Lin Shen sees deer, deer are lonely

Chapter 2 If you have never seen the sun
【Lu Shuang】

I thought I would get used to the dark if I hadn't seen the sun.

01
Sitting on the bench in the police station, I didn't speak for a long time. I just looked around for a week. The police station was really lively.

The gang selling counterfeit medicines was caught in the same boat. The leader argued with the police, with grim faces: "I'm doing charity, and what I'm doing is caring for empty-nesters. Why are you arresting me? These medicines can save lives!" Don't believe me, try it?"

The more I listened, the more I wanted to laugh, nestled on that long and narrow bench, my heart was cold, and there was a cold smile on the corner of my mouth.

Because I was just helping to distribute the leaflets, and I belonged to an uninformed person, so I was left alone. Under normal circumstances, I only need to criticize and educate, and then my family will pick it up.

family……

It's probably the last word I want to mention right now, it's a thorn in my heart.

Some people say this word is warm, but I only feel cold.

When Shen Yuxi walked towards me, I lowered my head subconsciously, staring at my toes tightly, not daring to look at him.

After 6 years, he seems to have changed little, he is still so handsome, still has a pressed shirt, and is still a person who will shine no matter where he is.

When he rescued me in front of that reporter girl just now, I already felt ashamed.

Six years ago, when he rescued me, he would not have imagined that six years later, the little girl would not grow into a pillar of the country, but instead become a liar promoting counterfeit medicine.

He must be disappointed and I am disappointed in myself too.

Shen Yuxi stopped beside me, lit a cigarette, and her voice was still so pleasant: "Your name is Lu Shuang?"

I curled up on the bench like a frightened hedgehog, silent and silent.

Shen Yuxi seemed to take a puff of cigarette, and the smoke drifted in the corridor.I have always hated the smell of cigarettes, but instead of annoying me, his cigarettes reassure me.

"I heard Police Officer Chen tell you about you. In this college entrance examination, you took the third place in the school in A?"

I still didn't speak, as if no matter what Shen Yuxi said, it would turn into a knife, cutting gaps in my self-protection shell.I know that Shen Yu is kind to me, and I should say something, but I was silent from the beginning to the end.

I have nothing to say, nothing to justify myself, man sometimes loses the ability and the will to express himself after a long ordeal.

"Why do you do this kind of thing?" Shen Yuxi lowered her head, her eyes fell on me, there was no hostility, she just asked.

After a long psychological struggle, it took me a long time to spit out two words: "There is a lot of money."

Indeed, it is 60 yuan a day to distribute ordinary leaflets, but this counterfeit drug gang can give 120 yuan a day, double that, and you can live a few more days.

Shen Yuxi narrowed her eyes, frowned slightly, and her voice was a little serious: "A middle school is a prestigious school. If you can get into the top three in the school, there should be a lot of scholarships. It looks like you are still short of money?"

I looked up at him: "Don't worry about me, I know that this is probably the way I will be in my life. Wanting to fight again is the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life..."

Shen Yuxi was stunned for a moment, then shook the cigarette in her hand, and said with a smile: "It's really not like you can say that at your age."

"Because I have experienced things that many people have not experienced, and I have seen a lot, and I can say this at any age." There is no expression on my face, and I know that I must look very sad now .

What kind of things should a normal girl say at 17?Talk about a star?Talk about TV series?Talk about dreams?Or, like that lady reporter, who can majestically stand on the commanding heights of morality and look down on all sentient beings?
Those are too far away from me, we seem to live on different planets, she is a rose covered in a glass bottle, even if it has thorns, it is still soft.And I am not, I am wild and thorny, and all the wind and rain hit me directly.If I don't try to live, I will be eaten by life.

Shen Yuxi didn't entangle me on this topic, but just sighed, and changed the topic: "I asked the newspaper office, there is a shortage of manpower to do chores, the salary is ordinary, but it should be enough for you, will you come?"

I looked at Shen Yuxi and was stunned for a moment, not knowing what to say.

Shen Yuxi raised her eyebrows slightly: "Why, are you not happy?"

I bit my lip and clenched my hands tightly.

I know, it's not that I'm unhappy, but that I don't deserve it.I've had a few similar opportunities before, and had some decent jobs, but they all ended up being discontinued for various reasons.

I don't know when it started, it became difficult for me to accept other people's kindness, and I always thought of the worst when I thought about things.

Probably people who are used to the dark really find it difficult to accept the sun, because they are afraid that the last lost second will be hurt more thoroughly.

Seeing that I didn't speak, Shen Yuxi also kept silent, didn't leave, didn't rush, and seemed to be patiently waiting for an answer.

I am very grateful that he neither gave me money directly, nor asked me why I was short of money, and even at this time he did not force me to accept help.

I know that this is my last ray of hope, if I can't grasp it, then maybe I really only deserve to be with darkness in my life.

So, when Shen Yuxi's cigarette was exhausted, I finally said, "When will you go to work?"

The corner of Shen Yuxi's mouth finally opened into a faint smile, his eyes flickered slightly, and he said: "Okay, tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock, I will go to work at the newspaper office on time. There is an address on my business card."

Shen Yuxi took out a business card from his shirt pocket and handed it to me.

I accepted it, held it in my hand, and squeezed out a sentence between my teeth after a long time: "Thank you."

Shen Yuxi smiled faintly: "If you really want to thank me, you should crawl out of the quagmire as soon as possible."

Hearing this, I paused, and after a long time, I gritted my teeth and said, "Okay."

"I have already greeted Police Officer Chen, you can leave at any time as long as you finish recording the transcript."

Shen Yuxi left these words and planned to leave, but the lady reporter had just finished the interview and got out of the crowd in sweat. When she saw Shen Yuxi staying with me, she was obviously stunned: "I have already The interview is over, the audio has been recorded, and the photos have been taken, as long as we go back and sort it out, it should be a good report.”

Shen Yuxi glanced at her indifferently, and said, "You are not qualified to write reports."

After speaking, he walked out of the gate of the police station.The lady reporter stood there looking a little embarrassed, clutching the camera strap tightly in her hands, as if she was very hurt.

Maybe I don't dislike a girl like her. She is kind, passionate, and believes in all the beauty in the world, just like a flower living in a sunny place.

But I'm jealous, jealous that she can live so spotless, and despise the filth of the world.

She paused for a long time, then looked at me, hesitated for a second before speaking: "I apologize for what I said to you just now, maybe I said it too much, but I still feel that even if you are short of money, you can't afford it. You should do something against your conscience."

I sneered: "Mr. Shen is right, you are not qualified at all."

Her words are not wrong, they are so righteous, but those who have not experienced despair will never know that such a simple sentence may be really difficult for some people to do.

02
Some memories I always want to get rid of from my mind like picking fish bones, but they often come back, like fish bones stuck in the throat, stuck in the depths, unable to spit out or swallow.

I first met Shen Yuxi 6 years ago, when I was 11 years old.I think he has probably forgotten me long ago, but I still remember him irresistibly.

I still remember that Lu Lan and I had been hungry for a long time that day.Lu Lan was my younger brother. He was only 7 years old at the time. His hunger made him look too thin, and he was not as strong as the 5-year-old children on the street.He held my hand timidly, with a look of despair on his face: "Sister... Mom doesn't want us either?"

I didn't answer him, just staring closely at the crowd coming and going.I don't know what other people's 11 years old are like. When I was 11 years old, I probably already had an adult with both scheming and means in my heart.Three years after my parents divorced, Lu Lan and I spent three years like a nightmare.

Before I was 8 years old, I was about the same as that reporter lady, and my family was well off.Su Xin, that is, my mother, her family is in business, she is the only daughter of the family, so she married my father Lu Jingcheng with a huge family business.Of course she doesn't understand business, so Lu Jingcheng took care of it later.She is a real flower in the greenhouse, and she has never touched the spring water with her fingers.

Lu Lan and I were almost brought up by a nanny. What Su Xin did the most was take us to shopping malls, buy clothes, shoes and bags, and then find a coffee shop with a beautiful environment to sit down and drink coffee , Call the little sisters to chat.

Probably she never thought that Lu Jingcheng would betray her one day, and betrayed so thoroughly.He almost took away all his belongings, and left with a young woman, leaving only a sum of maintenance money, and drove Su Xin, me and Lu Lan out together.

Su Xin is a woman who has no ability to live, but Lu Jingcheng is a man from the bottom, so before Su Xin understands what's going on, she has already moved into a shabby rented apartment with her small bag, and her whole body is It was as if his soul had been sucked out, and he couldn't even make a frightened expression.

In the first days, she cried every day, day and night.The landlord tried to persuade us several times to no avail, and even wanted to kick us out, but in the end, Lu Lan and I were too pitiful to take any action. Sometimes the landlord would bring some food to help us, so Lu Lan and I did not starve to death.

Later, Su Xin stopped crying and started to learn to cook, but none of the things she cooked were edible.Finally, with the help of my landlord, I learned to cook. Although my life has changed dramatically, I have a strong ability to adapt.I think, because I am like Lu Jingcheng in my bones, like his three-point method and seven-point cold-bloodedness, I am a sophisticated and adaptable person.

Su Xin tried to find a job, but she didn't know anything, and she didn't want to do the hard work, so she hit a wall everywhere and began to drink away her worries.That is, from that time on, I found that she was a bit abnormal.She started to go out early and return late, and every time she came back, she would carry a lot of things, such as clothes, shoes and bags.I recognize all these things, they are luxury items, and Su Xin often bought them in the past.

However, the money Lu Jingcheng gave at that time was only enough to pay Lu Lan and I’s tuition and living expenses for a few years. How could it be possible to buy so many famous brands?She overdrawn all available credit cards, bought things like crazy, and when she woke up, she broke down and cried bitterly in front of a pile of useless name brands.

I asked the landlord to help us sell some of the famous brands in exchange for money, but because they are resold, they will definitely be discounted, and our selling speed cannot keep up with her buying speed.In the end, she didn't have any money with her, so she asked the landlord to borrow money from anyone who could. As a result, everyone stayed away from us and was forced to move several times.

When we first met Shen Yuxi, Lu Lan and I didn't have enough food for several days.All the rice in the house was eaten, and there was no penny left. Su Xin was still grabbing my hand like crazy, and asked me in a trembling voice: "A Shuang, can you help mom? Is there any way to get money?" ? Is there any other way to get money?"

I looked at her coldly, withdrew my hand, pulled Lu Lan up, ran out of the house like crazy, and ran to the street.

I don't know where I can go, but I actually went to Lu Jingcheng, who has already had a child with his second wife.The woman was very angry at my appearance, and took back the money Lu Jingcheng gave me, then pushed me out of the door and closed the door forcefully.

Since then, Lu Jingcheng has never helped Lu Lan and me, treating us like air.I saw disgust and indifference in his eyes, as if we were his burden and trouble.

Lu Lan and I ran out of the house and had nowhere to go.

I also want to know how to make money, but we are really too young to do anything.

Looking at the traffic coming and going, a thought suddenly appeared in my mind.I have heard people say that some people deliberately blackmail the car owner by being hit by a car, which is the so-called Pengci.

I took Lu Lan and squatted on the side of the road, staring closely at every passing car, watching their speed, trying to judge when I could rush out.

I still remember that it was raining lightly that day, it was getting late, and the road was wet and slippery.Because it is a busy city, the speed of the car is not fast, I quickly found the target, and then took Lu Lan's hand and rushed to the road: "Alan, trust me, I will have something to eat after today."

The headlights were so glaring that people couldn't keep their eyes open. Lu Lan wanted to run away, but I firmly grabbed his hand.

We stood together in front of the oncoming car, drenched from the rain.

03
The car stopped quickly, and at a distance of less than 10 centimeters from Lu Lan and me, the door was opened, and a man stepped out of the car.

At that time, I didn't know that I should pretend to be knocked down and lie down. I just stood there in a daze, thinking that my plan had failed, and I might be greeted with vicious abuse.

But no, the man walked up to me and held an umbrella in his hand to block the rain.

Under the illumination of the light, the man's eyebrows stretched gently, and his voice was unspeakably peaceful: "You don't go home when it's raining, what are you doing here?"

I looked up at him, bit my lips and said nothing, and shook Lu Lan's hand again.In fact, what I thought at the time was that if I couldn't get money from him, Lu Lan and I would find another target.

But Lu Lan has been crying since he was almost hit by a car just now, and he can't stop, his little face is pale from crying: "Sister, I'm hungry...Sister...I'm so scared..."

"Alan, don't cry!"

I'm afraid that his crying will attract other people's attention. In this case, it will be difficult to find another target.

After I said this, the man looked at me, frowned, and looked thoughtful: "Are you hungry? Do you want me to take you to eat?"

I still looked at him with vigilance, maybe Shen Yuxi didn't think at that time that an 11-year-old child could look at him like that.

Shen Yuxi looked at me for a while, then turned her gaze to Lu Lan.He squatted down, took out a piece of chocolate from his pocket and handed it to Lu Lan, his eyes were as gentle as a piece of soft candy: "Are you hungry? Brother, there is candy here."

It was probably 3 years of suffering that made me hostile to everyone in this world, even my parents I couldn’t trust, let alone a passerby like Shen Yuxi.

I was afraid that there was something wrong with the chocolate that Shen Yuxi gave, and that his kindness would bring danger to Lu Lan and me, so I slapped the chocolate from Lu Lan's hand, and then stared at Shen Yuxi with a fierce face: "We don't want For food, you can give money if you want, we can use the money to buy food."

It can be seen that Shen Yuxi was obviously a little surprised when he heard my words. He probably didn't expect an 11-year-old child to say such a thing.

"Well, tell me where your home is, and I'll take you back first."

"I do not want to go home."

"Then I'll take you to the police uncle?"

"We're not going anywhere, we just want money."

At that time, we no longer trusted anything but money. Only when we had money and we were sure that we would not starve to death could we feel a little bit of security in our hearts.

I don't know if it was my stubbornness that shook Shen Yuxi, or for other reasons, he just remained silent for a moment, then took out his wallet, took out a few hundred dollar bills and handed them over, and handed me the umbrella in his hand: "Buy some for your brother Eat, go home after playing outside."

I think he probably thought that we were children who had run away from home, and he expected that with my kind of heart, there would be no danger of being abducted, so he just gave the money as I said.

I snatched the money he handed over, but didn't take the umbrella, and even forgot to say "thank you", so I dragged my brother and ran away quickly.

I remember that day I dragged Lu Lan to run in the rain for a long time, and Lu Lan cried hoarsely: "Sister, I can't run anymore, I really can't run..."

I just woke up and took him to eat a bowl of beef noodles on the side of the road.

When I took my first bite of noodles, I started crying.

Why do I have to endure the torture of hunger when children of my age are still studying, and live this kind of life with no next meal?Why am I in a predicament where I can't even say "thank you" even if someone helps me?

I pray for help, but I am afraid of help. I know that help is only temporary, and that temporary warmth sometimes makes the subsequent darkness and cold even more terrifying.

I don't want to use my suffering to satisfy other people's desire to do good, because the little self-esteem in my heart is causing trouble.I really hate this mood, which makes me prefer to be bad than to accept other people's kindness.

However, later on, I always remembered the hundred-yuan bills Shen Yuxi gave me, Lu Lan and even Su Xin survived.Since then, Su Xin has restrained herself and started to do some simple jobs to make ends meet.

I always thought that life would gradually get better like this.

It wasn't until a year ago that I discovered that Su Xin started bringing things home again, and it was those famous brands that were too expensive to make people collapse.At that time, I was still working as a tutor in my spare time to subsidize my family, and I had some savings. When I found those bags, I went to look for my passbook, and found that the passbook was gone.

Everything came back again, Su Xin even went to the place where I was a tutor to ask the parents of the students to borrow money, and I went to work in a restaurant, and the situation was the same.

I want to leave her, but I can't let Lu Lan go.Lu Lan is still too young, I don't want him to become like me, his heart is still good, I don't want him to experience the same darkness as me.

I started to find various ways to make money, I had to pay my tuition fees, and I had to pay Lu Lan's tuition fees, so 6 years later I met Shen Yuxi again in such a distressed situation.

In fact, I don’t want to. I hope that one day I can become a good person in the future, and then I will reunite with the person who gave me an umbrella and let me live on a bowl of beef noodles, and then I will say a good word to him "thanks".

But God failed, I didn't become a very good person, maybe I will never be a very good person.

04
I didn't tell Su Xin about my going to work in the newspaper office. I was afraid that this job would be ruined by her just like the previous ones.And this time may really be my last chance, and I must seize it.

I got up early, and Lu Lan was going to make up lessons. After sending him to school, I went directly to the newspaper office according to the address.

It was just after 7:[-], and no one opened the door, so I stood alone at the door for a while.

To my surprise, the second person who came was the reporter lady.She was yawning, looking like she hadn't slept enough, with two dark circles under her eyes.

I took a look at the work card hanging on her chest. The name column said "Yu Nansheng", and her position was an intern reporter.

The name is the same as hers, bookish and really nice.

Seeing me, she was obviously taken aback, and asked, "Why are you here?"

I glanced at her without much enthusiasm: "Go to work."

Yu Nansheng seemed surprised, and after a second of stunned, he said, "Reporter Shen arranged for you to come in?"

Her expression was as if she saw an alien creature. She was quite surprised, and I didn't know what she meant. I just said coldly, "You think I'm not qualified to work here?"

Yu Nansheng was stunned for a moment, then quickly shook his head and waved his hands: "I didn't mean that, I just... just think that reporter Shen sometimes looks cold-blooded, I don't know he would care about such things."

I didn't say a word, I probably don't have much to talk to a girl like her.

Oh no, it's not right to say that, I have nothing to say to most people in this world.

Seeing my cold face, Yu Nansheng thought that I was still angry with her. She paused for a while and thought about something, "Have you had breakfast? I brought some snacks to fill my stomach. "

I looked at her suspiciously. To be honest, I didn't expect her to be kind to me. After all, yesterday she justly accused me of being ungrateful for profit.I think I should be very unbearable in her eyes.My biggest weakness is probably that I am suspicious by nature, and it is difficult to accept other people's kindness.

So, after only a short silence, I turned my head and said lightly: "No need, I've eaten."

Yu Nansheng took another step towards me, and handed over a box of biscuits: "It's okay, there is still a long time until lunch, you can save it for any time."

I avoided her hand, and my eyes were sharp: "I said no need, don't you understand people's words?"

Yu Nansheng withdrew his hand in embarrassment: "Actually, I just think that I may not be as good as reporter Shen in handling this matter. You are indeed young, so I shouldn't speak of you so harshly. Instead of scolding you, Why don't you arrange a normal job for you, so that you can make money and won't do wrong things again."

I don't know why, but I'm just disgusted by her words, even if it's a confession, it sounds so disgusting.

I looked at her viciously, and slapped the biscuit off her hand: "I don't need someone like you to judge right from wrong for me. You like to judge right from wrong from your perspective, but Please stay away from me in the future, I hate people like you the most in my life."

Yu Nansheng was stunned, apparently he didn't expect to be treated like this for his good intentions.But she didn't show that pitiful expression of being let down by her good intentions, she just bent down to pick up the biscuits on the ground, and responded lightly: "Since you think so, I have nothing to justify, whatever you want How do you think about it?"

This sentence actually increased my favorability towards her, I don't like people who are too enthusiastic or too righteous.

In fact, girls like Yu Nansheng are normal and likable.It's me who is dark and narrow-minded, and sometimes I think my personality is really annoying.

Yu Nansheng and I waited at the door of the newspaper office for a while, and the editor with the key came to open the door.The director in charge of miscellaneous affairs simply told me how to deal with the sundries in the newspaper office.My job isn't difficult, but it's a complex one, and I'm responsible for everything from cleaning to delivering documents to counting takeout and buying office necessities.

Everyone in the newspaper office is very busy, and they rarely have time to talk to others since they started working, so not many people care about my existence, they only know that there is one more handyman.No one greeted me, I was happy and quiet.

In fact, I have been waiting for Shen Yuxi to appear, I want to see what he is like when he is working.But when everyone else in the newspaper office had arrived, he still didn't show up.

It wasn't until close to noon that he came in from the door with a SLR on his back, looking a little tired, and handed over the stack of documents in his hand to the editor of the social section: "The case of the dead pork listing is now closed , the follow-up content is here, if there is no better news in this issue, it will be put on the headline of the social edition."

The editor took the file and nodded: "Okay, Reporter Shen has worked hard. If this case is not for you, it is estimated that half of the pursuit of this case will not be able to go on. Those traders are all in collusion with each other, and their confidence is very strong. How many newspapers Even if you wanted to follow up, you were frightened back, you still have the guts.”

Shen Yuxi didn't answer, just took a folder on the desk, flipped through it twice, her expression was serious and serious, and she had an indescribably powerful aura, once she started working, she seemed to glow.

I wanted to thank him at first, but Yu Nansheng was one step ahead of me and approached Shen Yuxi with a pile of manuscript paper: "Reporter Shen, I have already corrected the manuscript of yesterday's news, can you see if it's okay to write like this? "

Shen Yuxi took a look at her manuscript, frowned, and said, "Do you regard this as your school's school newspaper?"

Yu Nansheng was stunned for a moment, then scratched his head for no reason: "What did you say?"

"Innocence, childishness. Putting this kind of thing on the school newspaper to deceive the children in the ivory tower is already the limit." Shen Yuxi threw the manuscript aside, and said lightly, "I have already asked Reporter Xie to write this news. The version is handed over."

Yu Nansheng stood there, stunned for a second, then bit his lip, looking a little aggrieved.But she just bowed to Shen Yuxi and said, "Thank you reporter Shen for your teaching, I will continue to work hard."

After finishing speaking, she turned around and walked back to her desk, continuing to read journalism books on the desk as high as a hill.

To be honest, I really admire her endurance. It is very rare for a girl like her who came out of the ivory tower to continue to work hard under such circumstances.

Seeing Yu Nansheng touch his nose, I went to the rest area to get a cup of warm water with a disposable water cup, and then walked towards Shen Yuxi, trying to make my expression look kinder, although I know that no matter how warm my expression is, it may still be Appearing indifferent: "Reporter Shen...Thank you for introducing me to work."

Shen Yuxi was originally thinking about things with her head down, but when she looked up and saw me, she frowned slightly: "You don't have to keep this kind of thing in your mind, I just see that your grades are good, and I don't want you to be buried. I hope you cherish this opportunity, I It’s not that kind, and there probably won’t be a next time.”

My body froze, I could only bend the corners of my mouth in embarrassment, and it took me a long time to say: "I just want to say thank you, nothing else."

Upon hearing this, Shen Yuxi continued to read the documents, but ignored me.

I laughed at myself, I was still laughing at Yu Nansheng's enthusiasm in my heart, only to be ridiculed by Shen Yuxi, I didn't expect me to do the same.Perhaps Shen Yuxi herself is a very cold person, although she helped me, she didn't want to have more contact with me.

In fact, this situation did not exceed my expectations. I didn't think that anyone in this world would always care about me.

But for a moment, I was still a little unspeakably lost.

05
The newspaper office got off work very late, and I got on the last bus.Lu Lan has already left school, and I left him money for dinner, so he shouldn't be hungry.

I don't miss Su Xin, I know that she will always have a way to get enough to eat, she can deceive many people with her little lady's temperament.

But what I didn't expect was that as soon as I opened the door, the house was dark, and I heard a sobbing voice: "Mom...don't look for it, there is really no money in the house..."

It was Lu Lan who was crying.

I quickly turned on the lights at home.

When the lights came on, I realized that the whole house was in a mess. Su Xin was still digging through the TV cabinet, digging out everything in every corner, piled all over the floor.

"Impossible, there must be money, you must have hidden it!"

Seeing that I was back, Lu Lan ran towards me desperately and grabbed my arm: "Sister! Sister... please persuade mom, I really don't have any money!"

Su Xin finally noticed that I was coming home, with a ferocious smile on her face, she rushed towards me and grabbed my shoulder: "A Shuang, can you help my mother? Those people say that if my mother doesn't pay back the money, they will interrupt me." Mom's legs...you must have a solution, right? Where do you work? I'll borrow some money from your boss, anyway, you can still work for others and pay back the money...they will definitely borrow it!"

I looked at her with indifference: "Mom, can I ask you to be sober? I have no money, and no one will lend me any more money. You have already spent everything you can and cannot spend, even me You have spent all the tuition you saved. Otherwise, you can take my life."

Su Xin started to cry, holding my hand tremblingly: "A Shuang, you are just like your father, right? You don't want your mother anymore, do you? You are a piece of flesh that fell from my body, how can you Don't want me? Without me, there would be no you, you must not get rid of me!"

Few people may have experienced this kind of despair. Many times I thought about leaving and leaving Su Xin alone.

But there is no way, she gave birth to me, she is my mother, Lu Lan is young and needs her too.They are the last of my family, without them I would really be alone in the world.

But this kind of life has no end in sight and no hope. I feel like I am struggling in a swamp. The harder I work, the deeper I sink.

I don't know if my silence touched Su Xin. She cried even harder, but her mind seemed to clear up a little bit: "A Shuang...I hate it so much! When I think of your father living with that bitch, I I can't stand it, they even have kids! That woman eats and wears famous brands, and their kids dress well...but look at us, we don't have anything. I just want to buy two bags ,why not?"

I know why her condition relapsed, probably because I ran into Lu Jingcheng and his wife on the street, maybe not having any profound impact, but after meeting, I found that their lives are completely different from each other. She couldn't accept it even more, and the wound that was about to heal was pulled out, crazily devouring her sanity.

I sympathize with her experience, but also hate her weakness and incompetence.If it were me, it would be absolutely impossible to let myself fall into such a tragic end.

My mind was in a mess. I looked back at Lu Lan and said, "You stay with her first, and I'll go for a walk. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

Lu Lan seemed to be hesitant, but he would always listen to what I said, so he helped Su Xin to sit on the sofa, and said something to comfort her.

I turned around and walked out of the house, closed the door, and with a "click", something seemed to be cut off in my heart.I really hope that the world inside the door has nothing to do with me, but the collapsed and embarrassing world inside the door is already all I have.

I went to the supermarket to buy two cans of beer and went to the river. When I was in a bad mood, I would often go there to relax and relieve my boredom.

I only dare to buy the cheapest beer. The taste is bad and the taste is so bitter that I almost shed tears.

I climbed up to the guardrail on the bank and sat on the guardrail. The wind by the river was very strong, and it felt very cool on my body.In fact, my alcohol capacity is not very good, and I feel a little dizzy after drinking a can.

I sat on the guardrail, staggering, and even thought in my heart that if I just fell like this, my troubles would be over.

But my other hand still firmly grasped the railing and stabilized my body. I knew I couldn't die, I had to live well, I still had Lu Lan, and I wanted to save Su Xin.

Just when I thought I was going to finish the two cans of beer alone, a hand suddenly stretched out from the side, took the remaining can of beer in my hand, and opened it easily, completely ignoring my surprise, He drank it self-consciously: "Do you really want to die?"

It was Shen Yuxi's voice, he asked so bluntly, but I didn't know how to answer.

He was wearing a black sportswear, with a sweat towel around his neck, and his body smelled faintly of sweat, probably from running at night.

Speaking of which, we are really destined to meet each other.

I jumped off the railing and smiled at him: "What if I say I really want to?"

Shen Yuxi didn't seem to think there was anything strange about my answer, she just said: "I believe that many people feel that they can't live anymore, but those who commit suicide are always cowards."

"You haven't experienced despair, how do you know you can survive it?" I looked at him with cold eyes.His statement is actually too unreasonable for a person like me.

Shen Yuxi looked at me and smiled: "I heard Police Officer Chen talk about your family. It seems that you are a regular customer there, right? Because of your mother."

I didn't answer.

After Su Xin had no money to buy famous brands, she would steal things sometimes, but she would be caught on the spot every time and then sent to the police station.It was only because of a psychiatric appraisal that it was determined that she had mental problems, so she has not been held accountable.

Because of this, I often go to the police station to take her home.

Half of the police stations in S City are regulars for me.

"About 10 years ago, my father was imprisoned and my mother committed suicide." The smile on the corner of Shen Yuxi's mouth was cold, and he lit a cigarette for himself, "The person who framed my father was one of his most trusted brothers. One, so at that time I felt that no one in this world could be trusted."

I really didn't expect Shen Yuxi to hide such a past, and I didn't know how to answer the conversation for a while.

"But my father's other brother took me home, treated me as his own son, and helped my father wash away his grievances. So I understand that there are always good people and bad people in this world. Although I still can't fully trust one person, But I didn't hate this world that much anymore. Later I started to like to explore the truth and humanity, it changed from my wounds to my armor." Shen Yuxi spoke very calmly, without too much expression on her face, but never It could be seen in his eyes that the stories he told lightly had hurt him deeply.

I don't know why, after listening to what he said, my stubborn heart seemed to loosen a little, and some thoughts came to my mind. I almost blurted out: "Can I learn from you to be a reporter?"

Hearing this, Shen Yuxi looked back at me, as if looking at me, but after a long time, she just smiled lightly and threw away the cigarette butt in her hand: "No, you are not suitable."

I wanted to ask something more, but he had already put his hands in his pockets, turned and left without even saying goodbye.

I used to think that he should be a kind, gentle, and warm-hearted man, but in fact he is the same kind of person as me, with a deep-seated indifference.

Probably because of this, I don't hate him, even if he treats me coldly, I still don't hate him.

Not only is it not annoying, but it is impressive.

He always caught my eye and made me unable to take my eyes off him.

I don't know what kind of emotion it is, is it gratitude?Or feelings?
(End of this chapter)