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Chapter 9 Life can be cheap, but dreams are not (2)
At that time, I was also working hard towards the goal of excellence.Writing and publishing, writing news reviews, being reprinted and published by major media, winning the Chongqing Journalism Award, and writing many, many things are just disguising my weak heart.

After graduation, I went to an ordinary Internet company.And the fat man went to a real estate company and worked overtime every day until the early hours of the morning before returning home.His eloquence, interpersonal communication, and ability to plan and operate quickly won him a place in the company. Over the past few years, he has brought tens of billions of revenue to the company, and his own income is naturally high.At that time, my monthly income was less than three thousand.Sometimes I feel very resentful, envious of his job and his income.

Envy becomes a kind of depression and unhappiness in the collision of real life.Why?Classmates and friends, but there is such a big gap.In fact, at that time, I simply compared myself with the fat man in terms of income, but never compared our abilities, efforts, specialties, and pursuits.Resentment has become an indigestible emotion, which has troubled me for a long time.

Although I will not alienate and attack my friends because of envy and jealousy, this has become a magnifying glass for my imperfect emotions in life.

Until one day, I was still doing my job so desperately, walking in my field.I met a lot of publishing colleagues, helped them and was helped by them, and got excellent department in the company, and even faced the opportunity of promotion for a time.Later, a friend asked me to publish a book, and I also felt that this was a great opportunity.The resentment in life is resentment, but you have to hold on and move on.

One day, a girl from the publishing industry had a private chat with me on QQ.We are all friends on weekdays.She suddenly said that day, every time she saw you write an article, she was very jealous of you.She uses jealousy, but I know she has no malice.She said, she is really happy to have so many companies ask you to make a book.She is also a girl with literary dreams. She came to Beijing, a city full of dreams and disillusionment, from the countryside, eager to turn her words into books of her own.So she approached the job of editing, the profession.

She envies me.I also constantly comfort her and encourage her.At that moment, it was like a sudden epiphany.It turns out that when you are envious of others, there are also people envious of you.Like the food chain, this one is also a dream chain.The success of others tortures our own dreams, but we do not see our own abilities and our own dreams.We always set our limited eyes on others.In fact, maybe we have already stood where we once longed for, or are heading in that direction, but we are always unwilling, others have gone further, or others have chosen a road that looks better.But we ignore whether that road is really suitable for us.

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We envy those who are better than us, and we find our goals in them. We try our best to move forward for an affirmation, but in the end we hit the wall and bleed. Dreams never give us a good answer.Youth seems to be full of pain and ups and downs all the time.It seems that the most unlucky one is always myself.And we never know ourselves correctly, you and I who have been knocked down again and again are afraid of everything in this era, so we are full of emotions on Weibo to comfort our fragile and even weak hearts, as if there is a powerful Strength can be used as armament.We try our best to act strong, but we don't really see what we really look like in our hearts.

We are afraid because we are so far from who we imagine ourselves to be.We are afraid, but because what we long for is not our "dreams", but "someone else's".When we see the excellence of others and the goodness of others, we want to have it for ourselves, but we blur the gap between us and the other party.Where one's position is is more important than dreams and directions.We chase after it, feeling like we've worked so hard without getting a good answer.We use our imperfect selves to try to chase an illusory perfection.It is inevitable to worry about gains and losses.

When you admit and accept that imperfect self, you can find your way forward in frustration until you make your own way wider and wider. "The so-called self-confidence is not to believe that you are omnipotent, but to know that you also have shortcomings, and hard work can make up for your weaknesses." Accept your position calmly, even if you fall, even if the ending is bad, you will not be defeated.Those fragmented failures will eventually be your wealth going forward.

I used to envy others, and I used to doubt myself, but the light of my dream seemed to suddenly become clear.When I envy others and complain about myself, there are also people who envy me and complain about themselves.In his life, there will also be such people who will become bystanders of his dreams.Each of us is the same.

You don't work as hard as you think
Struggles without a plan and efforts without goals may often be those who seem to work hard. They are like sugar-coated cannonballs, which can easily deceive the world and themselves.

Every time I read the news about how the army of postgraduate entrance examinations is full of gunpowder, I always think of one person.

L is an ordinary girl, so ordinary that there is nothing special about her. She is not beautiful but not so-so, and her family is not considered rich.Since her junior year, she has been holding a lot of books to seize the self-study room for the postgraduate entrance examination.That time I went to the study room to find a friend to pick up something, and that scene terrified me.The high and low books were piled up on the table, and they were all very old. The scene was not inferior to the horror scene when we crossed the single-plank bridge in the third year of high school.

When she returned to the dormitory after taking her things, she saw L holding a book in front of her desk in a daze.

Every time I met her, she was next to the study room. She came out to get some air, or she was on the way to the study room with math, English, politics, and a lot of professional books.Seeing her small stature and carrying so many books, she felt that she would definitely be able to get into a good school with such hard work.Since graduating from middle school, it seems that I have never brought so many books with me at one time.

In the second semester of my junior year, I met her in front of the teaching building. She complained to me that she was reading a book in a professional class, but the teacher took away the book and asked her to sit at the front desk.She was so angry, this is not a college teacher, she looks like a high school teacher.In other professional courses, no one cares about reading the books for the postgraduate entrance examination, but this teacher insists on embarrassing others.

After she finished speaking, she took out her mobile phone, looked at the time, and said no, she was going to the study room.Then we said goodbye, I went back to the dormitory, and she went to the study room.

During her senior year, everyone was preparing her graduation thesis, but she put it aside, and she didn't go home during the Chinese New Year that winter.But she didn't pass the test.Later, I worked.I heard that she still took the exam for a year, but still failed.After that, I worked as a copywriter in an advertising company. I was unwilling, but I still had to bow to life.

Occasionally chatting on QQ, she would also complain to me, talking about her various unwillingness, and I was also a little annoyed. Girls who worked hard like her couldn’t pass the exam, it’s hard to tolerate.

But I couldn't find any other answer. I just comforted her, maybe it was fate playing tricks on Yunyun, or if I persisted, I might pass the exam.Until one time when I was browsing Weibo, I clicked on her Weibo and pulled it.In the Weibo usage timeline on the right, see her first Weibo.Only then did she find out that the time when her first Weibo post was posted was during the period when she was studying for the postgraduate entrance examination.

At that time, Weibo was just emerging, and she was one of the first batch of Weibo users.From her first Weibo, I turned a few pages back. It turns out that during that time, she spent a lot of time photographing her reviewing for the postgraduate entrance examination, the gunpowder in the study room, a certain book or something that she brought one day. Real question review materials.She spent too much time showing off her hardships in studying for the postgraduate entrance examination, but she didn't realize that she seemed to work so hard, and she was able to hide from me and many people, including her parents and even herself, but it was very difficult. It is difficult to deceive the "cause and effect" mentioned by the Buddhists.

Thinking about it now, when she went to the self-study room for the postgraduate entrance examination with so many books, she just took pictures of those spectacular scenes and posted them on Weibo to scare more people who didn't know the truth, cast admiring eyes on her, and even I silently clicked countless likes for her in my heart. At that time, the like function on Weibo hadn't been released yet!

Weibo and WeChat are all the rage today, they have entered our lives, we use social networks everywhere, but we don’t realize that they have become a part of our lives.We are eager to be followed, liked, and to be seen a better version of ourselves, so social networks are like a stage, and we desperately perform our best selves on it, acting as if our life is really showing off every day .In fact, social network is just a microcosm, it is the shadow of our life.We are eager to be noticed everywhere, especially when we are away from social networks, so when there is no mobile phone or the Internet, we appear to be extra lonely, because the fantasy attention does not exist.

A lot of times, we get used to acting.

When I was writing L's story, it suddenly made me a little scared, a little scared, because I thought of myself.How could I not be another L?

To some extent, I should be regarded as a literary youth.I like to watch some high-quality books and movies, and I also write some articles, novels, book reviews and film reviews.

Douban.com is a gathering place for literary and artistic youths. In fact, it is a literary and artistic social platform.Every time I read a book, movie or listen to a certain singer's album, I always mark it on it.It seems that every step I have taken on the road of literary and artistic youth is a small "footprint" of "one step at a time".

On my Douban, I have marked many movies I have watched, as well as many books and music.After reading a book, I will write a simple comment of one or two hundred words later, indicating my mood and gains at that time.But how can a book be explained clearly in just a hundred words?I didn't think about it that much.After marking on Douban, I often post a 140-character Weibo. It is almost my habit to post micro-book reviews and micro-movie reviews, and I will also attach a book video or movie poster.

The vice president of the magazine I work for followed my Weibo.He said at a regular meeting of the company that the editors of the editorial department should go out. As a journal for teenagers, editors are almost like gods in the hearts of teenagers. We control the fate of various manuscripts. If we go Getting close to them is bound to have a strong attraction to them.For example, a certain editor-in-chief likes car models. If you pick out a car model from your collection and give it to readers, how would it feel to readers?The boss mentioned to me again that you like watching movies very much. Everyone doesn’t know that, he has watched almost all the movies. If you recommend some good movies that are suitable for them to watch, won’t they be very happy?

The vice president's remarks, "He has seen almost all the movies" are so exaggerated that I kept my head down and felt ashamed during his speech.But I have to say, there is a little joy in my heart.When he said this, he must have read those micro-film reviews I posted on Weibo over the years.

The reason why L’s story scares me is because it seems that I have been trying my best to act as a "person who looks very hard-working". Films of all genres, is a well-read person.But is that really the case?After working so hard, I still haven't caught up with those I admire.

I opened Douban and looked at the books and movies that I marked, and those records that I wrote a few comments below. I thought about it for a long time, and there were not many movies or books that I could completely retell.Am I actually reading the books and movies, or am I just watching them for the sake of the books and movies?If you can't even retell it, how can you say that you have read it, digested it, and gained it?

Sometimes we seem to study all morning, but we just brushed Moments all morning; we stayed up late every day, but we just gave our friends likes and looked forward to their feedback and likes; we got up early to go to class, but It is to make up for the drowsiness that I owed last night in class; it seems that I sat in the library for a day, but it may really be just a day; Knowledge has never been able to be put into practice... In junior high school, there was a competitor W.He has always had good grades and is always playing when he can be seen.This kind of playing is not a sign of intelligence or talent. I think it is more that he studied hard when he should work hard, and played seriously when he should play.It’s just that his efforts were not noticed by others. What we noticed were those who seemed to work hard. They kept their notebooks full, but it was still difficult for them to enter the forefront of the class. In later social work, they may still so it is.

Struggles without a plan and efforts without goals may often be those who seem to work hard. They are like sugar-coated cannonballs, which can easily deceive the world and themselves.

There has never been a job called more money, less work, and being close to home
There has never been a free lunch in this world, and naturally there is no job with a lot of money and few things close to home, and there is no easy and comfortable life.

After working for several years, some A, who have little savings, live a so-so life.My girlfriend is a college student who just graduated, and I dote on her in every possible way.

The girl chose to work hard with him, perhaps because she was used to a pampered life and couldn't stand a little bit of hardship. The girl began to change jobs frequently, from websites to early childhood education, from advertising companies to magazines... After two years, she has never A job for more than half a year, frequent job-hopping, the reason for leaving the job is either dislike the poor interpersonal relationship of the website work, or feel that the sales pressure of early childhood education is not proportional to the income, or dislike the magazine's strange deduction of employee contribution fees... The boy's savings are spent almost the same up.

So the two often quarreled, and they had no scruples when they were in love, but the final quarrel was trivial and trivial.The boy couldn't bear the pressure of carrying two people on his back, and the girl stayed at home for a long time, feeling that she hadn't found a satisfactory job.In the whole environment, men and women of the same age like this lost themselves in a hurry.

We will complain, because the work pressure is too great, it is dark when we come home from get off work every day, we are too tired to cook, and the empty kitchen and expired things in the refrigerator become dispensable decorations.In addition to working overtime all day, I often work overtime, and I often end up so busy that I don't know what I'm doing.

(End of this chapter)