted to a mental hospital and has been until now.For many years, Bai Bi visited his mother almost every one or two weeks. After a long time, he also became acquainted with his mother's patients. Some patients even watched Bai Bi grow from a female middle school student to a mature patient. woman.Bai Bi smiled at the person who greeted her. She knew that the middle-aged woman who greeted her was actually a poetess who had published many famous poems in the 80s. It is said that she was the same group of people who wrote the obscure poems of Shu Ting and Bei Dao.Later, because of a relationship with a married man, they made an appointment to commit suicide together. As a result, the man died, but she was rescued and went crazy.The poetess kept smiling at Bai Bi, that smile was actually quite beautiful, but it made Bai Bi feel a little uncomfortable after looking at it for a long time.The poetess pointed to a rockery and said to Bai Bi: "Your mother is there, she has been waiting for you. Bai Bi, your mother said that you are going to get married these days, send me wedding candies." Although The poetess is a mental patient, but her IQ is very high, and her mind has always been very clear. From her conversation, she can't be seen as a mental patient at all.

Bai Bi was startled, not knowing how to answer, but said flatly: "I'm sorry, the situation has changed, I can't give you wedding candy anymore." She left here quickly, and walked to the bottom of the rockery, where she finally saw to the mother.

My mother sat alone on a bench, watching the pigeons flying in the sky, before she saw Bai Bi, she said, "Bai Bi, you are finally here."

Bai Bi understood that living in a mental hospital for so many years had made her mother super sensitive in hearing and smell, so that she could tell who it was without looking. "Mom, are you okay?"

"Same as in the past, come and sit down." The mother turned her head and beckoned her to sit down. Bai Bi's mother didn't look old at all, and the life in the mental hospital even made her look younger, she seemed to be only 40 The appearance of many years old.

Bai Bi gently sat down next to her mother, there was no one else around, and she looked very quiet. Among the green trees and under the rockery, Bai Bi felt that it was a kind of enjoyment for her mother to live in a mental hospital with such an environment every day , and stay young forever.She held her mother's hand and looked into her mother's eyes. Her mother's eyes were very peaceful, not that dull look, and looked more normal than normal people.She said softly: "Mom, I'm sorry, it's been so long since I came to see you."

The mother's eyes suddenly became sharper, and then the mother said lightly: "Did something happen to Jiang He?"

"Mom, how do you know?"

"Because you should have come a long time ago, and you should have come with Jiang He. Now that you are here alone, with your expression on your face, I knew there was a problem."

Bai Bi couldn't help admiring the mental patient's wisdom. She nodded and said in a calm tone, "Jiang He is dead."

"My daughter, are you sad?" The mother stretched out her hand and stroked Bai Bi's hair.

"Yes, Mom." In the palm of her mother, Bai Bi's tears finally overflowed her eyes.Next, she told her mother everything that had happened.

Mother calmly listened to Bai Bi's narration, and then remained silent for a long time. She looked at Bai Bi's face with a strange look, and stretched out her fingers to caress her.The mother said, "Daughter, this is Jiang He's fate, and no one can escape it."

"Mom, I know you have been to Lop Nur, when was that?" Bai Bi suddenly asked this question.

Mother suddenly fell silent, and she turned her eyes to the sky again. She may be recalling that there seemed to be something hidden in her eyes.But the mother finally said: "Yes, I have been there, with your father. It was more than 20 years ago, not long after you were born. We participated in a competition between Loulan and Shanshan. The joint archaeological operation of civilization, I remember that incident very clearly. In October of that year, we took a train for three days and three nights to arrive in Korla, Xinjiang, and then set off from there, with large troops from all over the country. Meet up and take a car to Lop Nur."

Bai Bi knew that although his mother was mentally ill, her mind was clear most of the time, especially in the current situation, what her mother recalled was completely credible.

My mother continued: "It was not opened to the outside world until the end of the 70s. We waited for a long time in a nearby camp before we were able to enter Lop Nur. On the way to Lop Nur, there are vast deserts and Yadan landforms everywhere. The Yardang Group in Longcheng in the lower reaches of the Kongque River has witnessed the wonders of Yardang. The densely distributed Yardang Group reflects the sunlight. These lifeless wind-eroded soil mounds present a myriad of appearances, some of which are like hills. Some are like ancient castles, some are like beacon towers... In short, I was deeply shocked. This is simply a miracle of nature.

"Then, we passed Tuyin and stepped into the range of Lop Nur, a dry and barren lake basin. I can hardly describe the desolation in words. We arrived at the west bank of Lop Nur and set up camp for the night. The second Early in the morning, we carefully crossed the dry channel of the Kongque River and went along the river to the ancient city of Loulan. All we saw along the way were endless upturned salt crusts, which were heart-palpitating gray-brown, and there were almost a few feet below them. There is a thick blue-gray soil layer, and there are white salt blocks below the soil layer. When I look up at the sky, I don’t see a bird, but when I look down at the ground, there is no grass growing. This is Lop Nur, a land of death, which makes me feel scared In this feeling of fear, I saw the towering pagoda in Loulan, and we finally entered Loulan.

"The ancient city is tightly surrounded by Yadan, and the northeast wind prevails here all the year round, so that the entire ancient city was cut and torn into pieces by the strong wind. Looking back now, although the environment makes me feel scared, the ancient city of Loulan gives people a sense of beauty, That is incomplete beauty, only incomplete beauty is eternal, Loulan is incomplete, so Loulan is eternal."

"Loulan is eternal?" Bai Bi was completely immersed in her mother's narration, and when she heard this sentence suddenly, she realized something.

Mother nodded: "That's what your father said. Your father and I are both engaged in archaeology, and most of the objects in archaeological activities are incomplete, and it is precisely because of this that they give people a sense of mysterious beauty. However At that time, we really didn't care about appreciating the incomplete and eternal beauty of the ancient city of Loulan, and were busy excavating and exploring various places in the ancient city. We didn't get many cultural relics, because an archaeological team had already visited not long ago, and it was already in the In 1901, both Stein and Sven Hedin excavated cultural relics here. Our main task at that time was to study the architectural form of the ancient city of Loulan and the urban layout at that time. We only worked in the ancient city of Loulan for a few hours before leaving , and returned to the camp before departure." She suddenly paused.

"What happened later?" Bai Bi asked her.

"Later, later..." The mother's eyes suddenly drifted, and her voice softened.Bai Bi was a little worried that this might be a sign of an unstable mental state. She just wanted to interrupt her mother's words and stop asking, but a strange syllable suddenly came out of her mother's mouth: "MUYO".

Bai Bi's heart suddenly suspends, that strange syllable made her have a deep fear, she opened her eyes and looked at her mother, but found that her mother's eyes were even wider, and her mother was staring at her closely, as if Something particularly important was found on her face.

"Mom, what did you just say?"

"MUYO—MUYO—MUYO—"

Mother began to repeat the syllable, like a primary school student trying to recite a foreign word.From her mother's continuous nagging, Bai Bi seemed to hear something deeply buried, maybe this was some kind of message that her mother wanted to convey to her?But what does the word "MUYO" mean?She suddenly thought of the day her father died more than 10 years ago.

Bai Bi's face immediately turned pale.She looked at her mother's ridiculously wide eyes, and the syllables that kept rushing out of her mother's mouth. Finally, Bai Bi was a little scared. She grabbed her mother's shoulder and said, "Mom, stop talking, What's wrong with you? Are you uncomfortable?"

Mother didn't respond, and continued to pronounce the syllable, trembling all over.

Bai Bi stood up, turned around and looked around, then shouted: "Come here."

When the poetess heard the voice, she saw the appearance of Bai Bi's mother and daughter, and immediately called out: "Bai Bi, your mother is ill, quickly, take her to the doctor."

Bai Bi and the poetess took her mother's hand and helped her up. They walked through the garden, and all the patients stopped and looked at them.They sent Bai Bi's mother to the inpatient building. A doctor looked at her and gave her an injection.Soon, the mother stopped screaming and stared blankly at the front. Bai Bi and the poetess helped her to the ward and asked her to lie down on the bed. After a while, the mother fell asleep peacefully.

Seeing his mother lying on the hospital bed, Bai Bi felt very sad. Maybe he shouldn't have urged his mother to finish the story just now. It happened many years ago. What does it have to do with what happened today?Even if there is a relationship, it is the mother and father's own business, the mother has the right to keep her own privacy buried in her heart forever, Bai Bi has no right to know for sure.She regretted it now, lowered her head, and sighed softly.

The poetess was sitting beside her all the time, and she comforted Bai Bi: "Bai Bi, you can't force a mental patient, don't look at her being very quiet, once your words touch something sensitive to her, she will get sick. Look at me, I am quite normal now, sometimes I think I am healthy and not sick, but if I think about the past, I sometimes get sick, and I don’t know what I am doing when I get sick, until I finish the fight Only after recovering from the needle did I realize that I was still a mentally ill patient.”

Bai Bi carefully thought about what the poetess said, maybe what she said to her mother just reminded her of some painful memories, but what painful memories did her mother have?Father's death?But she didn't talk about her father's death just now, she only talked about returning from the ancient city of Loulan, and they went to another place.Where did they go?Maybe my mother didn't want to mention that experience.

The poetess continued: "Your mother is usually pretty good, and she almost never gets sick, but the doctor just won't let her out of the hospital. I thought the hospital was trying to earn your hospital fees on purpose. Now it seems that the doctor's judgment It's not bad."

Bai Bi nodded, thanked the poetess, and stayed with her mother for another hour or two, until night fell when she hurriedly left the mental hospital.

Walking out of the gate of the psychiatric hospital, the sky was already dark.Bai Bi slowly got on a bus parked at the entrance of the mental hospital. The driver looked at her with strange eyes. She understood that people regarded her as a mental patient who escaped in the dark.But she didn't care, the car was empty, she chose a seat, and quietly watched the night outside the window.

She opened the car window, and a gust of autumn wind blew in. She seemed to hear a distant voice mixed with the autumn wind: "MUYO—"

(End of this chapter)